DAMMIT!!!!!
Alright I'm gonna break it off with Chad on Tuesday simply because that is when I will actually have time to do it. I gave it time to see if it was just because I was really annoyed with things last week and if that was the problem. But I have come to find that it's just not gonna work, he's not really my type, although damn he has a nice body and it's so comfy just to lay my head on his shoulder. But it's not fair to me or him to just keep carrying on if there is no chance of a long term thing happenin'. I've also been thinking a lot about SFA lately and returning there. Mary don't say anything to anyone 'cause at this time I really don't know. But I do know that I loved it there and I really miss Mary n' Erin and my psych. hottie, damn he's a cutie. I dunno it would just be such a pain, but I would already have roommates there that I know I like and could live with as long as we all had our own rooms. The only problem would be finding a place that allowed pets cause Gidget would definitely live with me and if she couldn't then I wouldn't go back there. The other day I saw someone with a Purple Haze shirt in the student union here at Tech. It was weird but it made me sad too cause I missed SFA, and I still do miss it. The reason I came to Tech was to be closer to friends in El Paso. But the only friend that is there that I really care about is Rachael and David is in San Antonio during the year. It's not like I couldn't fly down in the summer or something to visit them. Damn I dunno what to do. All I know is that I have through next spring to make a decision. But I should probably figure it out sooner so I can apply and get all that annoying transcript nonsense done although since I've already been there it won't be too hard cause they have all my info. Oh well I got time and at least I getta see Erin this weekend too bad not Mary too. But they plan to fly in sometime to visit cause it's a cheap flight so that'll be fun. I guess a big reason why I transferred to Tech was because I was afraid of letting go of my life in El Paso, and to just stretch and grow up and move on. I didn't really think that I could move on and still keep my friends from back home that really matter to me. But now I know I can and it still scares me because it's a big step if I move back to SFA, but I love it over there. And I know I don't wanna live here or in El Paso for the rest of my life so what would happen when I graduate? I guess I'm just trying to put if off as long as I can and I'm willing to sacrifice my true happiness for it too. I am happy here, but I'm also happy at SFA, I just don't know where I really belong. It just makes me wanna say "There's no place like home," 3 times and then wherever I end up is where I belong. If only it were that simple. ALthough I know that if I were never to have transferred here I would have always wondered what if? But now I know and now I'm confused. But I'm sure that in due time God will give me a sign letting me know where my real home is. It seems as though the song I'm listening too seems very appropriate for the topic.