an old adage
"A sailor has a girl in every port"
and
"Any port in a storm"
I don't know what it is about me, I guess I am just a generally decent guy. Because of my restlessness I have met people from all over the country. I have had the luck of stepping away from some relationships before things may have gone sour, or god forbid that thing never go sour and I have the severe misfortune to be stepping away from something wonderful. But who am I kidding, Any time I step away it is from something wonderful. I am not looking for some great love of my life, I'm not even looking for some great life. Ironically enough though, it seems that I have both. I have lived in a way that has been wrought with adventure, intrigue, drama, and compainions that will never be away from my side just as I, though hundreds of miles may seperate us, am beside them. What I have to show for the recklessness of my hand, foot, and mouth, is a vast network of allies, already stories enough for a lifetime, and practical wisdom that some will never know.
My name is Nicholas Daniel Enders.
My name means "The peoples victory" "My judge is the lord" "One in a million"
I hold my self against My Name and find no lacking. The only thing that does not hold true is my middle name, Daniel, "My judge is the lord", I judge myself by such firm standards. Standards that unfortunately, can only be achived by following in my father's and his father's before hims footsteps, and that, is not me. By now I should be happily employed by a respectable establishment, living alone or with a roommate, and following my schooling. Because of my, up untill now, lifestyle, that would be impossible. Establishment has been nothing but a dream, and becuase of that I have never been able to hold myself satisfactorily to what I feel is "acceptable". I am, it seems, an ancient relic of a forgotten era. A man is only as strong as his ablity to support his family, and that love and life, having taken many forms since graced upon us by whatever god in forms as varied as snowflakes, should be individually enjoyed and savored but respected. Respect and honor govern life, and as much as I sometimes fall short, those things are always kept in mind, and as such I can only allow myself to be happy with another once I feel that I am happy with myself. Internal peace leads to external harmony, a very zen philosophy for a very old fashion kind of guy.
Partially because of my travels, I have been exposed to many more people than most of my peers, and due to, I believe, sheer enumeration I have been gifted by an abundance of people who care about and even love me, from all across our nation. And though I leave no more than coat hangers and chipped paint when I leave a city, there are some that hold on and leave for me a place in themselves. These brothers and sisters and lovers cling to the memories and momentos tightly for reasons that, because of my self perception, I don't understand.
I am loved though it tears me apart.
Today I was asked "You have a girl in every port, but which one would you have sail with you?".
Confrontation has never been difficult for me, though telling truths that hurt those close to me, is nearly impossible. There are very few that I do not love. That is one of the hidden painful truths that I am sometimes unwilling to tell. In times past I have withheld that fact till this very day, because I want so viciously to make everyone happy, everyone but myself. I know that the longer I hold truths the harder everything is. I can't begin to comapare different times of my life and the people that lifted me though each to oneanother. It would be like comparing one great work of art to another. Though, because of my blast'd shortsighted nature, I focus on the absolutly beautiful, wonderous times that lay spread before me and the scent that lingers on my shoulder and my pillow. Who would I have sail with me? I would bring along the one who finally hurls my anchor over the side. If forced to chose of those whom I am loved by now, I cannot, becuase I fear that I still wander onward and I cannot bear the responsiblity that would rest on my shoulders for changing so drastically the natural course of a life.
What I am saying is, I am a coward.
I deserve none of the blessings that have been bistowed upon me. But the one gifting me with them insist I receive and ask nothing in return. I am not looking for some great love of my life, I'm not even looking for some great life, but I have them both.
and
"Any port in a storm"
I don't know what it is about me, I guess I am just a generally decent guy. Because of my restlessness I have met people from all over the country. I have had the luck of stepping away from some relationships before things may have gone sour, or god forbid that thing never go sour and I have the severe misfortune to be stepping away from something wonderful. But who am I kidding, Any time I step away it is from something wonderful. I am not looking for some great love of my life, I'm not even looking for some great life. Ironically enough though, it seems that I have both. I have lived in a way that has been wrought with adventure, intrigue, drama, and compainions that will never be away from my side just as I, though hundreds of miles may seperate us, am beside them. What I have to show for the recklessness of my hand, foot, and mouth, is a vast network of allies, already stories enough for a lifetime, and practical wisdom that some will never know.
My name is Nicholas Daniel Enders.
My name means "The peoples victory" "My judge is the lord" "One in a million"
I hold my self against My Name and find no lacking. The only thing that does not hold true is my middle name, Daniel, "My judge is the lord", I judge myself by such firm standards. Standards that unfortunately, can only be achived by following in my father's and his father's before hims footsteps, and that, is not me. By now I should be happily employed by a respectable establishment, living alone or with a roommate, and following my schooling. Because of my, up untill now, lifestyle, that would be impossible. Establishment has been nothing but a dream, and becuase of that I have never been able to hold myself satisfactorily to what I feel is "acceptable". I am, it seems, an ancient relic of a forgotten era. A man is only as strong as his ablity to support his family, and that love and life, having taken many forms since graced upon us by whatever god in forms as varied as snowflakes, should be individually enjoyed and savored but respected. Respect and honor govern life, and as much as I sometimes fall short, those things are always kept in mind, and as such I can only allow myself to be happy with another once I feel that I am happy with myself. Internal peace leads to external harmony, a very zen philosophy for a very old fashion kind of guy.
Partially because of my travels, I have been exposed to many more people than most of my peers, and due to, I believe, sheer enumeration I have been gifted by an abundance of people who care about and even love me, from all across our nation. And though I leave no more than coat hangers and chipped paint when I leave a city, there are some that hold on and leave for me a place in themselves. These brothers and sisters and lovers cling to the memories and momentos tightly for reasons that, because of my self perception, I don't understand.
I am loved though it tears me apart.
Today I was asked "You have a girl in every port, but which one would you have sail with you?".
Confrontation has never been difficult for me, though telling truths that hurt those close to me, is nearly impossible. There are very few that I do not love. That is one of the hidden painful truths that I am sometimes unwilling to tell. In times past I have withheld that fact till this very day, because I want so viciously to make everyone happy, everyone but myself. I know that the longer I hold truths the harder everything is. I can't begin to comapare different times of my life and the people that lifted me though each to oneanother. It would be like comparing one great work of art to another. Though, because of my blast'd shortsighted nature, I focus on the absolutly beautiful, wonderous times that lay spread before me and the scent that lingers on my shoulder and my pillow. Who would I have sail with me? I would bring along the one who finally hurls my anchor over the side. If forced to chose of those whom I am loved by now, I cannot, becuase I fear that I still wander onward and I cannot bear the responsiblity that would rest on my shoulders for changing so drastically the natural course of a life.
What I am saying is, I am a coward.
I deserve none of the blessings that have been bistowed upon me. But the one gifting me with them insist I receive and ask nothing in return. I am not looking for some great love of my life, I'm not even looking for some great life, but I have them both.