More thoughts to ponder
Thank you colonoscarpeay for sharing them with me.
1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?
2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?
3. Why can't women put their mascara on with their mouth closed?
4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?
5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?
6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a use by date?
9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think i'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
11. What do people in China call their good plates?
12. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.
14. What do you call male ballerinas?
15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?
16. If Wile E Coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn't he buy his dinner?
17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?
18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?
21. Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
22. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it gets mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
24. Why does the sun lighten our hair but darken our skin?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
27. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
28. Why is a boxing ring square?
29. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
30. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
31. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
32. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
33. Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
34. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
35. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
36. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
37. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
38. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
39. Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
40. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
41. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
42. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
43. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
44. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
45. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
46. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
47. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
48. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
49. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
50. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
51. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
52. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
53. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
54. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
55. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
56. Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
57. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
58. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'
59. Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
60. If a turtle looses his shell is he considered homeless?
61. If a pig looses his voice, is he considered disgruntled?
62. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?
1. Why does your gynecologist leave the room when you undress?
2. If a person owns a piece of land, do they own it all the way down to the center of the earth?
3. Why can't women put their mascara on with their mouth closed?
4. Why is it called alcoholics anonymous when the first thing you do is stand up and say "hi, my name's Bob. I'm an alcoholic"?
5. If you mated a Bulldog with a Shitsu would you get a Bullshit?
6. Why are they called stairs inside but steps outside?
7. Why is there a light in the fridge but not in the freezer?
8. Why does mineral water that has trickled through mountains for centuries have a use by date?
9. Why do toasters always have a setting on them which burns your toast to a horrible crisp no one would eat?
10. Who was the first person to look at a cow and say "I think i'll squeeze these dangly things here and drink what comes out"?
11. What do people in China call their good plates?
12. If the professor on Gilligan's Island can make a radio out of a coconut, why can't he fix a hole in a boat?
13. Why does Goofy stand on two legs when Pluto remains on four? They're both dogs.
14. What do you call male ballerinas?
15. Can blind people see their dreams and do they dream?
16. If Wile E Coyote has enough money to by all that Acme crap why doesn't he buy his dinner?
17. Why is a person who handles money called a broker?
18. If quizzes are quizzical, what are tests?
19. If corn oil is made from corn and vegetable oil is made from vegetables. What is baby oil made from?
21. Why is it that when someone tells you that there's billions of stars in the universe, you believe them. But if they tell you there's wet paint somewhere you have to touch it?
22. Why do you call it an asteroid when its outside the hemisphere, yet call it hemorrhoid when its in your ass?
23. Did you ever notice that if you blow in a dogs face it gets mad, yet when you take him on a car ride he sticks his head straight out the window?
24. Why does the sun lighten our hair but darken our skin?
25. Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
26. Why don't you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
27. Why is "abbreviated" such a long word?
28. Why is a boxing ring square?
29. Why is it called lipstick if you can still move your lips?
30. Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
31. Why is it that doctors call what they do "practice"?
32. Why is it that rain drops but snow falls?
33. Why is it that to stop Windows 98, you have to click on "Start"?
34. Why is it that when you're driving and looking for an address, you turn down the volume on the radio?
35. Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor and dish washing liquid made with real lemons?
36. Why is the man who invests all your money called a broker?
37. Why is the third hand on the watch called a second hand?
38. Why is the time of day with the slowest traffic called rush hour?
39. Why is the word dictionary in the dictionary?
40. Why isn't there a special name for the tops of your feet?
41. Why isn't there mouse-flavored cat food?
42. You know that little indestructible black box that is used on planes? Why can't they make the whole plane out of the same substance?
43. Can fat people go skinny-dipping?
44. Why do you need a driver's license to buy liquor when you can't drink and drive?
45. If Fed Ex and UPS were to merge, would they call it Fed UP?
46. If quitters never win, and winners never quit, what fool came up with, "Quit while you're ahead?"
47. Do Lipton Tea employees take coffee breaks?
48. What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
49. I thought about how mothers feed their babies with little tiny spoons and forks so I wonder what Chinese mothers use. Perhaps toothpicks?
50. Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do... write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they delivered the mail?
51. How much deeper would oceans be if sponges didn't live there?
52. If it's true that we are here to help others, then what exactly are the OTHERS here for?
53. Ever wonder what the speed of lightning would be if it didn't zigzag?
54. If a person with multiple personalities threatens suicide, is that considered a hostage situation?
55. If a cow laughed, would milk come out her nose?
56. Whatever happened to preparations A through G?
57. If olive oil comes from olives, where does baby oil come from?
58. Did you ever notice: When you put the 2 words 'The' and 'IRS' together it spells 'Theirs.'
59. Why is it called 'after dark' when it really is 'after light'?
60. If a turtle looses his shell is he considered homeless?
61. If a pig looses his voice, is he considered disgruntled?
62. Why do we drive on a parkway and park on a driveway?