Some thoughts
I have not been able to spend an evening alone for over a week. Before that, I was also surrounded by people much of the time. The only solitude has been in transit. I feel the psychic wear and tear of it: I've forgotten who I am, what I value, where I'm trying to go. There just isn't time to make and reaffirm these decisions, or do anything about them. It occurs to me that some people must spend their entire lives this way. I look forward to finding time to consolidate myself. There is so much that I want to write.
Relatedly, after the Christmas party, Abraham tried to relate something to me: "Do you ever feel like people are attracted to you for some way you are, and want you to act in a certain way around them because of it, but that they want it from you in a way that goes against the way of life that made you that way?" I was in complete agreement once I figured out what he was talking about.
In other news, the Bohunk Blues Band played for the first time last night. I discovered in the middle of a solo that it is possible to have the emotional release and sensation of weeping through the medium of a musical instrument. The solo went over very well. With any luck, Bohunk will play again.
Relatedly, after the Christmas party, Abraham tried to relate something to me: "Do you ever feel like people are attracted to you for some way you are, and want you to act in a certain way around them because of it, but that they want it from you in a way that goes against the way of life that made you that way?" I was in complete agreement once I figured out what he was talking about.
In other news, the Bohunk Blues Band played for the first time last night. I discovered in the middle of a solo that it is possible to have the emotional release and sensation of weeping through the medium of a musical instrument. The solo went over very well. With any luck, Bohunk will play again.