can't sleep
i'm exhausted. i didn't sleep on friday night as my mind was too active after choir practice (last before 9 lessons...big service). anne niblock was home from americas and doing my head in. last night was a bad's night sleep as zack came in at 1.30, then by 2am decided he wanted to get up and watch tele, which wasn't allowed. he got very upset and didn't settle until 3.40 this morning. tonight i am trying to unwind from the carol service. it went really well, but afterwards i've been feeling very weird. it was like a shell shock experience. i couldn't engage fully with reality, all i wanted to do was
1. get drunk...not possible due to new baby
2. cry
3. swear alot...miss swearing...not possible when working with people from the church or having zack with me
4. smoke...wouldn't do that as i would only feel sick, nevermind the pregnancy
feel normal again now, just feel bad as i didn't properly thank the choir or gillian my organist as i was still too shell shocked and my mind was just fucked.
oh yes...zack was a great angel this morning... so good, and the only toddler that was invited to be in play, even though aaron is only 3 weeks younger... zack is just such a cool dude i think people forget how young he is.
1. get drunk...not possible due to new baby
2. cry
3. swear alot...miss swearing...not possible when working with people from the church or having zack with me
4. smoke...wouldn't do that as i would only feel sick, nevermind the pregnancy
feel normal again now, just feel bad as i didn't properly thank the choir or gillian my organist as i was still too shell shocked and my mind was just fucked.
oh yes...zack was a great angel this morning... so good, and the only toddler that was invited to be in play, even though aaron is only 3 weeks younger... zack is just such a cool dude i think people forget how young he is.