Book review - Games People Play by Eric Berne
I read this for book club, which does at least make me read stuff I wouldn't read anyway. I can't wait to find out what everyone else there thinks of it.
Apparently this is a seminal volume of transactional psychiatry, first published by a psychiatrist in 1964, and the central thesis is that people are always pretty bored (well, 'need to structure time') and do it in a number of unhelpful and stereotyped ways, often getting their kicks from causing drama or tension. These are called games, but playing board, computer, card and field games are still OK.
Parts of this are really unpleasant. Actually, most of it is unpleasant and some bits are awful. I don't think Eric Berne liked women very much, his example women are always spending their husbands' money and lying about it, or encouraging rape or something. He definitely thought BDSM was a harmful pathology, and probably homosexuality too. The only defence, which he articulates only once or twice, is that as a psychiatrist he mostly sees people who do have some kind of psychological problem - possibly he thinks you can be a cheerful and well-balanced homosexual but still chose to call Homosexual a game because some gay people (especially in a society that was not tolerant of them) went to therapists exhibiting certain stereotyped and self-destructive behaviour patterns. Um. 1964.
A lot of these 'games' sound a lot like victim blaming (one of the first examples is a woman whose husband won't let her take dance classes, then he loosens up and she realises she doesn't want dancing classes and chose a domineering husband who would stop her doing what she wants to do so she can complain about it. I suppose that could happen, but people do get married for a lot of different reasons too). He claims some people prefer to keep themselves poor so they can complain about external factors, or get behind on the rent because they like to fight with their landlord (who enjoys fighting back) although to be fair he's pretty clear that this is *some* people, presumably those who have the money for a therapist.
I'm pretty sure all the so-called science is bullshit. And Eric Berne is quite effectively snarky, while at the same time dropping in enough sneers about people who aren't trained in psychiatry that it's not really that funny.
The real question for me is, is there any element of truth in any of it that applies to people who don't feel the need to see a therapist? Probably not anything that should ever be applied to other people. It will make me think about whether I am playing an unhealthy game, which perhaps sometimes I am (apparently game-free candour is the ideal state of any relationship). Sometimes it's a bit hard to distinguish 'game' from 'conversation' though, especially with games like 'Ain't it Awful' (which seems to involve sitting around complaining to pass the time) or various games where one person complains and the others propose solutions, which are rejected (I have played those, who hasn't).
Apparently this is a seminal volume of transactional psychiatry, first published by a psychiatrist in 1964, and the central thesis is that people are always pretty bored (well, 'need to structure time') and do it in a number of unhelpful and stereotyped ways, often getting their kicks from causing drama or tension. These are called games, but playing board, computer, card and field games are still OK.
Parts of this are really unpleasant. Actually, most of it is unpleasant and some bits are awful. I don't think Eric Berne liked women very much, his example women are always spending their husbands' money and lying about it, or encouraging rape or something. He definitely thought BDSM was a harmful pathology, and probably homosexuality too. The only defence, which he articulates only once or twice, is that as a psychiatrist he mostly sees people who do have some kind of psychological problem - possibly he thinks you can be a cheerful and well-balanced homosexual but still chose to call Homosexual a game because some gay people (especially in a society that was not tolerant of them) went to therapists exhibiting certain stereotyped and self-destructive behaviour patterns. Um. 1964.
A lot of these 'games' sound a lot like victim blaming (one of the first examples is a woman whose husband won't let her take dance classes, then he loosens up and she realises she doesn't want dancing classes and chose a domineering husband who would stop her doing what she wants to do so she can complain about it. I suppose that could happen, but people do get married for a lot of different reasons too). He claims some people prefer to keep themselves poor so they can complain about external factors, or get behind on the rent because they like to fight with their landlord (who enjoys fighting back) although to be fair he's pretty clear that this is *some* people, presumably those who have the money for a therapist.
I'm pretty sure all the so-called science is bullshit. And Eric Berne is quite effectively snarky, while at the same time dropping in enough sneers about people who aren't trained in psychiatry that it's not really that funny.
The real question for me is, is there any element of truth in any of it that applies to people who don't feel the need to see a therapist? Probably not anything that should ever be applied to other people. It will make me think about whether I am playing an unhealthy game, which perhaps sometimes I am (apparently game-free candour is the ideal state of any relationship). Sometimes it's a bit hard to distinguish 'game' from 'conversation' though, especially with games like 'Ain't it Awful' (which seems to involve sitting around complaining to pass the time) or various games where one person complains and the others propose solutions, which are rejected (I have played those, who hasn't).