Dear mom...
True that. She may be klutzy, sometimes ditzy, a bit slow at times, her jokes getting way too corny, and her attempt at trying to speak in straight english rather than in Tagalog and ends up mixing both, and when she repeats the things me and my sister says when it's in english that me and Bianca just look at each other in the eye, I still love my mom. All of those makes me laugh, and I feel so loved at the attention we both get. I'm still a rebellious, stubborn little kid, going against her wishes of me having a tattoo and getting my ears pierced a couple of times and even sometimes not following her orders, I wanna say sorry to that but she knows I'll just keep repeating it. Mom kinda accepted the fact that I'll always be this way, and I think she's embraced that side of me already. (Even if her attempts of persuading me not to get a tattoo about what if my husband gets sick and needs my blood and I can't donate cause of it, yeah. Oh mom.)
If she finds this, (most likely she won't but I can't tell her these things without bawling like a 5 year old) I wanna tell her this:
~*~
Mom, it's almost been 20 years since we met, I'm sorry I'm not like those daughters of your friends that are pretty and mature and everything. You know what? I try to be like them. That's the reason why I ask you to buy me high-heels, to buy me dresses, so I can be like them, at least on the outside. And each reunion, I dress differently because I want to seem like a mature college student I'm supposed to be, just like them. But you know for a fact that I'll never be one, because you know how different I am. The way I dress and the way I act not my age, I always think if you're disappointed that you give birth to me instead of getting an older daughter like them. I think of it every single day of my life. I'm insecure like that mom, cause I want you to show me and my sister off to all the titas and titos at dinner parties. I want that at the next saturday breakfast of yours, you're going to brag about how your daughter got into this company for internship and stuff. I'm just really sorry for letting you down, for not getting that internship right away, and for being a lazy ass daughter instead of doing things a lot with my life. If I could change things so that I could see you smile proudly, I would. I think of you and dad everyday, and I fear that I might end up as a bum one day. If that happens mom, I'm going to detach myself from you and dad. I'd rather let people know that I'm dead rather than letting them know that I'm still jobless and still living with you guys.
But thank you mom. I still don't know why He created me and why I'm alive when I'm just a parasite living in this society, but for whatever reason, I'm thankful he put me under your care. I can't think of things differently, or in any other way. It's completely unimaginable. I'll build that house for you and dad in Romblon once I'm capable enough, and I'll make sure it's a big, spacious house, just for you and dad. That's better than some shoes from Nine West, right? But I won't forget that. I promise. ♥
~*~