Confidentiality
They say if you want something to be kept confidential, don't tell a priest.
Funny, yes, but sad. When I first heard it, I thought, "What priest would blab someone else's stuff? Aren't we trained otherwise?" Confidentiality is one of the most important aspects of a pastoral relationship--actually, any relationship. We all need to know that when we share our thoughts and feelings, our fears and our hopes, that those we share with will keep it to themselves. Trust is fragile and can be broken by one indiscreet word. Now, don't get me wrong--most priests have no problem keeping confidentiality. But we are human, after all. (I know that comes as a surprise to some...) I suspect that many think it's no big deal to tell another about someone's home re-decorating or pet's death. And it may not be to the person being told--but it isn't theirs to tell--you follow me? But having the dirt on someone, either good or bad, can burn a hole in your metaphorical pocket. All of us like to be "in the know."
I don't seem to have a problem keeping my parishioners' lives confidential. In fact, my memory is so bad that, even if I wanted to share things, I couldn't remember them to share. I often can't even remember where people live, much less their deepest, darkest secrets.
Where I have difficulty with confidence is in my own life. Those who know me know I have a tendency to over-share. Ah, a conversation about sex ed in public schools? I think I'll mention something embarrassing about my sex life. You're discussing religion? Let me tell you something hilarious but private about my husband's spiritual life.
Yeah. Pathetic. I'm not sure what makes me want to open up--and to open up in particularly inappropriate times. As I was growing up, my father said that I had no unspoken thoughts--I think it, I say it. It is more flattering to think that I am simply very honest and vulnerable with everyone assuming that they will be the same with me. I don't tend to make a distinction between my family, my friends, and those I know only a little. The problem is most folk do and are not so open.
What's my point here? I think my growing edge for the moment is in keeping my life and, more to the point, my husband's life, to myself. Though we are one flesh in marriage, his life and his mind are not mine to share.
Funny, yes, but sad. When I first heard it, I thought, "What priest would blab someone else's stuff? Aren't we trained otherwise?" Confidentiality is one of the most important aspects of a pastoral relationship--actually, any relationship. We all need to know that when we share our thoughts and feelings, our fears and our hopes, that those we share with will keep it to themselves. Trust is fragile and can be broken by one indiscreet word. Now, don't get me wrong--most priests have no problem keeping confidentiality. But we are human, after all. (I know that comes as a surprise to some...) I suspect that many think it's no big deal to tell another about someone's home re-decorating or pet's death. And it may not be to the person being told--but it isn't theirs to tell--you follow me? But having the dirt on someone, either good or bad, can burn a hole in your metaphorical pocket. All of us like to be "in the know."
I don't seem to have a problem keeping my parishioners' lives confidential. In fact, my memory is so bad that, even if I wanted to share things, I couldn't remember them to share. I often can't even remember where people live, much less their deepest, darkest secrets.
Where I have difficulty with confidence is in my own life. Those who know me know I have a tendency to over-share. Ah, a conversation about sex ed in public schools? I think I'll mention something embarrassing about my sex life. You're discussing religion? Let me tell you something hilarious but private about my husband's spiritual life.
Yeah. Pathetic. I'm not sure what makes me want to open up--and to open up in particularly inappropriate times. As I was growing up, my father said that I had no unspoken thoughts--I think it, I say it. It is more flattering to think that I am simply very honest and vulnerable with everyone assuming that they will be the same with me. I don't tend to make a distinction between my family, my friends, and those I know only a little. The problem is most folk do and are not so open.
What's my point here? I think my growing edge for the moment is in keeping my life and, more to the point, my husband's life, to myself. Though we are one flesh in marriage, his life and his mind are not mine to share.