I'm a liar
I wrote that title because I am a liar. I had written way way back that I would make a post updating everything about me and I did not do that, thus that makes me a liar. I'm sorry, to anybody who was expecting something. I'm only writing a quick post here now because I need to write things down to sort out my thoughts. (Livejournal sure has updated a bit wow, I hope this isn't posting to a community or something)
I've been feeling a lack of motivation lately because I've been wondering if the career choice that I took three years ago is the right one for me. Nearly halfway through my fourth year engineering. And I'm still unsure. Can you believe that? Well, maybe you can. I was talking to a friend earlier about how it's crazy how teenagers on the verge of adulthood, graduating their high school soon, are expected to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. Me? I don't have that kind of thing. It's really kind of disappointing. There are those who say: "I want to be a singer", truly mean it, and then work their butts off getting to that point to achieve their dream. Would you say they were lucky to know that? I would. I'm a very easygoing type of person, as in that I'm average on all types of things and never really excellent at just one thing. The best thing I can say for myself is that I don't give up. What's the point of working all this three years and then suddenly say: hey, I'm not ding this anymore. Maybe that makes me a coward. This isn't the easy route for most people, but it's the easy route for me. It's the route that is expected of me. This is where I start doubting myself because - really, is this something I would like to do for the rest of my life?
The most important thing to me right now is to make my family happy. Actually, it's important to me that everyone I know is happy. What can I do to cheer them up? That's something I want to do. I guess my point is that I went to engineering to make others happy, and in turn, will make me happy too. I may not be passionate about engineering, but I can't say that I hate it. I really do like it. Sometimes it's just really hard to look at my fellow classmates and be discouraged that they're smarter than me (which is total bs because I know for a fact that they worked harder than me to get there). Long hours getting stuck on a problem is really irritating, but there is a certain satisfaction that I get when I do something right. It's not that I'm not smart. I AM smart. I think that I just never really believed in myself... so I think this is my turning point here. My problem is that I forget my latest determination and encouragement techniques and I return back to being depressed about silly things. Next time I get like that, I'll return to this post and remember some of the things of why the hell I am in engineering and what I'm working hard to do.
I want to graduate. I'm going to graduate. I want to make others happy. I will graduate.
One more thing before I go. I have to say that I am very, very lucky. I have a family that loves and supports me. In high school, I had good friends that are still very, very precious to me now. In university, I have met many good folks - classmates, TAs, profs, people who are already in the workforce - and who have given me nothing but plenty of encouragement and help. Lately, TAs and profs have been giving me plenty of chances to change and I would be a fool to not accept it. Better late than never.
Also, I know that technically nobody will help you get through your career, but I am so very blessed to have had the help I've received throughout my years in school. I'm not the best student, but I'm still hanging on. I'm also a huge crybaby (bc I'm tearing up right now) and the day I graduate will be a very emotional (probably) and exciting day. With their help, I'm feeling guilty that I'm not doing as well as I should but it's about time that I take this seriously and just stop everything else that I'm doing and work hard. It's not just the grades either. It would be a very big waste if I go through this year, pass, but not learn anything. So I think it's time for me to step up.
And start doing homework because I'm really behind already.
- Joy
PS. I normally try to be honest to myself, but I'm not very honest when it comes to interacting with people I'm not as close to. I mean, if you really get to know me, you'll find a more energetic, talkative personality that says whatever's on my mind at the time (really random things usually). If I don't know you as well though, I'm incredibly shy and I'm a bit sad at that since I have a harder time trying to get across what I really want to say. Somehow though, people don't mind me and I'm glad for that. I'm also really ridiculously sensitive to what other people think/compare myself to them, and as what somebody I had just met a month ago, who I can now mostly comfortably talk to, said: "As long as you get what you want, then don't compare yourself with anybody else. No one else matters except you."
PPS. I'm looking forward to a night of no sleep (maybe I'll sneak a few hours) to catch up on the work I should have done at a much, much earlier time.
I've been feeling a lack of motivation lately because I've been wondering if the career choice that I took three years ago is the right one for me. Nearly halfway through my fourth year engineering. And I'm still unsure. Can you believe that? Well, maybe you can. I was talking to a friend earlier about how it's crazy how teenagers on the verge of adulthood, graduating their high school soon, are expected to know what they want to do for the rest of their lives. Me? I don't have that kind of thing. It's really kind of disappointing. There are those who say: "I want to be a singer", truly mean it, and then work their butts off getting to that point to achieve their dream. Would you say they were lucky to know that? I would. I'm a very easygoing type of person, as in that I'm average on all types of things and never really excellent at just one thing. The best thing I can say for myself is that I don't give up. What's the point of working all this three years and then suddenly say: hey, I'm not ding this anymore. Maybe that makes me a coward. This isn't the easy route for most people, but it's the easy route for me. It's the route that is expected of me. This is where I start doubting myself because - really, is this something I would like to do for the rest of my life?
The most important thing to me right now is to make my family happy. Actually, it's important to me that everyone I know is happy. What can I do to cheer them up? That's something I want to do. I guess my point is that I went to engineering to make others happy, and in turn, will make me happy too. I may not be passionate about engineering, but I can't say that I hate it. I really do like it. Sometimes it's just really hard to look at my fellow classmates and be discouraged that they're smarter than me (which is total bs because I know for a fact that they worked harder than me to get there). Long hours getting stuck on a problem is really irritating, but there is a certain satisfaction that I get when I do something right. It's not that I'm not smart. I AM smart. I think that I just never really believed in myself... so I think this is my turning point here. My problem is that I forget my latest determination and encouragement techniques and I return back to being depressed about silly things. Next time I get like that, I'll return to this post and remember some of the things of why the hell I am in engineering and what I'm working hard to do.
I want to graduate. I'm going to graduate. I want to make others happy. I will graduate.
One more thing before I go. I have to say that I am very, very lucky. I have a family that loves and supports me. In high school, I had good friends that are still very, very precious to me now. In university, I have met many good folks - classmates, TAs, profs, people who are already in the workforce - and who have given me nothing but plenty of encouragement and help. Lately, TAs and profs have been giving me plenty of chances to change and I would be a fool to not accept it. Better late than never.
Also, I know that technically nobody will help you get through your career, but I am so very blessed to have had the help I've received throughout my years in school. I'm not the best student, but I'm still hanging on. I'm also a huge crybaby (bc I'm tearing up right now) and the day I graduate will be a very emotional (probably) and exciting day. With their help, I'm feeling guilty that I'm not doing as well as I should but it's about time that I take this seriously and just stop everything else that I'm doing and work hard. It's not just the grades either. It would be a very big waste if I go through this year, pass, but not learn anything. So I think it's time for me to step up.
And start doing homework because I'm really behind already.
- Joy
PS. I normally try to be honest to myself, but I'm not very honest when it comes to interacting with people I'm not as close to. I mean, if you really get to know me, you'll find a more energetic, talkative personality that says whatever's on my mind at the time (really random things usually). If I don't know you as well though, I'm incredibly shy and I'm a bit sad at that since I have a harder time trying to get across what I really want to say. Somehow though, people don't mind me and I'm glad for that. I'm also really ridiculously sensitive to what other people think/compare myself to them, and as what somebody I had just met a month ago, who I can now mostly comfortably talk to, said: "As long as you get what you want, then don't compare yourself with anybody else. No one else matters except you."
PPS. I'm looking forward to a night of no sleep (maybe I'll sneak a few hours) to catch up on the work I should have done at a much, much earlier time.