Of All The First Times Pt. 2
[PART 1]
Breakfast is eventful. With Sehun trying to feed Taeoh another food aside from milk and Jongin is worrying from the side. “Sehun, he doesn’t want to eat that!” Jongin whines as he eyes the bowl filled with perfectly blended lentils, legum and kidney beans on the bowl in Sehun’s hand, only to have Sehun throws him his murderous glare that definitely says “Shut up or I’ll stuff this down your throat”
Jongin hates kidney beans, and Taeoh seems to inherit it from him, even with the fact they are not even related by blood. The thought of it brings a smile to Jongin’s face; he feels proud somehow that Taeoh, his son, is beginning to resemble him.
“Why are you smiling?” Sehun asks before he sighs in defeat, placing the small bowl onto the counter and reaching out for tissues to clean the mess Taeoh made while refusing the blended red beans earlier. Nothing Sehun did make the little 10 months old eat the food he gave him. Not even Song Ilkook’s recommended try-to-make-airplane-movement-with-your-spoon way. If he can’t persuade Taeoh with the master of triplets’ way, he doesn’t know what will.
“Nothwing spwecwiawl.” Jongin answers in between chews of his pancakes. Sehun makes a disgusted face at him before throwing a crumpled tissue paper at Jongin, who dodges it away easily.
“I just wish you don’t grow up like Jongin, Taeoh. You don’t want to be stupid like him.” Sehun runs his fingers over Taeoh’s soft hair, the baby only looks at him with eyes wide, as if thinking about the thing the older just said.
“Ya! He’s my kid! He has every right to be like me!”
“I feel like he’s my kid too…” Sehun mumbles to no one.
Jongin peers at Sehun through his unwashed bangs, “What did you say? I didn’t hear it”
Instead of answering, Sehun stands up and brings the plate to the sink. “Nothing. By the way, do you have something to do today? I think Taeoh might need a few more jackets now that winter is nearing”
Jongin is silent for a while before turning his head to Taeoh, “What do you think, little one? Do you want to get out and go shopping today?”
As if understanding what his dad says, Taeoh’s face lits up and, “NYAH!”
“Myeongdong it is, then” Jongin smiles as he leans back to his seat, “But Taeoh needs a bath first”
“And you need to brush your teeth” Sehun voices as he picks Taeoh up. “Who do you want to bath with, Taeoh-ya? I have Mr. Ducky and Mr. Larva for you to choose!”
**
Shopping goes on smoothly, even if Myeondong is undoubtedly crowded, but with Taeoh safely straps himself in the newly bought stroller, it is a lot easier. The said baby is now sleeping peacefully on the stroller, all bundled up with new jacket and a sweater underneath. Little feet clad in socks and little hands covered with gloves. He looks so calm and undisturbed despite the people’s chattering around them.
Before going home, they decide to make a turn and head to the nearest grocery store because Jongin starts to run out of diapers, and also for groceries because Jongin’s parents will come at 3 to check out their kid and grandson, apparently. They are on the baby food aisle when Taeoh wakes up and whining for his father to pick him up, but Jongin is still busy picking which baby food will suit Taeoh so Sehun does it in his place instead.
“What’s taking you so long?” Sehun walks closer to where Jongin is hunched over one of the rack. The older shakes his head in defeat, “I don’t know which one to choose. Do you have any idea?”
“I might be better at handling babies than you but my siblings didn’t get this kind of food, mom always made it herself. So, I don't know. Sorry, buddy” Sehun apologizes, and then he looks at Taeoh, “How about you choose Taeoh? Choose one”
Taeoh is still too dazed to react to Sehun’s words so he continues on laying his head on Sehun’s shoulder. Suddenly, a middle-aged woman walks closer to them, “Do you guys need help?”
Jongin is stunned at his place at the question, making the woman chuckles, “I heard what you guys were talking about just then. I am a mother of three so you can believe me” At that, Jongin lets out a relieved sigh like his biggest burden in the world has been lifted up off his shoulders. “I didn’t know choosing baby food would be this hard”
The woman only nods with an understanding smile on her face, before asking “How old is he?”
“Ten months old, and seems to dislike kidney beans, like his father” Sehun answers, adding the small information while glaring at Jongin with no real venom in his stare. The woman turns her attention to the rows of boxes on the rack, inspecting it one by one before taking one of the green colored boxes and hands it to Jongin.
“You can start with this one; it is the most suitable for his age. And it has various flavours so you can suit his taste. But, for you, as the other parent, it’s your job to ensure he eats everything well. Sometimes he just needs a little push.” The woman explains to them, looking at Sehun for her last two sentences. “I’ll make sure, ma’am” Sehun says after a few seconds thinking, playing along.
The middle-aged woman doesn’t seem to notice the growing tension between the two in front of her and continue to explain some other things to Jongin, “When his teeth starts to grow, you can start giving him these baby biscuits. It will help” Jongin nods as his mind working to store the information he just received. He wants to ask for another question but disrupted by the sound of someone’s phone ringing, turns out to be the woman’s.
Jongin looks back at the rack and chooses two kind of baby food he thinks Taeoh will like while the woman talks to her phone, something about picking up her child at the school and having lunch together. Hearing about school, Jongin’s mind wanders about how it feels like when Taeoh goes to school in the future; will his son think his friends are cooler than Jongin? Will he go out frequently with his friends?
Before his mind goes far, Jongin snaps himself back into reality. Just in time the woman is done with her phone call. “I’m sorry but I have to go, my third child already done with her classes. It’s so nice to see young parents like you two. It reminds me of myself when I was having my first child. Don’t worry, you guys will learn along the way”
“And he, what’s his name?” The woman points towards Taeoh. “His name is Taeoh, Kim Taeoh” Jongin introduces.
“Taeoh is handsome, I’m not surprised after seeing both of his parents” She compliments, at which Sehun bows and says ‘thank you’ with a blush on his cheeks. “I pray for a smooth parenthood journey for you two” After saying her goodbye, she leaves them with a wave.
Jongin looks at Sehun from the corner of his eyes, doesn’t know if he should say something about the whole encounter with the woman. It’s not their first time being assumed as young parents. The clerk and cashier at the baby’s shop and a few passerbies were all complimenting Taeoh, saying that ‘Your baby is beautiful. You two are lucky.,. Sehun looks unaffected and cool about through it all, and sometimes, playing along. Thanking them, or saying that the couple is the ones who are lucky. For now, Sehun looks relaxed as he straps Taeoh back to his stroller.
Jongin almost wants to think that maybe it is a sign that Sehun doesn’t mind with the idea of both of them being parents to Taeoh (or more to ‘if they end up together’, Jongin slaps himself mentally at the thought), but the small voice in his mind tells him that maybe Sehun is just really good at acting.
Jongin never likes his low self-esteem and over thinking part for a reason.
After making sure that Taeoh won’t fall out from his stroller and giving him his new plush toy to keep him occupied, Sehun looks up, smiling at Jongin. “Let’s go? You should be at home before three, right?”
Jongin really wishes it’s the first one.
**
Beyond expectation, Jongin's parents love Taeoh as much as Jongin does, if not more. Well, they were not that excited when Jongin told them for the first time through the phone call, but not exactly angry at Jongin too. More like, confused? They expect to be introduced to a possible daughter or son in law first before being introduced to a grandson, more than that, not related by blood. They said it is up to Jongin's decision, whether to adopt Taeoh or not. It was before they meet Taeoh for the first time.
Three hours after his parents arrive; Jongin can only sit on the couch, abandoned and lonely, starring at his parents cooing and playing with baby Taeoh. Jongin is slightly bitter, because all of Taeoh's attention has been on his grandparents but he is happy nonetheless. So, to distract his lonely heart, Jongin stands up and walks to the kitchen, deciding to prepare food because the dinner time is approaching. He smiles when he hears a laugh, characteristically Taeoh's, resonating from the living room to the kitchen. The apartment has always been empty and silent before Taeoh come.
He's almost done with the soup and now moving onto re-heating side dishes when the one who sends them every month comes into the kitchen, her face radiant with her smile. She quickly shoos Jongin and tells him to sit down so she can take over the kitchen. At first, Jongin refuses but his mom threatens him that she will not send him side dishes any more if he keeps this up, so Jongin ends up on the bar stool, watching his mom cooks.
"Are you going with the plan of adopting him?" his mom asks after a few minutes in silence.
Jongin nods, even if he knows his mom can't see. "Yes, I can't back up now. Too attached"
His mom laughs at the remark, "Not surprised. I've only met him today and I could say I can't wait to spoil him already"
"Mom, you can't spoil him okay!" Jongin half groans from where he sits. Jongin can picture how many toys and clothes his mother and father will buy for Taeoh. "Ah come on, toys or clothes won't hurt anyone. He's adorable, really. So I can't help it."
"Who has been helping you so far? I know you can't handle a sudden baby alone"
Jongin leans his head on one of his palm, minds wandering back to the past two days. "Sehun. He's so great with them"
His mom keeps silent as she chops down some kimchi, but Jongin knows she’s thinking about something from her tensed posture. “Mom, what are you thinking?”
She places the knife on the cutting board and moves to check the soup, clicking the stove off when she deems the food ready. Then, she turns around to face Jongin, concerns written all over her face, “Are you sure you can do this alone? Parenting is hard even when there are two parents figure, and now you’re alone. Sehun can’t be there forever.”
He can if only I can do something about it.
“And you know, adoption is easier when you have a girlfriend or boyfriend with you.”
“You don’t want to search for a girlfriend? Or boyfriend?” Jongin has expected his mom to ask that, she really wants Jongin to have a girlfriend, or boyfriend. Someone to take care of you when I’m old, she said one day. She’s been setting up dates for Jongin, with her friends’s daughters or sons. But none of them turned out well. She doesn’t know for sure why, but Jongin knows for sure the reason why it turned out like that. Every time she asked, he just said that the person was not his style or any other reason if his mother wouldn't accept it.
Jongin sighs, and now with his status as Taeoh’s father, it will be even harder for him to get a girlfriend or boyfriend. To add more, the stigma towards single father. On the other side, Jongin feels relieved that maybe his mom won’t try as hard as she usually does after this. “I don’t know, Mom. Not my priority for right now. And it’s hard to find a lover who wants to take responsibility for Taeoh too; I’m not just by myself right now.”
His mom doesn’t say anything yet Jongin knows she’s a bit disappointed. Jongin feels it is hard to look at his mom’s eyes. The rest of the cooking goes by in silence and Jongin doesn’t move from his place, too deep in his thinking.
Not long after, the dinner is ready to be served. Without being called, Jongin's dad comes to the kitchen with Taeoh sitting on his shoulder, laughing happily and fascinated by the new point of view. It melts the tension immediately; they sit down together in the dining table, after ten months not seeing each other, with Taeoh between his grandparents on his high chair. He's cooperating really well that night, eating the baby food they just bought without any problems.
"Is raising a son hard?" Mrs. Kim asks when she and Jongin stand side by side doing the dishes; Mr. Kim is back on the living room to prepare for the DVD for them to watch together. “Are you ready for more in the future?”
"Yes, of course." Jongin answers, with confidence in his voice. "But, it's and it will worth it, mom."
**
By the time Sunday evening rolls in, Jongin finds himself lounging on his bed with his laptop on his lap after sending his parents off on the train station. Taeoh is beside him, trying slowly to crawl. He's almost there, but not yet. Jongin gives his son a supportive pat in the back before continuing to browse more and more about adoption.
His mom is right about what she said yesterday, Jongin sighs at the realization. But the information he read on the internet is making him feel a little bit better, Taeoh doesn’t have to be taken to the foster care or stay that long there while the adoption process is going if only Jongin meets up some criteria. Jongin looks up the criteria, and he finds that he is qualified enough. His case is one of the special case types, and Taeoh is still too young to understand. But it still needs a little persuading and assurement to do.
And that doesn’t mean he won’t lose to other parents searching for a kid to adopt.
He’s scared, but he will try.
After rows and rows, pages and pages, and a thousand words read, Jongin leans back on the bed frame. Massaging his scalp with his fingers to get rid of the upcoming headache, he looks to the side and sees that Taeoh sits, starring at him.
“Taeoh-ya, say appa?” Jongin tries.
“Nyah?”
“Jong, In?”
“Nyah!”
“Se, Hun?”
“Uh?!”
“Almost there buddy”
**
Jongin is frantically running to the elevator right now, needing to get into his car quickly and needing to get to Taeoh’s day-care as soon as possible. A minute ago, he was still in the middle of the reviewing contract papers that should be discussed in the upcoming meeting later when a call from the day-care came. They never called before, so Jongin had a bad feeling from the start when he picked up the phone.
Why does bad hunch never wrong? Jongin asks to himself as he waits for the elevator to get down to the parking lot quickly.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Kim, to have called you right now. But Taeoh is sick, he seems to have a fever and he keeps crying.”
Jongin already notices Taeoh’s change in temperature from the night before, but his baby boy still looked healthy and after checking his temperature in the morning after that, it was fine. So, he dropped him off at the day-care as usual. He didn’t know his condition would go bad so quickly, it’s not even lunch time yet.
Jongin grows even more anxious when he finally gets to his car and makes his way to the road. It’s the first time Taeoh is sick, and he doesn’t know what to do. What if it is more than a usual fever? What if it is worse than he thinks it is? What if… What if…
He shakes his head, hoping the negativity will go. He can’t let his mind wander right now; he needs to focus on driving. Nobody wants to add another problem. But, the lady luck is not on Jongin’s side that day and he is faced with a long traffic because of a recent accident on the road leading to the day-care, Jongin tries to find a shortcut but he passes it already and there is no other way.
“Arrrrrrgh!” Jongin yells in frustration, thinking angrily about whom the hell decides to be so careless on the road today to make this huge mess of traffic.
The day-care calls once again to know where he is and he tells them that he is stuck in the traffic and he will be there as soon as he can. He tries to sound cool, composed. But, the truth is, he is a mess. He needs to get fast but the traffic doesn’t look like it would resolve in a minute or two. So, Jongin decides to call for help.
“Hello?”
“Sehunsehunsehunsehunsehun, please can you help me?” Jongin rants as soon as Sehun greets from the other side of the line.
“Jongin? Are you okay? What happened?”
“Taeoh..Taeoh…” Jongin takes a breath but everything just feels like caving in at him and he’s suffocated. He feels half frustrated because he couldn’t notice his baby getting sick, he feels half scared that he fail at being a dad, and he’s panicking because he can’t get to his baby in time. After a few seconds and Sehun commands him to breathe slowly with him that and Jongin finally calms down and tells Sehun the reason why he calls.
“I’ll be there picking him up, can you call the day-care so they know that I will pick him up?” Jongin croaks out a yes. “Good, I’ll see you at your house that. Relax, Jongin, babies do get fever, it’s bound to happen. Everything will be fine.” After saying his goodbye, Sehun cuts the call and Jongin finally can breathe easier.
How he wishes Sehun will be there on every step of raising Taeoh in the future, Jongin really can’t do it alone. But, it feels like it’s unfair, for Sehun mostly. Why should he stay with Jongin and Taeoh when he can get another single guy, dating, get married and then adopt their own chosen child?
Jongin sighs as he moves the car forward for a few meters. He can’t think of that right now, the only think he should be thinking about is how to get back home quickly.
And safely.
**
After an hour and a half getting stuck in the traffic and going with a snail pace, Jongin finally made it home. Sehun texted him a few hours before that he already took care of Taeoh and told him to not be reckless and just drive safely and follows the rules. Well, Sehun knows him too well. He almost crosses the red light or just abandons his car and run to his apartment.
The house is calm, there is no sound of Taeoh crying, which can be a good sign. Jongin toes his shoes on the front door and puts it aside before making his way to the living room, only to find it empty. He looks at the kitchen, and it is also empty. Jongin decides to check his bedroom after getting a bottle of water, and that’s where he finds Sehun laying down next to Taeoh, calm and peaceful in their slumber. There’s a cloth that Jongin guessed as a wet warm cloth over his baby’s forehead.
Jongin moves slowly to the bed, trying not to make a sound. Putting the warm-water filled basin away at the food of the bed, he makes himself comfortable as he lays beside Taeoh, body facing him.
He finally can relax after seeing his baby boy is getting the treatment he should have and will be fine, so he closes his eyes and succumbs to sleep. Hoping he will meet Taeoh and Sehun in his dream.
**
Jongin wakes up to an opened curtain the warm evening lights streaming from the window and a blanket covering him. Jongin raises his hand to look at the watch and he finds that it’s already five o’clock. He must be really tired after going through the traffic, he guesses. He looks at his side to notice that Sehun and Taeoh aren’t there, but there are sounds coming from outside so they must be up and doing something.
Throwing the blanket asides, Jongin strides to the bathroom to change his work clothes to a more comfortable one. He just steps out from the bathroom when Sehun appears behind the door, looking excited as ever. Well, Jongin heard Sehun shrieked when he was brushing his teeth just then.
“Jongin! You are not going to believe this” Sehun says, eyes wide in fascination.
“What?”
“Taeoh says his first word! And guess what, his first word is: Hun!”
**
When Jongin and Sehun are back to the kitchen, Taeoh is there sitting on his high chair while looking around for his companion before. He doesn’t look sick, but Jongin can see clearly that he’s not completely healthy either; at least he’s getting better. His eyes widens when he spots them, “Hun Ppa!” he shouts before breaking in laughter.
Sehun laughs alongside him and walks closer to him, patting him softly on the head. “Hun Ppa is here, Taeoh.”
Jongin stands in front of the doorway, only starring as the scene unfolds before him. One thing comes to his mind….
He’s jealous, of course. He’s madly jealous.
He’s been teaching and guiding Taeoh to say his name but to no avail, and Taeoh’s first word turned out to be Hun Ppa, which according to Jongin’s own baby language dictionary in his mind, translates to “Sehun Appa”. Jongin feels a light painful pang inside his chest.
But he can’t deny it, Sehun might had been there on Taeoh’s most improving days, even if he only met Taeoh two days ago. He takes care of Taeoh better than Jongin ever did. Maybe he spends a lot of time with Taeoh while Jongin is asleep, teaching him with more effective ways than Jongin has done.
It’s not because his own son resents him, Jongin is sure.
……...Right?
“Jongin?”
Jongin shakes his head, trying to clear any negative thoughts before responding to Sehun’s call, “Yes?”
“You okay? You were silent the whole time.” Sehun asks curiously, eyes studying Jongin. It is after a few seconds that he realizes something, “You were thinking that Taeoh doesn’t like you because his first word is my name, aren’t you?” He asks accusingly.
With the lack of answer from Jongin, Sehun assumes it as a yes, having known his best friends for years already. “I knew it. Jongin, you’re the best father he could ever get. He’s just saying what is easier to him. And I bet ‘Hun’ is easier for him than ‘Jong’. He’ll say your name in a day or two. Give him a time”
Getting his inner mind discovered by Sehun, Jongin doesn’t say anything to deny what Sehun said. He knows it’s the truth anyway, and what Sehun said makes his head a lot clearer. As a response, he only nods as he makes his way to sit beside Taeoh. The said baby smiles when his appa sits beside him.
“Jongin? I’m gonna make dinner. Stay here and play with him, okay?” Sehun says as he waltzes around the kitchen. There’s a spring in his step, a sign that he is definitely on his good mood. Jongin wonders why, is it because of the recent event? Taeoh is calling him Appa?
Jongin suddenly realizes something.
“Sehun?” Jongin calls, which Sehun stops in cutting the carrots and looks around at him. “Yeah?”
“You, you don’t mind with Taeoh calling you appa?”
Sehun seems a bit shocked at the question, having realized the intensity of Taeoh calling him ‘appa’ just now. Taeoh might say it out of the blue and just because it is easier. But if it’s about what is easier, then Taeoh could just said ‘Hun’. But instead, he said ‘Hun ppa’, which means he has the image of Sehun being his other appa inside his head. For Taeoh, it’s an improvement. But, for the two grown adults, what Taeoh thinks can be something more means more. And, making them questioning about where they stand.
Sehun stays silent for a little while, lost in his thought. Truthfully, whether he answers the question now, tomorrow, next year, there is only one answer for that. He’s been harboring feelings for Jongin since God knows when, and he’s already attached to Taeoh, treating the baby as if he is his all this time. And that’s why he’s really on a good mood after hearing Taeoh’s first word.
But he might have a feeling for Jongin, and Taeoh sees him as his other appa, but what matters the most would be how Jongin feels about all of these. Sehun’s mind travels to the past two days, ever since he met Taeoh for the first time, the heart-to-heart talk at that night, and Myeongdong. He can’t lie that he loves all the attention given to them and Taeoh. He loved how the passerby referred them as a couple, as Taeoh’s parents, referred Taeoh as theirs. He loved how the middle aged woman told him what to do with Taeoh’s habit of picking his food. That was why he played along; acting like he was really Taeoh’s other parents.
Seeing Jongin’s close to none reaction, could he assume it as something positive? A green light?
Sehun decides that it is now, or never. He just hopes he won’t regret it later. “I don’t mind at all.” is all he says before going back to his cooking.
**
Dinner passes by in silence, only exchanging words when they need help to pass over the side dishes or taking turns in feeding Taeoh. Jongin distracts his attention to Taeoh, watching him eating and keeps talking to him about everything. He will take a glance once or twice to Sehun, only to find the younger not eating, picking around his food his chopstick or just looking at Taeoh babbling his response to Jongin’s talks.
They move to the couch after dinner, dishes washed and put away. Jongin put in the dvd on the player, deciding on Inside Out because it is what Taeoh picked when he laid out all of the dvds they have. Jongin lies on one side of the couch, and Taeoh is on floor, laying in his belly on top of his pillow with Sehun guarding him on his side.
Halfway through the movie Taeoh fell asleep, no surprises there. Even if they both know Taeoh is asleep and they can stop watching but both Jongin and Sehun don’t say anything about it, prolonging the time to avoid talking to each other.
Joy and sadness are finally back to headquarters and taking care of things when Jongin finally breaks the silence between them, “I browsed about adoption last night.”
Sehun nods, acknowledging. “And? Is everything alright?”
“Yes, I fit all of the requirements. I have fixed jobs and all, my family history is good. I think it’s easy to convince them. But I’m afraid..”
“Why is that?”
Jongin runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m afraid I will lose to the married couples. Almost all of the foster home are prioritizing a couple who wants to adopt first. They allow single parent, but they don’t prioritize. Another reason why I don’t want him to be placed in a foster home while adoption process is ongoing because... Taeoh is….” Jongin sighs, “Well, there is no guarantee that he will be chosen by one right away once he’s at there, but if he is…. I don’t know, I just can’t picture myself without him anymore.”
“Why don’t you search for someone then, a girlfriend or a boyfriend?”
After Sehun’s question, they fell into silence again. Jongin feels like he’s back to his conversation with his mother two days before, but the difference of the situation is now, the person he has in mind for a boyfriend is sitting in front of him. Only their breathings are heard in the room and the movie credits starts rolling in. Jongin looks at the clock on top of the TV table, it’s nearing half past ten, Sehun will have to go back to his home and Jongin won’t have another chance.
Jongin rises up from his seat and moves to sit beside Sehun. Sehun stiffens when he feels Jongin’s presence close to him, too close for comfort. Their conversation in the kitchen is still ringing inside his head. Jongin doesn’t say anything for a while, only starring ahead.
“I have someone I’ve been having a crush on, for 5 years right now. He’s one of my close friends” Jongin starts. Sehun can feel his heart breaks at the sentences, and he feels choked up but he tries to keep his cool, he can’t cry in front of Jongin, because if he does, Jongin will ask why and everything will be reveal. He isn’t ready to lose his friendship just because he confesses and Jongin doesn’t feel the same way. “I can’t even ask him out when Taeoh wasn’t there, and I.. can’t ask him right now because I’m not confident. I have Taeoh now, not everyone wants to starts a relationship with someone with a kid..”
“It’s not like I resent Taeoh, not at all. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me alongside with this person. But, I just realize that it will be hard to search for another parent figure for Taeoh. I also think the person that I like also deserve better than stuck with me and forced being Taeoh’s parents..”
“Why don’t you try it first? You don’t know if you don’t try” Sehun is grateful his voice doesn’t come out hoarse, or Jongin will notice something is wrong.
“Probably…” Jongin nods, playing with his fingers, nervous. “Imagine you’re in this person’s shoes, I’m asking you out but I’m a single father. What will you say?”
"I will besurprised of course, because it is too sudden. But, with a baby as cute as Taeoh, I think I would try. Everyone is different, but you have to be brave and ask, so you know and won’t regret anything later.”
What Jongin asks him after that is something he never thought he would hear in the conversation, “So, would you be there, with me, at the police station, at the foster home, as my boyfriend, as Taeoh’s other parents?”
“Jongin, don’t joke around about this okay. Ask it to the person, not to me.” Sehun tries to laugh, to ease the growing tension inside the room and to calm himself when his heart is beating faster right now. His mind going haywire at Jongin’s question but he still can’t believe it. Part of him feels like he wants to explode in joy and happiness, but the other side of him prevents him to prepare himself for heartbreak if Jongin turns out be lying.
Jongin shakes his head, “You’re that person, Sehun. Why would I ask anyone else?” Jongin says again, now facing Sehun. His face is hopeful, and Sehun finally realizes that he’s not playing around. Jongin is serious.
Jongin takes another deep breath before he asks again, “Would you like to try?
**
[EPILOGUE]
Jongin raises himself from the sofa in the living room; the TV is still blaring infinity challenge’s newest episode. After moving around a bit to shake the stiffness away, Jongin makes his way to the kitchen, trudging the shelves to search for a pack of instant hot chocolate he is sure he hide a few days before from prying hands. He is a child like that. The house is empty aside from him, so there will be no one asking for the last pack of instant hot chocolate in his hands.
He brings his steaming cup to the small table near the window. The remnants of yesterday’s light snow are sticked to the window but still leave a space for him to see what’s going on outside. The street is busy, people are either going out to grab something or only to wander around waiting for the next snow. The colorful street lights give a characteristic glow that one only can get at the end of the year.
He sighs as he wraps his hand around the cup, It’s been a year, he thinks.
His train of thoughts is interrupted by a tell-tale sound of the security password being put in correctly and the door opens. Jongin makes no move from his seat, knowing well whose coming.
Knowing well who’s coming home.
“Appa!” the sound registers before Jongin can feel a presence beside him, hugging his legs thightly. He looks down to see Taeoh, all bundled up in the thick layers of winter jacket and the hem of his sweater peeking out from behind. Definitely the work of his mom. His face is red because of the cold air but he doesn’t look cold. “How’s the trip to the supermarket, honey? Did you buy hot chocolate?”
“Yes! And then we went to…” Taeoh keeps reciting all the things they did on their short trip as Jongin makes his way to the kitchen with Taeoh in his arms, nodding and giving response when needed. In the kitchen, he found his another reason to come home every day, his another reason to wake up every morning, his another reason to work so hard for.
Jongin leans his body on the door frame, watching the other waltzing around the kitchen to store the things bought from the short trip to the supermarket after dinner because they ran out of Taeoh’s milk. Jongin had offered himself to go, but the latter wanted to go instead because of he has something to buy too. Taeoh, bored being home all day, insisted that he wanted to come along.
“You don’t have to dress him this thick, you know. Don’t you think it’s a bit too much?” Jongin puts Taeoh down on his high chair, zipping down the outer jackets until he is left with sweater and a light jacket on the outside. “Is it cold, Taeoh-ya?” Jongin asks, which the baby replies with a shake of his head before going back to play with his plush toys.
The other person in the kitchen snorts before facing Jongin, “I just don’t want my baby freezes. Is that too much to ask?”
Jongin grins, before reaching up for the latter to engulf him in a hug and peck the other lightly on the lips. It makes pink tints creeping onto the latter’s face, which is on the top 5 of Jongin’s favorite thing in the whole world. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, anything you want, Hun. You’re the mom anyway” The sentence makes a light slap end up on Jongin’s arms, before they are both erupts in laughter.
Sehun, it’s been a year since Jongin asked him if he’s willing to try with him. And it’s also been a year since Sehun started to prove his words. This past year has been nothing but a roller coaster right for Jongin. From Taeoh’s adoption process that had a bit of problem when a couple suddenly wanted to adopt Taeoh too, to Taeoh finally calling him Jong-Ppa two days after Hun-ppa, to Taeoh’s first birthday party, to Taeoh’s first snow, Taeoh’s first spring picnic, Taeoh’s first trip to the beach, Taeoh’s first fall on the park the other day. Jongin and Sehun can’t wait for his another first.
It’s also a lot of firsts for both of them; first kiss, first date, first intertwined hands, first birthday spent together, first make out, and to first make love.
Speaking of making love….
“By the way, how about tonight we… It’s been a while.” Sehun can feel Jongin’s hand trailing on his backside, igniting fires on every touch. He shudders at the hidden meaning.
“Hun ppa! Sleepy….” Taeoh suddenly calls, and when they both look at him, he’s yawning and his eyes are droopy. Sehun peels himself away from Jongin’s arms to tend Taeoh, not responding Jongin’s suggestion and bringing Taeoh to the previously guest room turned nursery next to the main room. Jongin follows behind; watching Sehun changes Taeoh into his pajamas and brings him to the washroom to brush his teeth.
“Taeoh-ya, do you want to brush daddy’s teeth?” An idea forms inside Sehun’s mind when he catches Jongin’s eyes through the bathroom’s mirror. The baby’s ears perk up at the idea and immediately nod his head in excitement.
Jongin on the other hand, seems dazed with the request and only obeying when Sehun asks him to get closer. Sehun gives Taeoh the toothbrush and put the toothpaste over it before beckoning Jongin to open his mouth and guide Taeoh’s hand around. Jongin doesn’t know if it’s unintentional, pure Taeoh’s uncoordinated hands or Sehun intentionally guides Taeoh’s hand a bit too strong, making the toothbrush to bump onto gums and cheek.
After a minute or two of more like attacking his mouth cavity instead of really brushing his teeth, Sehun deems that they are done and tell Jongin to brush his teeth for real right now while he’s putting Taeoh to sleep. Sehun leaves without looking back at him and Jongin is left clueless. What was that all about? Did he do something wrong?
Jongin is done with his given task in no time, washing the brush and rinsing his mouth before he gets outside to search for Sehun. He finds S in the nursery, carefully putting a blanket on Taeoh’ body. Jongin creeps from behind and puts his hand on both of Sehun’s sides, trapping him. He leans down and whispers to his ears, “What was that all about?”
Sehun turns around, making them standing face-to-face. Body almost pressed together and lips only hovering a few centimetres from each other, “I don’t want to kiss someone whose breath stinks”
That’s the only answers Jongin needs before he drags Sehun down the hall to the main bathroom.
Later that night, they lay side by side in silence and Jongin’s arms wraps around Sehun’s waist, keeping him close. They already done with their thing since one hour ago but it looks like sleep hasn’t come to both of them.
“Sehun. Thank you.”
“You said that every day. What’s the reason this time?” Sehun yawns, his eyes started to get heavy.
“Just.. for being with me?”
“You said that two days ago and three weeks ago. Be more creative.”
“I’ll tell you that anytime I want.” Jongin says, “and I love you?”
Sehun only hums as an answer, brain too tired and sleepy to think of another answer. He tightens his hold on Jongin’s hand instead, hoping to get the message across, I love you too.
A/N (2) : Don't forget to leave comments~ Let me know what you think and help me improve~
Breakfast is eventful. With Sehun trying to feed Taeoh another food aside from milk and Jongin is worrying from the side. “Sehun, he doesn’t want to eat that!” Jongin whines as he eyes the bowl filled with perfectly blended lentils, legum and kidney beans on the bowl in Sehun’s hand, only to have Sehun throws him his murderous glare that definitely says “Shut up or I’ll stuff this down your throat”
Jongin hates kidney beans, and Taeoh seems to inherit it from him, even with the fact they are not even related by blood. The thought of it brings a smile to Jongin’s face; he feels proud somehow that Taeoh, his son, is beginning to resemble him.
“Why are you smiling?” Sehun asks before he sighs in defeat, placing the small bowl onto the counter and reaching out for tissues to clean the mess Taeoh made while refusing the blended red beans earlier. Nothing Sehun did make the little 10 months old eat the food he gave him. Not even Song Ilkook’s recommended try-to-make-airplane-movement-with-your-spoon way. If he can’t persuade Taeoh with the master of triplets’ way, he doesn’t know what will.
“Nothwing spwecwiawl.” Jongin answers in between chews of his pancakes. Sehun makes a disgusted face at him before throwing a crumpled tissue paper at Jongin, who dodges it away easily.
“I just wish you don’t grow up like Jongin, Taeoh. You don’t want to be stupid like him.” Sehun runs his fingers over Taeoh’s soft hair, the baby only looks at him with eyes wide, as if thinking about the thing the older just said.
“Ya! He’s my kid! He has every right to be like me!”
“I feel like he’s my kid too…” Sehun mumbles to no one.
Jongin peers at Sehun through his unwashed bangs, “What did you say? I didn’t hear it”
Instead of answering, Sehun stands up and brings the plate to the sink. “Nothing. By the way, do you have something to do today? I think Taeoh might need a few more jackets now that winter is nearing”
Jongin is silent for a while before turning his head to Taeoh, “What do you think, little one? Do you want to get out and go shopping today?”
As if understanding what his dad says, Taeoh’s face lits up and, “NYAH!”
“Myeongdong it is, then” Jongin smiles as he leans back to his seat, “But Taeoh needs a bath first”
“And you need to brush your teeth” Sehun voices as he picks Taeoh up. “Who do you want to bath with, Taeoh-ya? I have Mr. Ducky and Mr. Larva for you to choose!”
**
Shopping goes on smoothly, even if Myeondong is undoubtedly crowded, but with Taeoh safely straps himself in the newly bought stroller, it is a lot easier. The said baby is now sleeping peacefully on the stroller, all bundled up with new jacket and a sweater underneath. Little feet clad in socks and little hands covered with gloves. He looks so calm and undisturbed despite the people’s chattering around them.
Before going home, they decide to make a turn and head to the nearest grocery store because Jongin starts to run out of diapers, and also for groceries because Jongin’s parents will come at 3 to check out their kid and grandson, apparently. They are on the baby food aisle when Taeoh wakes up and whining for his father to pick him up, but Jongin is still busy picking which baby food will suit Taeoh so Sehun does it in his place instead.
“What’s taking you so long?” Sehun walks closer to where Jongin is hunched over one of the rack. The older shakes his head in defeat, “I don’t know which one to choose. Do you have any idea?”
“I might be better at handling babies than you but my siblings didn’t get this kind of food, mom always made it herself. So, I don't know. Sorry, buddy” Sehun apologizes, and then he looks at Taeoh, “How about you choose Taeoh? Choose one”
Taeoh is still too dazed to react to Sehun’s words so he continues on laying his head on Sehun’s shoulder. Suddenly, a middle-aged woman walks closer to them, “Do you guys need help?”
Jongin is stunned at his place at the question, making the woman chuckles, “I heard what you guys were talking about just then. I am a mother of three so you can believe me” At that, Jongin lets out a relieved sigh like his biggest burden in the world has been lifted up off his shoulders. “I didn’t know choosing baby food would be this hard”
The woman only nods with an understanding smile on her face, before asking “How old is he?”
“Ten months old, and seems to dislike kidney beans, like his father” Sehun answers, adding the small information while glaring at Jongin with no real venom in his stare. The woman turns her attention to the rows of boxes on the rack, inspecting it one by one before taking one of the green colored boxes and hands it to Jongin.
“You can start with this one; it is the most suitable for his age. And it has various flavours so you can suit his taste. But, for you, as the other parent, it’s your job to ensure he eats everything well. Sometimes he just needs a little push.” The woman explains to them, looking at Sehun for her last two sentences. “I’ll make sure, ma’am” Sehun says after a few seconds thinking, playing along.
The middle-aged woman doesn’t seem to notice the growing tension between the two in front of her and continue to explain some other things to Jongin, “When his teeth starts to grow, you can start giving him these baby biscuits. It will help” Jongin nods as his mind working to store the information he just received. He wants to ask for another question but disrupted by the sound of someone’s phone ringing, turns out to be the woman’s.
Jongin looks back at the rack and chooses two kind of baby food he thinks Taeoh will like while the woman talks to her phone, something about picking up her child at the school and having lunch together. Hearing about school, Jongin’s mind wanders about how it feels like when Taeoh goes to school in the future; will his son think his friends are cooler than Jongin? Will he go out frequently with his friends?
Before his mind goes far, Jongin snaps himself back into reality. Just in time the woman is done with her phone call. “I’m sorry but I have to go, my third child already done with her classes. It’s so nice to see young parents like you two. It reminds me of myself when I was having my first child. Don’t worry, you guys will learn along the way”
“And he, what’s his name?” The woman points towards Taeoh. “His name is Taeoh, Kim Taeoh” Jongin introduces.
“Taeoh is handsome, I’m not surprised after seeing both of his parents” She compliments, at which Sehun bows and says ‘thank you’ with a blush on his cheeks. “I pray for a smooth parenthood journey for you two” After saying her goodbye, she leaves them with a wave.
Jongin looks at Sehun from the corner of his eyes, doesn’t know if he should say something about the whole encounter with the woman. It’s not their first time being assumed as young parents. The clerk and cashier at the baby’s shop and a few passerbies were all complimenting Taeoh, saying that ‘Your baby is beautiful. You two are lucky.,. Sehun looks unaffected and cool about through it all, and sometimes, playing along. Thanking them, or saying that the couple is the ones who are lucky. For now, Sehun looks relaxed as he straps Taeoh back to his stroller.
Jongin almost wants to think that maybe it is a sign that Sehun doesn’t mind with the idea of both of them being parents to Taeoh (or more to ‘if they end up together’, Jongin slaps himself mentally at the thought), but the small voice in his mind tells him that maybe Sehun is just really good at acting.
Jongin never likes his low self-esteem and over thinking part for a reason.
After making sure that Taeoh won’t fall out from his stroller and giving him his new plush toy to keep him occupied, Sehun looks up, smiling at Jongin. “Let’s go? You should be at home before three, right?”
Jongin really wishes it’s the first one.
**
Beyond expectation, Jongin's parents love Taeoh as much as Jongin does, if not more. Well, they were not that excited when Jongin told them for the first time through the phone call, but not exactly angry at Jongin too. More like, confused? They expect to be introduced to a possible daughter or son in law first before being introduced to a grandson, more than that, not related by blood. They said it is up to Jongin's decision, whether to adopt Taeoh or not. It was before they meet Taeoh for the first time.
Three hours after his parents arrive; Jongin can only sit on the couch, abandoned and lonely, starring at his parents cooing and playing with baby Taeoh. Jongin is slightly bitter, because all of Taeoh's attention has been on his grandparents but he is happy nonetheless. So, to distract his lonely heart, Jongin stands up and walks to the kitchen, deciding to prepare food because the dinner time is approaching. He smiles when he hears a laugh, characteristically Taeoh's, resonating from the living room to the kitchen. The apartment has always been empty and silent before Taeoh come.
He's almost done with the soup and now moving onto re-heating side dishes when the one who sends them every month comes into the kitchen, her face radiant with her smile. She quickly shoos Jongin and tells him to sit down so she can take over the kitchen. At first, Jongin refuses but his mom threatens him that she will not send him side dishes any more if he keeps this up, so Jongin ends up on the bar stool, watching his mom cooks.
"Are you going with the plan of adopting him?" his mom asks after a few minutes in silence.
Jongin nods, even if he knows his mom can't see. "Yes, I can't back up now. Too attached"
His mom laughs at the remark, "Not surprised. I've only met him today and I could say I can't wait to spoil him already"
"Mom, you can't spoil him okay!" Jongin half groans from where he sits. Jongin can picture how many toys and clothes his mother and father will buy for Taeoh. "Ah come on, toys or clothes won't hurt anyone. He's adorable, really. So I can't help it."
"Who has been helping you so far? I know you can't handle a sudden baby alone"
Jongin leans his head on one of his palm, minds wandering back to the past two days. "Sehun. He's so great with them"
His mom keeps silent as she chops down some kimchi, but Jongin knows she’s thinking about something from her tensed posture. “Mom, what are you thinking?”
She places the knife on the cutting board and moves to check the soup, clicking the stove off when she deems the food ready. Then, she turns around to face Jongin, concerns written all over her face, “Are you sure you can do this alone? Parenting is hard even when there are two parents figure, and now you’re alone. Sehun can’t be there forever.”
He can if only I can do something about it.
“And you know, adoption is easier when you have a girlfriend or boyfriend with you.”
“You don’t want to search for a girlfriend? Or boyfriend?” Jongin has expected his mom to ask that, she really wants Jongin to have a girlfriend, or boyfriend. Someone to take care of you when I’m old, she said one day. She’s been setting up dates for Jongin, with her friends’s daughters or sons. But none of them turned out well. She doesn’t know for sure why, but Jongin knows for sure the reason why it turned out like that. Every time she asked, he just said that the person was not his style or any other reason if his mother wouldn't accept it.
Jongin sighs, and now with his status as Taeoh’s father, it will be even harder for him to get a girlfriend or boyfriend. To add more, the stigma towards single father. On the other side, Jongin feels relieved that maybe his mom won’t try as hard as she usually does after this. “I don’t know, Mom. Not my priority for right now. And it’s hard to find a lover who wants to take responsibility for Taeoh too; I’m not just by myself right now.”
His mom doesn’t say anything yet Jongin knows she’s a bit disappointed. Jongin feels it is hard to look at his mom’s eyes. The rest of the cooking goes by in silence and Jongin doesn’t move from his place, too deep in his thinking.
Not long after, the dinner is ready to be served. Without being called, Jongin's dad comes to the kitchen with Taeoh sitting on his shoulder, laughing happily and fascinated by the new point of view. It melts the tension immediately; they sit down together in the dining table, after ten months not seeing each other, with Taeoh between his grandparents on his high chair. He's cooperating really well that night, eating the baby food they just bought without any problems.
"Is raising a son hard?" Mrs. Kim asks when she and Jongin stand side by side doing the dishes; Mr. Kim is back on the living room to prepare for the DVD for them to watch together. “Are you ready for more in the future?”
"Yes, of course." Jongin answers, with confidence in his voice. "But, it's and it will worth it, mom."
**
By the time Sunday evening rolls in, Jongin finds himself lounging on his bed with his laptop on his lap after sending his parents off on the train station. Taeoh is beside him, trying slowly to crawl. He's almost there, but not yet. Jongin gives his son a supportive pat in the back before continuing to browse more and more about adoption.
His mom is right about what she said yesterday, Jongin sighs at the realization. But the information he read on the internet is making him feel a little bit better, Taeoh doesn’t have to be taken to the foster care or stay that long there while the adoption process is going if only Jongin meets up some criteria. Jongin looks up the criteria, and he finds that he is qualified enough. His case is one of the special case types, and Taeoh is still too young to understand. But it still needs a little persuading and assurement to do.
And that doesn’t mean he won’t lose to other parents searching for a kid to adopt.
He’s scared, but he will try.
After rows and rows, pages and pages, and a thousand words read, Jongin leans back on the bed frame. Massaging his scalp with his fingers to get rid of the upcoming headache, he looks to the side and sees that Taeoh sits, starring at him.
“Taeoh-ya, say appa?” Jongin tries.
“Nyah?”
“Jong, In?”
“Nyah!”
“Se, Hun?”
“Uh?!”
“Almost there buddy”
**
Jongin is frantically running to the elevator right now, needing to get into his car quickly and needing to get to Taeoh’s day-care as soon as possible. A minute ago, he was still in the middle of the reviewing contract papers that should be discussed in the upcoming meeting later when a call from the day-care came. They never called before, so Jongin had a bad feeling from the start when he picked up the phone.
Why does bad hunch never wrong? Jongin asks to himself as he waits for the elevator to get down to the parking lot quickly.
“I’m sorry, Mr. Kim, to have called you right now. But Taeoh is sick, he seems to have a fever and he keeps crying.”
Jongin already notices Taeoh’s change in temperature from the night before, but his baby boy still looked healthy and after checking his temperature in the morning after that, it was fine. So, he dropped him off at the day-care as usual. He didn’t know his condition would go bad so quickly, it’s not even lunch time yet.
Jongin grows even more anxious when he finally gets to his car and makes his way to the road. It’s the first time Taeoh is sick, and he doesn’t know what to do. What if it is more than a usual fever? What if it is worse than he thinks it is? What if… What if…
He shakes his head, hoping the negativity will go. He can’t let his mind wander right now; he needs to focus on driving. Nobody wants to add another problem. But, the lady luck is not on Jongin’s side that day and he is faced with a long traffic because of a recent accident on the road leading to the day-care, Jongin tries to find a shortcut but he passes it already and there is no other way.
“Arrrrrrgh!” Jongin yells in frustration, thinking angrily about whom the hell decides to be so careless on the road today to make this huge mess of traffic.
The day-care calls once again to know where he is and he tells them that he is stuck in the traffic and he will be there as soon as he can. He tries to sound cool, composed. But, the truth is, he is a mess. He needs to get fast but the traffic doesn’t look like it would resolve in a minute or two. So, Jongin decides to call for help.
“Hello?”
“Sehunsehunsehunsehunsehun, please can you help me?” Jongin rants as soon as Sehun greets from the other side of the line.
“Jongin? Are you okay? What happened?”
“Taeoh..Taeoh…” Jongin takes a breath but everything just feels like caving in at him and he’s suffocated. He feels half frustrated because he couldn’t notice his baby getting sick, he feels half scared that he fail at being a dad, and he’s panicking because he can’t get to his baby in time. After a few seconds and Sehun commands him to breathe slowly with him that and Jongin finally calms down and tells Sehun the reason why he calls.
“I’ll be there picking him up, can you call the day-care so they know that I will pick him up?” Jongin croaks out a yes. “Good, I’ll see you at your house that. Relax, Jongin, babies do get fever, it’s bound to happen. Everything will be fine.” After saying his goodbye, Sehun cuts the call and Jongin finally can breathe easier.
How he wishes Sehun will be there on every step of raising Taeoh in the future, Jongin really can’t do it alone. But, it feels like it’s unfair, for Sehun mostly. Why should he stay with Jongin and Taeoh when he can get another single guy, dating, get married and then adopt their own chosen child?
Jongin sighs as he moves the car forward for a few meters. He can’t think of that right now, the only think he should be thinking about is how to get back home quickly.
And safely.
**
After an hour and a half getting stuck in the traffic and going with a snail pace, Jongin finally made it home. Sehun texted him a few hours before that he already took care of Taeoh and told him to not be reckless and just drive safely and follows the rules. Well, Sehun knows him too well. He almost crosses the red light or just abandons his car and run to his apartment.
The house is calm, there is no sound of Taeoh crying, which can be a good sign. Jongin toes his shoes on the front door and puts it aside before making his way to the living room, only to find it empty. He looks at the kitchen, and it is also empty. Jongin decides to check his bedroom after getting a bottle of water, and that’s where he finds Sehun laying down next to Taeoh, calm and peaceful in their slumber. There’s a cloth that Jongin guessed as a wet warm cloth over his baby’s forehead.
Jongin moves slowly to the bed, trying not to make a sound. Putting the warm-water filled basin away at the food of the bed, he makes himself comfortable as he lays beside Taeoh, body facing him.
He finally can relax after seeing his baby boy is getting the treatment he should have and will be fine, so he closes his eyes and succumbs to sleep. Hoping he will meet Taeoh and Sehun in his dream.
**
Jongin wakes up to an opened curtain the warm evening lights streaming from the window and a blanket covering him. Jongin raises his hand to look at the watch and he finds that it’s already five o’clock. He must be really tired after going through the traffic, he guesses. He looks at his side to notice that Sehun and Taeoh aren’t there, but there are sounds coming from outside so they must be up and doing something.
Throwing the blanket asides, Jongin strides to the bathroom to change his work clothes to a more comfortable one. He just steps out from the bathroom when Sehun appears behind the door, looking excited as ever. Well, Jongin heard Sehun shrieked when he was brushing his teeth just then.
“Jongin! You are not going to believe this” Sehun says, eyes wide in fascination.
“What?”
“Taeoh says his first word! And guess what, his first word is: Hun!”
**
When Jongin and Sehun are back to the kitchen, Taeoh is there sitting on his high chair while looking around for his companion before. He doesn’t look sick, but Jongin can see clearly that he’s not completely healthy either; at least he’s getting better. His eyes widens when he spots them, “Hun Ppa!” he shouts before breaking in laughter.
Sehun laughs alongside him and walks closer to him, patting him softly on the head. “Hun Ppa is here, Taeoh.”
Jongin stands in front of the doorway, only starring as the scene unfolds before him. One thing comes to his mind….
He’s jealous, of course. He’s madly jealous.
He’s been teaching and guiding Taeoh to say his name but to no avail, and Taeoh’s first word turned out to be Hun Ppa, which according to Jongin’s own baby language dictionary in his mind, translates to “Sehun Appa”. Jongin feels a light painful pang inside his chest.
But he can’t deny it, Sehun might had been there on Taeoh’s most improving days, even if he only met Taeoh two days ago. He takes care of Taeoh better than Jongin ever did. Maybe he spends a lot of time with Taeoh while Jongin is asleep, teaching him with more effective ways than Jongin has done.
It’s not because his own son resents him, Jongin is sure.
……...Right?
“Jongin?”
Jongin shakes his head, trying to clear any negative thoughts before responding to Sehun’s call, “Yes?”
“You okay? You were silent the whole time.” Sehun asks curiously, eyes studying Jongin. It is after a few seconds that he realizes something, “You were thinking that Taeoh doesn’t like you because his first word is my name, aren’t you?” He asks accusingly.
With the lack of answer from Jongin, Sehun assumes it as a yes, having known his best friends for years already. “I knew it. Jongin, you’re the best father he could ever get. He’s just saying what is easier to him. And I bet ‘Hun’ is easier for him than ‘Jong’. He’ll say your name in a day or two. Give him a time”
Getting his inner mind discovered by Sehun, Jongin doesn’t say anything to deny what Sehun said. He knows it’s the truth anyway, and what Sehun said makes his head a lot clearer. As a response, he only nods as he makes his way to sit beside Taeoh. The said baby smiles when his appa sits beside him.
“Jongin? I’m gonna make dinner. Stay here and play with him, okay?” Sehun says as he waltzes around the kitchen. There’s a spring in his step, a sign that he is definitely on his good mood. Jongin wonders why, is it because of the recent event? Taeoh is calling him Appa?
Jongin suddenly realizes something.
“Sehun?” Jongin calls, which Sehun stops in cutting the carrots and looks around at him. “Yeah?”
“You, you don’t mind with Taeoh calling you appa?”
Sehun seems a bit shocked at the question, having realized the intensity of Taeoh calling him ‘appa’ just now. Taeoh might say it out of the blue and just because it is easier. But if it’s about what is easier, then Taeoh could just said ‘Hun’. But instead, he said ‘Hun ppa’, which means he has the image of Sehun being his other appa inside his head. For Taeoh, it’s an improvement. But, for the two grown adults, what Taeoh thinks can be something more means more. And, making them questioning about where they stand.
Sehun stays silent for a little while, lost in his thought. Truthfully, whether he answers the question now, tomorrow, next year, there is only one answer for that. He’s been harboring feelings for Jongin since God knows when, and he’s already attached to Taeoh, treating the baby as if he is his all this time. And that’s why he’s really on a good mood after hearing Taeoh’s first word.
But he might have a feeling for Jongin, and Taeoh sees him as his other appa, but what matters the most would be how Jongin feels about all of these. Sehun’s mind travels to the past two days, ever since he met Taeoh for the first time, the heart-to-heart talk at that night, and Myeongdong. He can’t lie that he loves all the attention given to them and Taeoh. He loved how the passerby referred them as a couple, as Taeoh’s parents, referred Taeoh as theirs. He loved how the middle aged woman told him what to do with Taeoh’s habit of picking his food. That was why he played along; acting like he was really Taeoh’s other parents.
Seeing Jongin’s close to none reaction, could he assume it as something positive? A green light?
Sehun decides that it is now, or never. He just hopes he won’t regret it later. “I don’t mind at all.” is all he says before going back to his cooking.
**
Dinner passes by in silence, only exchanging words when they need help to pass over the side dishes or taking turns in feeding Taeoh. Jongin distracts his attention to Taeoh, watching him eating and keeps talking to him about everything. He will take a glance once or twice to Sehun, only to find the younger not eating, picking around his food his chopstick or just looking at Taeoh babbling his response to Jongin’s talks.
They move to the couch after dinner, dishes washed and put away. Jongin put in the dvd on the player, deciding on Inside Out because it is what Taeoh picked when he laid out all of the dvds they have. Jongin lies on one side of the couch, and Taeoh is on floor, laying in his belly on top of his pillow with Sehun guarding him on his side.
Halfway through the movie Taeoh fell asleep, no surprises there. Even if they both know Taeoh is asleep and they can stop watching but both Jongin and Sehun don’t say anything about it, prolonging the time to avoid talking to each other.
Joy and sadness are finally back to headquarters and taking care of things when Jongin finally breaks the silence between them, “I browsed about adoption last night.”
Sehun nods, acknowledging. “And? Is everything alright?”
“Yes, I fit all of the requirements. I have fixed jobs and all, my family history is good. I think it’s easy to convince them. But I’m afraid..”
“Why is that?”
Jongin runs his fingers through his hair. “I’m afraid I will lose to the married couples. Almost all of the foster home are prioritizing a couple who wants to adopt first. They allow single parent, but they don’t prioritize. Another reason why I don’t want him to be placed in a foster home while adoption process is ongoing because... Taeoh is….” Jongin sighs, “Well, there is no guarantee that he will be chosen by one right away once he’s at there, but if he is…. I don’t know, I just can’t picture myself without him anymore.”
“Why don’t you search for someone then, a girlfriend or a boyfriend?”
After Sehun’s question, they fell into silence again. Jongin feels like he’s back to his conversation with his mother two days before, but the difference of the situation is now, the person he has in mind for a boyfriend is sitting in front of him. Only their breathings are heard in the room and the movie credits starts rolling in. Jongin looks at the clock on top of the TV table, it’s nearing half past ten, Sehun will have to go back to his home and Jongin won’t have another chance.
Jongin rises up from his seat and moves to sit beside Sehun. Sehun stiffens when he feels Jongin’s presence close to him, too close for comfort. Their conversation in the kitchen is still ringing inside his head. Jongin doesn’t say anything for a while, only starring ahead.
“I have someone I’ve been having a crush on, for 5 years right now. He’s one of my close friends” Jongin starts. Sehun can feel his heart breaks at the sentences, and he feels choked up but he tries to keep his cool, he can’t cry in front of Jongin, because if he does, Jongin will ask why and everything will be reveal. He isn’t ready to lose his friendship just because he confesses and Jongin doesn’t feel the same way. “I can’t even ask him out when Taeoh wasn’t there, and I.. can’t ask him right now because I’m not confident. I have Taeoh now, not everyone wants to starts a relationship with someone with a kid..”
“It’s not like I resent Taeoh, not at all. He’s the best thing that ever happened to me alongside with this person. But, I just realize that it will be hard to search for another parent figure for Taeoh. I also think the person that I like also deserve better than stuck with me and forced being Taeoh’s parents..”
“Why don’t you try it first? You don’t know if you don’t try” Sehun is grateful his voice doesn’t come out hoarse, or Jongin will notice something is wrong.
“Probably…” Jongin nods, playing with his fingers, nervous. “Imagine you’re in this person’s shoes, I’m asking you out but I’m a single father. What will you say?”
"I will besurprised of course, because it is too sudden. But, with a baby as cute as Taeoh, I think I would try. Everyone is different, but you have to be brave and ask, so you know and won’t regret anything later.”
What Jongin asks him after that is something he never thought he would hear in the conversation, “So, would you be there, with me, at the police station, at the foster home, as my boyfriend, as Taeoh’s other parents?”
“Jongin, don’t joke around about this okay. Ask it to the person, not to me.” Sehun tries to laugh, to ease the growing tension inside the room and to calm himself when his heart is beating faster right now. His mind going haywire at Jongin’s question but he still can’t believe it. Part of him feels like he wants to explode in joy and happiness, but the other side of him prevents him to prepare himself for heartbreak if Jongin turns out be lying.
Jongin shakes his head, “You’re that person, Sehun. Why would I ask anyone else?” Jongin says again, now facing Sehun. His face is hopeful, and Sehun finally realizes that he’s not playing around. Jongin is serious.
Jongin takes another deep breath before he asks again, “Would you like to try?
**
[EPILOGUE]
Jongin raises himself from the sofa in the living room; the TV is still blaring infinity challenge’s newest episode. After moving around a bit to shake the stiffness away, Jongin makes his way to the kitchen, trudging the shelves to search for a pack of instant hot chocolate he is sure he hide a few days before from prying hands. He is a child like that. The house is empty aside from him, so there will be no one asking for the last pack of instant hot chocolate in his hands.
He brings his steaming cup to the small table near the window. The remnants of yesterday’s light snow are sticked to the window but still leave a space for him to see what’s going on outside. The street is busy, people are either going out to grab something or only to wander around waiting for the next snow. The colorful street lights give a characteristic glow that one only can get at the end of the year.
He sighs as he wraps his hand around the cup, It’s been a year, he thinks.
His train of thoughts is interrupted by a tell-tale sound of the security password being put in correctly and the door opens. Jongin makes no move from his seat, knowing well whose coming.
Knowing well who’s coming home.
“Appa!” the sound registers before Jongin can feel a presence beside him, hugging his legs thightly. He looks down to see Taeoh, all bundled up in the thick layers of winter jacket and the hem of his sweater peeking out from behind. Definitely the work of his mom. His face is red because of the cold air but he doesn’t look cold. “How’s the trip to the supermarket, honey? Did you buy hot chocolate?”
“Yes! And then we went to…” Taeoh keeps reciting all the things they did on their short trip as Jongin makes his way to the kitchen with Taeoh in his arms, nodding and giving response when needed. In the kitchen, he found his another reason to come home every day, his another reason to wake up every morning, his another reason to work so hard for.
Jongin leans his body on the door frame, watching the other waltzing around the kitchen to store the things bought from the short trip to the supermarket after dinner because they ran out of Taeoh’s milk. Jongin had offered himself to go, but the latter wanted to go instead because of he has something to buy too. Taeoh, bored being home all day, insisted that he wanted to come along.
“You don’t have to dress him this thick, you know. Don’t you think it’s a bit too much?” Jongin puts Taeoh down on his high chair, zipping down the outer jackets until he is left with sweater and a light jacket on the outside. “Is it cold, Taeoh-ya?” Jongin asks, which the baby replies with a shake of his head before going back to play with his plush toys.
The other person in the kitchen snorts before facing Jongin, “I just don’t want my baby freezes. Is that too much to ask?”
Jongin grins, before reaching up for the latter to engulf him in a hug and peck the other lightly on the lips. It makes pink tints creeping onto the latter’s face, which is on the top 5 of Jongin’s favorite thing in the whole world. “Yeah, yeah, yeah, anything you want, Hun. You’re the mom anyway” The sentence makes a light slap end up on Jongin’s arms, before they are both erupts in laughter.
Sehun, it’s been a year since Jongin asked him if he’s willing to try with him. And it’s also been a year since Sehun started to prove his words. This past year has been nothing but a roller coaster right for Jongin. From Taeoh’s adoption process that had a bit of problem when a couple suddenly wanted to adopt Taeoh too, to Taeoh finally calling him Jong-Ppa two days after Hun-ppa, to Taeoh’s first birthday party, to Taeoh’s first snow, Taeoh’s first spring picnic, Taeoh’s first trip to the beach, Taeoh’s first fall on the park the other day. Jongin and Sehun can’t wait for his another first.
It’s also a lot of firsts for both of them; first kiss, first date, first intertwined hands, first birthday spent together, first make out, and to first make love.
Speaking of making love….
“By the way, how about tonight we… It’s been a while.” Sehun can feel Jongin’s hand trailing on his backside, igniting fires on every touch. He shudders at the hidden meaning.
“Hun ppa! Sleepy….” Taeoh suddenly calls, and when they both look at him, he’s yawning and his eyes are droopy. Sehun peels himself away from Jongin’s arms to tend Taeoh, not responding Jongin’s suggestion and bringing Taeoh to the previously guest room turned nursery next to the main room. Jongin follows behind; watching Sehun changes Taeoh into his pajamas and brings him to the washroom to brush his teeth.
“Taeoh-ya, do you want to brush daddy’s teeth?” An idea forms inside Sehun’s mind when he catches Jongin’s eyes through the bathroom’s mirror. The baby’s ears perk up at the idea and immediately nod his head in excitement.
Jongin on the other hand, seems dazed with the request and only obeying when Sehun asks him to get closer. Sehun gives Taeoh the toothbrush and put the toothpaste over it before beckoning Jongin to open his mouth and guide Taeoh’s hand around. Jongin doesn’t know if it’s unintentional, pure Taeoh’s uncoordinated hands or Sehun intentionally guides Taeoh’s hand a bit too strong, making the toothbrush to bump onto gums and cheek.
After a minute or two of more like attacking his mouth cavity instead of really brushing his teeth, Sehun deems that they are done and tell Jongin to brush his teeth for real right now while he’s putting Taeoh to sleep. Sehun leaves without looking back at him and Jongin is left clueless. What was that all about? Did he do something wrong?
Jongin is done with his given task in no time, washing the brush and rinsing his mouth before he gets outside to search for Sehun. He finds S in the nursery, carefully putting a blanket on Taeoh’ body. Jongin creeps from behind and puts his hand on both of Sehun’s sides, trapping him. He leans down and whispers to his ears, “What was that all about?”
Sehun turns around, making them standing face-to-face. Body almost pressed together and lips only hovering a few centimetres from each other, “I don’t want to kiss someone whose breath stinks”
That’s the only answers Jongin needs before he drags Sehun down the hall to the main bathroom.
Later that night, they lay side by side in silence and Jongin’s arms wraps around Sehun’s waist, keeping him close. They already done with their thing since one hour ago but it looks like sleep hasn’t come to both of them.
“Sehun. Thank you.”
“You said that every day. What’s the reason this time?” Sehun yawns, his eyes started to get heavy.
“Just.. for being with me?”
“You said that two days ago and three weeks ago. Be more creative.”
“I’ll tell you that anytime I want.” Jongin says, “and I love you?”
Sehun only hums as an answer, brain too tired and sleepy to think of another answer. He tightens his hold on Jongin’s hand instead, hoping to get the message across, I love you too.
A/N (2) : Don't forget to leave comments~ Let me know what you think and help me improve~