Enter Sandman (2/2)

[pattitoo]

Part One
Seungyoon and Mino walk side by side in silence, and Seungyoon takes a moment to appreciate the fact that they’re alone. Their fingers graze occasionally as they walk, and even that sends tiny streams of heat up his arms. Mino’s presence is comforting despite the situation.

“You shouldn’t let Taehyun bother you so much,” Mino whispers, tentative, but it’s audible in the empty corridor.

“He made it clear from day one how he feels about us. I don’t want to be okay with that.”

Mino stops in his tracks and steps in front of Seungyoon. He brings a hand up to touch Seungyoon’s cheek, his fingers brushing the strands of hair that fell over his eyes. Seungyoon’s skin tingle at the contact and on instinct, he leans into Mino’s warm palm. “He’s just looking out for you,” Mino says. “He’s got a bad way of showing it but you know he cares.”

“I don’t want to talk about Taehyun anymore,” Seungyoon sighs and encloses his arms around Mino’s waist, pulls him close. He breathes in Mino’s scent as he tips in and plants a small kiss on his lips. Mino’s mouth is soft and enticing and Seungyoon thinks maybe he lives to kiss him, because there isn’t any other thing more worthwhile.

“Do you remember?” Seungyoon asks as he pulls back a little, sees the curious furrow in between Mino’s dark brows. “Your first day.”

“Oh,” Mino smiles when it dawns on him. They’re by the freshman lockers.

Seungyoon remembers it well, when Mino first stepped foot into the Academy. No one knew who he was - the new kid who came out of nowhere a month into the first term. There were already stories circulating about him the week before he arrived. There was that one about his grandfather being the descendant of Joseon’s last King, and due to public pressure, they had to keep their wealth a secret.  There was also that gossip about him being half-Japanese and the heir to a Japanese conglomerate about to merge with a Korean company, hence his transfer to South Korea.

All of those chatter, Seungyoon didn’t really care for - they were nothing but entertainment fodder for a bunch of bored boys - until that day when he’s sifting through his locker and a figure fell beside him. When Seungyoon looked up, he was met by two intense eyes that were too dark for the brightest smile he’s ever seen.

“Hey there, neighbor.”

Those were the first words Mino said to him, and Seungyoon recalls his throat going inexplicably dry. For once, he was at a loss for words. Seungyoon never did believe the rumors, but seeing him in the flesh, it wasn’t too hard to believe he’s a forgotten prince.

“Remember how you stuttered when I asked you where the bathroom was,” Mino tells Seungyoon, a smug smirk playing at the side of his lips. “You fell for me at first sight.”

Seungyoon feels blood rush to his cheeks but he manages a fake hiss. “I didn’t. You were acting so suave it was nauseating.”

“Hey, you were the one who thought I was royalty.”

“Everyone thought you were royalty.”

“Are you going to keep denying it?” Mino pouts and something catches in Seungyoon’s throat. For a guy who looks like he’d never play cute, Mino likes to pull out the aegyo on him, and Seungyoon has always, always been weak for it. Mino runs the tip of his tongue over his bottom lip, and the nearly predatory look in Mino’s eyes tells Seungyoon that he knows how affected he is by him right now and is fully taking advantage of it by looking even more suggestive and imposing. And if he keeps this up, Seungyoon just might admit the truth about how Mino came into his life guns a blazing and yes it’s the closest to love at first sight Seungyoon will ever know.

Mino smirks, letting his gaze wander over Seungyoon’s face. “You know, I’ll never lie about how smitten I was by your messy hair and those dazed eyes that day. It was adorable.”

Seungyoon’s chuckle echoes in the hallway, only silenced when Mino catches his lips in a heady kiss that makes his insides churn. Mino presses into him and his back hits the metal surface of the locker. Seungyoon’s hands glide along Mino’s arms, his shoulders, until his fingers curl at the back of Mino’s neck. Seungyoon is pulling him in, closer, if possible, until they occupy the same space.

Mino pulls back much too soon but his eyes glint in mischief and Seungyoon knows he’s about to do something reckless. Mino has always been the adventurous one who coaxes Seungyoon out of his comfort zone. “How about we just enjoy this dream?” Mino suggests with enthusiasm. “When do we ever get to be free here at the Academy, huh? Who cares if monsters come out? Until they do, let’s do everything we’ve always wanted, without the judgmental stares, the malicious whispers.”

Seungyoon’s heart races at the thought and Mino must have sensed it because he breaks into a wider smile. “Let’s make out everywhere,” Mino says, excitement coloring his cheeks. Seungyoon thinks he looks perfect like this. Happy.

Before Seungyoon could reply, Mino is already pulling him away. Seungyoon doesn’t mind though, he was about to agree to his plan wholeheartedly.

They end up kissing at the stairwell where all the popular kids hang out and secretly smoke - the spot  Seungyoon and Mino began avoiding after the few times they were met with nasty remarks when the rumors about their relationship spread. Sophomore year, Seungyoon remembers. It was a dark time then, something he and Mino don’t like to revisit.

Mino kisses him hard, as though he’s trying to make the bad memories go away, and Seungyoon is there right with him, matching his pace, his intent. Seungyoon’s hands loop around his waist as Mino licks, nibbles, scrapes his teeth along his throat until his lips find Seungyoon’s again. Mino coaxes his lips open with his tongue and Seungyoon whimpers, allowing himself to get lost in Mino’s warm mouth, in his sweltering touch.

They kiss in their third year classroom, on Mino’s desk specifically, and their laughter rings in the empty space when in their passionate exchange, Mino falls from his seat with Seungyoon on top of him. Mino threads a hand through Seungyoon’s hair and pulls his face down. They don’t stop kissing.

They make out by the entrance of the common room and Mino tells him his fantasy of doing this in front of all the boys, where they can flaunt just how much they want each other, make others jealous because they’ll never, never experience what it’s like to love someone with complete abandon.

The rational part of Seungyoon thinks they’re too young to be this in love. But how does he explain why he feels most alive when he’s with Mino? Since Seungyoon was a young boy, he’s been groomed to think of only one future. But ever since Mino moseyed into his life, Seungyoon has allowed himself, secretly, selfishly, to think of all the possibilities.

The only constant is Mino. He wants Mino in his life no matter what.

“I love you so much,” Mino says, out of breath.

There’s an ache in Seungyoon’s chest because he knows - more than anyone - exactly how Mino feels. There’s nothing else that can make Seungyoon’s heart flutter and constrict than having Mino close enough to touch.

“We’re going to grow up, you know,” Seungyoon tells him. He discovers there’s a melancholy in his own voice he didn’t intend. “We’re going to meet so many interesting people, maybe love some of them.”

Mino shakes his head, and there’s a flicker of heat in his eyes. “No. I won’t love anyone else.”

“How do you know that?” Seungyoon asks. It’s not that Seungyoon is insecure. Seungyoon knows, maybe even more than Mino, how true his words are.

“I just know,” Mino’s voice is more commanding, perhaps a little angry. Seungyoon doesn’t blame him; Mino is never the type to question his feelings. Seungyoon has always been the one with so many apprehensions.

“I’m not delusional. I know we’re young and we have our lives ahead of us,” Mino explains, fiddling with the collar of Seungyoon’s blazer. His fingers sweep over the blue and grey seal of the Academy. “Who knows what we’ll become- if we turn out exactly like our fathers or if we brave another life other than what was arranged for us by our families. Nothing is set in stone,” Mino pauses, exhales. “But if there’s one thing I’m certain of, Kang Seungyoon, it’s you. So don’t ask me how I know. I just do. You’re it.”

His vision blurs and Mino puts a hand over Seungyoon’s eyes, lets out an amused sigh. “You know I don’t like it when you get all crybaby on me, right?” Mino jokes, and Seungyoon sniffles, trying desperately to hold back the tears. He fails, but Mino wipes his cheeks anyway.

“I love you.” Mino says it a few times more as Seungyoon pulls him into a bone-crushing hug, burying his damp face in the burrow of Mino’s neck. Seungyoon doesn’t want to let go.

He isn’t sure he can ever let go.  Because he knows with all of his soul that Mino is it, too.

Time pass and oddly, they don’t meet Taehyun, Jinwoo, or Seunghoon in their tour of the campus. They stop kissing after a while, more out of discomfort than actually wanting to stop. Seungyoon can kiss Mino forever, but their lips are chapped and Mino is uneasy at the first sight of blood on Seungyoon’s bottom lip. It was cute how he thought he was hurting Seungyoon, when that couldn’t be further from the truth.

They eventually find their way to the rooftop of the Academy’s annex. It’s modeled like a Greek amphitheater, the school’s pretentious tribute to ‘higher learning’. They say some classes were held there in the past, back during the Academy’s early years - something Seungyoon couldn’t imagine the students would ever agree to now, not when they’d rather stay in their comfortable seats and air-conditioned rooms.

But Seungyoon can see it being majestic once, with its elegant columns and arched steps. However in its present state, it’s just a filthy place that doesn’t belong with the Academy’s perfect, expensive aesthetic. Students don’t really go there, not even to hide from the teachers when they cut class. And for that reason, it’s easily Mino and Seungyoon’s favorite spot.

Seungyoon takes out a mat they’ve hidden in a box they keep near the entrance. Mino is already waiting in the middle of the amphitheater. When Seungyoon turns to walk to him, Mino pretends to be an ancient Greek statesman, making big, funny gestures. That dork lives to make Seungyoon laugh. Seungyoon imagines him in a toga and does just that.

They lie side by side, their fingers entwined as they stare up at the sky. It’s almost twilight and they probably have half an hour before it becomes dark. Seungyoon feels a calm wash over him. They’re in a dream, someone’s dream, but this feels so much like the real thing.

“He still wants me to go,” Mino speaks after a long silence. Seungyoon hears the words and something clicks in his brain. His chest tightens. He doesn’t reply. Maybe if he pretends he didn’t hear, Mino would drop the subject.

“My father is a vicious man,” Mino continues, despite Seungyoon willing him to stop. “He will never take no for an answer.”

Seungyoon turns to his side and Mino is already looking at him with sad eyes. Seungyoon opens and closes his mouth but no words come out. A heavy feeling settles in his stomach and he thinks of the only thing to make Mino stop talking. He pulls him in for a kiss; Mino responds, but he stills and Seungyoon might just cry again.

“We can’t keep avoiding this,” Mino whispers against Seungyoon’s mouth.

“We can,” Seungyoon counters, but Mino is far gone. He recoils from Seungyoon’s touch and sits up, runs a heavy hand through his hair. Seungyoon feels like he’s going to fall apart. Not this. Not now. This is the last.

“Mino.”

“I can’t go to America. I can’t leave you here. Not when they know about us,” Mino says grimly and the words echo in Seungyoon’s head over and over like a curse. No. Please, god no.

The skies darken above them, turning into a whirlpool of violets and blues and grays that only look more desolate with every growing second. Seungyoon thinks maybe he’s being punished. He thinks this is some kind of sick joke. He shuts his eyes. He concentrates like he practiced in the first few sessions.

“Mino, let’s not-“

But Mino is on his feet and his eyes, Seungyoon discovers, are burning and determined. They remind Seungyoon of something he buried in the dark corner of his mind which he’s too ashamed to visit. But all come crashing down on him as Mino’s stare holds a recklessness Seungyoon remembers all too well, but doesn’t mirror.

Seungyoon is fucking terrified. Because this - this is the last thing Seungyoon wants.

He hears his heart pound against his ears when Mino pulls him up.

“Let’s run away,” Mino says and the words stab through Seungyoon like knives. Seungyoon can’t breathe. He can’t think. This is a nightmare. His...nightmare.

This is my dream, Seungyoon tells himself, the realization hitting him like a bullet in between his eyes. Seungyoon is shocked silent and there are no words, just images and recollections accompanied by pangs of guilt and bursts of unceasing pain.

A droplet of water falls on Seungyoon’s arm. Then there are more. Rain begins to fall faster, and Seungyoon shuts his eyes for a moment, if only to take refuge in the sound that fills the space between Mino and him, between the anguish of having to give Mino an answer and the startling certainty that none of this will end well.

He is soaked within seconds; he can still feel Mino’s presence, his question hanging in the air.

But when Seungyoon opens his eyes, the sight of the amphitheater’s graying columns no longer greets him.

Instead, he sees a car behind Mino, right in front of a manicured lawn drenched in rain. Seungyoon is in the Kangs’ private villa in Chuncheon.

Seungyoon looks down at what he’s wearing. And he remembers these are the clothes he wore during the weekend that his Grandfather called to assemble the family. The old man is sick, and he might not have a lot of time left. That night, he was going to announce his will.

Seungyoon recalls Mino had driven that far to fetch him despite Seungyoon’s protests over the phone.

His blood runs cold, his heart freezes upon seeing Mino on his doorstep, soaking wet.

This is not a dream anymore. This is a memory.

Seungyoon studies Mino’s frantic face as Mino tells him how he wants to forget about his flight tomorrow. Because Mino knows his family will do everything to put a wedge between him and Seungyoon, between their lewd and immoral relationship.

“They’re going to keep us apart for as long as they could. I heard them talking, Seungyoon.”

Seungyoon swallows the bile in his throat and he looks behind him to see his mother’s stoic face peer out the door. Her harsh expression is directed towards Mino - an intruder in their home. Seungyoon turns around, begs her to go back to the family before they notice Seungyoon is gone. He asks for five minutes and he’ll settle this.

Seungyoon’s heart aches. He said the same words that night, too, and meant them. He was going to send Mino away. You sent Mino away, he tells himself.

Because Mino didn’t know what he was asking Seungyoon to do. Can he really give up everything? They’ve had that argument a hundred times before - each one more horrifying than the last. Why couldn’t Mino understand Seungyoon’s duty to his family? Mino’s family is just as wealthy, and Mino is just as important to that family.

Seungyoon is the only son. The only heir. There’s too much at stake.

“I can’t be selfish.” The words roll off Seungyoon’s tongue before he could stop them. It was almost like a force compels him to re-enact that night exactly the way it had gone down.

“Yes you can!” Mino screams, torrents of rain streaming down his fraught face. “They want to take me away from you! I can’t be away from you,” Mino is crying, his chest heaving up and down. Seungyoon’s heart breaks at the sight of Mino in so much pain, but he stands transfixed on his spot, helplessly watching him, his responsibility weighing heavy on his shoulders.

“Do you not want me enough?” Mino asks, pleads.

“I do,” Seungyoon manages to say and Mino surges forward, wraps his wet arms around Seungyoon. Mino is peppering desperate kisses on Seungyoon’s neck, his jaw, until Mino’s hands hold Seungyoon’s cheeks.

“Run away with me,” Mino begs, wrenching Seungyoon’s gut in the process. There’s a tenderness to his voice that Seungyoon knows is reserved only for him and it makes him want to say yes. His whole body screams yes. “Fuck everything else. Let’s run away. There’s a small house by the sea. You told me you’d want to live by the beach, remember?”

An image of their impromptu drive to the South Sea last summer fills Seungyoon’s mind. He and Mino spent hours looking at the sea, and they slept under the stars that night. That was where he told Mino that in another lifetime, he wouldn’t mind a simple life, living by a beach front. Mino remembered. Of course.

“I’ve prepared everything,” Mino continues, his voice more urgent. “I withdrew all the money in my accounts, we can live off of that until we find jobs. We can do this, Seungyoon. I know we can.” Mino is panting as he pulls back, looks Seungyoon in the eye. “I can do anything, as long as you’re with me.”

Seungyoon hears the honesty and aching despair in Mino's voice, and Seungyoon breaks down, throws himself fiercely around Mino. Because Seungyoon - Seungyoon knows what comes next. Seungyoon is aware of where this is headed, what Professor Kwon wants him to do in this dream.

That’s right. This is a dream, Seungyoon reminds himself. He can control this. Fuck Kwon.

“Stay here,” Seungyoon says, instead of the “I’m sorry, I can’t,” that was said the first time.

Seungyoon can break through the barrier of this memory. He can still dictate where this could go and he wants to draw this out. Maybe there’s a way to prolong this.

“I can’t. Your family hates me. And even if I stay here, my father’s just going to find me and take me away,” Mino argues, not quite understanding what Seungyoon means.

“No. This is all a dream, Mino,” Seungyoon explains, but deep down he knows it’s futile. But it’s worth a shot. It’s worth everything. “We’re in a dream right now. None of this is real! We don’t have to do this in this world. We don’t have to run away!”

“What are you talking about?” Mino looks taken aback - like he couldn’t believe Seungyoon would ever joke about this moment. And Seungyoon is shaking his head fiercely, clinging onto Mino’s shirt so tightly his knuckles turn white.

“Concentrate with me,” Seungyoon instructs frantically. “This is a dream. We can change this world, but you have to stay still so we can concentrate. Mino,please.”

Mino’s face contorts into an expression of anger. “If you don’t want to come with me, just say it to my face.”

A strangled cry escapes Seungyoon’s throat as Mino puts his hands over Seungyoon’s and yanks them off his soaked clothes. He takes a step back, hurt written all over his face.

“No, please don’t go! Don’t get in that car. Stay here. Stay with me. Please, stay with me!”

But Mino is only walking away, in the same manner that’s seared in Seungyoon’s thoughts: the one moment in his life he truly regrets. All at once, Seungyoon is wheezing, tears flowing down his face.

He decides to do what he should have done the first time Mino asked.

“Song Mino!” Seungyoon manages to yell over the roaring noise of the heavy rainfall. “I’m coming with you,” he says like a prayer. “Do you hear me? I’m coming with you!”

Mino turns around and it takes only seconds for Seungyoon to rush to him, flinging his arms around his neck. “I love you. I should have run away with you. I should have said yes,” he huffs in between choked sobs. “I’m coming this time. Let’s run away.”

He feels Mino’s strong arms encircle his waist. “I’m so happy,” he says next to Seungyoon’s ear. “We’ll be so happy.”

Seungyoon bites back a sob and just tightens his embrace.

They drive in the rain. Seungyoon doesn’t look back at the villa, doesn’t give his family a second thought. His hand is on Mino’s thigh as Mino drives, watching his face intently. Seungyoon doesn’t look at the road, doesn’t pay attention to the thunderous whoosh of the rain on the car’s roof, the rasping of the wipers across the surface of the windshield.

Seungyoon drowns everything out and keeps his gaze on Mino. On his tall nose, on the long eyelashes that frame two intense eyes, on his lips that pucker in concentration. He memorizes the line of his jaw, the curve of his cheekbone, the way his jet black hair falls over his forehead. Seungyoon tries to remember the feel of Mino’s skin on his - and how much Seungyoon wants Mino close enough to always be able to touch him, draw strength from his warmth.

But above all, he remembers Mino’s kindness, his adoration for little children, his verve for life, his indomitable spirit. Mino falls in love easily; he likes to fall in love with as many things as possible - from furry animals to the perfect black coffee to lyrics that rhyme. That was something Seungyoon envied about him: how Mino is always in awe of the little things. Seungyoon asked him once, why he’s always so excited about everything. Mino told him it’s because he believes every second in this world is a tiny miracle.

Like how meeting Kang Seungyoon is a miracle in and of itself. And falling in love. And discovering Seungyoon loves him back.

“What are you looking at?” Mino asks, finally.

“You,” Seungyoon answers without hesitation.

Mino smiles, keeping his eyes on the road. His face is so calm, so serene and Seungyoon’s heart plummets. “You like me that much, huh?”

“Yes.”

Mino chuckles, and in that melodious sound, everything flashes before Seungyoon’s eyes - everything that made him fall for Mino hard, deep, fast. The throbbing ache in his chest persists, intensifies with the thought that Seungyoon has never felt more loved by anyone else than by the boy in the driver’s seat.

The boy who’s willing to walk away from a life of wealth and comfort in exchange for a life with him.

The boy who taught him it’s okay to fall in love with many things, too.

The boy who’s about to drive to his death.

From the corner of Seungyoon’s eye, he sees the red sign through the opaque window. The same sign that was flashed in all the articles. Seungyoon’s breath hitches and his hand travels up to Mino’s arm.

“I’m sorry,” Seungyoon whispers, tears pooling at the edges of his eyes. His heart is beating a mile a minute, knowing what’s up ahead, what awaits them. But he doesn’t care about that. What he cares about is the words left unsaid. He touches Mino’s cheek. “I should have been here. I shouldn’t have let you go. I’m sorry you had to go through this alone.”

“What are you-“

Mino’s words are cut off by the sound of a raging horn. Seungyoon’s eyes are glued on Mino while the world passes in a blur of white and yellow lights. In a jerky move, Mino swerves to his right with all the force he can muster, evading the large truck barreling towards them, and in a split second, Seungyoon feels Mino’s arm extend protectively over his torso before they crash onto the metal rails that line the road. Seungyoon’s body hits the dashboard, his head smashes against the windshield as the car tumbles, plunges down into the slippery chasm.

There’s nothing but pain in every part of his body as Seungyoon’s limbs flail inside the car, but he reaches out, feels for Mino’s hand and grips it like a lifeline. For a split second their eyes lock in the chaos and Seungyoon’s heart bursts out of his chest at the sight of Mino’s bloodied face.

I’m sorry, Seungyoon thinks, maybe screams. I love you.

Seungyoon drifts in and out of consciousness before he sees red.

Nothing but red.

Seungyoon’s whole body jerks when he wakes up, and he springs from the cot, effectively tugging the wires connected to his forehead. There are tears streaming down his face and he can hardly breathe so he pants and he pants until he feels a hand on his arm. He looks up to see Jinwoo’s worried face.

“It’s okay. You’re okay,” Jinwoo tells him, stroking the back of his palm before squeezing it for comfort. “It’s just a dream, Seungyoon.”

Seungyoon knows that - oh how he fucking knows - but that thought doesn’t give him relief. His heart constricts and he bawls some more. His face is in his hands and he’s mouthing ‘no’ until his throat begins to hurt from the screaming. Footsteps close in and Seungyoon knows they’re all looking at him,pitying him.

They don’t say anything while Seungyoon curls into a ball in his small cot. He doesn’t want it to be over. It can’t be over.

“It can’t be over,” he whispers, still trembling, still crying. “It can’t be. It just can’t.”

“Kang Seungyoon,” Taehyun’s voice is uncharacteristically tender. “It’s almost sunrise. We need to leave.”

Seungyoon shakes his head vigorously. No. No. No. There must be a way to keep him there. Kwon. Kwon would know. He sits up without warning, jumps from his cot. He’s unstable he nearly trips, he hasn’t fully adjusted to his body yet.

He sees the man standing across the room, a notepad in his hand. He looks alarmingly calm and Seungyoon lunges for his collar, tugs him close.

“Put me under,” Seungyoon manages to say through it all, but Kwon’s face is as stoic as he is cold. He doesn’t reply and Seungyoon’s grip is taut as he quivers in desperation. “You fucking lunatic, put me under!” He shoves the man’s tiny frame against the wall and soon he feels hands pulling him back. He fights them with all his might, but he is too weak. Kwon continues to look at him blankly.

“The sessions are over, Mr. Kang,” he says without any trace of emotion. “If we go any further, it can cause permanent damage-“

“I don’t give a fuck!” Seungyoon pushes against the force of three sets of hands trying to restrain him. “You planned this, you fucking sadist! It can’t… it can’t end like this!”

Kwon purses his lips, his glassy eyes are noncommittal. “I’m sorry. But you need to leave before the janitor comes in. You have thirty minutes.” He gives their faces a quick scan before smiling. It’s a cruel, contrived smile and something in Seungyoon’s stomach churns. “Good job, boys. I’ll talk to the headmaster about your grades on Monday. You’ll all graduate as planned. It’s been great working with you.”

And just like that, he walks out of the room. Seungyoon’s knees give out and he drops to the ground. There is no fight left in him. The image of Mino in blood is etched in his head, and the look in his eyes right before he gives in to death.

Seungyoon bawls. It all felt so real. It was real.

The three boys hunch over him. He feels someone’s hand on his shoulder, another one carding through his hair. They’re all saying words Seungyoon doesn’t make out.

His hands run over his own arms, fingernails digging into his skin. In the real world, his body remains intact, but as far as Seungyoon is concerned, he’s covered in wounds and scars that the eyes don’t see. He’s filled with remorse, regret, guilt, and most of all, yearning.

It’s been six months since Mino’s untimely death. A car accident that was splashed on all the newspapers. Seungyoon read everything - every fucking article - but not one of them could tell him why it had to be Mino. And none of them said anything about how it was Seungyoon’s fault.

It was his fault for letting him drive in that storm. For letting him leave angry. Because Seungyoon was a motherfucking coward, and Mino wasn’t. Mino is, and will always be, the best thing to ever happen to him. Seungyoon could never say that about himself.

Kwon may be a crazy, exploitative son of a bitch, but he gave Seungyoon a chance to spend a few moments with Mino, even if they were all in his head.

But in a pathetic attempt to keep him alive, Seungyoon experiences losing him again.

No. Dying with him. Seungyoon thinks it would have been better if there was permanence to his death.

But Seungyoon is still here. And Mino is still gone.

Seungyoon squints, examines the silhouette of his hand against the rays of the sun. His back is warm from lying down for almost an hour. It’s too hot a day for autumn and Seungyoon’s skin is covered in a thin layer of sweat. He feels a cold draft whenever the wind sweeps through.

The amphitheater looks the same, but it feels different. There used to be a unique charm to its antiquity that Seungyoon loved, but now it feels just like it looks - washed out and ugly.

Seungyoon hears footsteps, growing louder as they approach. He doesn’t bother to turn to its owner.

“I thought I’d find you here.”

“I’m a creature of habit,” Seungyoon pipes back and sighs. He likes the silence and wishes to keep it, something an unwanted visitor doesn’t offer. “What do you want, Taehyun?”

“About… about last week-“

Seungyoon stiffens. He doesn’t remember much of what happened after the last session other than the knowledge that they practically had to carry him out of Kwon’s lab. Seunghoon drove him home, or it might have been Jinwoo. It wasn’t a pretty sight.

“I don’t want to talk about it.”

“I know that,” Taehyun is timid, and it throws Seungyoon for a loop. When Taehyun doesn’t say anything else, Seungyoon pushes himself to sit up and he sees Taehyun’s apologetic expression. “I just thought maybe you… you would want to know what happened to us, I mean, after we split up?”

Seungyoon purses his lips and genuinely thinks about it. “Not really. But it couldn’t be worse than what I had to go through.”

Taehyun winces visibly. “Maybe. But it was bad.”

Seungyoon tilts his head, prods him to continue.

“We saw… everything. Like we were there, but you couldn’t see us. It was the worst session for all of us, too, Seungyoon.”

Seungyoon lets that information sink in and sighs audibly. He believes Taehyun, but he doesn’t know how to feel about knowing this now. It doesn’t change anything. Seungyoon is not in any mood to comfort Taehyun, and he doesn’t want to be comforted either.

“I’m sorry,” Taehyun says after a while. “I couldn’t understand why you volunteered for the class, why you brought Mino into the sessions and why we were supposed to just play along. But I get it now,” he pauses, gnaws on the side of his bottom lip. “To be honest, I’d probably do the same thing.”

Seungyoon studies Taehyun’s somber face and he knows this must have been hard for him to say. Taehyun doesn’t like opening up and being vulnerable. Seungyoon appreciates the gesture and musters the faintest smile - the only one he can give him at the moment - and nods.

It takes a while but Seungyoon notices Taehyun is holding onto something. Taehyun sees him look and he rubs the back of his neck in a nervous gesture. Then he approaches Seungyoon on the mat and holds out his hand.

Seungyoon pauses for a beat too long before taking the piece of paper from Taehyun.

“I’ve been meaning to give this to you after the, uhh, accident. The real one,” Taehyun begins, his voice tentative. “But I keep chickening out. I don’t know why, maybe I just don’t know how to talk to you. You know me, I hate this sort of thing,” Taehyun presses his lips together. “But it would be wrong to hold on to this for too long. You should have it.”

Seungyoon frowns as he glances down at the piece of paper, wondering what it is and what it has to do with the accident. Just when he’s about to ask, Taehyun turns on his heel and walks away.

Seungyoon waits until he’s gone before he unfolds it carefully. But when he sees the first character, his whole body twitches in surprise. Mino’s handwriting. He forgoes the caution and hurriedly smoothes it out.

It’s a letter, carefully written. With just a glance, Seungyoon could tell Mino put a lot of thought into it.

Nam Taehyun,

I know you hate me. I’m sorry. Sorry if you think I took away your friend. That wasn’t my intention. I care about Seungyoon a lot. God I like love him a lot. He’s just not someone you give up for anyone or anything, you know?

You can continue to hate me, I don’t really mind. But Seungyoon misses you. He doesn’t say it out loud because he thinks I’ll get jealous, but I know he does.

I wouldn’t really do this if I didn’t have to, but I might have to leave for a while. I don’t want him to be all alone when I’m gone, which let’s face it, is probably going to happen. So if it’s not too much to ask, can you please patch things up with him? Even if it’s only until I come back?

Yeah, it’s strange, I know, me asking for a favor from someone who hates me. But I’m holding on to the hope that you don’t hate Seungyoon. You’re really the only friend he has.

Anyway, whatever you decide, I’d like to thank you. We don’t know each other much, but from Seungyoon’s stories, I think you’re a great guy. And besides, I kind of owe you for being there for him when I wasn’t yet.

If things go well, maybe we can even all hang out some time. That would be nice.

Song Mino

Seungyoon’s hand trembles as he presses the letter against his chest, leans back until he’s lying down again. He fights back the tears threatening to spill out, and instead basks in that burning ache that had taken permanent residence in his heart.

He’s been trying a lot since the last session with Kwon ended, but nothing has worked. No dreams. He thinks the emptiness has a lot to do with it, or maybe he’s maxed out by now after two months of vivid shared dreaming. He hopes that’s not the case, that this isn’t one of the side effects of Kwon’s experiment.

Seungyoon has faith. When you’re stripped of everything and there’s nothing left to lose and everything to gain, faith and hope can be powerful forces. And this letter - imagining Mino’s voice as he speaks the words written on the sheet of paper - might just be what Seungyoon needs.

He shuts his eyes, breathes in the smell of the afternoon, every detail of the boy’s face burned against his eyelids.

Maybe this time, he’ll dream of Mino again.