More DUll and BORing mE beINg Confused .... blahg
I suppose it is time to come face to face with reality: College is not a place I am going to find a girlfriend at again. I don't know why, but I just sincerely doubt that UMass holds a girl for me anymore. For that reason alone I think I want the next year to go be at a steady pace so that I can move on and find new crowds of people and somehow find a woman I love. I don't really have much desire to go to parties or anything much anymore. The only reason I do is because I want to meet someone, but people are always drunk and out of their mind, and it is hard to get to know anyone in that kind of setting. I'm not really good at sparking up conversation and getting a girl's number or date. Every girl I have been with they have approached me more than I to her. Sadly I have to admit I really suck at opening myself up to meet people. It takes me awhile to talk to someone because I am generally paranoid that they will not like me, which is generally the case. I don't know if it is because I dress badly or if my attitude is wrong, but it seems to be more my appearance. I have been told by my mother and a few friends a lot lately that I don't dress right for my age. They are not doing it in a mean manner, but moreso with a desire to help out. I don't really know what I should do to improve that so I am hoping it follows through.
It didn't hurt this bad until now too. I miss Christine a whole lot now and I really wish things worked out. I can't function at all as of late. Over the weekend my friend Danielle asked me what kind of a girl I like, and I just drew blanks. That is awful. I don't even know what I am seeking in a girl anymore so how can I meet one? I'm trying to find out, but I think it lies within the question of who am I? I don't know anymore. I can't describe my personal self very much. All I know is that I like paintball, music, bass guitar, michievous adventures, drinking, art, video games, movies, and now lots and lots of books. I'm extremely intellectual and look for the same in a girl. I don't like people that are not intelligent. I like in-depth, meaningful conversations not just about simple stuff. I like to analyze things and compare to others to seek influence. I learned a lot and adjusted my morals by being with Christine and I am thankful for those lessons.
Next year, I am going to live with four other amazing people. All of them are very nice and I get along with them extremely well. It should be a huge improvement over the current situation where if I have over 60 people at the house we are having a "dirty and disgusting FRAT PARTY." The fucking nerve of these hermit losers. To hell with them.
"So where ya going for tomorrow?"
I don't know...
It didn't hurt this bad until now too. I miss Christine a whole lot now and I really wish things worked out. I can't function at all as of late. Over the weekend my friend Danielle asked me what kind of a girl I like, and I just drew blanks. That is awful. I don't even know what I am seeking in a girl anymore so how can I meet one? I'm trying to find out, but I think it lies within the question of who am I? I don't know anymore. I can't describe my personal self very much. All I know is that I like paintball, music, bass guitar, michievous adventures, drinking, art, video games, movies, and now lots and lots of books. I'm extremely intellectual and look for the same in a girl. I don't like people that are not intelligent. I like in-depth, meaningful conversations not just about simple stuff. I like to analyze things and compare to others to seek influence. I learned a lot and adjusted my morals by being with Christine and I am thankful for those lessons.
Next year, I am going to live with four other amazing people. All of them are very nice and I get along with them extremely well. It should be a huge improvement over the current situation where if I have over 60 people at the house we are having a "dirty and disgusting FRAT PARTY." The fucking nerve of these hermit losers. To hell with them.
"So where ya going for tomorrow?"
I don't know...