No more games

[patrick_koster]

The game ended ages ago and they're already on their way home when Patrick's still complaining about how on earth the Red Bulls managed to lose three points there. And how on earth Djorkaeff managed not to score at least three times

Comments

[stormybrendan]

"Genetics? What the hell's genetics got t' do with whatever it is that's hurt y'? And why y' suddenly worried y' gonna hurt me?"

He pushed Patrick's shoulders back a little more, trying to see something, anything when he looked into the man's eyes. His worry now sounded in his voice and his concern reflected in his movements.

"It's bullshit, 's what it is! One minute y' fine and the next y' going all miserable and worried? What happened, Patrick?"

[patrick_koster]

"Aren't I always miserable and worried?" Patrick asked in a tired voice as he shifted, trying to avoid Brendan's gaze. "I don't know what happened, mate," he whispered after a moment's hesitation. "This just made me realize I'm not - that I can't be who I once was. Not that I don't want to try, I just - just can't."

[stormybrendan]

"What the hell y' talking about?" His voice softened a little, though still riddled with concern. "Y' Patrick, and we all change." He swallowed after saying that, knowing full well it applied to him only too well.

"And who's t' say the changes ain't been for the better, anyway, hey?" He still wasn't convinced he understood what was going on in Patrick's head, but he wasn't about to try and psychoanalyse whatever it was, as he was feeling right out of his depth.

"Y' never were one for putting y' heart on your sleeve," he added. "And I cn see a few changes yeah, but there's stuff still the same, stuff I hadn't even understood before."

[patrick_koster]

"A few changes?" he asked softly as his eyes glanced over to Brendan's face only to look away almost immediately. "Because I keep telling myself that nothing changed - that whatever happened, doesn't matter anymore. That it is over, dealt with." He shrugged helplessly and then for the first time really looked at Brendan, searching the other man's face as he asked, "What's changed for the better then, Brendan?"

[stormybrendan]

Brendan snorted when Patrick said that he'd told himself nothing had changed.

"Y' not that stupid, mate, and don't try and tell me y' believe that nothing's changed! Be it for better or worse, things do. Especially when someone's been through hell and been spat back out of it." He reached a hand up and stroked his fingers down Patrick's cheek before reaching around and cradling his neck, rubbing the tight muscles there.

"And what's changed for the better? I have. That's what."

[patrick_koster]

The hint of a smile crossed Patrick's lips briefly. "Don't remember having an awful lot of complaints about you before - but glad to know you got even better, mate." The smile disappeared again, he added, "I sort of feel like I need to be apologizing to you - again - for making things so bloody difficult." Apologizing had never been something he was comfortable doing and the fact that just tonight he'd been doing a hell of a lot of it didn't feel quite right and yet he couldn't stop feeling like he needed to either.

[stormybrendan]

"Could say I'm like a fine wine, improving with age?" Brendan replied, trying to laugh. He stopped as Patrick continued.

"What's with all the remorse, and misery?" he asked, again the unpleasant feeling of fear starting to writhe in his gut.

[patrick_koster]

"Not sure - thought I only did remorse when in front of the parole board, really," Patrick murmured, uttering a deep sigh before resting his head against Brendan's chest again. "I really don't know how to explain myself when I'm not sure about anything myself," he admitted honestly as he once again closed his eyes.

[stormybrendan]

"Well sounds to me you're doing a pretty damned fine job of it right now. So y' can just call it quits, right?" he told Patrick, putting a smile on. "You're out, you're here, and there's no need to convince anyone of anything you ain't."

[patrick_koster]

Reckoning that Brendan was getting a little tired of the conversation, Patrick gave an almost imperceptible nod. "All right," he said and hoped he didn't sound too doubtful about it, because if Brendan wanted him to snap out of it, he should at least try. "If you say so," he added, voice barely audible.

[stormybrendan]

"I do," Brendan told him, hearing what sounded to him like resignation in Patrick's voice. He chewed on the side of his bottom lip for a moment, thinking.

"Maybe in the morning, after a good night's sleep, things might be a little clearer, or something," he suggested.

[patrick_koster]

Patrick snorted but couldn't help smiling at that as well. "Right, mate," he muttered as he slowly pulled away from Brendan. "That I can do, a good night's sleep." He sat up and shook his head. "Not before I have a cigarette though - or two - " Getting out of bed he headed directly for his jacket, bending down to find his cigarettes and lighter. "We staying here then?" he asked, giving Brendan a sideways glance.

[stormybrendan]

Brendan sat up, managing to keep a blank face as he felt the need to sit on one hip. Resting an arm on one raised knee he shrugged. "What'd you prefer?"

[patrick_koster]

He stared into the flame of his lighter and shrugged. "I'd prefer being home - I just don't particularly fancy going there," Patrick said before taking a long, deep drag off his cigarette.

[stormybrendan]

Brendan looked a little confused. "What? The walk? Why don't y' fancy going there?" He didn't understand.

[patrick_koster]

Patrick gives Brendan an almost sheepish smile. "I could do with a bit of a walk to be honest - or a bit of fresh air. Just not sure about, well, the lift thing, really." He had trouble with that on a good day, he doesn't want to find out what it'll be like in his current state of mind. "But if you want, we can go - "