First, I made an embarassing blunder
Although I may have been the only one to realize it. Well, see, there's this great song from the Romeo + Juliet soundtrack that I'm sure at least some of you know...
It was one of my very favorites, but I haven't really heard it since I was a mere 18-year-old in short pants. So I mis-quoted my LJ cut. It's fixed now, though. Although I wonder if anyone else will still get the reference. Trust me, this soundtrack was the thing to listen to back in '97/'98.
And now,
So I can't remember how I got to this situation, although there were things going on before the parts I do remember. I think they were much nicer than the rest. Anyway, so I'm hanging out with these people who I suppose are my friends, and somehow (I don't remember the conversation) one of the guys tells me he wants to have a child. So I say I'll have one for him, and he can take care of it.
Somehow, one of the other guys in our group says he wants to get in on this whole sleeping with me thing, although it's not to have a kid. The tone of it was more like a mix of he wanted to sleep with me and he was some sort of spot for the other guy? I don't know. Anyway, the entire process was both clinical and had the feeling of teenagers sneaking around so they wouldn't get caught. There was a nurse (who didn't look like a traditional nurse, just had to get that in there), and the two guys. After some clumsiness, the one who wanted to have the child managed to do his thing. It hurt, but was somewhat pleasurable at the same time, and it was over way too quickly. (The other guy didn't manage to get any, so he left.) I asked the first guy if he was finished, because I was somewhat unsatisfied, but he said yes and the nurse implied to me that that was just how it was and I wouldn't get to be finished off myself (even though by her body language I thought she might be willing to do the job).
Well, that being over with, somehow I had the baby. I don't remember how, but suddenly she was there. And she was developing very rapidly. Both the father and I were commenting on it. She was still a baby, but trying to speak and do other things that newborns don't do. We were in someone else's house at this point. We didn't live there, but the feeling was that the father and the kid were just hanging out there all the time. I decided to walk off, maybe to leave (as I wanted no part in raising the little one) when my mother came by asking me where the baby was and why I wasn't taking care of her (she was a little girl). She made me feel guiltier than I wanted, and I tried to explain to her that I had an agreement with the father where he would keep the baby and I would go on with my life. My mother seemed to acquiesce, but I don't think she was entirely pleased.
So I go into the other room and see that my daughter has become an actual little kid running around with her father and talking and everything. I felt no attachment to either of them, and I became upset and felt guilty about it, thinking that if this little girl had stayed a baby for longer I may have actually bonded with her. (And I suspect some of this was guilt induced by my mother.) After that I wandered off again into another room and realized that I didn't want to be in the house or spend time with the people in it (there were more than just the guy and the little girl) and I didn't really have to stay. So I went to tell my mother I was leaving, and she told me I should go say goodbye to the guy and the little girl. I had completely forgotten about them, but I figured it was a good idea. So I go to find them, but I can't. There's other people around, but I wander from room to room until finally I find the father and daughter running around together playing games. The guy tells me that he's been acting like a little kid because of his daughter, and that they'd been running from room to room trying to find me.
And then one of the inhabitants of the house (who looked kind of like my friend Ronnie) said that we'd all order out for dinner in an attempt to get me to stay, which I did. We decided on what we wanted, and then I was in a car with someone who started out being one person and then turned into my dad when I mentioned that I wanted to get a drink consisiting of a shot of Kaluah and a certain brand of rum. (He'd decided to get a drink as well, which gave me the idea.) He looked at me funny, and I had the feeling it had something to do with me being a new mother, but he was voicing surprise at the strange sounding drink. I insisted that it was perfectly normal, and was considered a coffee drink.
We came back with the food and the beverage, and I was looking for my drink when I woke up.
This one disturbed me rather muchly. Mostly because I don't want to have a baby, I only did so as a favor to a friend, and even though I didn't have to have responsibility for the child everyone expected me too. Grr. I'll bet these are merely dreams induced by the periodic hormonal imbalance I go through. But still...
It was one of my very favorites, but I haven't really heard it since I was a mere 18-year-old in short pants. So I mis-quoted my LJ cut. It's fixed now, though. Although I wonder if anyone else will still get the reference. Trust me, this soundtrack was the thing to listen to back in '97/'98.
And now,
So I can't remember how I got to this situation, although there were things going on before the parts I do remember. I think they were much nicer than the rest. Anyway, so I'm hanging out with these people who I suppose are my friends, and somehow (I don't remember the conversation) one of the guys tells me he wants to have a child. So I say I'll have one for him, and he can take care of it.
Somehow, one of the other guys in our group says he wants to get in on this whole sleeping with me thing, although it's not to have a kid. The tone of it was more like a mix of he wanted to sleep with me and he was some sort of spot for the other guy? I don't know. Anyway, the entire process was both clinical and had the feeling of teenagers sneaking around so they wouldn't get caught. There was a nurse (who didn't look like a traditional nurse, just had to get that in there), and the two guys. After some clumsiness, the one who wanted to have the child managed to do his thing. It hurt, but was somewhat pleasurable at the same time, and it was over way too quickly. (The other guy didn't manage to get any, so he left.) I asked the first guy if he was finished, because I was somewhat unsatisfied, but he said yes and the nurse implied to me that that was just how it was and I wouldn't get to be finished off myself (even though by her body language I thought she might be willing to do the job).
Well, that being over with, somehow I had the baby. I don't remember how, but suddenly she was there. And she was developing very rapidly. Both the father and I were commenting on it. She was still a baby, but trying to speak and do other things that newborns don't do. We were in someone else's house at this point. We didn't live there, but the feeling was that the father and the kid were just hanging out there all the time. I decided to walk off, maybe to leave (as I wanted no part in raising the little one) when my mother came by asking me where the baby was and why I wasn't taking care of her (she was a little girl). She made me feel guiltier than I wanted, and I tried to explain to her that I had an agreement with the father where he would keep the baby and I would go on with my life. My mother seemed to acquiesce, but I don't think she was entirely pleased.
So I go into the other room and see that my daughter has become an actual little kid running around with her father and talking and everything. I felt no attachment to either of them, and I became upset and felt guilty about it, thinking that if this little girl had stayed a baby for longer I may have actually bonded with her. (And I suspect some of this was guilt induced by my mother.) After that I wandered off again into another room and realized that I didn't want to be in the house or spend time with the people in it (there were more than just the guy and the little girl) and I didn't really have to stay. So I went to tell my mother I was leaving, and she told me I should go say goodbye to the guy and the little girl. I had completely forgotten about them, but I figured it was a good idea. So I go to find them, but I can't. There's other people around, but I wander from room to room until finally I find the father and daughter running around together playing games. The guy tells me that he's been acting like a little kid because of his daughter, and that they'd been running from room to room trying to find me.
And then one of the inhabitants of the house (who looked kind of like my friend Ronnie) said that we'd all order out for dinner in an attempt to get me to stay, which I did. We decided on what we wanted, and then I was in a car with someone who started out being one person and then turned into my dad when I mentioned that I wanted to get a drink consisiting of a shot of Kaluah and a certain brand of rum. (He'd decided to get a drink as well, which gave me the idea.) He looked at me funny, and I had the feeling it had something to do with me being a new mother, but he was voicing surprise at the strange sounding drink. I insisted that it was perfectly normal, and was considered a coffee drink.
We came back with the food and the beverage, and I was looking for my drink when I woke up.
This one disturbed me rather muchly. Mostly because I don't want to have a baby, I only did so as a favor to a friend, and even though I didn't have to have responsibility for the child everyone expected me too. Grr. I'll bet these are merely dreams induced by the periodic hormonal imbalance I go through. But still...