하루만, 한 시간만, 딱 일 분만, 한마디만 하게 (Part 2)
PART 1
[July, 2016]
This journey around, Yifan woke up to his mother calling him. When he opened his eyes, his mother was smiling softly at him. Yifan sat up, one hand rubbing his eye. "Good morning, Ma" he greeted in chinese.
"It's almost the breakfast time for the Royal Family. Let's go to the kitchen and see what we can do." Not knowing for sure what his mother meant, Yifan followed his mother to the kitchen. There were people greeting them as they made their way there, some in Korean and some in Chinese.
Nearing the breakfast time, the kitchen was busy. Chefs and maids walking around the kitchen, chopping vegetables, adding more salts or sugar, preparing the plates and glasses. Yifan's mother handed him an apron and a piece of sandwich, "Wear this, honey. And eat first. You'll be serving The Young Prince's food for today."
The clock near the door showed that it was 7:30 in the morning when the double door opened, a man with black suit came in. "The Royal Family are all ready for their breakfast. For those who will serve their food, please line up this way."
Yifan walked forward to line up with the others. He recognized Baekhyun's and Chanyeol's face in this universe, lining up a few rows in front of him. He didn’t have the time to look for the other when he was given a tray filled with today's breakfast menu.
They walked out of the double door together and to the dining room. Yifan let himself be awed at the interior of the palace. They were nicely decorated with attention even into the smallest details. It kinds of remind Yifan to Joonmyeon, who liked to drag Yifan to countries that has palaces, or even museums. It was also for educational purpose, Joonmyeon had added.
Now Yifan remembered that he haven't seen Joonmyeon in this universe. He didn't see him in the kitchen. Well, he would explore the palace better later.
The dining room was no less decorated, with long tables that can hold more than fifteen people in one sitting. The person sitting on the end of the table was The King, to his right was a beautiful woman, The Queen and to his left was...
"Joonmyeon?" Yifan didn’t realize he's saying it until there was someone poking his side. When he looks around, some servants are looking at him with panic in their eyes.
"Wha--" before he finished his question, the tray was taken from him and the man in black suit was pulling him out of the dining room. Yifan could see the sorry eyes of the others as they watched him.
When they were outside, the man released him. "You must be new in here. But new or not, you should've known not to call The Young Prince with his name. It's downright rude and disrespectful."
The Young Prince Joonmyeon, Yifan smiled at the thought. Prince always fitted Joonmyeon's image. He's good looking, he's so down to earth, and also so nice and caring to the people around him.
"You should be thankful The King didn't hear you." The man said again, "But you will have a punishment for this. Go trim the plant and grass on the garden. You can only get your lunch if you're done."
---
Yifan was trimming the plant just below the east balcony when the door to the balcony opened , revealing The Young Prince Joonmyeon with a troubled expression on his face.
The Young Prince stood on the edge, eyes looking afar. He looks so... Beautiful. So ethereal with the morning sun bathing his fair white skin. The only bad thing was the frown on his face. Yifan was willing to do anything to make it disappear.
"I had a dream in time gone by.."
Yifan clearly didn't expect The Young Prince to start singing. He stopped doing what he was doing right now entirely and dedicated his attention to The Young Prince.
"When hope was high.. And life worth living.."
The singing brings Yifan back to a few years ago when he discovered Joonmyeon's skill in singing. They were out on an usual date night and Yifan suggested they hit the karaoke before going back home. Yifan made sure that he's the leader of Kim Jumnyeon's fanbase if the other decided to be a singer someday.
"I dreamed that love would never die.. I dreamed that God would be forgiving..."
His mother used to sing too, with Junmyeon. She would teach the smaller songs from her younger days, and they would belt it out with the karaoke machine they installed together in Yifan and Joonmyeon’s apartment. Speaking of his Ma... Ma must be missing Junmyeon so much, Yifan thought. His mother cried so hard on the day of Junmyeon's funeral.
The singing stopped suddenly, and Yifan saw The Young Prince talking to someone behind him. Yifan couldn’'t see the figure of that someone from where he stood. They seemed to talk for a while before Yifan heard the Prince saying, "Yes, I'll meet him in a minute."
When The Young Prince looked at the garden, their eyes accidentally met. Yifan, not wanting to offend The Young Prince, bows down.
"You sing really well, Young Prince."
The Prince looked a bit taken aback, clearly not thinking that he had an audience. But, not long after, a smile was creeping into his face. Yifan was happy he managed to turn that frown before into a smile.
"Thank you, it's my first time hearing that."
---
Yifan couldn't sleep that night, so he decided to go for a walk around the palace until he’s sleepy. After checking that his mom was sleeping deeply, he quietly made his way out of the room. He didn’t know about the palace, so he let his feet decide for him.
He was in the back of the palace near the pond when he saw a figure sitting on one of the benches placed there. His mind went alert, is that a thief? But if the figure is really a thief then what does he do there, just sitting?
Is it possible that it's......... A ghost?
Yifan felt the hair on his nape rising at the thought. He contemplated whether to go look or just leave the place and go back. But something inside him urged him to go for a closer look. So, Yifan walked closer, trying to walk quietly. Closely, the figure looked like The Young Prince.
But, what is The Young Prince doing this late at night?
As if sensing Yifan, the figure turned around suddenly, surprising Yifan. It turned out his guess was right, because it was really The Young Prince who was sitting on the bench. "Good night, Young Prince. I didn't mean to interrupt your time, just wanting to check. I'll go--"
"It's okay," The Young Prince smiled, “ I could actually use some company."
Yifan was dumbfounded, did the Young Prince just ask him to accompany him? Yifan was hesitating but the Young Prince already made place for him on the bench, patting it as a signal for Yifan to sit.
"I can just stand here, You--"
"Joonmyeon, you can call me Junmyeon. Tonight I'm just Junmyeon. I want to forget all the responsibilities that comes with the title Young Prince, just for tonight." Junmyeon offered him a small smile, "Now sit here, it's okay. I'm not going to bite."
Yifan smiled at the playful tone, and made himself comfortable next to Joonmyeon on the bench. Still keeping a safe distance, "You were the one who I met in the garden just this morning, weren't you?"
"Yes, that was me. Your voice is really beautiful, Joonmyeon. I really like hearing you sing." Yifan answered honestly. Under the beam of from the moon and stars above them, Yifan saw the blush creeping onto Junmyeon's cheeks.
"Thank you again. How I wish my father and mother would say the same..." Joonmyeon sighed. "It's just that.. The burden is too big sometimes, you know? People expect me to be as good as my dad. I know that I'll be in my Dad's position one day, I accept that. But..."
"I just really want to sing, it's my way to destress and have fun. I rarely get to do it because of the lessons my father keeps getting me. It's like he's doing it in purpose.
"He said singing won't help me rule a country." Joonmyeon's voice broke by the end of the sentence, breaking Yifan's heart altogether. He really wanted to reach out for Joonmyeon and pull him into a hug but he didn't want to appear rude. But, Joonmyeon's cries didn’t stop after a few minutes, and Yifan saw his shoulder was shaking more harshly.
In the end, Yifan braved himself. "Can I?"
Unexpectedly, Joonmyeon nodded his head and he made the move to get closer to Yifan and let Yifan wrapped his arms around his body. "Can we stay here for the night? I don't feel like going inside."
Yifan knew he should decline, Yifan knew there would be many consequences if they're caught the next morning. But....
"Yes, we can. Anything for you, Joonmyeon."
[August, 2016]
Yifan woke up to the sound of chattering outside. He unconsciously reached out to the other side of the bed only to find it empty. He rolled around in the bed and pulled the comforter up to his chin, because the temperature just happened to be a bit low that morning and the bed was really comfy and warm.
He was between asleep and awake when the door opened. Followed by soft taps of socked feet on the carpeted floor and it was not long until the bed dipped slightly and there was a weight on top of his stomach.
"Baba! Wake up!!" The cheery voice of a little girl filled in the room, and he felt little fingers poking into his cheeks. He popped one eye open, and saw a little girl smiling brightly at him. "Baba, wake up!"
The door clicked open again, revealing Joonmyeon in a white shirt and black slacks, looking ready to go out. "You woke up Baba already? Bring Baba out for breakfast, will you Sofia?" Joonmyeon landed a light peck on the girl’s forehead as he made his way to the curtains to open it.
The little girl nodded excitedly, her ponytails bouncing up and down with her movements. "Baba, up! Let's have breakfast before we go shopping!"
Yifan walked out of the room with Sofia in his arms, busy playing with his blonde locks. Joonmyeon turned around from his place in front of the stove when he sensed both of them. Joonmyeon moved forward to give a peck on Yifan's lips, not caring about his morning breath. "Good morning, handsome."
"Maaa, can I get a kiss too?" Sofia pouted at Joonmyeon, making the other laugh. He quickly gave a peck on their daughter's lips. “Now, happy?”
Their daughter, Yifan liked the sound of it.
As they sat down together in the dining table for breakfast, Yifan let the concept of this universe he was at sink in. He managed to glance at Joonmyeon's hand when the younger put his plate of breakfast in front of him, catching the sight of a shiny silver band around one of his fingers. He realized that there was one too on his own ring finger.
They're married
The hall from the bedroom to the dining room was filled with photos. From the photo of the both of them in tuxedo, seemed to be the photo taken on their wedding day. To the photo of them bundled up in jacket with the view of Northern Lights behind them, seemed to be a photo of their vacation, if not their honeymoon. The photo of them together with a baby, Sofia, in Joonmyeon's hold was spotted beside it.
They adopted a baby, and raised her together.
It's just like what he planned together with Joonmyeon before Joonmyeon passed away. How they planned to get married. How they plan to adopt a baby, for them to raise and cherish. How they plan to go to Brazil to see the festival. How they plan to build a vacation house in Jeju and live there when they’re old. How they plan to work hard so their future children will get the best from both of them.
This universe is like his dream come true.
"Yifan? You look… zoned out." Joonmyeon's worried tone pulled him back from his thoughts. Joonmyeon stopped munching on his breakfast to look at him, "Are you okay?"
"I am, I'm just...."
"Just....?"
"I'm just happy, that's all."
Joonmyeon reached out for his hand and intertwined their fingers together. There was no need for words, Yifan knew Joonmyeon was feeling the same way.
For the first time since Joonmyeon's death, Yifan finally could feel himself being genuinely happy.
---
They decided to spend their day at the department store to buy daily necessities and also catch a children’s movie that Sophia wanted to see in the cinema. As expected for weekend, the department store was crowded so Joonmyeon's tightened his hold on Yifan’s hand. Sofia was being carried by Yifan so she wouldn't be missing in the middle of the crowd.
Yifan was pushing the cart, following Joonmyeon who was in the front looking back to back from his long list and the rows of canned foods. Sofia was sitting on the cart, busy making faces in turn with his Appa to make each other laugh.
"Baba?" He heard Sofia called, so he pulls his eyes from the rows of cereal boxes to his daughter. His sight suddenly got blurry. He blinked his eyes a few times, trying to focus. But, instead of getting better, he felt it was getting worse.
No, no, no. Don't tell me it's Kyungsoo pulling him out right now.
But now the world around him started spinning too, and it was getting faster and faster Yifan lost his grip on the cart. He tried his best to grip onto another thing to steady himself, but his sight had gone to completely blank in a matter of second.
He recognized Joonmyeon's voice calling him, alternating with Sofia's muffled sobs.
No, no, no his daughter is crying. He has to calm her down. He can't make Joonmyeon worried.
No, no, no. I don’t want to leave this universe.
Kyungsoo, stop, Kyungsoo! Please.
There was a sharp pain inside his skull that mades Yifan loses his balance altogether and feels himself falling down to the floor. The world was still spinning for God knows how long before everything stopped, and he fell into unconsciousness.
---
He woke up to Kyungsoo's laboratory with a dull pain inside his head. As the memories of the recent universe coming back at him, he felt the tears are threatening to spill out.
"Oh my, Yifan, Yifan, can you hear me? I thought I lost you. You slipped in too deep into the stage 4 I almost couldn't pull you out but thankfully--"
"Kyungsoo.. Why?" Yifan croaked out, "Why did you pull me out Kyungsoo!"
"Yifan I had to because you slipped in too deep into the--"
"I don't care about your scientific shits!" Yifan screamed, rage bubbling inside him. "You know what kind of universe I was in Kyungsoo? Do you know?"
Not waiting for Kyungsoo’s answer, he continued, "I am married to Joonmyeon. We have a daughter, named Sofia. She's adopted, but she has a fair skin just like Joonmyeon's and her laugh can light up the room better than anything."
"We just has our breakfast. I saw our wedding bands shine under the morning sun. We decided to go out, for groceries. And also for a movie. It's just like how it was before he died Joonmyeon, minus Sofia. But we planned on adopting too, actually.”
"Ever since Joonmyeon died, it was probably the first time I felt genuinely happy. Like I finally had a purpose in life, on living." Yifan ran his fingers through his hair, desperate. "Then you just had to pull me out!"
"Yifan, you know the rules we set up--"
"I don't care about the rules, Kyungsoo!" Yifan shouted, making Kyungsoo flinched. "Now how could I live in this reality, knowing that there's a universe out there where everything is going just like how I and Joonmyeon always dreamed?"
"Yifan, you know from the first time they are all not real. You do not belong there, you belong here. As much as you hate that fact. I've already told you about the consequences if you slipped in too deep." Kyungsoo reasoned out, trying hard to keep his voice clear and steady.
Yifan, blinded by anger, just scoffed. "I couldn’t care less about dying, Joonmyeon died. What do I have in this world right now?”
“Would you want someone to do the same if you were in my position Kyungsoo? If you were in a position where you finally remembers what happiness is all about. Would you do want someone to do the same, Kyungsoo? Would you? You don't know how it feels to lose someone you love, Kyungsoo. You don't know anything." After saying that, Yifan stood up and walked out of the room, leaving Kyungsoo by himself.
After Yifan left, Kyungsoo felt his legs turning weak. He chose to sit down before his legs failed him, "Oh Yifan, trust me, I know how that feels..."
"That's the reason I started this project at the first place.."
[September, 2016]
A month passed since Yifan’s last journey. Half of him was missing Joonmyeon already, the pictures of him and Sofia kept flashing inside Yifan’s mind like a painful reminder. He also still felt a bit mad at Kyungsoo, that’s half of the reason why he didn’t contact the smaller man at all after he left him in his laboratory last month.
The other half was because he was feeling like an ass. To Kyungsoo. Kyungsoo only did what he was supposed to do, and yet Yifan lashed out at him even if the smaller already helped Yifan a lot in the past. Even more after Joonmyeon’s death. He was trying to avoid Kyungsoo at friends gathering, opting to lie he’s busy with work in order to not meet the other. He was still embarrassed at his childish antics to face the younger.
Yifan knew he should’ve man up and apologize, but his inner self was still hesitating. Will Kyungsoo forgive him?
[October, 2016]
“I’m sorry.” Yifan blurted out as soon as the door opened, revealing Kyungsoo in his comfortable clothes. Kyungsoo sighed, but not closing the door immediately on Yifan’s face. A good sign, Yifan hopes. The other opened the door wider and stepped aside, giving permission for Yifan to step in.
“I’m sorry, again. I hope you forgive me.” Yifan apologized again after Kyungsoo closed the door and faced him. Now that Yifan was looking at Kyungsoo more closely, he could see the black eye bag clear under his eyes. It was there before, but what he saw right now was worse. There were faint evidence of dried tears on his cheeks also, his eyes were red and he looked like he hadn’t taken a proper care of himself lately.
“Finally done avoiding me?” It was Kyungsoo’s turn to speak after they settled on the sofa, “Finally apologizing to me because you miss Joonmyeon too much? So I’ll let you use my machine again?”
Kyungsoo’s words hurt, but Yifan knew Kyungsoo had every right to think like that. Some of them were true. The part of Yifan missing Joonmyeon too much and of course he would be glad if Kyungsoo let him use the machine again. But, most importantly, he wanted to apologize to Kyungsoo, sincerely.
“I want to apologize to you, sincerely. Without any motives.” Yifan took a deep breath, “At that time, I was really angry, because the universe I was--”
“Still not a reason for lashing out at me” Kyungsoo cut in, voice cold.
“I know, and for these past months, I’ve been telling myself how much of an ass I was. And that you deserve an apology from me.”
They were both silent after that. Yifan was looking expectantly at Kyungsoo for any response, but the younger was staring ahead and also deep in thought.
“Just so you know, I know how it feels to lose someone you love the most.” Kyungsoo finally spoke out, “But he’s not dead. You might want to argue that I’m lucky. He’s not dead, but he is now married with another woman. Has one son and one daughter. Another baby on the way.”
Yifan kept silent as he listened to Kyungsoo. He felt even worse right now. He knew he was blinded with rage when he said that Kyungsoo didn’t know anything about losing someone he loves before, he didn’t know Kyungsoo’s story was also tragic on its own way. Yifan himself couldn’t imagine if he should watch Joonmyeon being happy with somebody else. He will be happy for him, of course. But the loneliness and longing….
“He is the reason why I started the project at the first place.”
“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.” Yifan ducked his head down, afraid to look at Kyungsoo in the eyes. To the broken soul hidden underneath.
“And yes, I don’t want anyone to pull me out out of that universe if I’m in your position. And yes, I’m sure I will be angry just like you did if that happens. So that’s why, I forgive you.”
“Really?”
Kyungsoo nodded, “It’s not like I can bear seeing you miserable. You’re one of my best friend. And Joonmyeon will be angry at me for that. I promised him, and I will hold onto my promise.”
[November, 2016]
Yifan woke up to an empty room this time. Dark and quiet. The only source of light was the occasional blinking red from the alarm clock on his right. He blindly felt around, until he found what he guessed as the bedside table and pressed the first button he finds.
Thankfully he was lucky. Because the room was now better lit by one of the bedside lamp. He sat up, covers sliding down his bare torso. The cold air hitting his bare skin making him shiver.
He took a glance at the bedside clock, 6 a.m in the morning. Enough time to prepare for work, he thought. But first thing first, he had to figure out his identity and what he should do in this world first.
After washing up and getting dressed, he made his way out of the room. Just like he suspected, he lived alone. Well, it would be a bit tricky to find his identity with no one to help him.
There was a post it pasted on the fridge door that cathed his attention when he opened it to search for milk.
Breakfast meeting at Exology Cafe, 8 a.m.
Good, so he didn't have to search every drawer to find his work address. He could find Exology Cafe just fine with GPS. He sipped on his coffee milk, and after making sure it fitted his taste, he poured it inside a tumblr and headed downstairs to the parking lot. Not forgetting to look around just in case Joonmyeon in this universe, was one of his neighbor.
Meeting went well, the topic was not very far from his real job so he could carry himself just fine. They enjoyed the breakfast while talking about the weather, the newest technology and also the latest stock prices.
Joonmyeon was also not one of his bussiness partners. Nor his colleagues from where he works. Nor anyone in Exology Cafe.
There was an unsettling feeling forming in Yifan's gut, because it was the first time he didn't find Joonmyeon as fast as the other times. But he tried to shake that feeling away, focusing on the task being briefed by his boss in the office.
As he spent the day, he tried to look around more. In his department, there was no one with the name Joonmyeon. He tried to look at the employee list but his request was denied because it's the company privacy. After walking aimlessly for three floors like a lost child, Yifan walked back to his cubicle with a defeated sigh.
It was 2 o'clock in the afternoon and he still hadn’t met Joonmyeon yet.
"Hey, whats making you so gloomy?" his friend from the cubicle beside him peered up from behind the divider. "We still has...like three hours here."
"I'm..." Yifan ran his fingers through his hair, pushing back his sweat soaked bangs. "I'm searching for someone. Do you know an employee here named Kim Joonmyeon?"
His friend went silent, racking his brain to find an answer. After a while, he shook his head. "I don't think we have an employee here with the name Kim Joonmyeon. But I can be wrong though, maybe there is, but a new employee or someone in another department that I don't know."
Yes, I wish so too. Yifan said to himself bitterly, growing restless as the second passes.
---
Yifan was back at his apartment before the sky gets dark. He threw his blazer and bag to the armchair before plopping himself on the sofa. He still hadn't seen Joonmyeon all day, but he planned to go around the neighborhood after this, hoping to find him.
He raised himself to grab some drink in the fridge, after turning on the TV to fill in the silence. The TV was showing the evening news.
Something catched his attention as he walked back to the sofa, the news on the TV. The announcer was talking about a recent accident that happened on the highway.
"..The accident occured around five in the evening, just in time with the rush hour of people going back home from work. One of the victim, named Kim Junmyeon, died on the scene.."
The rest of the sentence blurred out on Yifan's ears. He lost his grab on the glass bottle and it shattered on the floor along with his heart. The anchor's sentence rang in his ears..
"....victim, named Kim Junmyeon, died on the scene..."
It can be another Kim Junmyeon, right?
"....victim, named Kim Junmyeon, died on the scene..."
Yes, it MUST be another Kim Junmyeon.
"....victim, named Kim Junmyeon, died on the scene..."
There's a lot of people who has the name Kim Joonmyeon in Korea, right?
"....victim, named Kim Junmyeon, died on the scene..."
Right?
"....victim, named Kim Junmyeon, died on the scene..."
Right?
---
Yifan didn't remember the feeling of Kyungsoo pulling him out of the previous universe. The last thing he remembered is the news. The next thing he knew, he woke up at Kyungsoo's laboratory once again.
As soon as Kyungsoo came into view, Yifan pulled him into a hug. He cried instantly. "Yifan, Yifan, what happened? I saw your blood pressure increased, and also with your heart rate and it showed that you had trouble breath--"
“He's dead, Kyungsoo." Yifan letsout a broken sob, "He's dead, because of an accident. Just like how it was in this universe."
"I saw it on the TV," Yifan's voice was shaky, Kyungsoo hugged him back. "It's okay Yifan, it might be another Joonmyeon. It might be another Joonmyeon."
Yifan ignores Kyungsoo’s words, something inside him just knows. He just knows. "I know something was wrong when I didn't meet him as fast as before. I knew something was wrong..."
"Once is not enough, isn't it Kyungsoo? I have to deal with his death twice, twice? I miss him, Kyungsoo. I miss him so much, it hurts."
Kyungsoo didn’t notice a tear is also making its way down his cheek. Holding back a sob, he answered, "Me too Yifan, I miss Joonmyeon too."
[December, 2016]
The man quietly offers Yifan the box of tissue, which Yifan receives gratefully. He wipes the tears on his face and sips his tea. The tea calms him down a little bit despite it being already cold. He sees the man also wipes the corner of his eyes silently, eyes intently watching Yifan.
“How are you feeling, right now?”
“Better. After I told you all of my story.” Yifan offers the man a weak smile, which the man replies with a small smile too. “I’m glad.”
“So have you tried the dimension journey again, after that November?”
“Yes, I have.”
“You’re not scared? I thought you will be having a trauma for it because of the November journey.”
“I fell into depression after that, I cried a lot, I couldn’t sleep. But Kyungsoo came to me and assured me that we could try again. After a while, I agreed with him.”
“And, how was it?”
“I found him this, thankfully. I couldn’t be any happier. He works as a psychiatrist, just like you.”
The man looks a bit surprised, not expecting the answer. If he senses something from Yifan’s answer, then he doesn’t mention it to him. He keeps himself calm and composed. “Ah, really? What did you two do then?”
“We talk, I told him my stories. He doesn’t believe it.”
“Why is that?”
Yifan chuckles lightly, “I can see it on his face. I guess nobody will believe me if I tell them my story.”
The alarm clock beside the man rings suddenly, marking the end of the counseling session of the day. The man writes down some more notes on the board, before storing it on one of the table drawers, where he keeps his patient’s notes.
“So, Yifan, our session today is done. I’ll see you next week for the second session, I suppose?”
“I suppose so. Thank you for listening to me, Mr. Jun Mian.” Yifan bows down politely before shaking the psychiatrist hand. “See you next week.”
“See you next week, have a nice day.”
Yifan is ready with his winter coat, hat and gloves on but he stops on his track when he realizes something. “Ah, Mr. Jun Mian.” He calls.
“Yes?”
“Kyungsoo told me to pass you his greetings. He misses you too.” Yifan says before closing the door behind him.
a/n : phew, that quite a journey, huh? hehe don't forget to comment and let me know what you think! probably your favorite part/journey?~ ♥