Do you still have it...
Belize looked down at Guy's wrist. He noticed there wasn't anything there. "Do you still have it?"
Guy looked at his wrist and shrugged. Surely Belize hadn't expected the bracelet to still be there. "I don't like flowers."
"You got rid of it?" He glared.
Guy ignored the glare - there was nothing to glare at. "What? You thought I was going to keep it?" Perhaps, if it hadn't reminded him of what it had meant (Belize's confession to a crush), he would have thought it amusing to keep it. As it was, it only reminded him of what he could do without. So yes, he had got rid of them. "They're flowers, they would have died anyway."
Somewhere, Belize thought that maybe Guy would have taken the importance of the flowers to mean a bit more. Belize knew they were silly plants that would have died, but he foolishly thought that Guy maybe would have kept them. Even if it was illogical. He turned to Guy with a patronizing smile on his face.
"You're such a fuckbag. It's probably a blessing you and your sorry little life got swept away to this fucking island. Perhaps the
world, the goddess out and above, wanted you here because she knew sick, sorry bastards like me would put up with you. She wanted you here because otherwise, you'd die alone. Hated and alone." He blinked, proud of the words be allowed to flow from his mouth.
Yes. That was the answer for Guy. He would probably die hated by his country and alone in Moscow. All pointed to that. But that wasn't what mattered. "In my 'sorry life' in England I had more important things to do then worry about flowers." Perhaps there was something in his voice that indicated that he did take more imporatance in the flowers. Only he hadn't liked what they meant.
Belize smiled, sensing his chance for attack like a snake. "Yes, like being a spy....hm. I should have known from the beginning you wouldn't have a soul. It's been ruthlessly torn out of you and raped for the sake of gilded patriotism. All you government assholes are the same. Always trying to spin this web over here and tie this lie over here. You're not a person, Guy. You're a machine. A robot. A tool for the grand old flag."
Guy snorted at that. "Don't talk of what you don't know," he chided.
Belize looked at him in disbelief. "I may care about the pumping organ in your chest, you know the red fist pumping blood and keeping you alive? But that doesn't make me unintelligent, Mr. Burgess."
Red fist was definitely nearer the mark. "You're thinking of the wrong country. I spied for Russia. 'Patriotism' isn't the term." There were people on the island to whom Guy would chose not to tell it. However, today he didn't care if Belize knew.
Perhaps it was politically incorrect, but as soon as he heard the word spy, Russia came to mind. Regardless of the country, Belize knew what the word patriotism meant and intended on saying it. You must love a country to spy for it. "Oh, what was it then?"
Love didn't enter into it. If anything it was faith, though to Guy it was certainty. "Betrayal is generally what it is considered. But what it was is what it is. It's what I believe in."
"You didn't you love Russia? Or did you willingly become a machine for a country you didn't love?" Belize questioned.
"Dear me, no. I loathe the place. Went there once. Utterly ghastly." The boat-trip to Russia had been fun, the stay had been less then idealistic. He came back feighning disillusion; there was little he needed to feighn.
Unlike his current counterpart, Belize still had dialogue with his heart. And he felt it working. Something moved him about the tone Guy took on. "Why on earth would you spy for them then?"
"Because they have the system," Guy replied matter-of-factly, for that was what it was.
There was a pause and Belize thought about the way the war had ended. Because Guy was far more intimately involved with it, he wanted to avoid sounding like a history lesson. "I probably shouldn't tell you how it ends, then?"
"It doesn't matter. Doesn't make it any less true." He had assured himself of this some time ago.
Belize lowered his voice. "The war ends. It does, Guy."
That did sound like a bloody history lesson to him. "I know," he answered, annoyed.
Returning to the offense, provoked by Guy's tone, he glared. "What do you walk away with? How victorious do you emerge?" He spit the word out with the emphasis like venom.
Back to a matter-of-factly tone of voice, he looked at Belize, utterly unimpressed with the nancy's tone of voice. "In Moscow."
Belize reared a sly grin. He might as well said Told you so. "Exile in Moscow. Doesn't sound good"
"I know." It didn't matter. Guy didn't do it to save his own arse, to keep himself safe, to live a predictable life free or risks. "Nothing I can do about it here, though." He had had this conversation with Anthony often and though he minded more then he let on, he gave a convincing shrug.
Belize stopped and decided to turn the conversation. For too long, Belize knew something was wrong with Guy. He had things, felt things, that wouldn't be healthy later on in life. He smiled, prepared to talk about things he had wanted to for a long time. "Sorry. Surprised you didn't suck the proper dick to evade the outcome. I would have."
Guy snorted at that. "I don't know the details." Meant he probably would have if that had been solution. But things were never that simple. Not if he believed Anthony.
"Then… wait. Why aren't you happy to be here? Mary, you should be fucking praising your ever-loving Jesus that you're here." He meant it. He left an AIDS infested city and ended up on a beautiful island. He left delusions and virus, and hate, and class and ended up on a beautiful island. Belize was thankful that he was here and had reason. He thought Guy should be too.
Guy didn't see it quite that way. This island was a pause, a momentary halt to life. Life was there, somewhere, elsewhere. This wasn't life. "While my country is blind towards the situation in Europe? While the hunger marchers go by past the door? While bloody conservatives do nothing. Of course I'm not happy to be here. I want to do something. Not worry about bloody idiocies." Where to fish, where to go for a swim, what to talk about in debate classes, love... "Children die because they're not fed properly, the economy is fucked and I'm here lounging for no fucking reason." There was nothing here, nothing he cared about. Nothing.
Literally throwing his hands up in the air, Belize let out a small laugh if disbelief. He stepped in closer to Guy. "You're much too literal a thinking. Too severe a moraler. How do you know that's even what time is it. This shit is over. From where I'm from, World War II is done and has been for forty years."
"It's the future to me. My life there isn't the past simply because you are from a future," Guy stated clearly.
Belize wrinkled his nose. "I just think you need to stop fucking dwelling on it. You're becoming less of a person and more of a shell." He stopped and let the words linger. " Regret the past, baby. I don't need to do that. My family was calling white people "masta" and getting fucked by whoever the hell wanted because they were slaves and didn't have a say. I'm angry about it, yes, but I don't hate the entire world for making black people subordinate creatures of disgust." He took a change to breath and shake his head at Guy. "I should, but I don't. Because why? I realize the world changes. We move. We progress. We can't stop it and go back." Belize moved in and placed a small, encouraging kiss on Guy's warm cheek. "Move on, dear."
But more then anything, Guy hated to be considered the past, to be told to move on, to be bloody patronised. So, again, he stated quite clearly; "My world is not the past only because you are from a time beyond it. Just as much as you aren't the past to someone who comes from a time where that disease is manageable."
It was like arguing with a middle school children. He looked at Guy and spoke as if he was teaching class. "This disease you speak of, has killed more than half my friends before the age of 35. It's still going. People here have it. It's not a thing of the past. Your communism issues and wanting to be active in Russia didn't happen today, darling. Therefore, it's the past. Move along, dear."
"Neither are those - friends - who are dying in Spain to fight in an unfair war. They may be the past to you; they are what I care about. They are the reason why I fucking put up. So don't tell me they're irrelevant simply because they don't matter here." His belief wasn't faltering and neither was his annoyance. This wasn't life.
Belize regained his calm, collected tone and looked at Guy with sympathy more than anything. It was sad that Guy couldn't move his mind from this state. "The word irrelevant never came from my mouth." He immediately thought of Louis and their unending debates of squabbled politics and racial components of NYC. " I should be going Guy, it's clear you're getting too excited about this and I don't want to see you double over in orgasm because you're indulging in so much misery"
"I don't find the death of millions orgasmic, but suit your bloody self," Guy deadpanned.
Belize kept his voice low and calm, but his words powerful. "You must if you're still fucking consuming yourself with it. Please, humor me. tell me what the fucking hell you can do about any of that now? It's not a reality here. Why not take up cause to stop the destruction of the dinosaurs on the island of equal rights for heterosexual minorities here?" He gave a short laugh. He wanted to cheer Guy up, but the sentiment was true. Heterosexuals did seem the minorities here. "There are things to adapt to here. You're in England anymore."
The tone now calmer, Guy's answer became more calm too, though not less annoyed. "I do my bit in this 'civilization'. Doesn't mean I would jump off a cliff if I knew that would take me home."
He really couldn't take it anymore. Everything he had said felt strong, like iron, like blood. He had been meaning to say it for a long time. Belize just remained too polite to say it to Guy. It was one of the things that he was able to do to Belize that others were not. Belize took a breath out and then met eyes with the man.
"You really should take a few days to yourself. I reccomend going somewhere quiet. Alone. Realize the state of the world and the island and try and clear your head of things you used to know, because we are humans baby, and we are renewable." He looked at Guy once more with sad, sympathtic eyes. "Nothing is permanent within ourselves unless you demand it." Belize kissed his fingers and placed them on Guy's cheek.
There was, should Guy be willing to take it, a point to that. Nothing is permanent unless one demands it. Guy, however, was unwilling to take that point at this moment, and so gave a dismissing nod. "Good, will do." The tone clearly indicated he didn't believe it and wouldn't do such thing at all. And with that he left.
Guy looked at his wrist and shrugged. Surely Belize hadn't expected the bracelet to still be there. "I don't like flowers."
"You got rid of it?" He glared.
Guy ignored the glare - there was nothing to glare at. "What? You thought I was going to keep it?" Perhaps, if it hadn't reminded him of what it had meant (Belize's confession to a crush), he would have thought it amusing to keep it. As it was, it only reminded him of what he could do without. So yes, he had got rid of them. "They're flowers, they would have died anyway."
Somewhere, Belize thought that maybe Guy would have taken the importance of the flowers to mean a bit more. Belize knew they were silly plants that would have died, but he foolishly thought that Guy maybe would have kept them. Even if it was illogical. He turned to Guy with a patronizing smile on his face.
"You're such a fuckbag. It's probably a blessing you and your sorry little life got swept away to this fucking island. Perhaps the
world, the goddess out and above, wanted you here because she knew sick, sorry bastards like me would put up with you. She wanted you here because otherwise, you'd die alone. Hated and alone." He blinked, proud of the words be allowed to flow from his mouth.
Yes. That was the answer for Guy. He would probably die hated by his country and alone in Moscow. All pointed to that. But that wasn't what mattered. "In my 'sorry life' in England I had more important things to do then worry about flowers." Perhaps there was something in his voice that indicated that he did take more imporatance in the flowers. Only he hadn't liked what they meant.
Belize smiled, sensing his chance for attack like a snake. "Yes, like being a spy....hm. I should have known from the beginning you wouldn't have a soul. It's been ruthlessly torn out of you and raped for the sake of gilded patriotism. All you government assholes are the same. Always trying to spin this web over here and tie this lie over here. You're not a person, Guy. You're a machine. A robot. A tool for the grand old flag."
Guy snorted at that. "Don't talk of what you don't know," he chided.
Belize looked at him in disbelief. "I may care about the pumping organ in your chest, you know the red fist pumping blood and keeping you alive? But that doesn't make me unintelligent, Mr. Burgess."
Red fist was definitely nearer the mark. "You're thinking of the wrong country. I spied for Russia. 'Patriotism' isn't the term." There were people on the island to whom Guy would chose not to tell it. However, today he didn't care if Belize knew.
Perhaps it was politically incorrect, but as soon as he heard the word spy, Russia came to mind. Regardless of the country, Belize knew what the word patriotism meant and intended on saying it. You must love a country to spy for it. "Oh, what was it then?"
Love didn't enter into it. If anything it was faith, though to Guy it was certainty. "Betrayal is generally what it is considered. But what it was is what it is. It's what I believe in."
"You didn't you love Russia? Or did you willingly become a machine for a country you didn't love?" Belize questioned.
"Dear me, no. I loathe the place. Went there once. Utterly ghastly." The boat-trip to Russia had been fun, the stay had been less then idealistic. He came back feighning disillusion; there was little he needed to feighn.
Unlike his current counterpart, Belize still had dialogue with his heart. And he felt it working. Something moved him about the tone Guy took on. "Why on earth would you spy for them then?"
"Because they have the system," Guy replied matter-of-factly, for that was what it was.
There was a pause and Belize thought about the way the war had ended. Because Guy was far more intimately involved with it, he wanted to avoid sounding like a history lesson. "I probably shouldn't tell you how it ends, then?"
"It doesn't matter. Doesn't make it any less true." He had assured himself of this some time ago.
Belize lowered his voice. "The war ends. It does, Guy."
That did sound like a bloody history lesson to him. "I know," he answered, annoyed.
Returning to the offense, provoked by Guy's tone, he glared. "What do you walk away with? How victorious do you emerge?" He spit the word out with the emphasis like venom.
Back to a matter-of-factly tone of voice, he looked at Belize, utterly unimpressed with the nancy's tone of voice. "In Moscow."
Belize reared a sly grin. He might as well said Told you so. "Exile in Moscow. Doesn't sound good"
"I know." It didn't matter. Guy didn't do it to save his own arse, to keep himself safe, to live a predictable life free or risks. "Nothing I can do about it here, though." He had had this conversation with Anthony often and though he minded more then he let on, he gave a convincing shrug.
Belize stopped and decided to turn the conversation. For too long, Belize knew something was wrong with Guy. He had things, felt things, that wouldn't be healthy later on in life. He smiled, prepared to talk about things he had wanted to for a long time. "Sorry. Surprised you didn't suck the proper dick to evade the outcome. I would have."
Guy snorted at that. "I don't know the details." Meant he probably would have if that had been solution. But things were never that simple. Not if he believed Anthony.
"Then… wait. Why aren't you happy to be here? Mary, you should be fucking praising your ever-loving Jesus that you're here." He meant it. He left an AIDS infested city and ended up on a beautiful island. He left delusions and virus, and hate, and class and ended up on a beautiful island. Belize was thankful that he was here and had reason. He thought Guy should be too.
Guy didn't see it quite that way. This island was a pause, a momentary halt to life. Life was there, somewhere, elsewhere. This wasn't life. "While my country is blind towards the situation in Europe? While the hunger marchers go by past the door? While bloody conservatives do nothing. Of course I'm not happy to be here. I want to do something. Not worry about bloody idiocies." Where to fish, where to go for a swim, what to talk about in debate classes, love... "Children die because they're not fed properly, the economy is fucked and I'm here lounging for no fucking reason." There was nothing here, nothing he cared about. Nothing.
Literally throwing his hands up in the air, Belize let out a small laugh if disbelief. He stepped in closer to Guy. "You're much too literal a thinking. Too severe a moraler. How do you know that's even what time is it. This shit is over. From where I'm from, World War II is done and has been for forty years."
"It's the future to me. My life there isn't the past simply because you are from a future," Guy stated clearly.
Belize wrinkled his nose. "I just think you need to stop fucking dwelling on it. You're becoming less of a person and more of a shell." He stopped and let the words linger. " Regret the past, baby. I don't need to do that. My family was calling white people "masta" and getting fucked by whoever the hell wanted because they were slaves and didn't have a say. I'm angry about it, yes, but I don't hate the entire world for making black people subordinate creatures of disgust." He took a change to breath and shake his head at Guy. "I should, but I don't. Because why? I realize the world changes. We move. We progress. We can't stop it and go back." Belize moved in and placed a small, encouraging kiss on Guy's warm cheek. "Move on, dear."
But more then anything, Guy hated to be considered the past, to be told to move on, to be bloody patronised. So, again, he stated quite clearly; "My world is not the past only because you are from a time beyond it. Just as much as you aren't the past to someone who comes from a time where that disease is manageable."
It was like arguing with a middle school children. He looked at Guy and spoke as if he was teaching class. "This disease you speak of, has killed more than half my friends before the age of 35. It's still going. People here have it. It's not a thing of the past. Your communism issues and wanting to be active in Russia didn't happen today, darling. Therefore, it's the past. Move along, dear."
"Neither are those - friends - who are dying in Spain to fight in an unfair war. They may be the past to you; they are what I care about. They are the reason why I fucking put up. So don't tell me they're irrelevant simply because they don't matter here." His belief wasn't faltering and neither was his annoyance. This wasn't life.
Belize regained his calm, collected tone and looked at Guy with sympathy more than anything. It was sad that Guy couldn't move his mind from this state. "The word irrelevant never came from my mouth." He immediately thought of Louis and their unending debates of squabbled politics and racial components of NYC. " I should be going Guy, it's clear you're getting too excited about this and I don't want to see you double over in orgasm because you're indulging in so much misery"
"I don't find the death of millions orgasmic, but suit your bloody self," Guy deadpanned.
Belize kept his voice low and calm, but his words powerful. "You must if you're still fucking consuming yourself with it. Please, humor me. tell me what the fucking hell you can do about any of that now? It's not a reality here. Why not take up cause to stop the destruction of the dinosaurs on the island of equal rights for heterosexual minorities here?" He gave a short laugh. He wanted to cheer Guy up, but the sentiment was true. Heterosexuals did seem the minorities here. "There are things to adapt to here. You're in England anymore."
The tone now calmer, Guy's answer became more calm too, though not less annoyed. "I do my bit in this 'civilization'. Doesn't mean I would jump off a cliff if I knew that would take me home."
He really couldn't take it anymore. Everything he had said felt strong, like iron, like blood. He had been meaning to say it for a long time. Belize just remained too polite to say it to Guy. It was one of the things that he was able to do to Belize that others were not. Belize took a breath out and then met eyes with the man.
"You really should take a few days to yourself. I reccomend going somewhere quiet. Alone. Realize the state of the world and the island and try and clear your head of things you used to know, because we are humans baby, and we are renewable." He looked at Guy once more with sad, sympathtic eyes. "Nothing is permanent within ourselves unless you demand it." Belize kissed his fingers and placed them on Guy's cheek.
There was, should Guy be willing to take it, a point to that. Nothing is permanent unless one demands it. Guy, however, was unwilling to take that point at this moment, and so gave a dismissing nod. "Good, will do." The tone clearly indicated he didn't believe it and wouldn't do such thing at all. And with that he left.