Oct 01, 2003 03:10
When I woke up this afternoon, I hoped yesterday was one huge dream. It wasn't and it kills me. I talked to Eryin and Caitlin over the phone. They both made me feel a little better while on the phone with them. I can't shake this feeling of self worthlessness. I still blame and hate myself. I wanted something to make me happy, but that was taken away. I've been doing crap with myself that I shouldn't be. I broke edge and I enjoyed every minute of it. All I really want to do is get so drunk. I want to down 30 bottles of Jack Daniels like it was sprite. I wish I had more money or I would. I know I would. Guess I'm not fuckin' strong after all. Fuck all your shitty relationships. Fuck your fuckin' happiness. If I ever see one more fuckin' happy couple, I'll fuckin' spit in their goddamn faces for it.