(no subject)
Oh dear, I cannot apologize enough for the 30 weeks since I've updated. I really am sorry, guys. It's not like I've been sitting at home doing nothing during all that time. I'll see what I can remember, but I can't promise it'll be much. :(
30 weeks? Hm, where does that leave me? ..May? June? Something like that.
June was a pretty nerve-racking month. I had no idea whether or not I'd pass 9th grade, lol, mostly because I missed a ton of days due to my anxiety disorder and me not being able to cope with it. Thank god my reputation was that of a bright student because they passed me likely for that reason alone. I have yet to see what my final report card says. I was happy, and grateful. To help with me with grade 10 math, my mom got me a correspondence math course for the summer, and I happily said I do it thinking it's a fair trade off.
In July I started it, but..that's about it. I am impossible to motivate, and am therefore very lazy at times. I knew at the time it was selfish of me, not to mention stupid. I had an opportunity to help get back on track for high school, but I didn't do anything about it.
I had therapy for my anxiety as well, which was the other aspect of getting back on track. That was going along fine. I had(and still do have) medication, and little things I did even as simple as walking the dog were considered big steps to coping with the anxiety. I think I was doing fine on that part.
August..um...well, I think I did just sit around during then. lol.
September...high school started. Worst morning of my life. Basically, I was scared because I was scared. It meant that I wasn't ready for high school mentally, and it really was frustrating and disappointing.
The afternoon was a lot better since it turned out I had a friend or two in all my classes. :) I think the school went out of their way to do that for me. I'm grateful for that and what they were doing for me recently. I walked home feeling optimistic about tomorrow..still anxious about how the morning went, but I thought it wouldn't be like that as long as I kept at it.
Easier said than done, of course. The next morning I was panicking and couldn't bear to go. It really felt like I was letting everyone in my life down. Well, um, everyone that wished we well. I had no clue as to what to do. I couldn't cope with the anxiety so going to school would be impossible, or unbearable. But I knew I needed the education, too...
My next hour at the psychiatrist yielded a possible solution, just one that didn't have a good track record with me. Correspondence. Throw in a tutor to give me some pressure to do work and viola! The real (short-term) solution. Only I wouldn't start it until October. I feel like I'm writing a story or something. I'm not trying to make this suspenseful with cliffhangers, this is just really how it all went down. :(
Anyway, September ended on two happy notes. :) My oldest brother got married! On Sept. 29th in Canso, NS.
It was my first wedding, and um..I really hope the last one for a while. many hours around people who were about 97% strangers..ugh.
I was also a groomsman, which meant I kind of started the wedding by being the first person to walk out of the priests room. I also led one of my sister-in-law's sisters up the aisle and to her seat. I really wasn't anxious about that... I like to think that my pride and happiness took over. :) Also helped that the photographer fell over..it was awesome :D
The other great part about the end of September was my second oldest brother coming home from China. It had only been a few months since I had seen him, but I don't know. I have a lot in common with him and we do a lot together. I really missed him. The only bad part was he left his DS in China with his girlfriend so I couldn't battle pokaymanz with him. :( But we played tennis and hockey and video games just like before so it was good. He left in early October, but he gave me my birthday present. Seasons 1 and 2 of The Office, Season 3 of House, and Seasons 1, 2, 3 of 24. Awesome. :)
So after that I started correspondence again. Well, the first day I just met the tutor. She's really, really nice and Gracie absolutely adores her. Luckily the tutor likes her just as much 'cause Gracie really is rather annoying when we're working. You know, biting at ankles and poking people with her snout.
Anyway, the worst part about correspondence would probably be the delay in when I get assignments from the high school. So it meant I always had worked piled up for me...not to mention I still haven't received any work from one teacher...
I was doing fine, though. :)
November was a whole lot of nothing. I think. I really should remember, but..uh..nope.
Okay, so December. The psychiatrist informs me that correspondence (which by December had run it's tenure, and as of now I don't know if it has been reinstated) is a short-term option, and that I need to choose from dropping out, going to school, or being homeschooled. Dropping out = no future lawl; homeschool = comfortable, but my anxiety may not get better very quickly; high school = lots of anxiety so I'd have to go through programs to help learn coping techniques which is a big help for later on.
I know I have to go to high school, but...I'm really scared of it.
Anyway, despite that I think my mom is the anxious one around the house right now. :) She drove herself crazy over finding something to send to Adam and his girlfriend, and the tons of wrapping and shopping and baking. I'm trying to help her out as much as I can, although I think she would have enlisted my help anyway. I can bake well enough, I don't drive her crazy, and apparently she trusts my fashion opinion out of me, my brother and my dad. Ehhhh. =/
Right this very weekend however, my parents are in Bangor, Maine and my brother has been working most of the day so it's just me and Gracie. I'm very happy and relaxed right now. :)
And that does it for the update. Again, I'm sorry I haven't done any of this earlier.
30 weeks? Hm, where does that leave me? ..May? June? Something like that.
June was a pretty nerve-racking month. I had no idea whether or not I'd pass 9th grade, lol, mostly because I missed a ton of days due to my anxiety disorder and me not being able to cope with it. Thank god my reputation was that of a bright student because they passed me likely for that reason alone. I have yet to see what my final report card says. I was happy, and grateful. To help with me with grade 10 math, my mom got me a correspondence math course for the summer, and I happily said I do it thinking it's a fair trade off.
In July I started it, but..that's about it. I am impossible to motivate, and am therefore very lazy at times. I knew at the time it was selfish of me, not to mention stupid. I had an opportunity to help get back on track for high school, but I didn't do anything about it.
I had therapy for my anxiety as well, which was the other aspect of getting back on track. That was going along fine. I had(and still do have) medication, and little things I did even as simple as walking the dog were considered big steps to coping with the anxiety. I think I was doing fine on that part.
August..um...well, I think I did just sit around during then. lol.
September...high school started. Worst morning of my life. Basically, I was scared because I was scared. It meant that I wasn't ready for high school mentally, and it really was frustrating and disappointing.
The afternoon was a lot better since it turned out I had a friend or two in all my classes. :) I think the school went out of their way to do that for me. I'm grateful for that and what they were doing for me recently. I walked home feeling optimistic about tomorrow..still anxious about how the morning went, but I thought it wouldn't be like that as long as I kept at it.
Easier said than done, of course. The next morning I was panicking and couldn't bear to go. It really felt like I was letting everyone in my life down. Well, um, everyone that wished we well. I had no clue as to what to do. I couldn't cope with the anxiety so going to school would be impossible, or unbearable. But I knew I needed the education, too...
My next hour at the psychiatrist yielded a possible solution, just one that didn't have a good track record with me. Correspondence. Throw in a tutor to give me some pressure to do work and viola! The real (short-term) solution. Only I wouldn't start it until October. I feel like I'm writing a story or something. I'm not trying to make this suspenseful with cliffhangers, this is just really how it all went down. :(
Anyway, September ended on two happy notes. :) My oldest brother got married! On Sept. 29th in Canso, NS.
It was my first wedding, and um..I really hope the last one for a while. many hours around people who were about 97% strangers..ugh.
I was also a groomsman, which meant I kind of started the wedding by being the first person to walk out of the priests room. I also led one of my sister-in-law's sisters up the aisle and to her seat. I really wasn't anxious about that... I like to think that my pride and happiness took over. :) Also helped that the photographer fell over..it was awesome :D
The other great part about the end of September was my second oldest brother coming home from China. It had only been a few months since I had seen him, but I don't know. I have a lot in common with him and we do a lot together. I really missed him. The only bad part was he left his DS in China with his girlfriend so I couldn't battle pokaymanz with him. :( But we played tennis and hockey and video games just like before so it was good. He left in early October, but he gave me my birthday present. Seasons 1 and 2 of The Office, Season 3 of House, and Seasons 1, 2, 3 of 24. Awesome. :)
So after that I started correspondence again. Well, the first day I just met the tutor. She's really, really nice and Gracie absolutely adores her. Luckily the tutor likes her just as much 'cause Gracie really is rather annoying when we're working. You know, biting at ankles and poking people with her snout.
Anyway, the worst part about correspondence would probably be the delay in when I get assignments from the high school. So it meant I always had worked piled up for me...not to mention I still haven't received any work from one teacher...
I was doing fine, though. :)
November was a whole lot of nothing. I think. I really should remember, but..uh..nope.
Okay, so December. The psychiatrist informs me that correspondence (which by December had run it's tenure, and as of now I don't know if it has been reinstated) is a short-term option, and that I need to choose from dropping out, going to school, or being homeschooled. Dropping out = no future lawl; homeschool = comfortable, but my anxiety may not get better very quickly; high school = lots of anxiety so I'd have to go through programs to help learn coping techniques which is a big help for later on.
I know I have to go to high school, but...I'm really scared of it.
Anyway, despite that I think my mom is the anxious one around the house right now. :) She drove herself crazy over finding something to send to Adam and his girlfriend, and the tons of wrapping and shopping and baking. I'm trying to help her out as much as I can, although I think she would have enlisted my help anyway. I can bake well enough, I don't drive her crazy, and apparently she trusts my fashion opinion out of me, my brother and my dad. Ehhhh. =/
Right this very weekend however, my parents are in Bangor, Maine and my brother has been working most of the day so it's just me and Gracie. I'm very happy and relaxed right now. :)
And that does it for the update. Again, I'm sorry I haven't done any of this earlier.