I think it may have to do with explicit vs. implicit meaning. "I am your friend in this new situation as well as in previous ones" is the sort of thing I would feel very comfortable saying.
But ritualistic conversation when I'm indifferent to the content but not to the broader social effects or the existence of rapport is taxing.
Here is another example. My normal M.O. in a conversational setting with more than, say, two people in it is to listen carefully two the other two people conversing and then interjecting when I feel like I have something to add and an effective way to present it.
This is an effective strategy when you expect yourself to be marginalized and need to punch through conversational pragmatics in order to get things done. But it's much harder to do this when others are being proactively inclusive of (even dependent on?) your opinion. Suddenly there is all this pressure to babble half-formed thoughts, conjecture....
One on one I solve this problem by simply not talking until I have my thoughts together. I find people accepting of pauses. It gets harder the more people are in a room though; suddenly stopping to think indicates that there is A Problem.
But ritualistic conversation when I'm indifferent to the content but not to the broader social effects or the existence of rapport is taxing.
Here is another example. My normal M.O. in a conversational setting with more than, say, two people in it is to listen carefully two the other two people conversing and then interjecting when I feel like I have something to add and an effective way to present it.
This is an effective strategy when you expect yourself to be marginalized and need to punch through conversational pragmatics in order to get things done. But it's much harder to do this when others are being proactively inclusive of (even dependent on?) your opinion. Suddenly there is all this pressure to babble half-formed thoughts, conjecture....
One on one I solve this problem by simply not talking until I have my thoughts together. I find people accepting of pauses. It gets harder the more people are in a room though; suddenly stopping to think indicates that there is A Problem.
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