II; Nightmare the First

[paxivalice]

Warnings: Some spoilers for the ending of Final Fantasy IX.
Effects: Extreme discomfort, some guilt, and finally, fear.

Comments

[Action]

[couldnotfly]

[Zack was no stranger to guilt, fear, or betrayal, and though he normally didn't watch dreams, he'd still recognized Larsa's voice and now found himself outside the boy's door, gently knocking so as to not startle him any more than the dream already did.]

Larsa? Can I come in?

[Action]

[paxivalice]

[Folding his hands into his lap and trying to gain composure, he almost instantly felt ill about having disturbed one of his housemates. Spirits sinking, he took a deep breath to try to keep his voice calm.]

Of course. It is open.

[Action]

[couldnotfly]

[Zack was going to have to talk to Larsa about what classified as "disturbing" the housemates, but for now, he just padded into the room on bare feet and shut the door behind him, looking at Larsa with sympathy in his eyes.]

You doing okay? Want me to get you anything?

[Action]

[paxivalice]

[Trying for a smile, he sat up a little straighter, shoulders relaxed. The only part of his body that belayed tension were his hands, still clenched.]

I am fine. I apologize if I have woken you at so late an hour. I am not in need of anything.

[Action]

[couldnotfly]

Don't worry about it. I was still up anyway.

[He didn't sleep much these days, but that was the furthest thing from Zack's mind as he walked closer, looking at those clenched hands and giving Larsa a look over.]

You know, you don't have to say you're fine if you're really not. It's okay if you aren't okay.

[Action]

[paxivalice]

Ah; I am pleased to hear it.

[He said distractedly, though glad not to have woken him.

At the second statement, his foced smile became a little wider, but his expression more fretting.]

I don't intend to be a bother to you or the General. I will be fine, I should say... you needn't worry any.

[Action]

[couldnotfly]

[At that semi-distracted tone and forced smile, Zack sighs and shakes his head. Looks like it's time for a "lecture".]

Larsa, you aren't a bother. I don't know why you think you are when you've been anything but this entire time.

[Now he tilts his head, smiling softly.]

Besides, we all have nightmares. Even me and the General sometimes.

[Action]

[paxivalice]

[Looking a tad surprised at what Zack had to say; because really, how often is royalty lectured, in any culture?; he finally gave a truer smile.]

I cannot imagine the two of you to be frightened by anything. But it is perhaps a Hume failing that when our minds are free to dream, they examine those things that scare us most.

[Action]

[couldnotfly]

[Zack seems to be relieved at the sight of that truer smile, and he steps closer again, leaning against the foot of Larsa's bed with ease.]

Well, we're human too. Same hearts, same minds, same fears. Just cause we're soldiers doesn't mean we don't get scared the same way you or anyone else does.

[Action]

[paxivalice]

[Larsa finally unclenched his hands and lightly indicated the bedding with one, to offer him a seat should be like one.]

This is true, I know. But still... do the both of you not rationalize your fears? Or do things still spook you, even now?

[Action]

[couldnotfly]

[Zack does indeed sit down, twisting to look at Larsa in an easier manner.]

I can't say if the General does, but...a lot of things still spook me. Losing people I care about, not being able to help them...[He looks away for a moment, then shakes his head; that's his burden to carry.] There's really only so much you tell yourself isn't real and won't happen.

[Action]

[paxivalice]

[At the mention of those things, Larsa nods, almost hanging on his words, gaze softening with understanding.]

These things... are hard, are they not?

[He replied finally, carefully; it seemed Zack spoke from experiance.]

[Action]

[couldnotfly]

Yeah. They always are.

[He sighs again, obviously lost in the memories, before he shakes his head and looks back up at Larsa.]

But we gotta keep moving, even if it's hard. From here, there's not much we can do to change the nightmares. We just have to keep on living for as long as we can.

[Action]

[paxivalice]

[Realizing that Zack had his own, difficult demons, he'd gently reached out to fold a hand over one of Zack's, wishing to offer comfort.]

Just living is fine; but living well, I think, is the best way to honor those who lost their lives, whom we love.

[Action]

[couldnotfly]

[The feeling of Larsa's hand on his gets Zack to look down at them, and he smiles softly. He'd come in here to offer comfort and here he was getting it. What a mess...]

Yeah. You're right about that. They'd want us to live the best lives we could, even without them here.

[And now, now Zack looks Larsa in the eye, trying to offer what support he could while speaking his next words.]

I think your dad would want you to keep living, too.

[Action]

[paxivalice]

[And he knows Zack means well, he truly does. But his fingers curl a bit on the other hand and his face pales slightly at the mention of his father.

For it was not him that Larsa felt guilty over.]

...And your loved ones, you.

[He gave, lightly.]