Collisions at the Crossroads 32-33
Collisions on the Crossroads
Katherine Quinn
R
Law and Order SVU
Alex/Olivia
Headaches
Alex opened the door to the apartment slowly, wondering what kind of Olivia she would be met with today. She was afraid to open it and she stood in front of the door a minute longer than she had to, looking for her keys. She sighed. She hated this not knowing. Olivia could be her old self, loving , caring, attentive, or she could be walking into hell. The angry, combative, depressed woman she barely knew, and she never knew which one to expect.
She opened the door slowly. All the lights were off. The apartment was totally dark. Alex stepped inside and flipped on the light. She looked around puzzled. She looked at her watch. It was 6:28 pm. There’s no way.
“Olivia?” Alex called.
Nothing.
Alex sighed. Either they weren’t speaking again, without her knowledge, or maybe, she thought with a smile, maybe Olivia was actually taking care of herself for once. No, no, they probably weren’t speaking. Alex dropped her brief case and took a deep breath. She looked on the couch and into the kitchen. Olivia wasn’t balancing on a shelf or lying unconscious on the floor. Both were good signs. She trudged into the bedroom pulling her jacket off when she saw Olivia on the bed.
“Hey Liv?” She asked quietly, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep.
“Please don’t turn the light on.” Was the frantic response. There was desperation in her voice.
“Liv?”
“Please Alex.” Olivia whimpered.
“What’s wrong?” Alex asked, trying to find her way to Olivia in the dark. She found her on the bed, curled into as much of a ball as she could.
“It hurts,” was all Olivia said.
Alex felt her pulse start to pound. “What hurts Liv?”
“Shhh…” Olivia whined.
“Olivia listen to me. What hurts?” She asked, running her hand over Olivia’s body making sure there was nothing grossly abnormal about her.
“My head.” She whispered.
“Sweetie,” Alex said, trying to coax her out of her fetal huddle. She reached over to rub Olivia’s head, pushing her hair back from her face. Alex could feel the wet tears streaming down her face.
“Please, go away.” Olivia sobbed, her voice hitching in her throat.
“Olivia.”
“Please Alex.”
“No.” Alex said quietly.
“Please.”
“No, I can’t, Olivia. I can’t leave you in here in the dark crying.”
“There’s nothing you can do.”
“Did you take anything?” Alex asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Olivia whined.
“What?”
“A bunch of Tylenol.”
“What’s a bunch?”
“Six? Ten? I don’t remember.”
“Olivia!”
“Alex, it really hurts. Please.” Olivia cried.
“You can’t take that much Tylenol, sweetheart.” Alex said rubbing her head.
“It doesn’t matter, it didn’t stay down.” Olivia whimpered putting her head into Alex’s lap.
“When did you take it?” Alex questioned.
“What time is it?” Olivia asked.
“Six thirty.” Alex answered quickly.
“Two hours ago? Or three. Something like that”
“You’ve been lying here in the dark for three hours?”
“It’s been longer. I thought it would get better.” Olivia moaned.
“Olivia, why didn’t you call me?” Alex asked exasperated.
“I could handle it. Please, shhh.” Olivia whispered back to her.
“You could handle it? How’s that working for you? Come on, Olivia.” Alex said, trying to stand.
“Where are you going?”
“We’re going to the ER.”
“No.” Olivia said.
“You can come with me or I’ll call an ambulance.”
“You will not.” Olivia said, pulling herself up off the bed. The movement made her dizzy and she sat immediately back down on the edge hard, yelping
“Olivia, god damn it, why can’t you just act like a fucking adult for once?” Alex said, pulling Olivia back onto the bed. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“Alex, get out.” Olivia
“Olivia please?”
“Go.” She said, pushing herself away from Alex.
“Why can’t you let me help you?”
“I don’t need your help.”
“Oh for Christ’s sake.” Alex realized in that moment that she had nothing left to give. There was no more fight in her. She couldn’t keep challenging. She couldn’t keep arguing. She couldn’t keep pretending. On the bed, she pulled her legs up to her chest and started to cry. She let out the weeks of pain that she had felt that she hadn’t been able to show leak out as deep sobs. Her mind crashed down into itself as she relived each minute of Olivia’s recovery, each time she had been pushed away, each time she hadn’t been enough, each time she was filled with worry that was thrown to the side and dismissed.
She cried until there were no more tears. She didn’t feel Olivia’s arms wrapped tightly around her. Olivia didn’t realize that in that second, Elliot’s warning to her came slamming back into her head. Every cruel word she had said to Alex came flooding through her head. Every rejection, every moment she had pushed her away, every time she had said no, came down to this.
She held Alex as tightly as she could, hoping she could keep her together. She pushed her own pain aside, for once, she could see that her pain was nothing compared to what Alex felt in this moment. She would promise anything in this second…
Alex took deep shaking breath in. “I, I’m sorry.” She whispered.
“No, Alex, I’m sorry.” Olivia said, feeling her heart breaking.
“You don’t have to say that.” Alex said feeling the apology came from her display rather than Olivia’s own feelings . “I, um, need some time.” She pulled herself out of Olivia’s arms which suddenly felt wrong to her. She got off the bed, and stood in front of it. “You really should go to the ER. Um, I’ve, got to go.” She said, pointing to the door, and turning, she walked out, doing the one thing she never thought she would do, leaving Olivia alone in the dark.
Chapter 33: Infidel
Infidel
“Alex?” She heard Elliot’s voice after a soft knock on her office door. She pushed the tears out of her eyes, and leaned back into her chair.
“Elliot, sorry, hi.” She said, turning to face him.
“Are you all right?” Elliot asked. He took a long look at her. He could see the red in her eyes. He could also see the exhaustion on her face. He could see the unhappiness. He could see the stress. He walked around the desk and leaned against her desk.
“Yeah, why” She asked suspiciously, knowing that whatever brought him to her office wasn’t going to be work related.
“Liv called me. Said you didn’t go home last night.” He said, absently, staring down at her desk blotter.
“Oh.” She said quietly.
“She’s really worried about you.”
“Yeah.” Alex sighed.
“She wanted me to come find you.”
“Didn’t want to find me herself?”
“Nah, I took her to the ER after you called. They gave her some drugs that made her kind of loopy. We were there for awhile, just got her into bed a couple of hours ago. She’d be here, but she’s a little out of it.”
“She went for you?” Alex said, shaking her head.
“No, she went for you.” Elliot said.
“Ha.” Alex said, rolling her eyes at him. “Thanks though,” Alex said, leaning back into her chair. Without meaning to, she started rubbing her aching temples. Between fighting in court and fighting with Olivia, she was exhausted. She had spent the night in her office working. It had kept her mind on something that wasn’t her. It was her safety and she knew that as long as she could keep doing it, she would be okay.
“Alex?” Elliot said, standing and leaning over her chair. He put his hands on her shoulder and started to rub the tension out of her neck. “Jesus Alex, you’re tense.”
“Really?” She asked, not surprised but not fully realizing how stressed out she was until Elliot’s hands started working into her neck muscles.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.” She said quickly.
“Really?” He asked.
“Elliot, I, I love her so much, but she’s so angry. She hates me for wanting her to heal. She hates me for holding her back, but she’s not making good decisions. I hate saying she’s not the same but she’s not the same.”
“I know,” he said quietly.
“She wants to ignore this stuff. She goes between having these horrible headaches that she won’t treat and wanting to do things that she’s absolutely not ready for…and there’s no time between them. I don’t know whether to comfort her or kick her.”
“I know, Alex.”
“I just want her to be happy. But I can’t live through watching her lie unconscious in a hospital bed again.” The tears started to flow from her eyes. She couldn’t stop them even though she wanted them desperately to stop. Elliot had seen them too many times in her eyes.
“Alex,” he said, reaching his hand out to her.
“Elliot, she’s miserable with me. I just broke down. I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry in front of her. That I would be strong and brave for her. And I couldn’t do it. I fell apart.” She stammered and reached into his arms, letting him hug her close. She felt strength in his arms. The same strength she used to feel in Olivia’s. The strength that she longed for that she no longer found there.
“I think she needed to see you like that. I don’t think she’s actually miserable.”
“Yes she is Elliot.”
“She’s frustrated that she doesn’t have the life she had. She wants it all to be normal, and it’s not.”
She leaned her head into his chest. She felt protected by him, the same safe feeling she had felt so many times before when he had stopped her tears. “I don’t know what to do Elliot.”
“You’ve got to believe in her, Alex.” He said.
“I believe in her more than I believe in myself.” Alex sighed.
“That’s your mistake, Alex. You’re very strong. You don’t need to look to others to get that. And it’s okay to cry.”
“Thanks Elliot,” she said. Taking a deep breath and a step back, she smiled at him. She put her arms on his chest and looked up. With a shake of her head, she pulled away. “Go,” she said. “Make sure she doesn’t decide to drive down here to get both of us.”
Elliot laughed, and then turned around to look at her. “Come here,” He said, pulling her to her feet giving her a hug. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Thanks El,” she sighed, letting herself feel comfort in his warm arms.
Elliot smiled. She was so warm. So beautiful. So delicate. Elliot held her face in his hands. His blue eyes met hers and slowly, he leaned in. Their lips collided and in a quick moment, they locked together. He was her protector, her confidante, her savior. Before she could think, her back was against the wall, his hands were running up her leg. She felt him trying to deepen the kiss pushing against her. Her tongue was fighting his; his teeth too big in her mouth. This felt so good, she missed physical contact with another human, but it was so very wrong. Elliot was not the right one. “Elliot,” she said breathlessly.
He didn’t stop, his warm lips trailed down her neck and she heard herself moan. “Elliot,” she said again, pushing him backwards. He stopped and looked at her for a second, seeing confusion in her eyes.
“Alex,” he said, concern in his azure eyes.
“I can’t, we can’t.” She stammered, staring back at him.
“I know you feel this, Alex.” He said, quietly. “You want it like I do.”
“I, I can’t,” she said, her mind racing a million miles an hour. Every instinct telling her to get away but she trusted him, she relied on him.
“That wasn’t a no.” He said, leaning into her. She could feel his arousal against her leg, he kissed her again and his strength held her. She let her hands reach to his face, before her brain screamed to stop.
“No,” she said back, pulling away breathless.
“But Alex,” he said, leaning towards her again.
She pulled her body back, walking around the desk, putting it between them. “I love her, Elliot. I love her too much.”
“She treats you like shit, Alex.”
“Because she’s sick, El.” She said, suddenly acutely aware of using his shortened name…how easily it fell from her lips.
“What if that never changes? Did you think about that Alex? What if things never get better with her?”
“I have to believe in her. Isn’t that what you said to me?”
“All we ever talk about is how much she hurts you.”
“She does, but that doesn’t mean…”
“Have you made love to her since she got home?”
Alex stared at him open mouthed. “That’s really none of your…”
“Answer it, Alex.”
“No, but that’s not because,” Alex started to explain.
“It’s not about her being hurt, Alex. That’s bull shit. I’ve talked to her. She says you won’t. Are you really afraid to hurt her or are you afraid you love me?”
“I love her.” Alex said, stunned at his accusation. The idea of loving Elliot had never crossed her mind, but she was afraid of intimacy with Olivia-she was afraid of more than breaking her. She was afraid of loving someone who pushed her away so easily. It wasn’t that
“And the fact that I kissed you and you kissed me back?” The guilty indictment stayed in the air. “I wasn’t,” She stammered while his eyes stared holes through her. Alex stopped. She thought about all the times she had come to Elliot. Was it because of Olivia hurting her or was it because of herself?
“Alex, we, we’re good together.” He said, interrupting her thoughts trying to convince her.
“We’re good together because we both love her.” She tried to clarify for herself more than him.
“But I can, I love you too.” He said.
“I love you too, El, but not like that.” she stopped.
“Okay, fine. You want her, I got it. Don’t come back crying to me when she hurts you. Again. But,” Elliot said, “the offer stands.” Elliot said, looking into her eyes.
Alex looked down as he walked out of the office. She stood there, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Olivia’s angry eyes flashed through her memory, and the hatred that she saw flashing there tore her heart apart. Now, she could add this to reasons that she could never be good enough. She didn’t need this to add to the guilt she already felt.
Her mind raced back to the way Elliot’s lips had felt on hers. They were wrong, not the way Olivia’s lips caressed and played with hers. He was rough, not the way Olivia was patient and careful, letting her take her time and enjoy the moment.
She thought about how aggressive Elliot had been.
She remembered the first kiss she had with Olivia. They had gone to dinner in a little dive. It was after court and both of them were exhausted. They had walked there together, the air fraught with sexual tension. After dinner, Alex had invited Olivia to her place for coffee. They had done that before. When they had drunk the coffee and moved onto the wine, they had settled comfortably in the couch. Alex could see the whole thing as if it happened in slow motion. The way Olivia had cocked her head at her. The way she had sucked up all her courage and decided to take a chance. The way she had finaly decided to lean in to kiss Liv--the way she realized that Liv was reaching in to meet her half way. The second their lips touched, the softness, the feelings that rocked through her body. The amazing lightheaded swooning that overcame her.
Now, she had this. She sat back down at her desk and stared at the floor. For her this choice was not difficult. She knew exactly what she wanted; she only needed to decide how to go get it.
To Be Continued….
Katherine Quinn
R
Law and Order SVU
Alex/Olivia
Headaches
Alex opened the door to the apartment slowly, wondering what kind of Olivia she would be met with today. She was afraid to open it and she stood in front of the door a minute longer than she had to, looking for her keys. She sighed. She hated this not knowing. Olivia could be her old self, loving , caring, attentive, or she could be walking into hell. The angry, combative, depressed woman she barely knew, and she never knew which one to expect.
She opened the door slowly. All the lights were off. The apartment was totally dark. Alex stepped inside and flipped on the light. She looked around puzzled. She looked at her watch. It was 6:28 pm. There’s no way.
“Olivia?” Alex called.
Nothing.
Alex sighed. Either they weren’t speaking again, without her knowledge, or maybe, she thought with a smile, maybe Olivia was actually taking care of herself for once. No, no, they probably weren’t speaking. Alex dropped her brief case and took a deep breath. She looked on the couch and into the kitchen. Olivia wasn’t balancing on a shelf or lying unconscious on the floor. Both were good signs. She trudged into the bedroom pulling her jacket off when she saw Olivia on the bed.
“Hey Liv?” She asked quietly, not wanting to wake her if she was asleep.
“Please don’t turn the light on.” Was the frantic response. There was desperation in her voice.
“Liv?”
“Please Alex.” Olivia whimpered.
“What’s wrong?” Alex asked, trying to find her way to Olivia in the dark. She found her on the bed, curled into as much of a ball as she could.
“It hurts,” was all Olivia said.
Alex felt her pulse start to pound. “What hurts Liv?”
“Shhh…” Olivia whined.
“Olivia listen to me. What hurts?” She asked, running her hand over Olivia’s body making sure there was nothing grossly abnormal about her.
“My head.” She whispered.
“Sweetie,” Alex said, trying to coax her out of her fetal huddle. She reached over to rub Olivia’s head, pushing her hair back from her face. Alex could feel the wet tears streaming down her face.
“Please, go away.” Olivia sobbed, her voice hitching in her throat.
“Olivia.”
“Please Alex.”
“No.” Alex said quietly.
“Please.”
“No, I can’t, Olivia. I can’t leave you in here in the dark crying.”
“There’s nothing you can do.”
“Did you take anything?” Alex asked quietly.
“Yeah,” Olivia whined.
“What?”
“A bunch of Tylenol.”
“What’s a bunch?”
“Six? Ten? I don’t remember.”
“Olivia!”
“Alex, it really hurts. Please.” Olivia cried.
“You can’t take that much Tylenol, sweetheart.” Alex said rubbing her head.
“It doesn’t matter, it didn’t stay down.” Olivia whimpered putting her head into Alex’s lap.
“When did you take it?” Alex questioned.
“What time is it?” Olivia asked.
“Six thirty.” Alex answered quickly.
“Two hours ago? Or three. Something like that”
“You’ve been lying here in the dark for three hours?”
“It’s been longer. I thought it would get better.” Olivia moaned.
“Olivia, why didn’t you call me?” Alex asked exasperated.
“I could handle it. Please, shhh.” Olivia whispered back to her.
“You could handle it? How’s that working for you? Come on, Olivia.” Alex said, trying to stand.
“Where are you going?”
“We’re going to the ER.”
“No.” Olivia said.
“You can come with me or I’ll call an ambulance.”
“You will not.” Olivia said, pulling herself up off the bed. The movement made her dizzy and she sat immediately back down on the edge hard, yelping
“Olivia, god damn it, why can’t you just act like a fucking adult for once?” Alex said, pulling Olivia back onto the bed. “You’re going to hurt yourself.”
“Alex, get out.” Olivia
“Olivia please?”
“Go.” She said, pushing herself away from Alex.
“Why can’t you let me help you?”
“I don’t need your help.”
“Oh for Christ’s sake.” Alex realized in that moment that she had nothing left to give. There was no more fight in her. She couldn’t keep challenging. She couldn’t keep arguing. She couldn’t keep pretending. On the bed, she pulled her legs up to her chest and started to cry. She let out the weeks of pain that she had felt that she hadn’t been able to show leak out as deep sobs. Her mind crashed down into itself as she relived each minute of Olivia’s recovery, each time she had been pushed away, each time she hadn’t been enough, each time she was filled with worry that was thrown to the side and dismissed.
She cried until there were no more tears. She didn’t feel Olivia’s arms wrapped tightly around her. Olivia didn’t realize that in that second, Elliot’s warning to her came slamming back into her head. Every cruel word she had said to Alex came flooding through her head. Every rejection, every moment she had pushed her away, every time she had said no, came down to this.
She held Alex as tightly as she could, hoping she could keep her together. She pushed her own pain aside, for once, she could see that her pain was nothing compared to what Alex felt in this moment. She would promise anything in this second…
Alex took deep shaking breath in. “I, I’m sorry.” She whispered.
“No, Alex, I’m sorry.” Olivia said, feeling her heart breaking.
“You don’t have to say that.” Alex said feeling the apology came from her display rather than Olivia’s own feelings . “I, um, need some time.” She pulled herself out of Olivia’s arms which suddenly felt wrong to her. She got off the bed, and stood in front of it. “You really should go to the ER. Um, I’ve, got to go.” She said, pointing to the door, and turning, she walked out, doing the one thing she never thought she would do, leaving Olivia alone in the dark.
Chapter 33: Infidel
Infidel
“Alex?” She heard Elliot’s voice after a soft knock on her office door. She pushed the tears out of her eyes, and leaned back into her chair.
“Elliot, sorry, hi.” She said, turning to face him.
“Are you all right?” Elliot asked. He took a long look at her. He could see the red in her eyes. He could also see the exhaustion on her face. He could see the unhappiness. He could see the stress. He walked around the desk and leaned against her desk.
“Yeah, why” She asked suspiciously, knowing that whatever brought him to her office wasn’t going to be work related.
“Liv called me. Said you didn’t go home last night.” He said, absently, staring down at her desk blotter.
“Oh.” She said quietly.
“She’s really worried about you.”
“Yeah.” Alex sighed.
“She wanted me to come find you.”
“Didn’t want to find me herself?”
“Nah, I took her to the ER after you called. They gave her some drugs that made her kind of loopy. We were there for awhile, just got her into bed a couple of hours ago. She’d be here, but she’s a little out of it.”
“She went for you?” Alex said, shaking her head.
“No, she went for you.” Elliot said.
“Ha.” Alex said, rolling her eyes at him. “Thanks though,” Alex said, leaning back into her chair. Without meaning to, she started rubbing her aching temples. Between fighting in court and fighting with Olivia, she was exhausted. She had spent the night in her office working. It had kept her mind on something that wasn’t her. It was her safety and she knew that as long as she could keep doing it, she would be okay.
“Alex?” Elliot said, standing and leaning over her chair. He put his hands on her shoulder and started to rub the tension out of her neck. “Jesus Alex, you’re tense.”
“Really?” She asked, not surprised but not fully realizing how stressed out she was until Elliot’s hands started working into her neck muscles.
“Are you okay?”
“Yes.” She said quickly.
“Really?” He asked.
“Elliot, I, I love her so much, but she’s so angry. She hates me for wanting her to heal. She hates me for holding her back, but she’s not making good decisions. I hate saying she’s not the same but she’s not the same.”
“I know,” he said quietly.
“She wants to ignore this stuff. She goes between having these horrible headaches that she won’t treat and wanting to do things that she’s absolutely not ready for…and there’s no time between them. I don’t know whether to comfort her or kick her.”
“I know, Alex.”
“I just want her to be happy. But I can’t live through watching her lie unconscious in a hospital bed again.” The tears started to flow from her eyes. She couldn’t stop them even though she wanted them desperately to stop. Elliot had seen them too many times in her eyes.
“Alex,” he said, reaching his hand out to her.
“Elliot, she’s miserable with me. I just broke down. I promised myself that I wouldn’t cry in front of her. That I would be strong and brave for her. And I couldn’t do it. I fell apart.” She stammered and reached into his arms, letting him hug her close. She felt strength in his arms. The same strength she used to feel in Olivia’s. The strength that she longed for that she no longer found there.
“I think she needed to see you like that. I don’t think she’s actually miserable.”
“Yes she is Elliot.”
“She’s frustrated that she doesn’t have the life she had. She wants it all to be normal, and it’s not.”
She leaned her head into his chest. She felt protected by him, the same safe feeling she had felt so many times before when he had stopped her tears. “I don’t know what to do Elliot.”
“You’ve got to believe in her, Alex.” He said.
“I believe in her more than I believe in myself.” Alex sighed.
“That’s your mistake, Alex. You’re very strong. You don’t need to look to others to get that. And it’s okay to cry.”
“Thanks Elliot,” she said. Taking a deep breath and a step back, she smiled at him. She put her arms on his chest and looked up. With a shake of her head, she pulled away. “Go,” she said. “Make sure she doesn’t decide to drive down here to get both of us.”
Elliot laughed, and then turned around to look at her. “Come here,” He said, pulling her to her feet giving her a hug. “It’s going to be okay.”
“Thanks El,” she sighed, letting herself feel comfort in his warm arms.
Elliot smiled. She was so warm. So beautiful. So delicate. Elliot held her face in his hands. His blue eyes met hers and slowly, he leaned in. Their lips collided and in a quick moment, they locked together. He was her protector, her confidante, her savior. Before she could think, her back was against the wall, his hands were running up her leg. She felt him trying to deepen the kiss pushing against her. Her tongue was fighting his; his teeth too big in her mouth. This felt so good, she missed physical contact with another human, but it was so very wrong. Elliot was not the right one. “Elliot,” she said breathlessly.
He didn’t stop, his warm lips trailed down her neck and she heard herself moan. “Elliot,” she said again, pushing him backwards. He stopped and looked at her for a second, seeing confusion in her eyes.
“Alex,” he said, concern in his azure eyes.
“I can’t, we can’t.” She stammered, staring back at him.
“I know you feel this, Alex.” He said, quietly. “You want it like I do.”
“I, I can’t,” she said, her mind racing a million miles an hour. Every instinct telling her to get away but she trusted him, she relied on him.
“That wasn’t a no.” He said, leaning into her. She could feel his arousal against her leg, he kissed her again and his strength held her. She let her hands reach to his face, before her brain screamed to stop.
“No,” she said back, pulling away breathless.
“But Alex,” he said, leaning towards her again.
She pulled her body back, walking around the desk, putting it between them. “I love her, Elliot. I love her too much.”
“She treats you like shit, Alex.”
“Because she’s sick, El.” She said, suddenly acutely aware of using his shortened name…how easily it fell from her lips.
“What if that never changes? Did you think about that Alex? What if things never get better with her?”
“I have to believe in her. Isn’t that what you said to me?”
“All we ever talk about is how much she hurts you.”
“She does, but that doesn’t mean…”
“Have you made love to her since she got home?”
Alex stared at him open mouthed. “That’s really none of your…”
“Answer it, Alex.”
“No, but that’s not because,” Alex started to explain.
“It’s not about her being hurt, Alex. That’s bull shit. I’ve talked to her. She says you won’t. Are you really afraid to hurt her or are you afraid you love me?”
“I love her.” Alex said, stunned at his accusation. The idea of loving Elliot had never crossed her mind, but she was afraid of intimacy with Olivia-she was afraid of more than breaking her. She was afraid of loving someone who pushed her away so easily. It wasn’t that
“And the fact that I kissed you and you kissed me back?” The guilty indictment stayed in the air. “I wasn’t,” She stammered while his eyes stared holes through her. Alex stopped. She thought about all the times she had come to Elliot. Was it because of Olivia hurting her or was it because of herself?
“Alex, we, we’re good together.” He said, interrupting her thoughts trying to convince her.
“We’re good together because we both love her.” She tried to clarify for herself more than him.
“But I can, I love you too.” He said.
“I love you too, El, but not like that.” she stopped.
“Okay, fine. You want her, I got it. Don’t come back crying to me when she hurts you. Again. But,” Elliot said, “the offer stands.” Elliot said, looking into her eyes.
Alex looked down as he walked out of the office. She stood there, unable to comprehend what had just happened. Olivia’s angry eyes flashed through her memory, and the hatred that she saw flashing there tore her heart apart. Now, she could add this to reasons that she could never be good enough. She didn’t need this to add to the guilt she already felt.
Her mind raced back to the way Elliot’s lips had felt on hers. They were wrong, not the way Olivia’s lips caressed and played with hers. He was rough, not the way Olivia was patient and careful, letting her take her time and enjoy the moment.
She thought about how aggressive Elliot had been.
She remembered the first kiss she had with Olivia. They had gone to dinner in a little dive. It was after court and both of them were exhausted. They had walked there together, the air fraught with sexual tension. After dinner, Alex had invited Olivia to her place for coffee. They had done that before. When they had drunk the coffee and moved onto the wine, they had settled comfortably in the couch. Alex could see the whole thing as if it happened in slow motion. The way Olivia had cocked her head at her. The way she had sucked up all her courage and decided to take a chance. The way she had finaly decided to lean in to kiss Liv--the way she realized that Liv was reaching in to meet her half way. The second their lips touched, the softness, the feelings that rocked through her body. The amazing lightheaded swooning that overcame her.
Now, she had this. She sat back down at her desk and stared at the floor. For her this choice was not difficult. She knew exactly what she wanted; she only needed to decide how to go get it.
To Be Continued….