(no subject)
i could cry right now....
when i first got with daria.. she was telling me she had up walls for fear of getting hurt being that she had an extreme ending with her last b/f and blah blah blah... and it was odd but i still wanted to be with her and so i pushed for a relationship...
-----------------------------and we all know what happened from then on-------------sadness i know--------------------
but now i find my role switched
it is i with my walls built strong for extremem fear of getting hurt- infidelity and so forth...
such a cute and great girl wants in... and im scarred... i feel like i am daria from the get go of my relationship to her... and as if this new girl is the old me....
daria warned me just as i have warned this new girl...
and no i dont think her name needs to be given.. not now anyways
but like... i know i have mny walls up and my mentallity right now is , "No.. no g/f ever" i am still bent from being fucked over and out the way i was... i still to this day cant belive someone could do that to another person and think its alright or even worse... go on without even saying a word of comfort to the hurting.... but fuck that shit.. its my past and now im dealing with a possibility with a future.. but fuck.. its all playing out the same way me and daria started just in reverse roles...
i am older than her...
i am the one who was hurt...
i am the one with walls up...
i am the one unwilling and i am the one who is emotionally fucked up
instead of it being the other way around as it once was...
and so i feel like i could cry... i dont think im ready for this...
yea the girl makes me happy... she makes me smile and laugh and giggle and she is an awesome person, great free spirit
i do exzcited to hear form her and being with her is awesome.. best of times in a long time... its as if we are already going out... its great when im with her... but then i think...
fuck.. it was great wih darua too.. then she cheated on me... treated me the way she did.. and left me
granted daria was the best girlfriend i have ever had- THE MOST THOUGHTFUL--COOLEST-kindest-most caring-and overall best person i have ever coime to have known...
but thats all the padt and before she changed dramatically into someone who does what she does to me... ouch
but so i think.,.. hmm if daria can change.. someone who i thought i knew and someone who iw as in love with and trusated... then anyone can.. and i think of this new girl and all the hurt she can cause and the pain she may inflict upon me...
daria has scared me so much.. so deeply... but i want to get over it and maybe caring about sumone new or having sumone earn my trust and bing happy with sumone can help the wounds heal... but i dont know.... i am scarred and scared...
i am still really sad and so hopeless when it comes to trust and especially love... thats not even in the question for me...
but i do like this girl a lot... she is ...just wow.... but i cant... i was fucked over to harshly...
i dont know
*sigh*
when i first got with daria.. she was telling me she had up walls for fear of getting hurt being that she had an extreme ending with her last b/f and blah blah blah... and it was odd but i still wanted to be with her and so i pushed for a relationship...
-----------------------------and we all know what happened from then on-------------sadness i know--------------------
but now i find my role switched
it is i with my walls built strong for extremem fear of getting hurt- infidelity and so forth...
such a cute and great girl wants in... and im scarred... i feel like i am daria from the get go of my relationship to her... and as if this new girl is the old me....
daria warned me just as i have warned this new girl...
and no i dont think her name needs to be given.. not now anyways
but like... i know i have mny walls up and my mentallity right now is , "No.. no g/f ever" i am still bent from being fucked over and out the way i was... i still to this day cant belive someone could do that to another person and think its alright or even worse... go on without even saying a word of comfort to the hurting.... but fuck that shit.. its my past and now im dealing with a possibility with a future.. but fuck.. its all playing out the same way me and daria started just in reverse roles...
i am older than her...
i am the one who was hurt...
i am the one with walls up...
i am the one unwilling and i am the one who is emotionally fucked up
instead of it being the other way around as it once was...
and so i feel like i could cry... i dont think im ready for this...
yea the girl makes me happy... she makes me smile and laugh and giggle and she is an awesome person, great free spirit
i do exzcited to hear form her and being with her is awesome.. best of times in a long time... its as if we are already going out... its great when im with her... but then i think...
fuck.. it was great wih darua too.. then she cheated on me... treated me the way she did.. and left me
granted daria was the best girlfriend i have ever had- THE MOST THOUGHTFUL--COOLEST-kindest-most caring-and overall best person i have ever coime to have known...
but thats all the padt and before she changed dramatically into someone who does what she does to me... ouch
but so i think.,.. hmm if daria can change.. someone who i thought i knew and someone who iw as in love with and trusated... then anyone can.. and i think of this new girl and all the hurt she can cause and the pain she may inflict upon me...
daria has scared me so much.. so deeply... but i want to get over it and maybe caring about sumone new or having sumone earn my trust and bing happy with sumone can help the wounds heal... but i dont know.... i am scarred and scared...
i am still really sad and so hopeless when it comes to trust and especially love... thats not even in the question for me...
but i do like this girl a lot... she is ...just wow.... but i cant... i was fucked over to harshly...
i dont know
*sigh*