question

[pastels_badge]

What's your policy when it comes to getting music recommendations from friends? Do you avoid them, take them when they come, or seek them out? How effective do you think friendly recommendations are for finding stuff you're really going to like? Do you ever feel self-conscious about getting into stuff because other people introduce you to it,

Comments

[pastels_badge]

I think that the boyfriend/girlfriend thing is more of a sensitive issue if you're a woman in a relationship with a man. Because the sad fact is that a lot of people do take men more seriously when it comes to music. They may not even notice the assumptions they're making. It makes me think about when I was at Bard doing entertainment committee (booking bands and putting on shows for the students) and when I would work the door at shows and stuff like that, people (usually guys, but not always) would always talk to my committee-mate Joel and refer to me as his "girlfriend." Just assuming that if I was working on the shows I must be dating a committee member instead of being one myself. I've run into this with people who actually were my boyfriends, too, more often than I care to remember. People regularly asked me if I got into music through Steve (when they didn't just assume it), though I think he probably ended up finding out about more favorite records through me than vice versa. It's not true of everybody, but there are definitely a lot of people out there who make these spurious assumptions. I try not to worry about the opinions of goofballs, but sometimes it bugs me anyway.

[minimalrobot]

I see what you mean. I think it's somehow related to the whole trainspotter/collector thing with guys and their music. Some people are always going to assume girls aren't that into music and are just in it for the scene or to see cute bands. While I'm sure that's sometimes true (for both boys and girls, no doubt), it's a silly generalization to make, not to mention being fairly insulting.

And guys are just as guilty, I can tell you. There is stuff I listen to today that I first got into because girls I liked in high school were listening to it.

[pastels_badge]

It's interesting that you brought up glomming on to somebody's taste just to try to get them to like you more, but you found out about stuff that became important to you because of girls that you liked. I think that's a crucial distinction--liking something because someone you feel drawn to or have a close relationship with likes it and that causes you to give it a chance, versus engineering your taste to get a certain reaction from somebody. Though I think sometimes the first type of dynamic gets stigmatized because people conflate it with the second.

This keeps reminding me of Karen's ex-boyfriend who dated Sara for a while (and introduced me to her). He made her a mixtape once to try to impress her. Later, when she got to know me and Karen, she found out that almost the entire tape was stuff Karen liked that Chris had never been that into. It was a pretty blatant example of trying to have the right musical taste to get a certain person to like you, rather than sincerely opening up to something because of a person you like a lot.

[minimalrobot]

...trying to have the right musical taste to get a certain person to like you, rather than sincerely opening up to something because of a person you like a lot.

Although one of these seems more "authentic" than the other, I wonder if it's always so easy to tell the difference, especially at the time it's happening. Or if it matters. I guess in the end you're left with some music you don't like, and some that stays with you.

[pastels_badge]

Very good point.

[minimalrobot]

I was thinking: The girl I was interested in is long forgotten. But Love & Rockets still rule. At least you don't need to worry about bands liking you back.

[pastels_badge]

This whole exchange is making me picture crushed-out teenage Bruce...hee hee.

[minimalrobot]

Just don't call me emo. Ever.