A Rant
I'm so frustrated
(and please, this is not directly pointed at anyone in particular) with what my husband calls "Secret Squirrel Politics."
People say they're "talking to a few people," "discussing things," "having conversations with others" and so on. Too much secrecy, not enough being honest.
Secrecy leads people to fill in the blanks (take a basic Sociology 101 course, this is fact) and come to several conclusions:
1) That things are being kept from them because the people talking to them don't trust them
2) That the people are gossiping about stuff they're really not supposed to talk about in the first place, but shroud that fact by withholding parts of the information.
3) That they're bragging and withholding information that later could be used to catch them in their talk.
This list is by NO means exclusive or complete, but used to make my point...
People have said these things to me. And yes, my mind goes in circles hitting those points mentioned above.
Like I said, this is not directed at anyone specifically, not me accusing anyone of anything. A couple of times someone has said "There's more, but I'm not at liberty to say more. I can respect that. Others have come outright and told me there are things/times where I've talked when he believes I shouldn't. And I respect that, and I have admitted my flaws.
I've NEVER claimed to be all wise, all knowing, all perfect. I really, really, really don't understand where people think I've given them that impression. I'm usually the first person to apologize when proven wrong. (And something about that which astounds me - people who think because I "man up" and apologize without fighting it I'm doing so blithely or without being sincere, or not being serious. I NEVER apologize if I don't feel I deserve it. Ask my husband! LOL) I'm usually the FIRST to admit I fucked up, admit I am falling on my face, ask for help.
But - NO ONE- emailed me who was a friend and said "Hey, you're fucking up / putting your foot in your mouth / being watched" and offered to help. NO ONE. I ASK for opinions because I realize situations are sometimes getting bigger than they really need to and getting out of rational control. Maybe I grumble to my husband and self at home, but *I asked* for it...
What happened to people being honest?
What happened to people watching out for their friends' backs and giving them a heads up if they see a problem? BEFORE it becomes an issue?
What happened to one's friends believing in them, and not assuming the worst, even in the face of what seems to be (but usually isn't) "evidence?"
What happened to consulting the Aether and the Divine and the Ancestors to find the truth of a matter?
What happened to full disclosure, transparency in dealings, and just good old fashioned HONOR?
What happened to living "in right livelihood with spirit?"
These things are missing in most spirituality I see before me, and it's these things I'm going looking for. As I said... this is a rant, and although it may seem I'm aiming at certain situations, I'm not. I'm doing what my husband calls "venting steam" at something that's been building up my whole life.
I see the echos of the good parts in Buddhist teachings. I see the echos of it in Christian teachings. I see the echos of it in the UU teachings. I see the echos of it in Hinduism. I see the echos of it in B'hai. I see the echos of it in Taoism. I see the echos of it in Wiccan and Neo-Wiccan groups. I see the echos of it in Druidry. I see the echos of it in Humanist teachings, New Thought Ministry, New Age teachings, "The Fifth Sacred Thing," "Conversations with God," "Illusions," "Stranger in a Strange Land," and more and more and more...
Where I don't see it is in the ACTIONS of people who CLAIM to be, or want to be, spiritual people. (OK, in all fairness, it's there sometimes, others not, and some more than others....)
Where I don't see it is in the overall RELIGIONS and the people who follow them.
I'm not even saying I see it in ME all the time. But I AM saying it's what I WANT to be, what I TRY to be, and what I'm striving for.
I'm not saying I am perfect - far from it.
What I am saying is that it's very frustrating to be held to a standard others are not willing to hold themselves to.
What I am saying is that to teach anyone to be that way, we need to teach ourselves to be that way, and when we fall on our faces (and TRUST ME, I fall on my face ALL THE TIME) we get up and we tie our shoelaces, or wipe the blood off our stubbed toes, and we reorient ourselves to the ideal we hold before us.
And if we want to make the world better, we have to start with ourselves. To "be the change we want to see in the world." And be willing to admit when we're wrong, be willing to ask for help, and be willing to start over again when we realize that what we're doing isn't working.
Sometimes we have to be willing to risk what we have for what we want. It's supposed to be a process of growth. And sometimes when we take those risks, we don't do so well. But it's not right to kick those people when they're picking themselves up off the floor. It's not right to spit in the face of someone who has clearly learned a lesson, and comes to us to apologize for their behavior. And those who do so, who kick people when they're down, who spit in the face of the humble, who laugh at others' misfortune or use it for their own aggrandizement, are tyrants, and need to be fought at every turn for the benefit of humanity and the gene pool of the future. It's said the meek shall inherit the earth. I think that's because they're the ones who learn from their mistakes - which requires making mistakes in the first place and realizing they WERE mistakes. But there's a difference between "meek" or "humble" and "victim."
To be humble, someone has to have something to BE humble about. They have to have skill, wisdom, and the knowledge between that and people blowing smoke up one's ass. Heinlein's character Valentine Michael Smith in "Stranger in a Strange Land" had skill and knowledge beyond what was being displayed around him, yet he used the phrase "I am but an egg" to express that he knew there was more to know. There is ALWAYS more to know. This didn't stop him from taking ACTION when he saw a "wrongness" at a cusp-moment. He didn't hesitate to do what he believed was right action. He didn't "suck it up" and just roll over and be a victim. He didn't crawl away quietly whimpering. He made a difference. Gandhi was peaceful, but he took ACTION.
I've walked away quietly from many things in the past.
It usually ends up pretty badly, even when I try to be peaceful, there's always some jerk-off who's thinking my attempt at peace is a weakness.
I have tripped on that shoelace, and fallen on my face in that way... it's not something I choose to do anymore. And it IS a choice.
So please know that I respect whatever decision others make for themselves, but I ask that you respect my decisions as well.
And as a friend, maybe even support them.
And maybe be honest with them and say you're not really that good of a friend. Which is OK too.
Because to me, respecting the person is what being a friend is really about.
Loyalty to the PERSON, not their choices, is what friendship is about.
Believing in the person's overall being, spirit, divinity, whatever you want to call it, it doesn't matter.
As a mom I don't always agree with what my kids do, but I always believe in my kids.
Because I just believe that's how humans are supposed to be with each other.
Because I just don't believe the gods give a rat's butt about all the bull-hockey people do to each other.
And because I believe until we respect and love ourselves, we can not respect anyone or love anyone else, neither can they love or respect us.
As the movie character Ferris Buehler puts it "you can't respect someone who kisses your ass."
(and please, this is not directly pointed at anyone in particular) with what my husband calls "Secret Squirrel Politics."
People say they're "talking to a few people," "discussing things," "having conversations with others" and so on. Too much secrecy, not enough being honest.
Secrecy leads people to fill in the blanks (take a basic Sociology 101 course, this is fact) and come to several conclusions:
1) That things are being kept from them because the people talking to them don't trust them
2) That the people are gossiping about stuff they're really not supposed to talk about in the first place, but shroud that fact by withholding parts of the information.
3) That they're bragging and withholding information that later could be used to catch them in their talk.
This list is by NO means exclusive or complete, but used to make my point...
People have said these things to me. And yes, my mind goes in circles hitting those points mentioned above.
Like I said, this is not directed at anyone specifically, not me accusing anyone of anything. A couple of times someone has said "There's more, but I'm not at liberty to say more. I can respect that. Others have come outright and told me there are things/times where I've talked when he believes I shouldn't. And I respect that, and I have admitted my flaws.
I've NEVER claimed to be all wise, all knowing, all perfect. I really, really, really don't understand where people think I've given them that impression. I'm usually the first person to apologize when proven wrong. (And something about that which astounds me - people who think because I "man up" and apologize without fighting it I'm doing so blithely or without being sincere, or not being serious. I NEVER apologize if I don't feel I deserve it. Ask my husband! LOL) I'm usually the FIRST to admit I fucked up, admit I am falling on my face, ask for help.
But - NO ONE- emailed me who was a friend and said "Hey, you're fucking up / putting your foot in your mouth / being watched" and offered to help. NO ONE. I ASK for opinions because I realize situations are sometimes getting bigger than they really need to and getting out of rational control. Maybe I grumble to my husband and self at home, but *I asked* for it...
What happened to people being honest?
What happened to people watching out for their friends' backs and giving them a heads up if they see a problem? BEFORE it becomes an issue?
What happened to one's friends believing in them, and not assuming the worst, even in the face of what seems to be (but usually isn't) "evidence?"
What happened to consulting the Aether and the Divine and the Ancestors to find the truth of a matter?
What happened to full disclosure, transparency in dealings, and just good old fashioned HONOR?
What happened to living "in right livelihood with spirit?"
These things are missing in most spirituality I see before me, and it's these things I'm going looking for. As I said... this is a rant, and although it may seem I'm aiming at certain situations, I'm not. I'm doing what my husband calls "venting steam" at something that's been building up my whole life.
- I had the same issues with the "adults" in my childhood who acted more like children than I did, and when questioned said "do as I say, not as I do."
- I had the same issues with teachers in the public schools who let bullies reign the hallways and the victims were told to "walk away" and "don't let it get to you" while paying hospital bills for injuries - and those are just the PHYSICAL scars and injuries...
- It's the same issues I had with my first coven who's Priestess bad-mouthed her students behind their back, had her own aggrandizement ahead of her students' welfare, and was repeatedly rejected by teacher after teacher for her own ethics, morals and behaviors until she found one who "for a price" gave her all three degrees in one weekend.
I see the echos of the good parts in Buddhist teachings. I see the echos of it in Christian teachings. I see the echos of it in the UU teachings. I see the echos of it in Hinduism. I see the echos of it in B'hai. I see the echos of it in Taoism. I see the echos of it in Wiccan and Neo-Wiccan groups. I see the echos of it in Druidry. I see the echos of it in Humanist teachings, New Thought Ministry, New Age teachings, "The Fifth Sacred Thing," "Conversations with God," "Illusions," "Stranger in a Strange Land," and more and more and more...
Where I don't see it is in the ACTIONS of people who CLAIM to be, or want to be, spiritual people. (OK, in all fairness, it's there sometimes, others not, and some more than others....)
Where I don't see it is in the overall RELIGIONS and the people who follow them.
I'm not even saying I see it in ME all the time. But I AM saying it's what I WANT to be, what I TRY to be, and what I'm striving for.
I'm not saying I am perfect - far from it.
What I am saying is that it's very frustrating to be held to a standard others are not willing to hold themselves to.
What I am saying is that to teach anyone to be that way, we need to teach ourselves to be that way, and when we fall on our faces (and TRUST ME, I fall on my face ALL THE TIME) we get up and we tie our shoelaces, or wipe the blood off our stubbed toes, and we reorient ourselves to the ideal we hold before us.
And if we want to make the world better, we have to start with ourselves. To "be the change we want to see in the world." And be willing to admit when we're wrong, be willing to ask for help, and be willing to start over again when we realize that what we're doing isn't working.
Sometimes we have to be willing to risk what we have for what we want. It's supposed to be a process of growth. And sometimes when we take those risks, we don't do so well. But it's not right to kick those people when they're picking themselves up off the floor. It's not right to spit in the face of someone who has clearly learned a lesson, and comes to us to apologize for their behavior. And those who do so, who kick people when they're down, who spit in the face of the humble, who laugh at others' misfortune or use it for their own aggrandizement, are tyrants, and need to be fought at every turn for the benefit of humanity and the gene pool of the future. It's said the meek shall inherit the earth. I think that's because they're the ones who learn from their mistakes - which requires making mistakes in the first place and realizing they WERE mistakes. But there's a difference between "meek" or "humble" and "victim."
To be humble, someone has to have something to BE humble about. They have to have skill, wisdom, and the knowledge between that and people blowing smoke up one's ass. Heinlein's character Valentine Michael Smith in "Stranger in a Strange Land" had skill and knowledge beyond what was being displayed around him, yet he used the phrase "I am but an egg" to express that he knew there was more to know. There is ALWAYS more to know. This didn't stop him from taking ACTION when he saw a "wrongness" at a cusp-moment. He didn't hesitate to do what he believed was right action. He didn't "suck it up" and just roll over and be a victim. He didn't crawl away quietly whimpering. He made a difference. Gandhi was peaceful, but he took ACTION.
I've walked away quietly from many things in the past.
It usually ends up pretty badly, even when I try to be peaceful, there's always some jerk-off who's thinking my attempt at peace is a weakness.
I have tripped on that shoelace, and fallen on my face in that way... it's not something I choose to do anymore. And it IS a choice.
So please know that I respect whatever decision others make for themselves, but I ask that you respect my decisions as well.
And as a friend, maybe even support them.
And maybe be honest with them and say you're not really that good of a friend. Which is OK too.
Because to me, respecting the person is what being a friend is really about.
Loyalty to the PERSON, not their choices, is what friendship is about.
Believing in the person's overall being, spirit, divinity, whatever you want to call it, it doesn't matter.
As a mom I don't always agree with what my kids do, but I always believe in my kids.
Because I just believe that's how humans are supposed to be with each other.
Because I just don't believe the gods give a rat's butt about all the bull-hockey people do to each other.
And because I believe until we respect and love ourselves, we can not respect anyone or love anyone else, neither can they love or respect us.
As the movie character Ferris Buehler puts it "you can't respect someone who kisses your ass."