reposts from a now extinct journal
i just started this journal and am letting my last one die but i wanted to move some entries over fell free to read as they give a bit of backround and may give you a clue as to how my twisted mind unveils itself
10/25/01 quotes and questions
sometimes i wish I had never met you b/c then i could go to sleep at night not knowin there was someone like you out there~~
i live in heaven, where deams come true. but if they are supposed to, then why am i not with you?
How can you be friends with someone if everytime you look at them, it makes you want them even more?
The girl you always seem to like,
never seems to like you.
And the girl that always seems to like you,
you just can't seem to like.
*The worst way to love someone is to sit next to them, knowing they don't love you back."
It's terrible when the one you fall for isn't there to catch you
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.
Don't ever cry over someone who won't cry over you.
Most Of The Time I Think I'm Over You, But Then There Are Some Days When I Hear Her Talking About You And That Little Pang Of Jealousy Tugs At My Heart All Day
You never stop loving someone, you just learn how to live without them
The hardest part of walking away from you is knowing you'll never run after me.*~
If I could have one last kiss, I would take it unless it would end because that would mean losing you again
Why does it seem at times, that you want to be around me... and at other times... you don't want to do anything about me...?~*~
Missing you isn't what hurts, knowing I once had you is breaking my heart.
Nothing hurts more than realizing she meant everything to you and you meant nothing to her
It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your hearst still does
If love is meant to be so great, why doesn't it hurt so much?
I knew I loved you from the start, you caught my eye but you broke my heart.
Is it possible to love someone too much?
Is our society so predjudiced that someone who is very caring doesnt matter if they are slightly overweight?
Why should i care about love it certanly doesnt about me?
why is it so easy to fall for someone who is your friend but will never be more
How do you mend a broken heart?
to the end of the earth i will fall for you whenever you walk by,
falling to hard to fast my life revolves around you but you dont see me i have dropped of the map to you
less then before but i feel like its more a smile a glance maybe i still have a chance
till the end my freind i will be there for you
does she see me can she hear me when she is happy when she is sad my shoulders ears and heart are wet with salty tears but when she smiles the light is facing someone else
do i make you smile or do i make you cry
when is it to late to chase your dreams?
how can you live without the perfect match when she is your best freind
can one person be a soulmate to another but not the reverse?
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lyric survey 5/22/2002
(Originally stolen from Laetificant Rockstar, stolen by me from metamorphic passion)
i know the lyrics i want but i dont know all of the srtists names
1) Are you male or female? "what a man what a man what a mighty fine man"
2) Who are you? Wanna be rebels who didnt have a clue kenny chesney
3) Describe your neighborhood. " its alright to be little bitty in a little bitty town or the big old city" alan jackson
4) How do you look? . "6 foot 7 foot eight foot hut"
5) What is love? "my heart is lost to you". brooks and dunn/ you know talkin about you makes me smile" toby keith
6) If you could say one thing to the person you love what would it be? "im falling even more in love with you" life house
7) What's your secret? ."it's allright to be a redneck" alan jackson
8) Are you strong? "all i can do is all i can do" trace adkins
9) Where do you wish you were right now? " "now im on my downeaster alexa and im cruisin through long island sound" billy joel
10) What do you think about your best friends? "i have been blessed to be here with the ones who love me" caroline dawn johnson
11) Any words of advice? "start living thats the next thing on my list" toby keith /"open the gates and seize the day dont be afraifd and dont delay" newsies
12) What do you wish you were doing right now? sailing away
13) If you could say one thing to your enemy what would it be? "how do you like me now now that im on mt way " toby keith
14) What do you usually do on Friday nights? "chase around the girls on a friday night" alan jackson/ "workin for the man everynight and day"
15) Are you for World Peace?" i think to my self this world is a beutiful place" caroline dawn johnson
16) What would you do if you won a million dollars? " i wont break my back for a million bucks i cant take to my grave" toby keith
17) What do you think about your school? "shit town" live
18) How do you feel right now? relax and let the six pack of summer roll " phil vassar
19) Any closing words? ". the only thing that stays the same is everything changes,everything changes north moves south south moves north a star is born a star fades out /" cause there aint no good goodbye" brooks and dunn
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convo with a great friend 5/20/2002
Thesmartestgirliknow: I am here for you...a bit depressed myself, but, nonetheless, here for you :-)
Auto response from UMLgiant: hey i fyou want to talk tome im all ears but im a little depressed today so im not going to initialize convorsations but if your my friend ill talk
UMLgiant: how come your depressed
Thesmartestgirliknow: Had a little "situation" with my friend Todd tonight...I don't even know what happened, but he acted as if he didn't even want to talk to me, which has never happened before.
UMLgiant: im very sorry
Thesmartestgirliknow: It's okay
Thesmartestgirliknow: I'm sure it's nothing, but it's depressing :-(
Thesmartestgirliknow: Why are you depressed?
UMLgiant: to put it simply outside of you two of my best friends are confusing the shit out of me because im in the middle of an argument between them and i dont know why,it happens that they are the most convaluted females in the world and i hate them both because i love them with my entire heart one i love one im in love with and i love,i miss both of them and other then when they are attempting to berate the other through me they havent been talking to me for a week
UMLgiant: sorry to unload this on you
Thesmartestgirliknow: No, it's so okay.
Thesmartestgirliknow: I can sympathize
Thesmartestgirliknow: Just not the same situation, but it seems we're both having friend problems.
UMLgiant: yup
Thesmartestgirliknow: You should tell them how you feel.
UMLgiant: i know but with my recent luck i will then be fighting with at leats one of them
Thesmartestgirliknow: :-( :-(
UMLgiant: oh well as i find out more and more lately nothing is perfect
Thesmartestgirliknow: Yeah, ditto.
Thesmartestgirliknow: I'm so scared of losing this friendship.
Thesmartestgirliknow: I've been screwed over my so many friends in the past.
UMLgiant: its weird at masuk i had very few close friends but i was close to those i had but was by no means the most popular guy right so i figured ok go to college dont be so shy and reserved let yourself actual fall in love yada yada yada figuring that hey they dont me i got a good chance at a new impression so yeah i shed a few of my lesser things and became one of the popular guys a frat rat at that but not totaly while im no longer as naive as i once was i remai n the shy guy i thought that being popular was perfection but now i realise no matter what i will have my good freinds and i will have problems but in the end we all will come out for the better i am begining to realise more an dmore what you always say life isnt a movie
UMLgiant: i know i dont think it will end and i dont know the guy
Thesmartestgirliknow: I am praying that it won't. And what's worse is everyone in my family is giving me flack for it.
Thesmartestgirliknow: Because I have a guy friend.
Thesmartestgirliknow: And it's starting to get so insulting, Aaron. They're treating me as if I'm having this sultry affair behind Mark's back.
UMLgiant: WHAT THE FUCK? both of our parents are the same way how do they expect us to have freinds
Thesmartestgirliknow: When, in truth, Mark is 300% supportive of it. He's glad that I have found a friend with whom I connect...he happens to be male and he happens to be a grad student, but who cares? Friendship transcends gender boundaries...but my mom has some old-fashioned ideas about guys and girls not being friends.
Thesmartestgirliknow: My littlest sister bugs me about him, and accused me of being in love with him tonight...loudly. It was awful
UMLgiant: ouch
UMLgiant: off topic for a second ok
Thesmartestgirliknow: Sure
UMLgiant: would you mind if i changed your screen name and posted this as an entry?
Thesmartestgirliknow: Go right ahead
UMLgiant: thanks
Thesmartestgirliknow: :-)
Thesmartestgirliknow: You know me...obviously, we go way back :-) And you know Mark, because you've known him awhile, too. And I knew that first time he held my hand that he was The One. But there are so many kinds of soul mates: Todd and Emily happen to be soul mates of the friend variety.
UMLgiant: yeah i am blessedwith a few of those
Thesmartestgirliknow: And nobody understands it except you, Mark, Emily, and a few of my other friends.
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what deos it all mean 6/4/2002
im perplexed why do humans care so damn much about ridiculous things
at the outside mall where i work today i witnessed a car accident that was not serious but did happen i am certified in first aid and cpr and am a good citizen and happen to know the law that i could be found negligent in a court of law if someone in that accident were fatly wounded and someone knew that i had witnessed it and done nothing so i ran outside to make sure evryone in both cars was alright one person in a very expensive car next to them was asking if they could moive out of his way whatever by this time the police were on scene the security gaurds at the commons are on the same radio as the town police so response time is immediate when the officer arrived i told him i was a first responde that i had too go back t work so if he needed anything from me i would be right across the street he said ok and i went back inside my boss asked me why i did that since i was working i told him and he said oh ok but im not paying you for it so i had to clock out for ten minutes early at the end of the night to make up for it that part i dont really care about because i wasnt working for him at the time i have a problem with that he ddidnt understand why i did what i did
can anyone understand why people are so egocentric?
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The invisible man 7/2/2002
there was a time when i thought that i was invinceable you know like in video games when you cant be hurt by the enemys , i now realize that no tonly am i not thaty but i am invisible to all but a select few people
this may sound bad but i have no feelings for the person relayed in this story other thewn i find her to be a unique person who seems to be nice and might be a fun summer fling
any way i work with a girl she has been working with me for aproximately 3 weeks at first she was very flitatious with me after that time though she has forgotten that i exist including such things as saying hello are passed uppoon may similar things have beeen happpening to me lately , evry other thursday a grouyp of my coworkers talk about going to a club in providence that night i am no tone to invite myself to anything bu ti would like to go as during working hours they joke with me as much as with each other but when it comes to socially i might as well not be there occassionally they invite me i fthey see me near them when they are talking but it is not that often
anothe rindicatot that i am not visible is evident in my friends or people who i thoiught were such, this does not include you mere,lauren jam,ie or kim. have as soon as i eithier im them or call them have extremely pressing business that they must attend to if i am still online when they return they imediately sign off again or simply dont respond
anyway im done my rant for no
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THE MAN AT THE END OF THE ROPE 8/18/2002
i am usually not one to be overtly affected byt hings
but this happened to my friend
the cold sound of a heart breaking may cause many things
but now it has echoed to many new people
he did not deserve this
we should have been there now many mourn for one broken heart
too many mourn for the man at the end of the rope
he needed help that we didnt have so one last toast i am sorry my freind my brother i should have been there but fear not you will be remebered for more then being the man at the end of the rope
this entry is npot happy obviously th esemi poem above is how i feel after one of my close freinds and fraternity brothers decided that hanging himself was the way to solve his problems
RIP JAMES DURLIN PHI KAPPA SIGMA---2002
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i miss my friend 9/19/2002
daryll worley song aprpriat eto how i feel about lauren
I miss the look of surrender in your eyes / The way your soft brown hair would fall / I miss the power of your kiss when we made love / But baby most of all * chorus: I miss my friend / The one my heart and soul confided in / The one I felt the safest with / The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again / And let the light back in / I miss my friend * I miss the colors that you brought into my life / Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes / I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now / Saying it’ll be alright * chorus * I miss those times / I miss those nights / I even miss our silly fights / The making up / The morning talks / And those late afternoon walks * I miss my friend / The one my heart and soul confided in / The one I felt the safest with / The one who knew just what to say / To make me laugh again and let the light back in / I miss my friend
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the bloody soul 9/18/2002
Perfection will never be acheived the thing that we all strive for believe is true and imagine ourself and lovers being.
Love is fleeting painful mourning that can be soothed only by one person.
Energy slips as the peices of your heart reach your throat.
Anytime you are sad visit the one they may help you or will at least cry with you.
Songs of joy run through your veins as that one kiss explodes.
Eventhough we are not together right now, i am helped by knowing you were once there
Fights will happen of course they will but after will we be alright.
Often waiting for the phone to ring is it your lover why dont they call.
Reading poems of love to you only makes the final relaisation more devasting.
Great things would happen if only we gave it a shot.
I Dont know what to do when im around you.
Victors get the spoils but all i want is you.
Everyday my love for you is stronger.
Meet me in the middle to see where we can go.
Everytime i think about us i think beyound the freindship to the times where i cant speak just because you walked into the room,
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sometime love just aint enough 9/19/2002
what was joy as the week started has turned into great sorrow. i love someone so much and i cant have her because she is worried about pain from both sides, i figured this would happen eventually but i wanted a shot so i took aim and missed the targhet by miles. now the enemy has reached me oh well game over stand up and try again
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why go back to whats is in the past 2/19/2003
everytime i go home i come back feeling as though i am a failure i feel so far away from my hopes and dreams but i dont know why everyone there is very porud and supportiuve of em.
valentines day sucks i had a great time with lauren but ....
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why what 4/16/2003
why is impossible for the girl i love to love me back
i miss her being comfortable with m arms around her justlaying there talking joking horsing around but for some reason thats changed into she sits away from me and i just look at her
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Hearts vs. MIND 5/12/2003
My fraternity formal was this past weekend, interseting time i went with lauren, when we were both drunk she tried to kiss me 11 times 11 times i turned my head and kissed her on the cheek, i know we had the conversation that i shouldnt always be a gentleman but i know the other day had i kissed her we would have wound up in bed together that night and i know she doesnt want a relationship right now so i wasnt going to throw my freindship away for one recless night of drunken passion. i have been beating my self up over this i know i did the right thing but it is so hard when the oppurtunity to have the one thing in this world you truly desire above all else is availible and you dont sweep it up right then. Dancing with her was one of the top ten things i can remeber and all day long we just spent in eachothers arms it felt so right ....hoplessly in love
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comercial world isingficant people 6/10/2003
The world may work in mysterious ways but why is it that what we expect to happen to make jus happyt in turn just makes us more misserable.
why is it that not only are there comercials on tv and popups on the web why must there now be popups on tv {disney chanel/fx are the worst for this} and now on most websites the screen is filled with a movie before i can click on a link on the sight
the weirdest things have been possesing my dreams of late they invole lauren which isnt a surprose bu8t they invole me being happy with not being with er i know i will always be her best freind but i still love her but there are people who seem to love me and when i think about it i could be completely happy with them but i hold back for somereason i am thinking about persuing a relationship with linz when she gerts to bosto0n and my freind kim at work is really sweet
so many of my frat brothers right now are just in the mod to hook up with as many chicks as possible before they leave college me i am past that point i want a gfirl to settle down with i knmow where my life is going i will be teaching within 3 years have a house within 10
i misss my freinds from ct mere jamie ben linz bill aqmanda you guys should all come up and see mee
i dont want to right any more so i wont bye
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ask how don't ask why 6/29/2002
this is a rather random entry but i will start each part with a header
theese are things running through my mind
My Niece-by her picture she is the cutest thing i am not that that close to my step brother however since i wont have a niece or nephew from my sister for a while i think its really cool
God - i have very much faith that there is a god but as of late i have started to doubt the heaven and hell aspect
The Pledge of Alledgiance- The ninth circuit should focus on important things rather then things that bring the entire country to uproar, if the pledge is unconstituitional so is all of our paper currency "in god we trust" the pledge is an important part of american history esp. after 9-11 when i was in grade school i felt as though it was a nuisance but now im proud of it
Fraudulent Compannies-the ceo's should be put into the stocks literally as in the 18th century holding devices
My Freinds- i have found that i now have more true freinds then fair weather friends and this is great
My Family- i have been arguing too much with them lately
Vacation- i need one i want my freinds to visit
Reality Tv Shows-funny at first but other then fear factor they are simply not entertaining
The accident i saw- the other day im in a shopping center picking up some gatorade this guy pulls in in a brand nrew truck towing a brand new boat with the tag still on it 64000 some lady pulls in behind him at about 25 mph hops up onto the trailer taps the back of the boat i didnt see how much damage happende to the boat i think it will be repairable the trailer slowed her alot anyway the guy gets out of his truck before he remebers to put in in park his wife reached over and did this and if he were some rich guy i wouldnt feel bad but you could tell by looking at him that hes a blue collar guy so he had to have refinanced his house to get it now he cant use it and its not covvered by insurance unless its in water
this was going to be longe rbut now im bored
10/25/01 quotes and questions
sometimes i wish I had never met you b/c then i could go to sleep at night not knowin there was someone like you out there~~
i live in heaven, where deams come true. but if they are supposed to, then why am i not with you?
How can you be friends with someone if everytime you look at them, it makes you want them even more?
The girl you always seem to like,
never seems to like you.
And the girl that always seems to like you,
you just can't seem to like.
*The worst way to love someone is to sit next to them, knowing they don't love you back."
It's terrible when the one you fall for isn't there to catch you
The hardest thing to do is watch the one you love, love someone else.
Don't ever cry over someone who won't cry over you.
Most Of The Time I Think I'm Over You, But Then There Are Some Days When I Hear Her Talking About You And That Little Pang Of Jealousy Tugs At My Heart All Day
You never stop loving someone, you just learn how to live without them
The hardest part of walking away from you is knowing you'll never run after me.*~
If I could have one last kiss, I would take it unless it would end because that would mean losing you again
Why does it seem at times, that you want to be around me... and at other times... you don't want to do anything about me...?~*~
Missing you isn't what hurts, knowing I once had you is breaking my heart.
Nothing hurts more than realizing she meant everything to you and you meant nothing to her
It's hard to tell your mind to stop loving someone when your hearst still does
If love is meant to be so great, why doesn't it hurt so much?
I knew I loved you from the start, you caught my eye but you broke my heart.
Is it possible to love someone too much?
Is our society so predjudiced that someone who is very caring doesnt matter if they are slightly overweight?
Why should i care about love it certanly doesnt about me?
why is it so easy to fall for someone who is your friend but will never be more
How do you mend a broken heart?
to the end of the earth i will fall for you whenever you walk by,
falling to hard to fast my life revolves around you but you dont see me i have dropped of the map to you
less then before but i feel like its more a smile a glance maybe i still have a chance
till the end my freind i will be there for you
does she see me can she hear me when she is happy when she is sad my shoulders ears and heart are wet with salty tears but when she smiles the light is facing someone else
do i make you smile or do i make you cry
when is it to late to chase your dreams?
how can you live without the perfect match when she is your best freind
can one person be a soulmate to another but not the reverse?
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lyric survey 5/22/2002
(Originally stolen from Laetificant Rockstar, stolen by me from metamorphic passion)
i know the lyrics i want but i dont know all of the srtists names
1) Are you male or female? "what a man what a man what a mighty fine man"
2) Who are you? Wanna be rebels who didnt have a clue kenny chesney
3) Describe your neighborhood. " its alright to be little bitty in a little bitty town or the big old city" alan jackson
4) How do you look? . "6 foot 7 foot eight foot hut"
5) What is love? "my heart is lost to you". brooks and dunn/ you know talkin about you makes me smile" toby keith
6) If you could say one thing to the person you love what would it be? "im falling even more in love with you" life house
7) What's your secret? ."it's allright to be a redneck" alan jackson
8) Are you strong? "all i can do is all i can do" trace adkins
9) Where do you wish you were right now? " "now im on my downeaster alexa and im cruisin through long island sound" billy joel
10) What do you think about your best friends? "i have been blessed to be here with the ones who love me" caroline dawn johnson
11) Any words of advice? "start living thats the next thing on my list" toby keith /"open the gates and seize the day dont be afraifd and dont delay" newsies
12) What do you wish you were doing right now? sailing away
13) If you could say one thing to your enemy what would it be? "how do you like me now now that im on mt way " toby keith
14) What do you usually do on Friday nights? "chase around the girls on a friday night" alan jackson/ "workin for the man everynight and day"
15) Are you for World Peace?" i think to my self this world is a beutiful place" caroline dawn johnson
16) What would you do if you won a million dollars? " i wont break my back for a million bucks i cant take to my grave" toby keith
17) What do you think about your school? "shit town" live
18) How do you feel right now? relax and let the six pack of summer roll " phil vassar
19) Any closing words? ". the only thing that stays the same is everything changes,everything changes north moves south south moves north a star is born a star fades out /" cause there aint no good goodbye" brooks and dunn
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convo with a great friend 5/20/2002
Thesmartestgirliknow: I am here for you...a bit depressed myself, but, nonetheless, here for you :-)
Auto response from UMLgiant: hey i fyou want to talk tome im all ears but im a little depressed today so im not going to initialize convorsations but if your my friend ill talk
UMLgiant: how come your depressed
Thesmartestgirliknow: Had a little "situation" with my friend Todd tonight...I don't even know what happened, but he acted as if he didn't even want to talk to me, which has never happened before.
UMLgiant: im very sorry
Thesmartestgirliknow: It's okay
Thesmartestgirliknow: I'm sure it's nothing, but it's depressing :-(
Thesmartestgirliknow: Why are you depressed?
UMLgiant: to put it simply outside of you two of my best friends are confusing the shit out of me because im in the middle of an argument between them and i dont know why,it happens that they are the most convaluted females in the world and i hate them both because i love them with my entire heart one i love one im in love with and i love,i miss both of them and other then when they are attempting to berate the other through me they havent been talking to me for a week
UMLgiant: sorry to unload this on you
Thesmartestgirliknow: No, it's so okay.
Thesmartestgirliknow: I can sympathize
Thesmartestgirliknow: Just not the same situation, but it seems we're both having friend problems.
UMLgiant: yup
Thesmartestgirliknow: You should tell them how you feel.
UMLgiant: i know but with my recent luck i will then be fighting with at leats one of them
Thesmartestgirliknow: :-( :-(
UMLgiant: oh well as i find out more and more lately nothing is perfect
Thesmartestgirliknow: Yeah, ditto.
Thesmartestgirliknow: I'm so scared of losing this friendship.
Thesmartestgirliknow: I've been screwed over my so many friends in the past.
UMLgiant: its weird at masuk i had very few close friends but i was close to those i had but was by no means the most popular guy right so i figured ok go to college dont be so shy and reserved let yourself actual fall in love yada yada yada figuring that hey they dont me i got a good chance at a new impression so yeah i shed a few of my lesser things and became one of the popular guys a frat rat at that but not totaly while im no longer as naive as i once was i remai n the shy guy i thought that being popular was perfection but now i realise no matter what i will have my good freinds and i will have problems but in the end we all will come out for the better i am begining to realise more an dmore what you always say life isnt a movie
UMLgiant: i know i dont think it will end and i dont know the guy
Thesmartestgirliknow: I am praying that it won't. And what's worse is everyone in my family is giving me flack for it.
Thesmartestgirliknow: Because I have a guy friend.
Thesmartestgirliknow: And it's starting to get so insulting, Aaron. They're treating me as if I'm having this sultry affair behind Mark's back.
UMLgiant: WHAT THE FUCK? both of our parents are the same way how do they expect us to have freinds
Thesmartestgirliknow: When, in truth, Mark is 300% supportive of it. He's glad that I have found a friend with whom I connect...he happens to be male and he happens to be a grad student, but who cares? Friendship transcends gender boundaries...but my mom has some old-fashioned ideas about guys and girls not being friends.
Thesmartestgirliknow: My littlest sister bugs me about him, and accused me of being in love with him tonight...loudly. It was awful
UMLgiant: ouch
UMLgiant: off topic for a second ok
Thesmartestgirliknow: Sure
UMLgiant: would you mind if i changed your screen name and posted this as an entry?
Thesmartestgirliknow: Go right ahead
UMLgiant: thanks
Thesmartestgirliknow: :-)
Thesmartestgirliknow: You know me...obviously, we go way back :-) And you know Mark, because you've known him awhile, too. And I knew that first time he held my hand that he was The One. But there are so many kinds of soul mates: Todd and Emily happen to be soul mates of the friend variety.
UMLgiant: yeah i am blessedwith a few of those
Thesmartestgirliknow: And nobody understands it except you, Mark, Emily, and a few of my other friends.
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what deos it all mean 6/4/2002
im perplexed why do humans care so damn much about ridiculous things
at the outside mall where i work today i witnessed a car accident that was not serious but did happen i am certified in first aid and cpr and am a good citizen and happen to know the law that i could be found negligent in a court of law if someone in that accident were fatly wounded and someone knew that i had witnessed it and done nothing so i ran outside to make sure evryone in both cars was alright one person in a very expensive car next to them was asking if they could moive out of his way whatever by this time the police were on scene the security gaurds at the commons are on the same radio as the town police so response time is immediate when the officer arrived i told him i was a first responde that i had too go back t work so if he needed anything from me i would be right across the street he said ok and i went back inside my boss asked me why i did that since i was working i told him and he said oh ok but im not paying you for it so i had to clock out for ten minutes early at the end of the night to make up for it that part i dont really care about because i wasnt working for him at the time i have a problem with that he ddidnt understand why i did what i did
can anyone understand why people are so egocentric?
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The invisible man 7/2/2002
there was a time when i thought that i was invinceable you know like in video games when you cant be hurt by the enemys , i now realize that no tonly am i not thaty but i am invisible to all but a select few people
this may sound bad but i have no feelings for the person relayed in this story other thewn i find her to be a unique person who seems to be nice and might be a fun summer fling
any way i work with a girl she has been working with me for aproximately 3 weeks at first she was very flitatious with me after that time though she has forgotten that i exist including such things as saying hello are passed uppoon may similar things have beeen happpening to me lately , evry other thursday a grouyp of my coworkers talk about going to a club in providence that night i am no tone to invite myself to anything bu ti would like to go as during working hours they joke with me as much as with each other but when it comes to socially i might as well not be there occassionally they invite me i fthey see me near them when they are talking but it is not that often
anothe rindicatot that i am not visible is evident in my friends or people who i thoiught were such, this does not include you mere,lauren jam,ie or kim. have as soon as i eithier im them or call them have extremely pressing business that they must attend to if i am still online when they return they imediately sign off again or simply dont respond
anyway im done my rant for no
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THE MAN AT THE END OF THE ROPE 8/18/2002
i am usually not one to be overtly affected byt hings
but this happened to my friend
the cold sound of a heart breaking may cause many things
but now it has echoed to many new people
he did not deserve this
we should have been there now many mourn for one broken heart
too many mourn for the man at the end of the rope
he needed help that we didnt have so one last toast i am sorry my freind my brother i should have been there but fear not you will be remebered for more then being the man at the end of the rope
this entry is npot happy obviously th esemi poem above is how i feel after one of my close freinds and fraternity brothers decided that hanging himself was the way to solve his problems
RIP JAMES DURLIN PHI KAPPA SIGMA---2002
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i miss my friend 9/19/2002
daryll worley song aprpriat eto how i feel about lauren
I miss the look of surrender in your eyes / The way your soft brown hair would fall / I miss the power of your kiss when we made love / But baby most of all * chorus: I miss my friend / The one my heart and soul confided in / The one I felt the safest with / The one who knew just what to say to make me laugh again / And let the light back in / I miss my friend * I miss the colors that you brought into my life / Your golden smile, those blue-green eyes / I miss your gentle voice in lonely times like now / Saying it’ll be alright * chorus * I miss those times / I miss those nights / I even miss our silly fights / The making up / The morning talks / And those late afternoon walks * I miss my friend / The one my heart and soul confided in / The one I felt the safest with / The one who knew just what to say / To make me laugh again and let the light back in / I miss my friend
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the bloody soul 9/18/2002
Perfection will never be acheived the thing that we all strive for believe is true and imagine ourself and lovers being.
Love is fleeting painful mourning that can be soothed only by one person.
Energy slips as the peices of your heart reach your throat.
Anytime you are sad visit the one they may help you or will at least cry with you.
Songs of joy run through your veins as that one kiss explodes.
Eventhough we are not together right now, i am helped by knowing you were once there
Fights will happen of course they will but after will we be alright.
Often waiting for the phone to ring is it your lover why dont they call.
Reading poems of love to you only makes the final relaisation more devasting.
Great things would happen if only we gave it a shot.
I Dont know what to do when im around you.
Victors get the spoils but all i want is you.
Everyday my love for you is stronger.
Meet me in the middle to see where we can go.
Everytime i think about us i think beyound the freindship to the times where i cant speak just because you walked into the room,
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sometime love just aint enough 9/19/2002
what was joy as the week started has turned into great sorrow. i love someone so much and i cant have her because she is worried about pain from both sides, i figured this would happen eventually but i wanted a shot so i took aim and missed the targhet by miles. now the enemy has reached me oh well game over stand up and try again
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why go back to whats is in the past 2/19/2003
everytime i go home i come back feeling as though i am a failure i feel so far away from my hopes and dreams but i dont know why everyone there is very porud and supportiuve of em.
valentines day sucks i had a great time with lauren but ....
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why what 4/16/2003
why is impossible for the girl i love to love me back
i miss her being comfortable with m arms around her justlaying there talking joking horsing around but for some reason thats changed into she sits away from me and i just look at her
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Hearts vs. MIND 5/12/2003
My fraternity formal was this past weekend, interseting time i went with lauren, when we were both drunk she tried to kiss me 11 times 11 times i turned my head and kissed her on the cheek, i know we had the conversation that i shouldnt always be a gentleman but i know the other day had i kissed her we would have wound up in bed together that night and i know she doesnt want a relationship right now so i wasnt going to throw my freindship away for one recless night of drunken passion. i have been beating my self up over this i know i did the right thing but it is so hard when the oppurtunity to have the one thing in this world you truly desire above all else is availible and you dont sweep it up right then. Dancing with her was one of the top ten things i can remeber and all day long we just spent in eachothers arms it felt so right ....hoplessly in love
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comercial world isingficant people 6/10/2003
The world may work in mysterious ways but why is it that what we expect to happen to make jus happyt in turn just makes us more misserable.
why is it that not only are there comercials on tv and popups on the web why must there now be popups on tv {disney chanel/fx are the worst for this} and now on most websites the screen is filled with a movie before i can click on a link on the sight
the weirdest things have been possesing my dreams of late they invole lauren which isnt a surprose bu8t they invole me being happy with not being with er i know i will always be her best freind but i still love her but there are people who seem to love me and when i think about it i could be completely happy with them but i hold back for somereason i am thinking about persuing a relationship with linz when she gerts to bosto0n and my freind kim at work is really sweet
so many of my frat brothers right now are just in the mod to hook up with as many chicks as possible before they leave college me i am past that point i want a gfirl to settle down with i knmow where my life is going i will be teaching within 3 years have a house within 10
i misss my freinds from ct mere jamie ben linz bill aqmanda you guys should all come up and see mee
i dont want to right any more so i wont bye
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ask how don't ask why 6/29/2002
this is a rather random entry but i will start each part with a header
theese are things running through my mind
My Niece-by her picture she is the cutest thing i am not that that close to my step brother however since i wont have a niece or nephew from my sister for a while i think its really cool
God - i have very much faith that there is a god but as of late i have started to doubt the heaven and hell aspect
The Pledge of Alledgiance- The ninth circuit should focus on important things rather then things that bring the entire country to uproar, if the pledge is unconstituitional so is all of our paper currency "in god we trust" the pledge is an important part of american history esp. after 9-11 when i was in grade school i felt as though it was a nuisance but now im proud of it
Fraudulent Compannies-the ceo's should be put into the stocks literally as in the 18th century holding devices
My Freinds- i have found that i now have more true freinds then fair weather friends and this is great
My Family- i have been arguing too much with them lately
Vacation- i need one i want my freinds to visit
Reality Tv Shows-funny at first but other then fear factor they are simply not entertaining
The accident i saw- the other day im in a shopping center picking up some gatorade this guy pulls in in a brand nrew truck towing a brand new boat with the tag still on it 64000 some lady pulls in behind him at about 25 mph hops up onto the trailer taps the back of the boat i didnt see how much damage happende to the boat i think it will be repairable the trailer slowed her alot anyway the guy gets out of his truck before he remebers to put in in park his wife reached over and did this and if he were some rich guy i wouldnt feel bad but you could tell by looking at him that hes a blue collar guy so he had to have refinanced his house to get it now he cant use it and its not covvered by insurance unless its in water
this was going to be longe rbut now im bored