Olivia And Natalia Get A Surprise
Title - Olivia And Natalia Get A Surprise
Fandom - Guiding Light
Pairing - Olivia/Natalia
Warnings - This is a parody.
Spoilers - HUGE DAMN SPOILERS ON SOMETHING THAT MIGHT (EMPHASIS ON MIGHT) HAPPEN TO THE CHARACTER OF NATALIA. So, if you don't even want an inkling as to what this might be about, DO NOT READ. :D
Summary - Olivia goes to the farmhouse and Natalia wakes up. It's an odd day.
Rating - PG
Olivia Spencer loves a lot of things. Like Emma. And martinis. And the farmhouse, full of... well, love. And she loves Natalia Rivera.
So, that is why when she walked into the farmhouse and found a huge pile of various knick-knacks, laundry baskets, a coffee pot and one small Fraser Fir in the middle of the living room... Olivia Spencer wondered if Natalia was doing some late spring cleaning.
It is almost July after all. It's like wearing white AFTER Labor Day... a huge faux paux.
But she loves Natalia Rivera. And if Natalia Rivera wants to spring clean in summer, than fine by her!
With the first sounds of her one true love coming down the stairs, Olivia turns her head, smile already in place. And eyes all bed-roomy. And in her best white outfit.
It's before Labor Day. I can lead by example.
However, Olivia has no time to process a single thing, because Natalia Rivera is growling and muttering and eating a piece of pizza - topped with pickles and chocolate.
"Natalia?"
"What?"
"Ummm..."
And Natalia tosses her slice of pizza on the couch, placing both hands on her hips.
"Guess what?"
"...What?" Olivia asks nervously.
"I'm pregnant!"
Now, Olivia Spencer is one quick lady. She knows what is up. And down. And in and out... and so on. But this... this catches her very much off guard.
"Are you sure???"
"Yes! I could barely get up this morning, my feet are swollen, I've made five sugarless cakes in the last two days... and I've eaten them! Plus when I went to find my blue dress and wear it, all I could find were huge winter coats, scarves and a pashmina!"
Olivia Spencer loves Natalia Rivera and promptly passes out.
* * *
"...and you'd think I would know, because hello! I've been pregnant before! I remember Rafe kicking and whining before he made it out of the womb. I know the signs. I know ALL of them. But here I am, pregnant and four months along. And that's when I noticed all these vases of flowers around here and that tiny tree and that I never stop doing laundry! What the hell? I'm carrying baskets all over this place and wearing those coats... I wonder if this is a subconscious pregnancy? Maybe I'm not really pregnant at all... maybe in my stress and in my worry about Rafe, I've imagined a child. And, you know, it must be Frank's..."
Olivia Spencer comes to fully at that last statement, blinking her eyes and rubbing her head.
"...Must be? Who's else could it be?"
Natalia gives her a 'look', you know the kind. It says 'don't kid a kidder'. And it is especially well-done since Natalia is eating ribs slathered in BBQ sauce.
"I know, Olivia. Okay? I know all about your shopping trip and the vibrator. Blake told me all about it on my first day at work."
"WHAT???!!!"
"She said it was the most powerful one there. It can spin, it can pulse, it can smack you and call you 'daddy'..."
"...Really? I don't remember that setting--"
"Well, you must have used the other ones! Cause look at me! I am as big as a house!"
Olivia sits up fully and stares at Natalia.
"What are you talking about?"
"If this is not Frank's kid, then it is yours."
"We've not even kissed!"
"Ahh, see, those other settings on your vibrator include tossing the salad, tickling the ivories and impregnating Latina women. Some of them balance your checkbook, but they cost more. Blake owns A LOT of these things."
Olivia Spencer decides to pass out again.
Fandom - Guiding Light
Pairing - Olivia/Natalia
Warnings - This is a parody.
Spoilers - HUGE DAMN SPOILERS ON SOMETHING THAT MIGHT (EMPHASIS ON MIGHT) HAPPEN TO THE CHARACTER OF NATALIA. So, if you don't even want an inkling as to what this might be about, DO NOT READ. :D
Summary - Olivia goes to the farmhouse and Natalia wakes up. It's an odd day.
Rating - PG
Olivia Spencer loves a lot of things. Like Emma. And martinis. And the farmhouse, full of... well, love. And she loves Natalia Rivera.
So, that is why when she walked into the farmhouse and found a huge pile of various knick-knacks, laundry baskets, a coffee pot and one small Fraser Fir in the middle of the living room... Olivia Spencer wondered if Natalia was doing some late spring cleaning.
It is almost July after all. It's like wearing white AFTER Labor Day... a huge faux paux.
But she loves Natalia Rivera. And if Natalia Rivera wants to spring clean in summer, than fine by her!
With the first sounds of her one true love coming down the stairs, Olivia turns her head, smile already in place. And eyes all bed-roomy. And in her best white outfit.
It's before Labor Day. I can lead by example.
However, Olivia has no time to process a single thing, because Natalia Rivera is growling and muttering and eating a piece of pizza - topped with pickles and chocolate.
"Natalia?"
"What?"
"Ummm..."
And Natalia tosses her slice of pizza on the couch, placing both hands on her hips.
"Guess what?"
"...What?" Olivia asks nervously.
"I'm pregnant!"
Now, Olivia Spencer is one quick lady. She knows what is up. And down. And in and out... and so on. But this... this catches her very much off guard.
"Are you sure???"
"Yes! I could barely get up this morning, my feet are swollen, I've made five sugarless cakes in the last two days... and I've eaten them! Plus when I went to find my blue dress and wear it, all I could find were huge winter coats, scarves and a pashmina!"
Olivia Spencer loves Natalia Rivera and promptly passes out.
* * *
"...and you'd think I would know, because hello! I've been pregnant before! I remember Rafe kicking and whining before he made it out of the womb. I know the signs. I know ALL of them. But here I am, pregnant and four months along. And that's when I noticed all these vases of flowers around here and that tiny tree and that I never stop doing laundry! What the hell? I'm carrying baskets all over this place and wearing those coats... I wonder if this is a subconscious pregnancy? Maybe I'm not really pregnant at all... maybe in my stress and in my worry about Rafe, I've imagined a child. And, you know, it must be Frank's..."
Olivia Spencer comes to fully at that last statement, blinking her eyes and rubbing her head.
"...Must be? Who's else could it be?"
Natalia gives her a 'look', you know the kind. It says 'don't kid a kidder'. And it is especially well-done since Natalia is eating ribs slathered in BBQ sauce.
"I know, Olivia. Okay? I know all about your shopping trip and the vibrator. Blake told me all about it on my first day at work."
"WHAT???!!!"
"She said it was the most powerful one there. It can spin, it can pulse, it can smack you and call you 'daddy'..."
"...Really? I don't remember that setting--"
"Well, you must have used the other ones! Cause look at me! I am as big as a house!"
Olivia sits up fully and stares at Natalia.
"What are you talking about?"
"If this is not Frank's kid, then it is yours."
"We've not even kissed!"
"Ahh, see, those other settings on your vibrator include tossing the salad, tickling the ivories and impregnating Latina women. Some of them balance your checkbook, but they cost more. Blake owns A LOT of these things."
Olivia Spencer decides to pass out again.