i began
I began to write a year in review to post on Lj. I ended up writing too much...too many details, too sappy, too EVERYTHING. I've been on it for a few hours and im still not halfway done. Im a babbler.
So this is the alternative. My year in review:
2005 was the year I understood myself. It was the year I finally understood how I worked. The messed up thing about 2005 was that each and every lesson I learned about myself or other people were through "trial by fire" scenarios. At any given moment I felt as if I were a Marine recruit approaching graduation day...every task was intensified, every decision was crucial, every move, every choice, every thing....intensified. I never ever ever ever EVER EVER want to have to make those kinds of decisions in rapid succession ever again!! ONE YEAR. Wow! My whole entire fuckin year was a poker tournament. Now Im short stacked and battered as hell...but Ive got a new plan and a whole lotta play left in me...I've just got to be patient. I said it before and I shall say it again...2006 is MY year...my year to learn the value of patience. Thats it. M, you can have 2006. All I want from it is to help me out with PATIENCE....help me figure out and apply patience....i want to be patient. Of course, the irony is that I only fail if I dont have enough patience to figure it out what it means to be patient.
In 2005 I was impatient...in fact, not only was I impatient but I was also unpatient, dispatient, and for a moment, I was reverse-patient (whatever that means).
To be honest, I wasn't ready for 2005. I felt like I was being tested by the universe. What would you do if you found $1000? Would you steal if you knew for sure you wouldnt get caught? Would you lie if...? Would you cheat if...? Could you be graceful about this? How will you feel tomorrow? Will you be able to handle having...? Would you love her even if...? Could you leave her if...? Would you tell her if...? Should you tell them? Should you hide it? Should you stay up this late? Should you really buy that? Should you really say? Have you gone too far? Are you sure you wanna do this? ARE YOU SURE YOU WANNA DO THIS? <---- That is by far the most annoying question EVER!! I admit it...I was not ready for 2005. As much as it was so rockstar...I wasnt ready for it. I sure hope another "2005" will come in the near future. I will spend ALL of 2006 patiently preparing myself for the moment it returns. I will recover from the beatings and learn from the bruises--- i want a rematch.
i am fully aware of the objective, but more importantly, I am aware of the steps I need to take to reach that objective.
the people in my life are just amazing little mini-universes that constantly evolve...they constantly challenge me...they constantly teach me...i love laughing with them so much! The tattoo on my right shoulder has, for me, always represented the convergence of family and friends...I can honestly say that Ive never been prouder of this tattoo than right at this very moment. I finally understand the tattoo I got years ago.
2006.
Patience.
CAINER: How many New Years have you celebrated? How many resolutions have you made? How often have you promised yourself that 'from now on it will all be different'? Apply cynicism to the past if you must, but don't connect it with the future. 2006 really is going to be different. Indeed, you'd better be very careful about what you wish for because there's a surprisingly good chance you may end up getting it. Prepare soon, to be very engaged and involved in a process that brings you great satisfaction and benefits many other people, too.