last entry continued. i'll call it i'm now humble
i lay in my bed with mattress engulfing me and comforter offering me some solace and security that has been all but non existent as of late. the blue glow filling the draping darkness of the room as it flickered on and off. cnn was on, it had been for the past week straight. my home was empty. it seemed as if i could hear the monotonous dripping bath the shower faucet from all the way across the house. the paintings on the wall were all crooked if they hadnt already taken their demise to the floor or from my fist. shards of glass were impaled into my knuckles but for some reason i just didnt care. i didnt care that the once almost glowing white sheets were now dyed in blood. i pulled the comforter closer to my chin and tucked some of it between my legs as i laid on my side watching the flickering tv. the once hectic reporters and anchormen had now seem to come to a silent and dreary acceptance of their fate. so did i.
i had been in my bed for the past 2 days straight not getting up to go the bathroom or eat and just sipping on a large bottle of water i had set beside my bed from weeks before. i was glad i was a slob then and left this bottle out, i wouldnt have dared to make the trek to the kitchen for water despite me realizing it was necessary. then i focused on the screen again. they were flashing photographs of our soon to be cataclysmic finale. the book of earth would come to a screeching halt as comet liam-hughes (named after the astronomists who discovered), but more aptly named comet armageddon by all the media, was barrelling in on our planet, our home, our life at some 900,000 miles per hour. a few days ago anyone could stand on their balcony and spot our reaper in the sky as it grew bigger and bigger, but now, fittingly, the skies were inhabited by a thick cloud cover with no chance of catching another glimpse of our end.
i had never heard the city so silent. the bustling of cabs and buses normally is what put me to sleep. this silence was just all too loud. i couldnt and havent caught any shut eye in the past 5 days. all across the world i wondered what people were doing to accept their fate. if fear were instilled in them, or peace, or acceptance, anything to get my mind off myself and my recent tragedies. i would have no time now to make up for all my transgressions towards my late wife. i hurt her...so badly. she was on the opposite end of the world now, and with all forms of connection down, i had no chance of reaching her to apologize. i had no chance to apologize to all the people that worked under me at blythe enterprises for all the years of crappy treatment and unfair pay i offered them. i had no chance to apologize to my childrend who were with their mother now for never spending enough time with them. i was a complete piece of trash and i knew it. i lived a life marked by success and outward appearance. who i knew was everything and who i was was nothing. i realized my mistakes now and wanted so badly to rectify them, but i only could to myself.
the comet was only 30 minutes away now, cnn told me as they also informed everyone that they would be signing off air. the flickering blue glow quickly turned the same color as the sky, a deathlike grey. the static almost sounded like it was laughing at me. i shrunk back into my bed even more as i felt the remote graze across my arm. i quickly grabbed and halted that laughter, then threw the remote across the room. it hit a wall then my dress and fell promptly into the trash can. i lay staring at the cieling, noticing the dripping faucet again. i wanted to yell, i wanted to punch, i wanted to cry, but i had already done too much of all that. my throat was hoarse, my fists were bloody, and my tears were gone.
10 minutes now. i could feel the shadows enclosing the room kept getting darker and darker. that silence had now turned into a buzzing as it grew closer and closer. after a few minutes it sounded like a turbo jet engine was just outside my window. i gripped my comforter tighter and shut my eyes. i somehow found one last tear and i felt it drip from my eyelid. it formed on the upper part of my cheek and just sat there. louder. no thoughts could go through my head anymore and i gripped. tighter. i started to hear screams from neighboring houses, somehow their pitch topped that of the engine outside my window. louder. i pulled the comforter over my head and wiped away my last tear just as i heard the crash and everything disappeared.
i was standing. i couldnt move it was as if i had no muscle in me, but somehow i was standing. i felt like an astronaut would in space as if i could just float and nothing else. i looked around me and i saw a little a man holding a long sword and had something draped across his upper body with a big cross on it, it was almost like he came straight from the crusades. i saw a dark woman with no clothing on, just body paint, a ring through her nose and what looked like the largest ear piercings i'd ever seen. she was holding a spear. i saw another man with what looked like to be a police uniform from britain, but really old, the type of uniforms you'd see in those noir movies. i saw an old man with grey hair wearing what appeared to be a toga. he had a ring of leaves around his head. i saw men and women wearing sackcloth. i saw indians that were wearing nothing but the pelts they had skinned themselves. i saw asian men, middle eastern women, white children, black infants, and dark teens. i looked more and just saw groves and groves of people everyone of which seemed just as lost as me. there was no end in sight to all these people just standing. everything around me was white. purely white. then i noticed jsut to left of me a few people over was my family. my children were beautiful, my wife stunning. each one looked over at me and smiled then they looked up. i followed their eyes.
i saw one man that looked sad. on the right of him were just as many small books as there were people standing. in his hands was one large book. he seemed to flip through the pages and on his face seemed to be a look of joy but then he would look up to the legions of people and sadness would overcome him again. i had no clue what was going on. a booming voice then spoke, "the day has come." the man standing just upwards then started to point out people. some would get go left and some would go right. i was still lost. he pointed to my family. one by one they all went up to the man and then to the left. he pointed at me.
there was an uncontrollable movement where my body seemed to go straight up to him. everything was going so much slower than when i saw my family and others fly up to him. it seemed slow motion, almost as if i were somehow getting just a last bit of time. i had an overwhelming feeling that this was my last chance, but for what? the man grew closer. as much as my sheets glowed with pure whitness, this man's robe glowed a million fold brighter, somehow it didnt hurt my eyes though and i could still seem him clearly. he had a look of anguish on his face as he flipped through the book. i arrived just at his feet and felt my body kneel and bow before him. he called me by a name and i knew he was talking to me but it wasnt the name i had gone by for the 33 years of my life. the words he spoke rang true in my heart. my name was greed, unjust, adulterer, prideful. he looked at me and a tear just like the one i had shed before the first death was in a pool just below his eye. he reached behind him towards a tremendous pile of black rocks. a pile that laid just adjacent to a pile of white rocks. he handed the black rock to me and pointed to the right. just then the scenery changed. it was no longer white all around but it seemed to get darker and darker with every inch that i progressed. finally, in front of me i saw an enormous pool of scolding magma. screams were all around me, the same screams i heard over the yelling of the engine outside my window. terror. death. pain. horror. i felt immense evil fall all around me as there were balls of fire jumping out of the lake. there were armies of crazed beings slamming swords against each other and yelling. i saw in front of me people being thrown into the lake and as every one landed in the crazed beings, i could think of nothing other than the word "demon" as i thought of them, cheered with evil dischords. one of them came towards me heckling. he pointed towards the firy lake and raised his sword with the most horrendous smile i'd ever witnessed pasted onto his face. i tried to run backwards but i couldnt move, i could only float. then i felt calloused hands grab me and i closed my eyes. i felt fumes go past my face, the kind you feel when you just open the oven wanting to pull out that sinful chocolate cake that was just made.
then i was thrown.
i had been in my bed for the past 2 days straight not getting up to go the bathroom or eat and just sipping on a large bottle of water i had set beside my bed from weeks before. i was glad i was a slob then and left this bottle out, i wouldnt have dared to make the trek to the kitchen for water despite me realizing it was necessary. then i focused on the screen again. they were flashing photographs of our soon to be cataclysmic finale. the book of earth would come to a screeching halt as comet liam-hughes (named after the astronomists who discovered), but more aptly named comet armageddon by all the media, was barrelling in on our planet, our home, our life at some 900,000 miles per hour. a few days ago anyone could stand on their balcony and spot our reaper in the sky as it grew bigger and bigger, but now, fittingly, the skies were inhabited by a thick cloud cover with no chance of catching another glimpse of our end.
i had never heard the city so silent. the bustling of cabs and buses normally is what put me to sleep. this silence was just all too loud. i couldnt and havent caught any shut eye in the past 5 days. all across the world i wondered what people were doing to accept their fate. if fear were instilled in them, or peace, or acceptance, anything to get my mind off myself and my recent tragedies. i would have no time now to make up for all my transgressions towards my late wife. i hurt her...so badly. she was on the opposite end of the world now, and with all forms of connection down, i had no chance of reaching her to apologize. i had no chance to apologize to all the people that worked under me at blythe enterprises for all the years of crappy treatment and unfair pay i offered them. i had no chance to apologize to my childrend who were with their mother now for never spending enough time with them. i was a complete piece of trash and i knew it. i lived a life marked by success and outward appearance. who i knew was everything and who i was was nothing. i realized my mistakes now and wanted so badly to rectify them, but i only could to myself.
the comet was only 30 minutes away now, cnn told me as they also informed everyone that they would be signing off air. the flickering blue glow quickly turned the same color as the sky, a deathlike grey. the static almost sounded like it was laughing at me. i shrunk back into my bed even more as i felt the remote graze across my arm. i quickly grabbed and halted that laughter, then threw the remote across the room. it hit a wall then my dress and fell promptly into the trash can. i lay staring at the cieling, noticing the dripping faucet again. i wanted to yell, i wanted to punch, i wanted to cry, but i had already done too much of all that. my throat was hoarse, my fists were bloody, and my tears were gone.
10 minutes now. i could feel the shadows enclosing the room kept getting darker and darker. that silence had now turned into a buzzing as it grew closer and closer. after a few minutes it sounded like a turbo jet engine was just outside my window. i gripped my comforter tighter and shut my eyes. i somehow found one last tear and i felt it drip from my eyelid. it formed on the upper part of my cheek and just sat there. louder. no thoughts could go through my head anymore and i gripped. tighter. i started to hear screams from neighboring houses, somehow their pitch topped that of the engine outside my window. louder. i pulled the comforter over my head and wiped away my last tear just as i heard the crash and everything disappeared.
i was standing. i couldnt move it was as if i had no muscle in me, but somehow i was standing. i felt like an astronaut would in space as if i could just float and nothing else. i looked around me and i saw a little a man holding a long sword and had something draped across his upper body with a big cross on it, it was almost like he came straight from the crusades. i saw a dark woman with no clothing on, just body paint, a ring through her nose and what looked like the largest ear piercings i'd ever seen. she was holding a spear. i saw another man with what looked like to be a police uniform from britain, but really old, the type of uniforms you'd see in those noir movies. i saw an old man with grey hair wearing what appeared to be a toga. he had a ring of leaves around his head. i saw men and women wearing sackcloth. i saw indians that were wearing nothing but the pelts they had skinned themselves. i saw asian men, middle eastern women, white children, black infants, and dark teens. i looked more and just saw groves and groves of people everyone of which seemed just as lost as me. there was no end in sight to all these people just standing. everything around me was white. purely white. then i noticed jsut to left of me a few people over was my family. my children were beautiful, my wife stunning. each one looked over at me and smiled then they looked up. i followed their eyes.
i saw one man that looked sad. on the right of him were just as many small books as there were people standing. in his hands was one large book. he seemed to flip through the pages and on his face seemed to be a look of joy but then he would look up to the legions of people and sadness would overcome him again. i had no clue what was going on. a booming voice then spoke, "the day has come." the man standing just upwards then started to point out people. some would get go left and some would go right. i was still lost. he pointed to my family. one by one they all went up to the man and then to the left. he pointed at me.
there was an uncontrollable movement where my body seemed to go straight up to him. everything was going so much slower than when i saw my family and others fly up to him. it seemed slow motion, almost as if i were somehow getting just a last bit of time. i had an overwhelming feeling that this was my last chance, but for what? the man grew closer. as much as my sheets glowed with pure whitness, this man's robe glowed a million fold brighter, somehow it didnt hurt my eyes though and i could still seem him clearly. he had a look of anguish on his face as he flipped through the book. i arrived just at his feet and felt my body kneel and bow before him. he called me by a name and i knew he was talking to me but it wasnt the name i had gone by for the 33 years of my life. the words he spoke rang true in my heart. my name was greed, unjust, adulterer, prideful. he looked at me and a tear just like the one i had shed before the first death was in a pool just below his eye. he reached behind him towards a tremendous pile of black rocks. a pile that laid just adjacent to a pile of white rocks. he handed the black rock to me and pointed to the right. just then the scenery changed. it was no longer white all around but it seemed to get darker and darker with every inch that i progressed. finally, in front of me i saw an enormous pool of scolding magma. screams were all around me, the same screams i heard over the yelling of the engine outside my window. terror. death. pain. horror. i felt immense evil fall all around me as there were balls of fire jumping out of the lake. there were armies of crazed beings slamming swords against each other and yelling. i saw in front of me people being thrown into the lake and as every one landed in the crazed beings, i could think of nothing other than the word "demon" as i thought of them, cheered with evil dischords. one of them came towards me heckling. he pointed towards the firy lake and raised his sword with the most horrendous smile i'd ever witnessed pasted onto his face. i tried to run backwards but i couldnt move, i could only float. then i felt calloused hands grab me and i closed my eyes. i felt fumes go past my face, the kind you feel when you just open the oven wanting to pull out that sinful chocolate cake that was just made.
then i was thrown.