no notebook (I dont expect anyone to read this)
I lost my notebook. I write everything in my notebook, which is why I am typing this. I hate losing things. I have a spare notebook at home but it doesn't have all the things I have found important enough to jot down. It is aggravating.
I have problems, yes. I am not going to whine about them though. It gets old after awhile, even for the person whining. I am dealing with it, and that's all that matters. I am sick of doing nothing when I am not happy. It is like I have accepted being unhappy. But now, while I may be unhappy, and unhappy for awhile, I am at least going to try and fix it. I hate my school, so I'm leaving. I'm crazy about one of my best friends, so I am either going to put it out there for her to see or move on. I feel the latter being a more realistic and safe solution, while the former could end up making me very happy or, on the other hand, very rejected and sad. I want more, so I am demanding more. I am not going to settle for less from now on. I love life, I just haven't really shown it yet. I need a release or a push. But I think I am getting there. Visiting Pitt this weekend helped a hell of a lot. I got to see one of my best friends and check out a really great school that I wish I had visited sooner. Sooner being Senior year, two years ago.
I have felt so empty, but if I was never empty then I would never be able to fill myself. I think it is about that time. I have been trying hard, and there needs to be a pay off soon.
Recently, the only thing keeping me from running away is money. I don't have enough money to make it away from my family. My family does factor in, I'd miss them, but I wouldn't be abandoning them. I just feel like starting somewhere else and doing something completely new would help me. I need something big to happen, but I don't see myself running away any time soon. It would a last resort. I would tell people what I was doing. I am an adult, they can't stop me. I would just be completely on my own. But I feel that way for the majority of the time now.
I don't know what, but something needs to happen. I have been optimistic for too long. But, I can't stop thinking positively now. I wouldn't be able to find a legitimate reason to think negatively. After dealing with somethings in life, you begin to find so many of your other problems pointless. They just become unnecessary stressors. And the best mantra you can have is,"You've dealt with worse."
Although, when that time comes that you are dealing with something and it is by far the worst you have ever dealt with, you just have to let it surround you. Let it shape you, or you won't be able to handle anything else in your life ever again. Just don't let it consume you.
Don't let it control you.
I have problems, yes. I am not going to whine about them though. It gets old after awhile, even for the person whining. I am dealing with it, and that's all that matters. I am sick of doing nothing when I am not happy. It is like I have accepted being unhappy. But now, while I may be unhappy, and unhappy for awhile, I am at least going to try and fix it. I hate my school, so I'm leaving. I'm crazy about one of my best friends, so I am either going to put it out there for her to see or move on. I feel the latter being a more realistic and safe solution, while the former could end up making me very happy or, on the other hand, very rejected and sad. I want more, so I am demanding more. I am not going to settle for less from now on. I love life, I just haven't really shown it yet. I need a release or a push. But I think I am getting there. Visiting Pitt this weekend helped a hell of a lot. I got to see one of my best friends and check out a really great school that I wish I had visited sooner. Sooner being Senior year, two years ago.
I have felt so empty, but if I was never empty then I would never be able to fill myself. I think it is about that time. I have been trying hard, and there needs to be a pay off soon.
Recently, the only thing keeping me from running away is money. I don't have enough money to make it away from my family. My family does factor in, I'd miss them, but I wouldn't be abandoning them. I just feel like starting somewhere else and doing something completely new would help me. I need something big to happen, but I don't see myself running away any time soon. It would a last resort. I would tell people what I was doing. I am an adult, they can't stop me. I would just be completely on my own. But I feel that way for the majority of the time now.
I don't know what, but something needs to happen. I have been optimistic for too long. But, I can't stop thinking positively now. I wouldn't be able to find a legitimate reason to think negatively. After dealing with somethings in life, you begin to find so many of your other problems pointless. They just become unnecessary stressors. And the best mantra you can have is,"You've dealt with worse."
Although, when that time comes that you are dealing with something and it is by far the worst you have ever dealt with, you just have to let it surround you. Let it shape you, or you won't be able to handle anything else in your life ever again. Just don't let it consume you.
Don't let it control you.