Quality time with the Nintendo Wii
The world is full of puzzlingly stupid shit. I should know. I've bought most of it. I have to say though, after playing nearly 24 hours of it in four days, the Nintendo Wii is not the stupid gimmick everyone thought it would be. The technology is sound and well-designed and honestly a lot of fun, as long as you're not a fucking toolbox. My girlfriend and I woke up at 7:00 on a sunday morning, drove to the closest Toys 'R Us, and waited in a rather polite line for half an hour. They were giving preferential treatment to anyone who would sign up for their special credit card offer, which miffed some of us slightly. A tall, sturdy-looking businessman in front of me (as evinced by the ever-present Blackberry and pressed wool slacks) quipped "let's see...I could sign up for a high-interest rate credit card, or I could stand outside freezing to death. Think I'll freeze," which summed up our feelings nicely. Soon it was our turn to go inside, and I picked up a Wii, extra controller, Marvel Ultimate Alliance, Super Monkey Ball, and Trauma Center: Second Opinion, in addition to Wii Sports which was included with the system. My impressions:
Wii Sports
The pack-in game I had no desire to play ends up being one of my favorite games for the system yet. Simplified multiplayer variants of Baseball, Tennis, Golf, Bowling, and Boxing are there to try, and all control very well. It's decent by yourself, but a motherfucking ruckus with friends. I'm an absolute slut for Boxing, in my opinion it's more fun than I've ever had playing Fight Night, Ready 2 Rumble, or even, yes, I'll say it, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. Controls are pretty tight and it's incredibly satisfying to rock someone to the canvas with your own two hands. Bowling and Tennis are also suprisingly fun, and Golf is, if nothing else, a gateway drug for non-gamers. Yesterday, with no external prodding on my part, my dad asked if we could play nine holes of Wii Golf. Playing a video game with your dad for the first time in fifteen years, awesome. Getting completely pwned by your old man? Not so great. The only disappointing game is Baseball, and that's because it's based on the dumbest sport ever conceived by mankind. Yes. I am implying that Golf, even virtual pretend golf, is more fun that Baseball. Now if I die of Lou Gehrig's disease I'm really gonna be shamed.
Super Monkey Ball
Pretty good in the time I've spent with it, although definitely better as a party game. You tilt and twist the remote to manipulate your titular monkey ball (does that count as a triple-entendre?) through a series of challenging mazes, and the control is spot-on. The production values are pretty childish and there's some sort of stupid tenuous story line concerning (I shit you not) an evil banana pirate, but in spite of Sega's trademark fruitiness the game is a lot of fun and quite a challenge. There are also over 50 party games to keep your friends amused, but that's definitely trading quality for quantity. It's a bit shallow, even for a launch title, but it's simple and fun and quite frankly it's to be expected. I mean, Sega has basically left all their good francises (whither art thou Shenmue? Jet Grind Radio? NiGHTS? Golden Axe? Altered Beast? Space Harrier? Panzer Dragoon Saga? Ecco The Dolphin? Crazy Taxi? Skies of Fucking Arcadia???) bleeding in a gutter somewhere so this and Sonic are all we're gonna get.
Marvel Ultimate Alliance
My least favorite launch game, but not terrible by any means. I think. I'm trying to decide if this is because the game is substantially different from X-Men Legends 2, or because they didn't do a very good job adapting the controls to the Wii. I'm thinking a little of both. The motion controls are simple in theory but problematic in execution: tilt the nunchaku attachment left or right to control the camera (cool), and use a series of gestures with the remote to simplify combos and use super-powers. The camera control is pretty cool, as long as your girlfriend remembers it's there and doesn't accidentally cause the camera to go spinning around in violent circles. The simplified combos are also cool; it's much easier to remember "lift remote=pop-up attack" than a four-button combo sequence. It's the super-powers that cause the gameplay to fall apart. First of all, you have to select them by holding down B and then cycling through a menu on the D-pad. Then, you have to perform one of the motion gestures while holding the B button. For some reason this fails to work about 95% of the time. Almost as an admission of guilt, the designers allow you to squeeze A+B to perform the super move instead, which begs the question: If they give you a button combination that's easier and more fulfilling than the hand gesture, why even bother making this game for the Wii? Still, it's not all bad, but it's really a multiplayer outing and since I'm sans teammates I haven't really touched it since I got it.
Trauma Center: Second Opinion
My favorite game thus far, even though I already own the DS version. New operations, new characters, new medical procedures, and a completely redone final chapter sound like nothing more than a new coat of paint, but the evolved controls of the Wii version are reason enough to give it another go. My only complaint is that they should have ditched the stupid anime drama bullshit they call a plot and ponied up for the House license instead, because wading through endless screens of text with nothing more than static concept art for eye-candy is kind of meh. Honestly they have some really solid and fun game mechanics here and a great soundtrack, but the production values are about on par with a japanese dating sim game, which is disappointing. You could replace the idealistic goody-two-shoes protagonist with sullen dreamboat Hugh Laurie and have a real game of the year contender on your hands. But the surgery part is awesome, really compelling, and they keep throwing little kinks and wrinkles into the gameplay that make it absolutely riveting.
Overall I'm really impressed so far. Now I'm just waiting for Metroid Prime: Corruption and Super Smash Bros. Brawl.
Wii Sports
The pack-in game I had no desire to play ends up being one of my favorite games for the system yet. Simplified multiplayer variants of Baseball, Tennis, Golf, Bowling, and Boxing are there to try, and all control very well. It's decent by yourself, but a motherfucking ruckus with friends. I'm an absolute slut for Boxing, in my opinion it's more fun than I've ever had playing Fight Night, Ready 2 Rumble, or even, yes, I'll say it, Mike Tyson's Punch-Out. Controls are pretty tight and it's incredibly satisfying to rock someone to the canvas with your own two hands. Bowling and Tennis are also suprisingly fun, and Golf is, if nothing else, a gateway drug for non-gamers. Yesterday, with no external prodding on my part, my dad asked if we could play nine holes of Wii Golf. Playing a video game with your dad for the first time in fifteen years, awesome. Getting completely pwned by your old man? Not so great. The only disappointing game is Baseball, and that's because it's based on the dumbest sport ever conceived by mankind. Yes. I am implying that Golf, even virtual pretend golf, is more fun that Baseball. Now if I die of Lou Gehrig's disease I'm really gonna be shamed.
Super Monkey Ball
Pretty good in the time I've spent with it, although definitely better as a party game. You tilt and twist the remote to manipulate your titular monkey ball (does that count as a triple-entendre?) through a series of challenging mazes, and the control is spot-on. The production values are pretty childish and there's some sort of stupid tenuous story line concerning (I shit you not) an evil banana pirate, but in spite of Sega's trademark fruitiness the game is a lot of fun and quite a challenge. There are also over 50 party games to keep your friends amused, but that's definitely trading quality for quantity. It's a bit shallow, even for a launch title, but it's simple and fun and quite frankly it's to be expected. I mean, Sega has basically left all their good francises (whither art thou Shenmue? Jet Grind Radio? NiGHTS? Golden Axe? Altered Beast? Space Harrier? Panzer Dragoon Saga? Ecco The Dolphin? Crazy Taxi? Skies of Fucking Arcadia???) bleeding in a gutter somewhere so this and Sonic are all we're gonna get.
Marvel Ultimate Alliance
My least favorite launch game, but not terrible by any means. I think. I'm trying to decide if this is because the game is substantially different from X-Men Legends 2, or because they didn't do a very good job adapting the controls to the Wii. I'm thinking a little of both. The motion controls are simple in theory but problematic in execution: tilt the nunchaku attachment left or right to control the camera (cool), and use a series of gestures with the remote to simplify combos and use super-powers. The camera control is pretty cool, as long as your girlfriend remembers it's there and doesn't accidentally cause the camera to go spinning around in violent circles. The simplified combos are also cool; it's much easier to remember "lift remote=pop-up attack" than a four-button combo sequence. It's the super-powers that cause the gameplay to fall apart. First of all, you have to select them by holding down B and then cycling through a menu on the D-pad. Then, you have to perform one of the motion gestures while holding the B button. For some reason this fails to work about 95% of the time. Almost as an admission of guilt, the designers allow you to squeeze A+B to perform the super move instead, which begs the question: If they give you a button combination that's easier and more fulfilling than the hand gesture, why even bother making this game for the Wii? Still, it's not all bad, but it's really a multiplayer outing and since I'm sans teammates I haven't really touched it since I got it.
Trauma Center: Second Opinion
My favorite game thus far, even though I already own the DS version. New operations, new characters, new medical procedures, and a completely redone final chapter sound like nothing more than a new coat of paint, but the evolved controls of the Wii version are reason enough to give it another go. My only complaint is that they should have ditched the stupid anime drama bullshit they call a plot and ponied up for the House license instead, because wading through endless screens of text with nothing more than static concept art for eye-candy is kind of meh. Honestly they have some really solid and fun game mechanics here and a great soundtrack, but the production values are about on par with a japanese dating sim game, which is disappointing. You could replace the idealistic goody-two-shoes protagonist with sullen dreamboat Hugh Laurie and have a real game of the year contender on your hands. But the surgery part is awesome, really compelling, and they keep throwing little kinks and wrinkles into the gameplay that make it absolutely riveting.
Overall I'm really impressed so far. Now I'm just waiting for Metroid Prime: Corruption and Super Smash Bros. Brawl.