(no subject)
This is what I go so far, I think I will go back to it and add details as I remember them. I want to make sure I capture as much of it as possible before I forget.
I woke up at 1:44am for my routine bathroom break, however for some reason once I got off the toilet I suddenly saw that I was peeing again and didn't seem to have any control over it. That's when it hit me, my water has broken. The fluid was gushing out - thankfully it was clear.
By then the first wave of excitement was overtaking me, I was in disbelief at what was happening. I tried to think rationally and decided to call the midwife on call. She told me to stay home as long as possible, watch for heavy bleeding, and call in the morning if my contractions didn't start.
I got into bed with my hypnobabies CD and the contractions started picking up almost right away. I was easily able to work through them, by the end of the 2nd repeat of the script (each 50 minutes long) it was impossible to stay lying down. I left the bedroom and started pacing around the house. As each pressure wave hit me I found it most comfortable to lean forward on a wall and slowly rock my hips back and forth. I tried timing my contractions and they seemed to be awfully close together - 2-4 minutes apart lasting 40 seconds, so I called the midwife back. She said to keep watching them and wait until their length picked up to over a minute.
By 7am I could not take the excitement and pain anymore and decided to wake up Scott. I asked him how he felt about the baby coming today, he gave me a funny look and thought I was joking with him! But I told him that my water had broken five hours a go and that I was in labor for certain. I tried cuddling next to him on my side, but with the next pressure wave that came I had the most horrifying shooting pain that sent me screaming to the bathroom, I am not sure what it was but probably poor positioning on my part (and they tell women to labor on their backs???)
I was covered in cold sweat and dry heaving. This experience was similar to the time I "stepped" off my bike and twisted my ankle at 20mph. I was blacking out from pain. So from that point on I spent the entire labor standing.
We purposefully took a really long time to get out of the house, Scott drove down to Burgerville and downed two cheeseburgers, and a bacon egg sandwich - I hadn't eaten anything since a bit of cereal right after my water broke; I wasn't hungry either.
Finally at 9am I couldn't take it anymore and wanted to get out of the house, so we made our way to OHSU. I don't remember the car ride, I spent the entire time with my eyes closed working through my contractions listening to that same hypnobabies script over and over again.
Luckily the valet at the ER was open and we pulled right up to the front doors. Scott had to do all the talking for me, by that point I had checked out of reality and was in my own world. They tried to make me sit in wheelchair which again sent me into a whole lot of pain. So I think they found some other type of wheelchair which allowed me to recline back and I was wheeled into triage. This was so stupid considering the fact that I could have just as easily taken the elevator on my own and gone straight to labor and delivery bypassing the ER.
Upstairs in triage we were met with a rather rude nurse assistant. She handed me a gown and told me to go into the bathroom and change. And that point I felt like I was having a bad drug trip. I was confused and disoriented on my own in the bathroom.
For the next 20 minutes I had to be on my back strapped to the fetal monitors as they got a baseline of his hear rate and my contractions. After 20 minutes my midwife came in and said she thought I was in early active labor and that she would admit me. She didn't do a dilation check as she didn't want risk infection. So I didn't even know how much I had to go. I mentioned to her that we had planned on a water birth, to which she said that the tub was in use but that I could labor in the jacuzzi in the standard delivery room and that I would be next in line for the tub.
As I realized for the millionth time the reality of my situation (having a baby) I panicked again, my fear was that we were going to be all on our own, and that I would not be able to deal with labor, and that I wasn't going to have any support. Basically I was pissed at myself for not getting a doula. So I asked my midwife whether there was any option of getting a volunteer, or trainee doula. At that moment I think the birthing gods have smiled at me. The midwife said that Peggy, the nurse has been a doula for 20 years. And she asked her right in front of me whether Peggy would mind being my doula for the birth. OMG! I just could not believe it. Peggy said that she'd be happy to.
They wanted to wheel me to the labor room but I refused to sit down, so Peggy and Scott slowly walked with me as I leaned on the wall and on them.
My first reaction as we walked into the birthing room was to notice how bright it was, there was natural light flooding in from the windows. And in one conscious moment I thought to check whether our room had a direct view of Mt. Hood. But to be honest at that point I didn't care. I quickly found my way to the very high window sill and leaned over to keep working through the contractions. They asked me if I wanted to get into the tub, and I chose shower over the tub. At first I was worried about losing my hypnobabies capabilities as I didn't want to get my iPod wet, but the sound of the running water was enough to send me back into a deep trance.
The hot water felt really good and for a while eased up the contractions. One thing that did irritate me is that the water temperature kept fluctuating and I found that to be distracting (later working as a doula I learned that the hospital has a single piping system and so every time someone flushed the toilet it took away from my water supply). Quickly the contractions picked up again, and I started getting sciatic pain shooting down both my legs. It was radiating out of my hip bones it seemed like. I have to say that thus far I was able to handle both the nerve pain and the pain of labor, but everything started feeling so intense that I started seriously doubting myself and my ability of making it. I was moaning and screaming, the doula kept trying to get me to use low deep sounds but all I wanted to do was scream of pain.
Scott was behind me the entire time rubbing my lower back. At the time I didn't notice it, but my body's way of dealing with the contractions suddenly changed, I started feeling a lot of tail bone pressure, and every time a pressure wave came I started bearing down and pushing. But I was in such a delirious state that I did not realize what was going on. I finally broke down and the next time Peggy was in sight I asked her about my options for pain control. Being the wonderful doula that she is, she recommended that we get an internal check done.
When she got back from speaking with the midwife I mentioned to her the change in my body but I do not recall what she said. I also noticed that suddenly my contractions became more spaced out and I was able to rest again. At the time none of those changes were registering with my conscious.
They got me out of the shower and helped me to the bed, now another funny thing happened that I did not register at the time. I got on all my fours on the bed! But in order to get me checked they needed me on my back and I did not have the strength to fight that one. I did it reluctantly, but because my contractions seems to have really spaced out I managed to be on my back and get checked without getting hit with one. I was expecting the midwife to say I was around 4-6cm and still had hours to go, instead she said "you're fully dilated, you can start pushing".
I will be honest and say that if I hadn't made much progress by that point I would have taken the drugs. The sciatic pain combined with the intense contractions was unbearable. But then again, that's exactly what the midwife told me would happen. She said most women make it through to transition and then ask for something. But with me no one even noticed I was in transition, I guess because I was so "calm".
I jumped back onto my hands and knees, but my whole body was trembling and so they suggested I lie on my side for pushing otherwise I might exhaust myself.
Pushing was really strange. I didn't feel anything happening. In fact I just laid there, everyone was talking to me, but I didn't hear a word they were saying. When a strong contraction would come I tried pushing but I didn't feel any kind of an urge to push as many others describe it. Suddenly I saw one of the nurses carrying an oxygen mask, you have no idea the frenzy that sent me into. The nurse tried explaining to me that his heart rate was dropping low and that by giving me oxygen he would be getting more oxygen too. But I think the midwife saw the fear in my eyes and she told the nurse to hold off on the oxygen.
I did feel an intense pressure in my butt, I kept repeating how he's going to come out of my butt. Suddenly I saw the midwife gearing up, she told me she wouldn't be putting this big blue robe-like thing on unless she was certain the baby was almost out. I still couldn't feel anything. Then I could feel his head pressing on me. I could feel myself stretching. Later Scott told me that I was squeezing his hand so hard as I pushed he thought I was going to break his bones. Peggy held my left leg up to make more room for the passing baby and we started working on pushing the head out.
Once I knew the head was almost there I went into extreme pushing mode. I wanted the labor over with and I wanted the baby out. I did get to feel the tip of his slimy head as it was trying to come out, but it broke my concentration and so I stopped touching it. Another hard push on my side and he crowned - I felt a burning sensation. Another easy push and I felt the shoulders coming out and then the rest of his slimy body sliding out. Seconds later he was placed on my chest and started crying. I was in complete disbelief at what I had just achieved. I could not believe I had given birth. Everyone was really happy and cheered me on. I got the strong feeling that everyone felt extra good about helping a woman birth naturally, it was such a supportive atmosphere.
We spent lots of time cuddling with the little guy, and once the cord was done pulsing Scott got to cut the cord.
I had minimal tearing the midwife took care of while we bonded with our little guy.
....
When people ask me how my birth went I say it was amazing. I am so thankful things went so smoothly. It was truly an amazing experience to go through. I still relive it every day. The emotions, sensations, sounds, the pain, all of it, I hope to never forget any of it. In some sense it was like having an out of body experience, I wasn't myself anymore, my conscious shut down and some kind of an animal instinct took over.
I feel like my birthing experience could not be any more positive. Everyone there was supportive of me and my choices. They could've strapped me down to the bed when the telemetries weren't picking up his heart rate. But instead the nurse sat next to the shower, half wet, holding the monitoring to my stomach. After the birth the nurse, midwife and Peggy all said that it was a beautiful birthing, the midwife even said that I should come speak for her about natural childbirth - but I wonder if they say that to everyone.
I woke up at 1:44am for my routine bathroom break, however for some reason once I got off the toilet I suddenly saw that I was peeing again and didn't seem to have any control over it. That's when it hit me, my water has broken. The fluid was gushing out - thankfully it was clear.
By then the first wave of excitement was overtaking me, I was in disbelief at what was happening. I tried to think rationally and decided to call the midwife on call. She told me to stay home as long as possible, watch for heavy bleeding, and call in the morning if my contractions didn't start.
I got into bed with my hypnobabies CD and the contractions started picking up almost right away. I was easily able to work through them, by the end of the 2nd repeat of the script (each 50 minutes long) it was impossible to stay lying down. I left the bedroom and started pacing around the house. As each pressure wave hit me I found it most comfortable to lean forward on a wall and slowly rock my hips back and forth. I tried timing my contractions and they seemed to be awfully close together - 2-4 minutes apart lasting 40 seconds, so I called the midwife back. She said to keep watching them and wait until their length picked up to over a minute.
By 7am I could not take the excitement and pain anymore and decided to wake up Scott. I asked him how he felt about the baby coming today, he gave me a funny look and thought I was joking with him! But I told him that my water had broken five hours a go and that I was in labor for certain. I tried cuddling next to him on my side, but with the next pressure wave that came I had the most horrifying shooting pain that sent me screaming to the bathroom, I am not sure what it was but probably poor positioning on my part (and they tell women to labor on their backs???)
I was covered in cold sweat and dry heaving. This experience was similar to the time I "stepped" off my bike and twisted my ankle at 20mph. I was blacking out from pain. So from that point on I spent the entire labor standing.
We purposefully took a really long time to get out of the house, Scott drove down to Burgerville and downed two cheeseburgers, and a bacon egg sandwich - I hadn't eaten anything since a bit of cereal right after my water broke; I wasn't hungry either.
Finally at 9am I couldn't take it anymore and wanted to get out of the house, so we made our way to OHSU. I don't remember the car ride, I spent the entire time with my eyes closed working through my contractions listening to that same hypnobabies script over and over again.
Luckily the valet at the ER was open and we pulled right up to the front doors. Scott had to do all the talking for me, by that point I had checked out of reality and was in my own world. They tried to make me sit in wheelchair which again sent me into a whole lot of pain. So I think they found some other type of wheelchair which allowed me to recline back and I was wheeled into triage. This was so stupid considering the fact that I could have just as easily taken the elevator on my own and gone straight to labor and delivery bypassing the ER.
Upstairs in triage we were met with a rather rude nurse assistant. She handed me a gown and told me to go into the bathroom and change. And that point I felt like I was having a bad drug trip. I was confused and disoriented on my own in the bathroom.
For the next 20 minutes I had to be on my back strapped to the fetal monitors as they got a baseline of his hear rate and my contractions. After 20 minutes my midwife came in and said she thought I was in early active labor and that she would admit me. She didn't do a dilation check as she didn't want risk infection. So I didn't even know how much I had to go. I mentioned to her that we had planned on a water birth, to which she said that the tub was in use but that I could labor in the jacuzzi in the standard delivery room and that I would be next in line for the tub.
As I realized for the millionth time the reality of my situation (having a baby) I panicked again, my fear was that we were going to be all on our own, and that I would not be able to deal with labor, and that I wasn't going to have any support. Basically I was pissed at myself for not getting a doula. So I asked my midwife whether there was any option of getting a volunteer, or trainee doula. At that moment I think the birthing gods have smiled at me. The midwife said that Peggy, the nurse has been a doula for 20 years. And she asked her right in front of me whether Peggy would mind being my doula for the birth. OMG! I just could not believe it. Peggy said that she'd be happy to.
They wanted to wheel me to the labor room but I refused to sit down, so Peggy and Scott slowly walked with me as I leaned on the wall and on them.
My first reaction as we walked into the birthing room was to notice how bright it was, there was natural light flooding in from the windows. And in one conscious moment I thought to check whether our room had a direct view of Mt. Hood. But to be honest at that point I didn't care. I quickly found my way to the very high window sill and leaned over to keep working through the contractions. They asked me if I wanted to get into the tub, and I chose shower over the tub. At first I was worried about losing my hypnobabies capabilities as I didn't want to get my iPod wet, but the sound of the running water was enough to send me back into a deep trance.
The hot water felt really good and for a while eased up the contractions. One thing that did irritate me is that the water temperature kept fluctuating and I found that to be distracting (later working as a doula I learned that the hospital has a single piping system and so every time someone flushed the toilet it took away from my water supply). Quickly the contractions picked up again, and I started getting sciatic pain shooting down both my legs. It was radiating out of my hip bones it seemed like. I have to say that thus far I was able to handle both the nerve pain and the pain of labor, but everything started feeling so intense that I started seriously doubting myself and my ability of making it. I was moaning and screaming, the doula kept trying to get me to use low deep sounds but all I wanted to do was scream of pain.
Scott was behind me the entire time rubbing my lower back. At the time I didn't notice it, but my body's way of dealing with the contractions suddenly changed, I started feeling a lot of tail bone pressure, and every time a pressure wave came I started bearing down and pushing. But I was in such a delirious state that I did not realize what was going on. I finally broke down and the next time Peggy was in sight I asked her about my options for pain control. Being the wonderful doula that she is, she recommended that we get an internal check done.
When she got back from speaking with the midwife I mentioned to her the change in my body but I do not recall what she said. I also noticed that suddenly my contractions became more spaced out and I was able to rest again. At the time none of those changes were registering with my conscious.
They got me out of the shower and helped me to the bed, now another funny thing happened that I did not register at the time. I got on all my fours on the bed! But in order to get me checked they needed me on my back and I did not have the strength to fight that one. I did it reluctantly, but because my contractions seems to have really spaced out I managed to be on my back and get checked without getting hit with one. I was expecting the midwife to say I was around 4-6cm and still had hours to go, instead she said "you're fully dilated, you can start pushing".
I will be honest and say that if I hadn't made much progress by that point I would have taken the drugs. The sciatic pain combined with the intense contractions was unbearable. But then again, that's exactly what the midwife told me would happen. She said most women make it through to transition and then ask for something. But with me no one even noticed I was in transition, I guess because I was so "calm".
I jumped back onto my hands and knees, but my whole body was trembling and so they suggested I lie on my side for pushing otherwise I might exhaust myself.
Pushing was really strange. I didn't feel anything happening. In fact I just laid there, everyone was talking to me, but I didn't hear a word they were saying. When a strong contraction would come I tried pushing but I didn't feel any kind of an urge to push as many others describe it. Suddenly I saw one of the nurses carrying an oxygen mask, you have no idea the frenzy that sent me into. The nurse tried explaining to me that his heart rate was dropping low and that by giving me oxygen he would be getting more oxygen too. But I think the midwife saw the fear in my eyes and she told the nurse to hold off on the oxygen.
I did feel an intense pressure in my butt, I kept repeating how he's going to come out of my butt. Suddenly I saw the midwife gearing up, she told me she wouldn't be putting this big blue robe-like thing on unless she was certain the baby was almost out. I still couldn't feel anything. Then I could feel his head pressing on me. I could feel myself stretching. Later Scott told me that I was squeezing his hand so hard as I pushed he thought I was going to break his bones. Peggy held my left leg up to make more room for the passing baby and we started working on pushing the head out.
Once I knew the head was almost there I went into extreme pushing mode. I wanted the labor over with and I wanted the baby out. I did get to feel the tip of his slimy head as it was trying to come out, but it broke my concentration and so I stopped touching it. Another hard push on my side and he crowned - I felt a burning sensation. Another easy push and I felt the shoulders coming out and then the rest of his slimy body sliding out. Seconds later he was placed on my chest and started crying. I was in complete disbelief at what I had just achieved. I could not believe I had given birth. Everyone was really happy and cheered me on. I got the strong feeling that everyone felt extra good about helping a woman birth naturally, it was such a supportive atmosphere.
We spent lots of time cuddling with the little guy, and once the cord was done pulsing Scott got to cut the cord.
I had minimal tearing the midwife took care of while we bonded with our little guy.
....
When people ask me how my birth went I say it was amazing. I am so thankful things went so smoothly. It was truly an amazing experience to go through. I still relive it every day. The emotions, sensations, sounds, the pain, all of it, I hope to never forget any of it. In some sense it was like having an out of body experience, I wasn't myself anymore, my conscious shut down and some kind of an animal instinct took over.
I feel like my birthing experience could not be any more positive. Everyone there was supportive of me and my choices. They could've strapped me down to the bed when the telemetries weren't picking up his heart rate. But instead the nurse sat next to the shower, half wet, holding the monitoring to my stomach. After the birth the nurse, midwife and Peggy all said that it was a beautiful birthing, the midwife even said that I should come speak for her about natural childbirth - but I wonder if they say that to everyone.