Fic - Deadfield - A/U part 12/?
Title: Deadfield
Fandom: Guiding Light
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: Overall R to NC-17
Notes: This is an A/U fic. It's set in "present" day Springfield. A/U assumptions: Olivia left Springfield shortly after her heart-condition diagnosis. Emma doesn't exist.
Parts: One 2-4 5-6 7-8 9 10 11
PART 12
I watched a change in you
It’s like you never had wings
Now you feel so alive
I’ve watched you change
And you feel alive
You feel alive
-Deftones
It was mid-afternoon by the time I was able to make my way back to the room. I needed a shower. It had been a terrible day, and my skin felt like it was crawling. I lost track of how many infected we came across. The number was rising to an alarming level and the more we saw, the more I was convinced we couldn’t stay.
The warmth of the shower made the soreness in my muscles become apparent. I felt old. I quietly wished, not for the first time, that I was twenty-five again, but gave up the thought as quickly as it came. This was reality and there was no running from it. When I finally forced myself to turn the water off and shrug into my robe, I realized all I wanted to do was lay down for a few hours. I walked into the bedroom and released a sigh of relief when I saw Natalia sitting on the bed waiting for me.
“You’re a sight for sore eyes,” I said and smiled wearily at her.
“Hey you,” she said and reached out a hand to me. “I saw Josh and he said you two had a long day.”
I nodded and took her hand. She pulled me onto the bed, and I snuggled down against her. “How’s Rafe?”
“He’s alright… considering. He’s acting like losing his father is no big deal. I hate that I’m proud of him for that. I wish I could tell him he should cry and be angry and act out like a normal kid his age should, but I know he can’t. I hate how this is changing us… making us act like we’re not experiencing the most horrible nightmare imaginable.”
“I hate it too. If we make it through, we’re all going to need a lot of therapy.”
I felt Natalia’s chest lift slightly as she released a small laugh. “When we make it through,” she said, correcting me with a small tap of her fingertip to my nose. I nodded and hugged my arm tighter around her waist.
“Where’s Rafe now?”
“He went to see Ashlee Wolfe. They’ve been dating for a couple of months.”
“Oh? Huh, I wouldn’t have predicted that.”
“Well, I think they bonded over the fact both their moms are gay.”
I lifted my body abruptly to look up at her. “Whoa. Wait. What?” A laugh burst from my lips. “You just threw me for about five loops with that sentence.”
Natalia gave me a mischievous smile. “What?”
“First of all, Doris Wolfe is gay?”
“Yup.”
“Shut up.”
Natalia shook her head and laughed. “In fact, I think she’s dating Blake Marler.”
“Blake?” I felt like the world was tilting on its axis… again. “Why is this striking me as absurd as the idea of zombies walking the streets?”
“Crazy, right? I guess I’ve gotten used to it.”
“How long has she been… you know… out?”
“Well, she’s not exactly out, but once she heard I told Rafe, I think it gave her some courage to come out to her daughter at least.”
“Wow.” I took a deep breath and let the information sink in - another strange fact to add to the increasingly long list. “Okay, so that brings me to my second question. You told Rafe? When? Why? How did he take it?”
Natalia sighed and looked up at the ceiling. “It was about three months ago. Ever since we moved back to Springfield we’d been building a stronger relationship. In Chicago he was starting to pull away -turning into such an angry kid, and I was never home because I was working all the time. I couldn’t be there for him enough, and I was so afraid he might fall in with a gang. I think moving to Springfield was the best thing that ever happened to him… and us. Springfield may be a crazy place, but it’s a heck of a lot better than the streets of Chicago. Being here with his father - it really started to bring us back together. We felt like a family for the first time, and I think that made him feel safe enough to allow himself some happiness. Anyway, once Gus and I broke up and he finally accepted it… and believe me, that took awhile… he started trying to fix me up with any man he could get his hands on.” She laughed and shook her head. “At the time I wasn’t sure if he was doing it for me or because he wanted another man in the house, but I finally snapped when he suggested I go on a date with Buzz.”
I laughed. “Hey, nothing wrong with Buzz.”
Natalia smiled and looked at me incredulously. “Maybe he’s your type, but he’s definitely not mine.”
I laughed and leaned up to kiss one of her dimples before settling back down beside her. “So you told him you like the ladies?”
“Yeah. I didn’t plan on doing it, but he was driving me nuts, and it just sort of slipped out.”
“How did he take it?”
“Not well.”
“I was still getting used to the idea myself, so I had trouble explaining it to him. It really shook him up and he had a lot of issues reconciling it with his faith.” She sighed. “I did too… it was one of the hardest things I’ve ever had to deal with.”
“But you got through it?”
I felt her nod and she leaned in to press a kiss against my forehead. “I prayed a lot. I got some good advice… and some bad advice. It was hard, and it was a very lonely time.”
“I’m sorry you had to go through that alone.”
“No, I think it was good for me. For the first time, I was really dealing with myself and my life on my terms. I lived my life for other people for so long that I forgot what it was to just be me. I think there’s a point in life when you realize you have to live for yourself - when you realize personal happiness is the most important thing. At first I thought I was being selfish, not thinking about anyone but myself, but then I imagined myself trying to be with a man like Frank or Remy or Matt Reardon.”
I couldn’t resist a chuckle at that. “Matt?”
“Oh yeah, Rafe tried really hard for that one. Set us up to ‘accidentally’ meet for dinner and everything.”
“Really? I’m not sure that would have worked anyway. I think he likes his women a little older.”
She laughed and swatted my hand playfully. “Do you want to hear Natalia Rivera’s coming out story or not?”
“Being quiet now.”
“Anyway, I imagined myself trying to be with a man, and I realized I wouldn’t be the only one left miserable in the end. I decided I couldn’t just deny this huge part of me just to make my son, or the church, or even God happy. Once I understood that, I think I was able to explain it to Rafe.”
“And he accepted it?”
“It took awhile. Rafe… he likes the world to go according to his plans.” She released a small laugh. “I think we’re very similar that way. But yeah, I think he’s okay with it now.”
“Did he try to set you up with any women?”
“No,” she said firmly, and I looked up to see her smiling. “I told him about us though.” She looked at me to gauge my reaction and ran her fingers slowly through my hair.
I blinked in surprise. “You did? Already?”
“Well, I figured we might not have a lot of time… you know, the end of the world and all - it isn’t the time for secrets.”
“And he’s… okay?”
“Yeah, I think so. He actually laughed a little and complimented me on my taste in women.”
“You do have mighty fine taste.”
She rolled her eyes and leaned down until our lips met. She kissed me slowly, and I could sense she was trying to convey her feelings through the kiss. It left me breathless and wanting more. “Mmm, yes I most certainly do,” she said. I leaned in for another kiss, but she stopped me and pressed three fingers to my lips. “You need a nap. There’s a meeting in a few hours.”
“You know about that?” She nodded. “Do you think we should leave?”
“Now that Rafe’s back, I’d do anything to find a safe place for us.” She ran a finger down the side of my face. “All of us. I need to keep my family safe, after all.”
I nodded and settled back down next to her. For some reason, I didn’t want her to see the tears that started to form in my eyes at the idea she might consider me family. I knew our relationship was travelling at a pace that would make a runaway train jealous, but something about it felt so natural, like I was being introduced to a life I was meant to be living for years. It felt right, and there was no way in hell I was going to argue.
******
The meeting started at 8pm. I was a little surprised that there weren’t more people present, but I did see many familiar faces in the room. Dinah Marler was the first to approach me. She had a nasty looking gash on her chin and her bloodshot eyes looked so tired they could barely focus on me.
“Good to see you, Olivia,” she said flatly.
“Are you okay, Dinah?” I asked. She didn’t protest when I led her to sit in a nearby chair.
“I haven’t slept since Shayne…” she muttered.
“I’m so sorry,” I said and put an arm around her shoulder. I felt her flinch a little, but I didn’t pull back.
“Shayne had a son,” she looked at me. Her eyes looked haunted. “Did you know that?”
“No… I had no idea.”
“Yeah. His name’s Henry.” She looked away and her eyes scanned the room. “All his parents are dead now. He had four, but now they’re all dead.” She shrugged animatedly. “Poof. All dead.”
“Are you sure you’re okay, Dinah?” I asked. Her actions were worrying me. Dinah was a strong woman and the last thing we needed was for her to lose it. I looked around the room and caught Josh’s eye. He immediately began walking toward us.
“Hello, ladies,” he said with a broad grin when he reached us. “Olivia, why don’t you go check on Natalia?” He leaned in conspiratorially. “She looks a little aggravated over there talking to Alan.” He sat down next to Dinah and took her hand. “Dinah and I have some things to talk about anyway, don’t we?” Dinah nodded and attempted to blink back tears that were clearly threatening to spill out.
“Yeah, okay. I’ll talk to you two later?” Josh looked up at me as I stood and nodded reassuringly.
I turned away, seeing Dinah like that had knocked me off balance. I was walking slowly, trying to convince myself that she would be okay when a strong hand grabbed my arm. I jerked away.
“Whoa! Careful, you’ll hurt yourself moving that fast. You’re not so young anymore, you know.”
“Jonathan?”
“The one and only.” He grinned and pulled me into a hug.
A full smile spread over my face. Seeing my nephew again warmed my heart more than I ever imagined it might. “You don’t know how good it is to see you. How long have you been back?”
“A little while before all this happened. I heard you were back, but I’ve been so busy I haven’t had a minute to look for you.”
“Did you bring Sarah with you?”
He nodded and smiled. “Lizzie’s been on cloud nine.”
I shook my head in amusement. “I guess that’s why I saw her taking down infected like she was running around in a really exciting video game.”
He smiled and nodded. “Well, that and…” He leaned in and whispered. “Don’t tell anyone, but I’ve always suspected she might have inherited the Spaulding crazy gene.”
I tipped my head back and repressed a loud laugh. It felt so irreverent to laugh when so many people around me were in pain, but the small joy I felt from seeing Jonathan again was wonderful. “Hey don’t knock it.” I gestured toward the room. “After all, every last one of the Spauldings are still with us.”
I smiled when I saw Natalia begin walking toward us.
“What’s with all the smiles over here?” she asked as she neared and slipped an arm around my waist.
Jonathan raised his eyebrows.
“Have you two met?” I asked.
“We have,” Jonathan said slowly and pointed down at Natalia’s arms which were both wrapped around me now. “But what’s this all about?” he asked with a sly grin.
I raised an eyebrow. “Just making the best of a bad situation.”
“Olivia!” Natalia said and swatted me rather hard in the stomach. I bent over slightly in mock pain and grinned at her devilishly. She rolled her eyes and shook her head even as she replaced her arm around my waist.
Jonathan raised his hands to his eyes and made a face. “Okay, I think I get it… and I think I’d rather not know.”
Suddenly, Alan’s voice came roaring from the front of the room. “Attention everyone. We’d like to get this meeting started. Please, try to find a seat.”
I began moving forward when I felt Jonathan grab my arm. He leaned in and whispered to me. “Find me after the meeting. I have a lot I need to tell you.” I looked at him questioningly. “Bring Natalia if you want.”
“Alright, but what…”
He lifted a finger to his mouth to quiet me. “After the meeting. I’ll probably be down in the garage.”
I nodded and watched as he walked across the room and took a seat beside Reva.