"srsly."
Tonight I am sad. A friend that has become very dear to me over the past six months walked out of my immediate life tonight. My friend Ryan moved to Bangkok today. And during the debacle otherwise known as helping him pack, I selfishly and conceitedly realized why I had come to love him so much: he is the boy-verison of me! But only if I were a 100 times more endearing, a 1000 times more loving, 10,000 times more genuine, and about a million times better at being a good person. Oh yah, and a boy.
I think there's an 85% chance that I will never see him again. Not to sound morbid, but it's only because he's awesome. After Bangkok (where he's teaching english for 1 year +), he wants to do his master's in Berlin. Then med school somewhere, while I'm...who knows where I'll be or what I'll be doing. Given my recent motivation levels, things are looking a bit grey (green day reference, duh!). I saw him off, came home and smoked some pot, and then sobbed into Amir's shoulder.
"Pavla! What's wrong with you!!?" Amir exclaimed as I soaked his shirt. I don't even know why I'm being so emotional. Maybe it's because I only met Ryan this year, and unlike when parting ways with college friends, I don't have the confidence of a solid 4 years of friendship history that ease the fear of final goodbyes really being that final. Or maybe it's because he's exactly the type of friend I hoped to make when I moved to New York, and our time together feels short-lived and taken totally for granted on my side.
Whatever it was, I am sad because it's the end of familiarity. It's the end of sharing late night cabs home because we live 5 doors down from eachother, the end of burning frozen pizzas in the oven after aforementioned cab rides, the end of never getting mad at each other for being obnoxiously late to everything, the end of impromptu hangout sessions..it's the end of fond memories being made effortlessly.
Ryan is one of those people that I really hope to be good friends with for the rest of my life.
My heart cracked when we hugged goodbye.
the end.
--pavla--
I think there's an 85% chance that I will never see him again. Not to sound morbid, but it's only because he's awesome. After Bangkok (where he's teaching english for 1 year +), he wants to do his master's in Berlin. Then med school somewhere, while I'm...who knows where I'll be or what I'll be doing. Given my recent motivation levels, things are looking a bit grey (green day reference, duh!). I saw him off, came home and smoked some pot, and then sobbed into Amir's shoulder.
"Pavla! What's wrong with you!!?" Amir exclaimed as I soaked his shirt. I don't even know why I'm being so emotional. Maybe it's because I only met Ryan this year, and unlike when parting ways with college friends, I don't have the confidence of a solid 4 years of friendship history that ease the fear of final goodbyes really being that final. Or maybe it's because he's exactly the type of friend I hoped to make when I moved to New York, and our time together feels short-lived and taken totally for granted on my side.
Whatever it was, I am sad because it's the end of familiarity. It's the end of sharing late night cabs home because we live 5 doors down from eachother, the end of burning frozen pizzas in the oven after aforementioned cab rides, the end of never getting mad at each other for being obnoxiously late to everything, the end of impromptu hangout sessions..it's the end of fond memories being made effortlessly.
Ryan is one of those people that I really hope to be good friends with for the rest of my life.
My heart cracked when we hugged goodbye.
the end.
--pavla--