NEW FIC: Suits 3/3
title Suits 3/3
author patientalien
word count 4,037 (this part) 13,268 (total)
rating R
summary Earth-AU; Ferus and Anakin are ad execs at the same firm, working on a campaign for PR-guru Obi-Wan. When Anakin's past - and present - catch up with him, Ferus tries to unravel the threads and make things right.
notes Thanks, as always, go to citizenjess, who listened to me blabber about this far more than it deserved and gave some amazing suggestions. ♥ It's three parts, but I'm going to post them all at once. :)
warnings substance addiction, non-graphic dub-con, implied underage (barely-legal!Ahsoka)
-----
Siri proclaimed she was getting tired of Ferus' moping. "Look, Obi-Wan's gonna be back tomorrow, and you can talk to him. Maybe he'll tell you, and then you can finish being matchmaker and get back to normal."
Ferus wasn't sure "normal" was something he would be any time soon, but Siri had a point. He had a feeling if he went to Kenobi with what he already knew, the older man would be a little more open than Anakin had been.
He spent Sunday trying to forget about Anakin and working on the finishing touches on the television spot for Kenobi. Monday morning saw him in the office early, hoping he wouldn't run into Anakin. As expected, Anakin hadn't shown up by the time Kenobi did, which meant Ferus wasn't distracted when it came to the conversation he was almost dreading.
"How was your week?" Obi-Wan asked as they set back up in their usual conference room.
Ferus chewed on his lip for a moment, trying to decide how to broach the topic - if at all. He knew it would eat at him if he didn't, but he still couldn't figure out why he cared in the first place. "It was interesting," he said carefully. "Look, this is uncomfortable for me, but I need to ask you something."
Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "Of course," he said.
Ferus took a deep breath, pushing his iPad aside. "I just, I spent some time with Anakin this weekend, and I noticed some stuff, and I know you know him better than I do, and I just... I need to know if I need to be, you know, worried." He had already figured out that he should be worried, but he was hoping that Obi-Wan would provide a little more insight; Ferus was still sold on his idea of getting them back together.
Obi-Wan ran a hand over his beard. "I would recommend not getting too personally involved with Anakin," he said. "You're only going to get hurt." It was crisp, colder than Ferus had ever heard from the other man.
"But why?" Ferus prodded. "He's a good guy, but I just..."
Sighing, Obi-Wan leaned back in his chair. "Some of this is Anakin's to tell," he said. "I'm sure he won't, but it's not my place to talk about some of it." He rubbed his forehead, frowning. "When Anakin and I were... together... he was just finishing business school and things were, well, unstable."
Ferus leaned forward in his chair, and Obi-Wan continued. "Anakin's lucky to have family members at this firm willing to sweep his disgressions under the rug." He slumped in on himself slightly. "Or unlucky, I suppose, depending on your point of view. Palpatine's going to keep paying for him to go in and out of rehab, and eventually he's just going to self-destruct. And I..." He shook his head. "I can't go through that again."
None of it was particularly surprising, but it hurt Ferus to hear it. He couldn't help think that Anakin deserved more than that, but then again, Ferus hadn't been the one left holding the pieces. "But what if things changed?" he asked.
"After this long?" Obi-Wan asked. "He's never going to change."
-----
When he explained his conversation to Siri after work, she sat him down on the couch and took him by the shoulders. "Look," she said, "I know all about guys like Anakin. Well, guys of his general variety, anyway." She ran a hand down Ferus' cheek. "I know you like the guy, but do you know how hard it is to get someone like that to change? Remember Garen?"
"Is he the one that accidentally burned down your house?" Siri's taste in men was questionable, at best, and always had been.
She nodded sagely. "It's one thing to be his friend, but it's another thing to let yourself get sucked in. I know you want him to get back with Kenobi, but it doesn't sound like Kenobi particularly wants it. It wouldn't be fair to either of them if you keep this up."
"He's not a bad guy, Siri," Ferus insisted. "He was really happy with obi-Wan." He sighed. "Plus I really just don't want to see him throwing away his talent."
"Of course not," she agreed. "Nobody wants to see that happen to someone they care about. Have you talked to Anakin about this?"
Ferus realized suddenly that he hadn't. He'd asked about the children, he scolded Anakin for driving under the influence, but he'd never come right out and said he was worried about him.
"Don't you think that might be a good idea?" Siri prodded. "The answer, by the way, is yes. In case you were wondering."
Ferus hated it when his sister was right.
-----
It took some judicious use of the shared calendars feature on Outlook and a generous bribe to the security officer in order to figure out where Anakin would be around lunchtime the following day. Luckily, the information he'd come across was correct: he saw Anakin's Porsche in the parking lot of Keene's as he pulled in.
"Why are you here?" Anakin asked as Ferus approached him where he was sitting at the bar. "Don't you have a dick to be sucking or something?" He rubbed his face and sighed.
"Uh, no," Ferus replied. "I need to talk to you." He tried to gauge if Anakin was already intoxicated, but it was hard to tell.
Anakin blinked reddened eyes at him, pupils dilated. "About what?" he asked. "I'm kind of busy right now."
Ferus gestured to the lounge area. "Can we sit somewhere more private?" he asked, not wanting to have the inevitable conversation out in the open.
Anakin sighed again, drained his glass, gestured for another. "Fine, whatever." Ferus waited uncomfortably until the bartender brought the new drink, then followed Anakin to one of the more secluded lounge booths. "What do you want?"
Ferus took a deep breath. "I'm worried about you," he said, truthfully. "I don't want anything to happen to you, but you're being really self-destructive." He looked down at the table, then back up at Anakin.
To his credit, Anakin looked thoughtful for a moment. "There's nothing to worry about," he said, finally.
Ferus chewed on his lip for a moment. "How many times have you been to Hazelden?" he asked, finally, deciding to simply bite the bullet.
Anakin nearly choked on his drink. "Excuse me?" he demanded. "How the fuck do you know about that?" His eyes flashed, anger and embarrassment (and, Ferus noted ruefully, alcohol) flushing his features. "It's none of your fucking business."
Taking a deep breath, Ferus re-centered himself. "I'm worried about you," he repeated. "And other people are too." He gestured to Anakin's glass. "This is why Obi-Wan wanted you off the campaign, you know."
"Obi-Wan doesn't give a shit about me," Anakin hissed. "He's pissed because he wanted monogamy and we weren't a couple. He's pissed because he thinks I cheated on him with Padme."
"Did you?" Ferus prompted. "Are those kids hers?"
Anakin closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "They're hers," he said after a long moment, "and only hers."
Ferus rubbed his hands against the grain of the polished table. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
"Nothing to be sorry about," Anakin grunted into his glass. "Padme made it abundantly clear she wanted to raise them by herself." He snorted. "Well, with my parents' financial support, of course." He swallowed the rest of his drink. "Fucking bitch."
Ferus winced. "Did it occur to you that maybe she wasn't being a 'fucking bitch' and was actually trying to protect her kids?" he asked.
Anakin stood up from the table. "I never meant to hurt anybody," he admitted, heading back towards the bar. "But nobody seems to care about that."
Ferus didn't expect him to come back, but sat for a few moments, processing. "Four times." He looked up to see Anakin standing over him, fresh drink in hand. "I went to Hazelden four times. Happy now?"
"Not really," Ferus admitted. "I guess I don't really understand." He didn't, either. He had no experience with anything like that, didn't even know anybody who did. Not even Siri's horrible boyfriends needed rehab; prison, maybe, but not rehab.
Anakin shrugged, plucking the olives out of his glass and sliding them into his mouth. "Life's boring," he said, chewing. "What else is there to understand?"
Ferus clenched his fists in frustration. "It's not so bad being sober once in a while," he commented.
"I've been sober," Anakin snapped. "Total of a year at Hazelden, yeah, I've tried that. It doesn't work, and nothing you're gonna say is going to make any difference."
Sighing, Ferus decided to hit below the belt. "Obi-Wan was right," he said, "you're never going to change."
Anakin snapped his head up and glared at him. "You can go fuck yourself," he snarled, pulling out a wad of crumpled bills and throwing it on the table, snatching back something Ferus didn't quite see and shoving it back in his pocket. "Stay out of my life."
"I'm sorry," Ferus repeated, but Anakin was already gone.
-----
As the campaign wound down, Ferus began to realize he would not get a chance to reunite Anakin and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan seemed completely averse to the idea, and Ferus hadn't seen Anakin in weeks. He'd even tried calling the other man, on a whim, once, but it had gone right to voicemail. He couldn't help worrying a little, and even went so far as to ask Palpatine. Palpatine was vague, but Ferus got the feeling Anakin's disappearance wasn't the result of another trip to Hazelden.
Siri and Quinlan had reconciled, which left Ferus alone in his apartment again. He found he missed her presence, and was actually somewhat lonely. Even with all of the work he had to do to prepare the final products for the campaign, he couldn't help thinking about Anakin from time to time, hoping he was, at very least, safe.
His musings were answered late one Saturday evening; he was finalizing the billboard print design when somebody knocked on the door. Ferus got up, somewhat suspicious, shocked when he saw Anakin waiting on the other side.
He yanked the door open and Anakin rushed in, not even asking permission, not speaking at all. He ran his hands through his messy, dirty hair and turned to Ferus, eyes red-rimmed, nostrils and lips chapped, his clothes hanging off of him. "Holy shit, what happened to you?" Ferus asked, though it wasn't too hard to figure out.
"I'm sorry," Anakin blurted. "I didn't know where else to go - I didn't want to be alone and Padme won't let me come see her and Ahsoka's parents are threatening legal action and Obi-Wan won't answer my calls and I... I ended up here." The words came out in a tumbling rush, and he kept clenching and unclenching his fists.
"Oh," Ferus said softly, not sure what else to say. "Are you - do you need a doctor or something?"
Anakin shook his head, over and over, and tumbled onto the sofa. "No. I just." He leaned over the coffee table and pulled out his wallet. A small baggie of white powder fell onto the table and Ferus gaped as Anakin began to cut lines with his credit card.
"Hey!" he shouted. "You can't - don't - Anakin, stop!"
Anakin looked up from his task, now rolling up a twenty dollar bill. "Sorry," he said, clipped. "Did you want some?" He leaned over the table again, lined up the makeshift straw, and inhaled sharply. "Mmm..."
"Do you have any idea how worried I've been about you?" Ferus demanded as Anakin snorted up the second line. "Have you just been on a bender this entire time? Don't you give a shit about the people who care about you?" Ferus found he was trembling with anger, with frustration.
Anakin blinked at him, his eye twitching slightly. "I think... I need something to drink," he said after a moment. "Need to come down. Ferus."
Ferus shook his head. "I really think that's a bad idea," he said carefully, edging towards the couch.
"Then could we just..." Anakin stood, made his way over to Ferus and embraced him tightly. "Just, I need... I need this." He pressed his lips against Ferus' and Ferus squirmed, trying to push away.
"Anakin, no," he sputtered. "Stop, come on, don't." Anakin was insistent, desperate, frantic, fisting his hands in Ferus' hair, thrusting his hips against Ferus' leg. "Stop it!" Ferus cried, shoving Anakin towards the couch. "Just stop!" Ferus, breathing heavily, glared at Anakin, who looked hurt and confused.
"But we did it before," he pointed out. "I thought..."
Ferus shook his head. "No," he said. "That was a mistake." He sat down next to Anakin, far enough away to discourage any more unwanted advances. "Look, Anakin, we can't. I'll be your friend, but I can't... I can't do more than that. I'm sorry." And he was sorry; he could tell Anakin was hurting, was even lonelier than Ferus was, completely alienated from everyone. Of course, it wasn't as though Anakin's behavior hadn't been a large component of that, but Ferus couldn't help feeling bad for him as Anakin sat trembling on the sofa.
"I get it," Anakin sniffed. "I'm a complete fuck up." He rested his face in his hands. "I've ruined everything. I fucked up with Obi-Wan because I got Padme pregnant. I fucked up with Padme and my family because I couldn't get clean. I fucked up with Obi-Wan again because I fell off the wagon. And..." He lifted his head, blinking bloodshot eyes. "I fucked up with you." He let out a sharp breath. "You're the only person who's given the me the time of day lately, and I've fucked it all up."
Ferus swallowed heavily. "I just want you to be happy," he admitted, unsure of how much of Anakin's outburst was sincere and how much was an effect of the drugs. He felt bad for even considering it, but he'd realized that Anakin's moods were greatly influenced by how far under the influence he was, and considering what he'd seen, he was prepared to take Anakin's pronouncements with a grain of salt.
"I'm never happy," Anakin admitted, scrubbing at his arms with his fingernails. "Doesn't matter if I'm sober or not, I'm just... I fucking hate this. When I'm not drinking, I get sick. When I am, everything's a nightmare." He shook his head, took a breath. "I can't get out of bed in the morning without blow, and if I lose my job I won't even..." He sighed, cut himself off abruptly. "Everything would be easier for everyone if I were dead, I think."
Ferus felt like he was going to throw up. "That's not true," he insisted. "There are people who really care about you and want you to get better. If you died, it would hurt them even more." He had no idea if he was being helpful or not, had no idea how to handle this situation that was rapidly spinning out of his control.
"Yeah, but at least nobody would have to worry about me anymore," Anakin shot back. "Obi-Wan wouldn't have to fucking worry about me if I were dead." He wrapped his arms around himself and hunched over. "I need something to drink."
"You need to get help," Ferus prodded. "Did you want to, the other times?"
Anakin shook his head miserably. "I came out of a blackout and there I was, four fucking times. I didn't... I don't know if I..." He let out a breath. "I sold my Porsche so I could pay my dealer," he admitted, suddenly. "I didn't know what else to do. Nobody'll lend me money - my grandfather's paying my rent direct to my landlord now - nobody trusts me, I just want... I want what I had with Obi-Wan before everything turned to shit."
"I think he wants to be able to trust you again," Ferus offered. "He wants to know you want to change, that you're trying." He looked down for a moment. "Do you want help, Anakin?"
Anakin drummed his hands against his legs nervously, curled in on himself, tugged at his hair. "I want a drink," he insisted, rubbing his hands over his face. "I don't... I don't want... I just don't want to get sick, I can't..." He sucked in a deep breath through his teeth. "I can't do this anymore."
Ferus moved closer, rubbed circles on Anakin's back. "It's okay," he soothed. "It'll be okay."
-----
It had only taken two phone calls before Anakin was on a plane to Florida. Ferus paced around his apartment after the limo had picked up the other man, not sure what else to do. He couldn't focus on the campaign for the time being, and he didn't know what else to do. He'd never been near someone so close to the edge, had never been able to have a hand in helping them keep from tumbling over. His nerves felt jangled, his heart heavy. He knew Anakin had a long road ahead of him, and he felt like somebody else should know. He couldn't carry the weight alone. He found himself calling Obi-wan.
"Anakin's checked himself back into rehab," he blurted out once Obi-Wan answered. "I think he's serious this time."
There was silence for a long few moments on the other end of the line. "We'll see," Obi-Wan said, finally. Another long silence, then, "Thank you for being there for him."
"He's my friend," Ferus offered, feeling awkward, since, just months ago, he'd hated Anakin and everyone had known it.
"I know," Obi-Wan replied softly. "I know."
-----
Obi-Wan went back to LA when the campaign wrapped up, providing Ferus a considerable bonus for the additional revenue the ads brought in almost immediately. "For being daring in so many ways," he'd explained via email when Ferus had asked.
With Anakin gone from the office, and with the word of mouth generated by Kenobi's campaign, Ferus found himself innundated with work. It kept him occupied, kept him from feeling lonely, or from wondering how Anakin was faring. He knew Palpatine was springing for the extended residential program, but he wasn't sure how long "extended" meant. And he had no idea if Anakin would walk out the doors and right into a bar, either. He hoped not, hoped this time would be different. Sometimes he would email Obi-Wan to express the sentiment, and Obi-Wan would return the thought - he, too, hoped this time was different.
It was nearly five months before Ferus heard from Anakin again. "I've actually been home for two," Anakin explained over the phone, sounding healthy and alert. "I had to start going to meetings and stuff, and it's been kind of tiring." He sighed softly. "I slipped up a month and a half ago," he admitted, "but I was able to stop on my own. I've never been able to do that."
"Well, good," Ferus replied, not sure what else to say. He was glad Anakin was getting better, glad he hadn't thrown himself back into work right away. Glad he'd called.
"Hey," Anakin said after a moment of silence. "Do you want to come to LA with me next week? I'll pay."
Ferus furrowed his brow, not really sure how he felt about traveling with Anakin, even a supposedly-recovering Anakin. "Uh, why?" he asked.
"I need to tell Obi-Wan I'm sorry. Like, that I'm really sorry. For Padme and the drugs and putting him through hell and everything else." There was a slight chuckle. "It's not a making amends thing, it's an I want him back thing. I want to at least try. But I don't want to go alone. So."
Ferus took a moment to absorb the confession. He thought about the work he had to do, thought about the reputation he'd built up. Wondered if it was really okay to take off for however long just because Anakin wanted him to. Then he thought about Obi-Wan's words - daring, in so many ways. Ferus decided to be daring. "Okay," he said. "I'll go with you."
-----
Ferus could tell Anakin was struggling in LA; there was so much so readily available, and it could have been easy to forget the point of their trip. Ferus could understand why he hadn't wanted to go alone; more than once, he'd had to gently divert him from the hotel bar, from a back alley, from pocketing the mini bottles on the airplane service cart.
"If I just have one, it won't be a big deal," Anakin was saying to himself as they got ready for their arranged dinner with Obi-Wan. "He'd never have to know, and I wouldn't be so freaked out."
Ferus sighed and pressed a pill bottle into Anakin's hand. "You have a prescription for that now," he pointed out for what seemed like the umpteenth time. "I know it's not the same, but trust me, Obi-Wan wouldn't be impressed with you otherwise. You're supposed to show him you're really making an effort."
Anakin ran his hands through his hair. "Yeah, I know," he replied softly. He did take one of the pills, but still fidgeted nervously all the way to the restaurant.
Obi-Wan was already there, ever-punctual, when they arrived, and he stood, with a smile. "Hello, Anakin," he said warmly.
Anakin looked up shyly, answering with a smile of his own. "Hello, Obi-Wan."
"It's good to see you again," Obi-Wan said, putting his hand on Anakin's shoulder and guiding him to the table. Ferus followed behind, knowing he should feel awkward being the third wheel, but not having it in him to be too upset about it.
The conversation flowed smoothly, though Anakin was quite clearly nervous, somewhat uncomfortable at the beginning of the meal. As time passed, he relaxed, grinning openly, looking happier than Ferus had ever seen him.
"Can we get back together?" Anakin asked as the table was cleared and the check was presented. "I want... I want to get back together with you."
Obi-Wan looked up, surprise etched on his face, eyebrows raised. "I... I care about you, deeply," he said after a moment. "And in time, yes, I would very much like to get back together with you. But I think we need to take our time and not rush into it." He rubbed Anakin's arm affectionately. "When the time is right, I'll still be here, okay?"
Ferus held his breath, expecting Anakin to have an outburst. Instead, the younger man nodded and smiled. "Okay," he said.
-----
Ferus Olin was eating his lunch on a bench outside the AdForce office building, napkin tucked into his collar to keep tuna salad from slopping down his suit, when a black Pontiac screeched into the parking lot. Ferus glanced at his watch; it was 1:30 in the afternoon, well after the workday was supposed to start.
Ferus tried not to make it obvious he was staring as Anakin Skywalker stepped out of the Pontiac, looking impeccable, even in an off-the-rack suit.
"Nice of you to grace us with your presence," Ferus called, smiling good-naturedly.
Anakin shot him a grin. "Obi-Wan took me to lunch," he replied, sauntering over to Ferus and clapping him on the shoulder, proffering a take-out container. "I brought you some."
Ferus smiled again, and put his lunch back in its bag. "Thanks," he said, accepting the container. "I'll meet you in there in a little bit."
"You wanna take point on the new campaign?" Anakin asked, settling down onto the bench beside Ferus. "I promise I won't fuck it up this time."
Ferus eyed Anakin wryly. "In that case," he said, "I accept."
When he thought about the year he'd spent wrapped up in Anakin Skywalker's life, sometimes he thought he would have saved a lot of trouble by just not getting involved. Ferus had never meant to care so much, but now that he did, he decided he didn't want it any other way.
Part 1
Part 2
author patientalien
word count 4,037 (this part) 13,268 (total)
rating R
summary Earth-AU; Ferus and Anakin are ad execs at the same firm, working on a campaign for PR-guru Obi-Wan. When Anakin's past - and present - catch up with him, Ferus tries to unravel the threads and make things right.
notes Thanks, as always, go to citizenjess, who listened to me blabber about this far more than it deserved and gave some amazing suggestions. ♥ It's three parts, but I'm going to post them all at once. :)
warnings substance addiction, non-graphic dub-con, implied underage (barely-legal!Ahsoka)
-----
Siri proclaimed she was getting tired of Ferus' moping. "Look, Obi-Wan's gonna be back tomorrow, and you can talk to him. Maybe he'll tell you, and then you can finish being matchmaker and get back to normal."
Ferus wasn't sure "normal" was something he would be any time soon, but Siri had a point. He had a feeling if he went to Kenobi with what he already knew, the older man would be a little more open than Anakin had been.
He spent Sunday trying to forget about Anakin and working on the finishing touches on the television spot for Kenobi. Monday morning saw him in the office early, hoping he wouldn't run into Anakin. As expected, Anakin hadn't shown up by the time Kenobi did, which meant Ferus wasn't distracted when it came to the conversation he was almost dreading.
"How was your week?" Obi-Wan asked as they set back up in their usual conference room.
Ferus chewed on his lip for a moment, trying to decide how to broach the topic - if at all. He knew it would eat at him if he didn't, but he still couldn't figure out why he cared in the first place. "It was interesting," he said carefully. "Look, this is uncomfortable for me, but I need to ask you something."
Obi-Wan furrowed his brow. "Of course," he said.
Ferus took a deep breath, pushing his iPad aside. "I just, I spent some time with Anakin this weekend, and I noticed some stuff, and I know you know him better than I do, and I just... I need to know if I need to be, you know, worried." He had already figured out that he should be worried, but he was hoping that Obi-Wan would provide a little more insight; Ferus was still sold on his idea of getting them back together.
Obi-Wan ran a hand over his beard. "I would recommend not getting too personally involved with Anakin," he said. "You're only going to get hurt." It was crisp, colder than Ferus had ever heard from the other man.
"But why?" Ferus prodded. "He's a good guy, but I just..."
Sighing, Obi-Wan leaned back in his chair. "Some of this is Anakin's to tell," he said. "I'm sure he won't, but it's not my place to talk about some of it." He rubbed his forehead, frowning. "When Anakin and I were... together... he was just finishing business school and things were, well, unstable."
Ferus leaned forward in his chair, and Obi-Wan continued. "Anakin's lucky to have family members at this firm willing to sweep his disgressions under the rug." He slumped in on himself slightly. "Or unlucky, I suppose, depending on your point of view. Palpatine's going to keep paying for him to go in and out of rehab, and eventually he's just going to self-destruct. And I..." He shook his head. "I can't go through that again."
None of it was particularly surprising, but it hurt Ferus to hear it. He couldn't help think that Anakin deserved more than that, but then again, Ferus hadn't been the one left holding the pieces. "But what if things changed?" he asked.
"After this long?" Obi-Wan asked. "He's never going to change."
-----
When he explained his conversation to Siri after work, she sat him down on the couch and took him by the shoulders. "Look," she said, "I know all about guys like Anakin. Well, guys of his general variety, anyway." She ran a hand down Ferus' cheek. "I know you like the guy, but do you know how hard it is to get someone like that to change? Remember Garen?"
"Is he the one that accidentally burned down your house?" Siri's taste in men was questionable, at best, and always had been.
She nodded sagely. "It's one thing to be his friend, but it's another thing to let yourself get sucked in. I know you want him to get back with Kenobi, but it doesn't sound like Kenobi particularly wants it. It wouldn't be fair to either of them if you keep this up."
"He's not a bad guy, Siri," Ferus insisted. "He was really happy with obi-Wan." He sighed. "Plus I really just don't want to see him throwing away his talent."
"Of course not," she agreed. "Nobody wants to see that happen to someone they care about. Have you talked to Anakin about this?"
Ferus realized suddenly that he hadn't. He'd asked about the children, he scolded Anakin for driving under the influence, but he'd never come right out and said he was worried about him.
"Don't you think that might be a good idea?" Siri prodded. "The answer, by the way, is yes. In case you were wondering."
Ferus hated it when his sister was right.
-----
It took some judicious use of the shared calendars feature on Outlook and a generous bribe to the security officer in order to figure out where Anakin would be around lunchtime the following day. Luckily, the information he'd come across was correct: he saw Anakin's Porsche in the parking lot of Keene's as he pulled in.
"Why are you here?" Anakin asked as Ferus approached him where he was sitting at the bar. "Don't you have a dick to be sucking or something?" He rubbed his face and sighed.
"Uh, no," Ferus replied. "I need to talk to you." He tried to gauge if Anakin was already intoxicated, but it was hard to tell.
Anakin blinked reddened eyes at him, pupils dilated. "About what?" he asked. "I'm kind of busy right now."
Ferus gestured to the lounge area. "Can we sit somewhere more private?" he asked, not wanting to have the inevitable conversation out in the open.
Anakin sighed again, drained his glass, gestured for another. "Fine, whatever." Ferus waited uncomfortably until the bartender brought the new drink, then followed Anakin to one of the more secluded lounge booths. "What do you want?"
Ferus took a deep breath. "I'm worried about you," he said, truthfully. "I don't want anything to happen to you, but you're being really self-destructive." He looked down at the table, then back up at Anakin.
To his credit, Anakin looked thoughtful for a moment. "There's nothing to worry about," he said, finally.
Ferus chewed on his lip for a moment. "How many times have you been to Hazelden?" he asked, finally, deciding to simply bite the bullet.
Anakin nearly choked on his drink. "Excuse me?" he demanded. "How the fuck do you know about that?" His eyes flashed, anger and embarrassment (and, Ferus noted ruefully, alcohol) flushing his features. "It's none of your fucking business."
Taking a deep breath, Ferus re-centered himself. "I'm worried about you," he repeated. "And other people are too." He gestured to Anakin's glass. "This is why Obi-Wan wanted you off the campaign, you know."
"Obi-Wan doesn't give a shit about me," Anakin hissed. "He's pissed because he wanted monogamy and we weren't a couple. He's pissed because he thinks I cheated on him with Padme."
"Did you?" Ferus prompted. "Are those kids hers?"
Anakin closed his eyes and clenched his jaw. "They're hers," he said after a long moment, "and only hers."
Ferus rubbed his hands against the grain of the polished table. "I'm sorry," he said softly.
"Nothing to be sorry about," Anakin grunted into his glass. "Padme made it abundantly clear she wanted to raise them by herself." He snorted. "Well, with my parents' financial support, of course." He swallowed the rest of his drink. "Fucking bitch."
Ferus winced. "Did it occur to you that maybe she wasn't being a 'fucking bitch' and was actually trying to protect her kids?" he asked.
Anakin stood up from the table. "I never meant to hurt anybody," he admitted, heading back towards the bar. "But nobody seems to care about that."
Ferus didn't expect him to come back, but sat for a few moments, processing. "Four times." He looked up to see Anakin standing over him, fresh drink in hand. "I went to Hazelden four times. Happy now?"
"Not really," Ferus admitted. "I guess I don't really understand." He didn't, either. He had no experience with anything like that, didn't even know anybody who did. Not even Siri's horrible boyfriends needed rehab; prison, maybe, but not rehab.
Anakin shrugged, plucking the olives out of his glass and sliding them into his mouth. "Life's boring," he said, chewing. "What else is there to understand?"
Ferus clenched his fists in frustration. "It's not so bad being sober once in a while," he commented.
"I've been sober," Anakin snapped. "Total of a year at Hazelden, yeah, I've tried that. It doesn't work, and nothing you're gonna say is going to make any difference."
Sighing, Ferus decided to hit below the belt. "Obi-Wan was right," he said, "you're never going to change."
Anakin snapped his head up and glared at him. "You can go fuck yourself," he snarled, pulling out a wad of crumpled bills and throwing it on the table, snatching back something Ferus didn't quite see and shoving it back in his pocket. "Stay out of my life."
"I'm sorry," Ferus repeated, but Anakin was already gone.
-----
As the campaign wound down, Ferus began to realize he would not get a chance to reunite Anakin and Obi-Wan. Obi-Wan seemed completely averse to the idea, and Ferus hadn't seen Anakin in weeks. He'd even tried calling the other man, on a whim, once, but it had gone right to voicemail. He couldn't help worrying a little, and even went so far as to ask Palpatine. Palpatine was vague, but Ferus got the feeling Anakin's disappearance wasn't the result of another trip to Hazelden.
Siri and Quinlan had reconciled, which left Ferus alone in his apartment again. He found he missed her presence, and was actually somewhat lonely. Even with all of the work he had to do to prepare the final products for the campaign, he couldn't help thinking about Anakin from time to time, hoping he was, at very least, safe.
His musings were answered late one Saturday evening; he was finalizing the billboard print design when somebody knocked on the door. Ferus got up, somewhat suspicious, shocked when he saw Anakin waiting on the other side.
He yanked the door open and Anakin rushed in, not even asking permission, not speaking at all. He ran his hands through his messy, dirty hair and turned to Ferus, eyes red-rimmed, nostrils and lips chapped, his clothes hanging off of him. "Holy shit, what happened to you?" Ferus asked, though it wasn't too hard to figure out.
"I'm sorry," Anakin blurted. "I didn't know where else to go - I didn't want to be alone and Padme won't let me come see her and Ahsoka's parents are threatening legal action and Obi-Wan won't answer my calls and I... I ended up here." The words came out in a tumbling rush, and he kept clenching and unclenching his fists.
"Oh," Ferus said softly, not sure what else to say. "Are you - do you need a doctor or something?"
Anakin shook his head, over and over, and tumbled onto the sofa. "No. I just." He leaned over the coffee table and pulled out his wallet. A small baggie of white powder fell onto the table and Ferus gaped as Anakin began to cut lines with his credit card.
"Hey!" he shouted. "You can't - don't - Anakin, stop!"
Anakin looked up from his task, now rolling up a twenty dollar bill. "Sorry," he said, clipped. "Did you want some?" He leaned over the table again, lined up the makeshift straw, and inhaled sharply. "Mmm..."
"Do you have any idea how worried I've been about you?" Ferus demanded as Anakin snorted up the second line. "Have you just been on a bender this entire time? Don't you give a shit about the people who care about you?" Ferus found he was trembling with anger, with frustration.
Anakin blinked at him, his eye twitching slightly. "I think... I need something to drink," he said after a moment. "Need to come down. Ferus."
Ferus shook his head. "I really think that's a bad idea," he said carefully, edging towards the couch.
"Then could we just..." Anakin stood, made his way over to Ferus and embraced him tightly. "Just, I need... I need this." He pressed his lips against Ferus' and Ferus squirmed, trying to push away.
"Anakin, no," he sputtered. "Stop, come on, don't." Anakin was insistent, desperate, frantic, fisting his hands in Ferus' hair, thrusting his hips against Ferus' leg. "Stop it!" Ferus cried, shoving Anakin towards the couch. "Just stop!" Ferus, breathing heavily, glared at Anakin, who looked hurt and confused.
"But we did it before," he pointed out. "I thought..."
Ferus shook his head. "No," he said. "That was a mistake." He sat down next to Anakin, far enough away to discourage any more unwanted advances. "Look, Anakin, we can't. I'll be your friend, but I can't... I can't do more than that. I'm sorry." And he was sorry; he could tell Anakin was hurting, was even lonelier than Ferus was, completely alienated from everyone. Of course, it wasn't as though Anakin's behavior hadn't been a large component of that, but Ferus couldn't help feeling bad for him as Anakin sat trembling on the sofa.
"I get it," Anakin sniffed. "I'm a complete fuck up." He rested his face in his hands. "I've ruined everything. I fucked up with Obi-Wan because I got Padme pregnant. I fucked up with Padme and my family because I couldn't get clean. I fucked up with Obi-Wan again because I fell off the wagon. And..." He lifted his head, blinking bloodshot eyes. "I fucked up with you." He let out a sharp breath. "You're the only person who's given the me the time of day lately, and I've fucked it all up."
Ferus swallowed heavily. "I just want you to be happy," he admitted, unsure of how much of Anakin's outburst was sincere and how much was an effect of the drugs. He felt bad for even considering it, but he'd realized that Anakin's moods were greatly influenced by how far under the influence he was, and considering what he'd seen, he was prepared to take Anakin's pronouncements with a grain of salt.
"I'm never happy," Anakin admitted, scrubbing at his arms with his fingernails. "Doesn't matter if I'm sober or not, I'm just... I fucking hate this. When I'm not drinking, I get sick. When I am, everything's a nightmare." He shook his head, took a breath. "I can't get out of bed in the morning without blow, and if I lose my job I won't even..." He sighed, cut himself off abruptly. "Everything would be easier for everyone if I were dead, I think."
Ferus felt like he was going to throw up. "That's not true," he insisted. "There are people who really care about you and want you to get better. If you died, it would hurt them even more." He had no idea if he was being helpful or not, had no idea how to handle this situation that was rapidly spinning out of his control.
"Yeah, but at least nobody would have to worry about me anymore," Anakin shot back. "Obi-Wan wouldn't have to fucking worry about me if I were dead." He wrapped his arms around himself and hunched over. "I need something to drink."
"You need to get help," Ferus prodded. "Did you want to, the other times?"
Anakin shook his head miserably. "I came out of a blackout and there I was, four fucking times. I didn't... I don't know if I..." He let out a breath. "I sold my Porsche so I could pay my dealer," he admitted, suddenly. "I didn't know what else to do. Nobody'll lend me money - my grandfather's paying my rent direct to my landlord now - nobody trusts me, I just want... I want what I had with Obi-Wan before everything turned to shit."
"I think he wants to be able to trust you again," Ferus offered. "He wants to know you want to change, that you're trying." He looked down for a moment. "Do you want help, Anakin?"
Anakin drummed his hands against his legs nervously, curled in on himself, tugged at his hair. "I want a drink," he insisted, rubbing his hands over his face. "I don't... I don't want... I just don't want to get sick, I can't..." He sucked in a deep breath through his teeth. "I can't do this anymore."
Ferus moved closer, rubbed circles on Anakin's back. "It's okay," he soothed. "It'll be okay."
-----
It had only taken two phone calls before Anakin was on a plane to Florida. Ferus paced around his apartment after the limo had picked up the other man, not sure what else to do. He couldn't focus on the campaign for the time being, and he didn't know what else to do. He'd never been near someone so close to the edge, had never been able to have a hand in helping them keep from tumbling over. His nerves felt jangled, his heart heavy. He knew Anakin had a long road ahead of him, and he felt like somebody else should know. He couldn't carry the weight alone. He found himself calling Obi-wan.
"Anakin's checked himself back into rehab," he blurted out once Obi-Wan answered. "I think he's serious this time."
There was silence for a long few moments on the other end of the line. "We'll see," Obi-Wan said, finally. Another long silence, then, "Thank you for being there for him."
"He's my friend," Ferus offered, feeling awkward, since, just months ago, he'd hated Anakin and everyone had known it.
"I know," Obi-Wan replied softly. "I know."
-----
Obi-Wan went back to LA when the campaign wrapped up, providing Ferus a considerable bonus for the additional revenue the ads brought in almost immediately. "For being daring in so many ways," he'd explained via email when Ferus had asked.
With Anakin gone from the office, and with the word of mouth generated by Kenobi's campaign, Ferus found himself innundated with work. It kept him occupied, kept him from feeling lonely, or from wondering how Anakin was faring. He knew Palpatine was springing for the extended residential program, but he wasn't sure how long "extended" meant. And he had no idea if Anakin would walk out the doors and right into a bar, either. He hoped not, hoped this time would be different. Sometimes he would email Obi-Wan to express the sentiment, and Obi-Wan would return the thought - he, too, hoped this time was different.
It was nearly five months before Ferus heard from Anakin again. "I've actually been home for two," Anakin explained over the phone, sounding healthy and alert. "I had to start going to meetings and stuff, and it's been kind of tiring." He sighed softly. "I slipped up a month and a half ago," he admitted, "but I was able to stop on my own. I've never been able to do that."
"Well, good," Ferus replied, not sure what else to say. He was glad Anakin was getting better, glad he hadn't thrown himself back into work right away. Glad he'd called.
"Hey," Anakin said after a moment of silence. "Do you want to come to LA with me next week? I'll pay."
Ferus furrowed his brow, not really sure how he felt about traveling with Anakin, even a supposedly-recovering Anakin. "Uh, why?" he asked.
"I need to tell Obi-Wan I'm sorry. Like, that I'm really sorry. For Padme and the drugs and putting him through hell and everything else." There was a slight chuckle. "It's not a making amends thing, it's an I want him back thing. I want to at least try. But I don't want to go alone. So."
Ferus took a moment to absorb the confession. He thought about the work he had to do, thought about the reputation he'd built up. Wondered if it was really okay to take off for however long just because Anakin wanted him to. Then he thought about Obi-Wan's words - daring, in so many ways. Ferus decided to be daring. "Okay," he said. "I'll go with you."
-----
Ferus could tell Anakin was struggling in LA; there was so much so readily available, and it could have been easy to forget the point of their trip. Ferus could understand why he hadn't wanted to go alone; more than once, he'd had to gently divert him from the hotel bar, from a back alley, from pocketing the mini bottles on the airplane service cart.
"If I just have one, it won't be a big deal," Anakin was saying to himself as they got ready for their arranged dinner with Obi-Wan. "He'd never have to know, and I wouldn't be so freaked out."
Ferus sighed and pressed a pill bottle into Anakin's hand. "You have a prescription for that now," he pointed out for what seemed like the umpteenth time. "I know it's not the same, but trust me, Obi-Wan wouldn't be impressed with you otherwise. You're supposed to show him you're really making an effort."
Anakin ran his hands through his hair. "Yeah, I know," he replied softly. He did take one of the pills, but still fidgeted nervously all the way to the restaurant.
Obi-Wan was already there, ever-punctual, when they arrived, and he stood, with a smile. "Hello, Anakin," he said warmly.
Anakin looked up shyly, answering with a smile of his own. "Hello, Obi-Wan."
"It's good to see you again," Obi-Wan said, putting his hand on Anakin's shoulder and guiding him to the table. Ferus followed behind, knowing he should feel awkward being the third wheel, but not having it in him to be too upset about it.
The conversation flowed smoothly, though Anakin was quite clearly nervous, somewhat uncomfortable at the beginning of the meal. As time passed, he relaxed, grinning openly, looking happier than Ferus had ever seen him.
"Can we get back together?" Anakin asked as the table was cleared and the check was presented. "I want... I want to get back together with you."
Obi-Wan looked up, surprise etched on his face, eyebrows raised. "I... I care about you, deeply," he said after a moment. "And in time, yes, I would very much like to get back together with you. But I think we need to take our time and not rush into it." He rubbed Anakin's arm affectionately. "When the time is right, I'll still be here, okay?"
Ferus held his breath, expecting Anakin to have an outburst. Instead, the younger man nodded and smiled. "Okay," he said.
-----
Ferus Olin was eating his lunch on a bench outside the AdForce office building, napkin tucked into his collar to keep tuna salad from slopping down his suit, when a black Pontiac screeched into the parking lot. Ferus glanced at his watch; it was 1:30 in the afternoon, well after the workday was supposed to start.
Ferus tried not to make it obvious he was staring as Anakin Skywalker stepped out of the Pontiac, looking impeccable, even in an off-the-rack suit.
"Nice of you to grace us with your presence," Ferus called, smiling good-naturedly.
Anakin shot him a grin. "Obi-Wan took me to lunch," he replied, sauntering over to Ferus and clapping him on the shoulder, proffering a take-out container. "I brought you some."
Ferus smiled again, and put his lunch back in its bag. "Thanks," he said, accepting the container. "I'll meet you in there in a little bit."
"You wanna take point on the new campaign?" Anakin asked, settling down onto the bench beside Ferus. "I promise I won't fuck it up this time."
Ferus eyed Anakin wryly. "In that case," he said, "I accept."
When he thought about the year he'd spent wrapped up in Anakin Skywalker's life, sometimes he thought he would have saved a lot of trouble by just not getting involved. Ferus had never meant to care so much, but now that he did, he decided he didn't want it any other way.
Part 1
Part 2