Meditations on motivation
Today, I woke up and proceeded to go on a computer game binge for 8 or so hours, during which time I forgot to eat.
I would feel like a total loser if last night hadn't been brilliantly social for just about as long (8 hours, I'm counting), with the potluck filling our place to capacity, followed by a long personal conversation with a valued but elusive friend, followed by ADPhi's party and after-party, all of it comfortable, all of it surrounded by friends. Interesting conversations, good humor, etc., etc. Life is good that way.
Then, since I woke up to about 6:30 or so today, my only transactions with the external world were via fingertips and retinas. Standing up at the end, my legs were weak from lack of use.
So now I'm thinking about my position (instead of getting work done or doing laundry or washing dishes, all of which would be wiser). Here is one set of questions: what is it, aesthetically, about this game which compelled me to play it for 8 hours without taking a break? The most obvious answer is that it's stimulating that neural reward pathway at regular intervals. Like a rat in a behaviorist's box, I'm going to keep pushing that lever to get those food pellets.
But what is it that this game is offering to me which is being interpreted, neurologically, as a reinforcing reward? That's a puzzle. It's not, on the first pass, a natural thing to be rewarded by. There are no physical needs which sitting there for 8 hours clicking away fulfills or even contributes toward. Quite the contrary, in fact.
Here's the next guess: it's the detection of advancement that reinforces the behavior. This seems to make sense, and is corroborated by the testimony of friends who have been MMORPG addicts, running days and days of their life away on the so-called "level treadmill." It's the will to power at work here, maybe (depending on your interpretation...)
But, maddeningly, that presupposes some sort of psychological recognition of what constitutes success, but doesn't answer why certain configurations of particular patterns of light and bits of computer memory should constitute success for me (for my subconscious reward mechanisms, say).
This is something that has always fascinated me to varying degrees of third-to-first-person-ness. I have a friend who, for a long time, had the vast majority of his emotional investment in World of Warcraft and the goings-on on Blizzard's servers. Ha ha, I would think, that's not the real world. That's not the world of real values and interests. But what was I comparing it to? I kind of feel the same way about people who care about baseball. That, I think, is just a game; their investments in that sphere of activity are the result of their buying into an arbitrary set of norms. The fact that people get worked up over and make personal sacrifices on behalf of baseball...it's naive, it's foolish. Same with art history, to some extent. Same with Pokemon and cigarettes and fashion sense, and monetary gain for its own sake.
These are my biases. But I am not, when reflective, under the illusion that I am much better. For a while I was and to some extent still am emotionally invested in the social world of LiveJournal philosophy communities. What the fuck? Does it get more esoteric? No offense to those of you who I met through these channels, but, I mean, shucks.
Which raises the question: what is worthwhile? All things that fall into the same psychological mold of motivation and passion are not, prereflectively, equal. Postreflectively, we could either dive into relativism--"It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do what you love..."--or nihilism--"Nothing is worthwhile; better to extinguish the Will"--or find some method of inquiry that distinguishes the worthy from the wastes.
For a long time I've felt that it's a better, nobler thing to be the creator of these spheres of value for others rather than to buy into one yourself. I'm not sure what motivates this, but it still carries a lot of weight for me. Epic Diplomacy, which continues to this day (with 22 out of 57 players) sprung out of this instinct.
But is that really any better? And what about academics? There it is again, the rewarding thrill of success, of advancement, reinforcing my study habits. Or my social life--the feelings of worthiness that come from others' respect. Or my attempts to become a better and better cook. Or this, or that, or the other....
I played the game for so long today because I was somehow convinced of its criteria of success. I theorize that this has to do largely with the compelling narrative it provides which, though fictional, does demand identification with the main character and adoption of those interests. There is a real internally felt appreciation of the fictional advances of this fictional persona. I would elaborate, but my wrists and eyes are firing nociceptive complaints at for in retaliation for my thoughtless abuse of them today.
My question is whether there is anything at all of value in this kind of activity (immersion into a fictional narrative for...aesthetic gain?) or whether I am in fact wasting my time. If the latter, then the appropriate steps to take would be ones that suppress the will. A course I'm shopping this semester may help with that.
I would feel like a total loser if last night hadn't been brilliantly social for just about as long (8 hours, I'm counting), with the potluck filling our place to capacity, followed by a long personal conversation with a valued but elusive friend, followed by ADPhi's party and after-party, all of it comfortable, all of it surrounded by friends. Interesting conversations, good humor, etc., etc. Life is good that way.
Then, since I woke up to about 6:30 or so today, my only transactions with the external world were via fingertips and retinas. Standing up at the end, my legs were weak from lack of use.
So now I'm thinking about my position (instead of getting work done or doing laundry or washing dishes, all of which would be wiser). Here is one set of questions: what is it, aesthetically, about this game which compelled me to play it for 8 hours without taking a break? The most obvious answer is that it's stimulating that neural reward pathway at regular intervals. Like a rat in a behaviorist's box, I'm going to keep pushing that lever to get those food pellets.
But what is it that this game is offering to me which is being interpreted, neurologically, as a reinforcing reward? That's a puzzle. It's not, on the first pass, a natural thing to be rewarded by. There are no physical needs which sitting there for 8 hours clicking away fulfills or even contributes toward. Quite the contrary, in fact.
Here's the next guess: it's the detection of advancement that reinforces the behavior. This seems to make sense, and is corroborated by the testimony of friends who have been MMORPG addicts, running days and days of their life away on the so-called "level treadmill." It's the will to power at work here, maybe (depending on your interpretation...)
But, maddeningly, that presupposes some sort of psychological recognition of what constitutes success, but doesn't answer why certain configurations of particular patterns of light and bits of computer memory should constitute success for me (for my subconscious reward mechanisms, say).
This is something that has always fascinated me to varying degrees of third-to-first-person-ness. I have a friend who, for a long time, had the vast majority of his emotional investment in World of Warcraft and the goings-on on Blizzard's servers. Ha ha, I would think, that's not the real world. That's not the world of real values and interests. But what was I comparing it to? I kind of feel the same way about people who care about baseball. That, I think, is just a game; their investments in that sphere of activity are the result of their buying into an arbitrary set of norms. The fact that people get worked up over and make personal sacrifices on behalf of baseball...it's naive, it's foolish. Same with art history, to some extent. Same with Pokemon and cigarettes and fashion sense, and monetary gain for its own sake.
These are my biases. But I am not, when reflective, under the illusion that I am much better. For a while I was and to some extent still am emotionally invested in the social world of LiveJournal philosophy communities. What the fuck? Does it get more esoteric? No offense to those of you who I met through these channels, but, I mean, shucks.
Which raises the question: what is worthwhile? All things that fall into the same psychological mold of motivation and passion are not, prereflectively, equal. Postreflectively, we could either dive into relativism--"It doesn't matter what you do, as long as you do what you love..."--or nihilism--"Nothing is worthwhile; better to extinguish the Will"--or find some method of inquiry that distinguishes the worthy from the wastes.
For a long time I've felt that it's a better, nobler thing to be the creator of these spheres of value for others rather than to buy into one yourself. I'm not sure what motivates this, but it still carries a lot of weight for me. Epic Diplomacy, which continues to this day (with 22 out of 57 players) sprung out of this instinct.
But is that really any better? And what about academics? There it is again, the rewarding thrill of success, of advancement, reinforcing my study habits. Or my social life--the feelings of worthiness that come from others' respect. Or my attempts to become a better and better cook. Or this, or that, or the other....
I played the game for so long today because I was somehow convinced of its criteria of success. I theorize that this has to do largely with the compelling narrative it provides which, though fictional, does demand identification with the main character and adoption of those interests. There is a real internally felt appreciation of the fictional advances of this fictional persona. I would elaborate, but my wrists and eyes are firing nociceptive complaints at for in retaliation for my thoughtless abuse of them today.
My question is whether there is anything at all of value in this kind of activity (immersion into a fictional narrative for...aesthetic gain?) or whether I am in fact wasting my time. If the latter, then the appropriate steps to take would be ones that suppress the will. A course I'm shopping this semester may help with that.