Wishing (Will Make It So) One Direction 2/2
Title: Wishing (Will Make It So)
Fandom: One Direction
part one
They end up in the attic with enormous dusty bottles of sherry and the wireless. The attic is still horrible and terrifying but it seems much less ominous with all five of them crowded in together. Louis tunes the wireless to a programme playing music and proceeds to dance around the attic whilst pouring everyone's sherry into cups Niall pilfered from the kitchen.
"None for me, thanks," says Liam.
The look Louis gives him is almost indescribably disappointed.
"I've only got one kidney," Liam explains. "They took the other one out when I was a kid. Look." He pulls up his shirt and shows them the scar as proof. Everyone crowds in curiously and makes fascinated noises. Niall pokes Liam in the stomach, which Liam should probably have expected.
"So you can't drink?" Louis asks.
"No, sorry," says Liam. He is lying. He can drink, but he never has, not really, and it made his insides feel achy and sore the one time he tried. Anyway, someone is clearly going to have to keep a level head because Liam is certain this is going to be a disaster.
"Very convenient, if you ask me," says Louis. He hands kitchen glasses of sherry to Harry and Niall and Zayn.
Harry tries his and nearly has a choking fit. "Eugh," he says, "That's vile!"
"The more you drink it, the better it'll taste," says Louis philosophically. "Cheers." Niall and Zayn echo him and everyone but Liam starts drinking.
It takes roughly two songs on the radio for everyone to start acting like complete idiots. Harry gets the hiccups, which makes Louis laugh, which makes Harry hiccup harder, which makes Niall laugh. Niall's face is already turning red, even though he insists up and down he's always had loads to drink at home. Harry pretends to be cross with Louis for laughing at him and crawls over to Zayn, who gets the slightly panicked look of someone who doesn't want to come between Harry and Louis when they're acting silly.
"I don't like you anymore," says Harry poutily. "I like Zayn best. I'm going to switch rooms." Harry is clinging to Zayn's neck and Zayn shrugs philosophically and has another drink.
"That's fine with me!" says Louis. "Because I've decided I like Liam best. We'll be best mates and have loads of fun without you, won't we, Liam?"
Liam gives Louis what he hopes is a very dubious look indeed.
Harry throws a pillow at Louis and Louis craws around behind Liam, trying to use him as a shield. Harry ends up chasing Louis around Liam and everyone ends up slightly trampled and out of breath and lying on the floor, although Louis is really lying more on top of Liam than anywhere else.
"I'm finished with you forever, Harry Styles," says Louis. He attempts to snuggle with Liam, who is entirely too sober for this.
"No, you aren't," says Harry confidently. "This sherry is absolutely disgusting, no wonder Mrs. Johnson wanted to give it away. Pour us some more."
Niall has to pour the second round because Louis is clinging like a slightly drunk monkey to Liam. Liam doesn't mind, exactly, but he wishes he knew whether Louis is doing it just to make Harry jealous or for some other reason. Only, Liam sort of thought Louis didn't like him much because he isn't fun like Harry, and this would seem to indicate otherwise. Why is Louis always so horribly confusing?
The second round hits everyone like a ton of bricks. Niall gets more red-faced and lies on his back on the floor, laughing at nothing in particular, and Harry tries to tell everyone a story about a girl he met in town the other day, but his "girl" voice is too silly and he keeps stumbling and flailing as he tries to prance around the attic. Louis is even more cheerful than usual, laughing at everyone and occasionally breaking into little wiggling movements he insists are dancing. They aren't. Harry and Louis attempt a waltz to the wrong sort of music on the wireless and fall over, nearly knocking the bookshelf down in the process. Zayn crawls over to Liam and puts his head on Liam's shoulder. "Sleepy," he mumbles. "And I don't want to get fallen over on."
Liam is starting to wonder how he is going to get everyone calmed down and sober before the Johnsons come home. He probably can't, he thinks, resigned.
"I feel terrible," Niall announces to no one, lurching to his feet. He leans out of the attic window and is sick. Harry and Louis laugh as if this is the funniest thing that has ever happened, breathless and red-faced.
"Oh my god," says Liam. He pushes Zayn off his shoulder - Zayn's eyes are closed, he appears to be well asleep - and goes over to Niall. "Come on; let's get you some water."
"Water is poison to an Irishman!" Niall hollers, and then trips over his own feet. He smells like old sherry and vomit. Liam puts his arm round Niall's shoulder anyway and starts walking him toward the stairs. "Everyone should have some water," he says. Harry and Louis laugh at him.
Niall is a loud drunk who likes to sing right in Liam's ear. Liam dumps him in bed - Liam will sleep on the floor tonight or something, he's not dealing with this - and then goes downstairs to fetch him some water. Niall argues for a little while about it and then forgets what he was arguing about, drinks the water, and falls asleep mid-word. Liam goes upstairs to make sure no one else has died in the meantime.
Harry and Louis are singing along loudly to the wireless, arms around each other, swaying back and forth. They have refilled their glasses and dislodged a small avalanche of books from the shelves.
"You're very loud," says Liam. Louis flings his arms round Liam's neck and gives him another kiss on the cheek. "Well," says Liam, because that is very odd. Then Harry elbows Louis out of the way so he can bite Liam affectionately on the neck. Liam stares at both of them for a moment, comes up with exactly nothing to say about that, and says instead, "I'm going to put Zayn to bed, I think."
"He can sleep up here!" says Louis. "Then you can have a bed all to yourself."
Liam is fairly sure when Zayn wakes up alone in the attic he'll have some sort of panic attack, but… well… that does sound nice.
"Here, we'll help," says Harry. He attempts to drag Zayn over to the mattress on the floor. He isn't coordinated enough, though, and ends up tipping himself over and falling on Zayn instead. Zayn opens one eye and mumbles, "Geroff."
"Help!" says Harry. "Help, I can't get up!" Liam leans down and drags Harry to his feet while Louis does a decent job of shoving Zayn toward the mattress. Zayn grumbles and falls asleep again almost immediately.
"Water," says Liam. Harry and Louis are clinging to each other, laughing, just barely keeping each other upright. "You should go down to the kitchen."
"We should go to the kitchen!" says Louis with a grand hand gesture that accidentally smacks Liam right in the stomach.
"Ow," says Liam. "Yes, you should go to the kitchen. Come on." He opens the door and waves them through. He's a little worried that they'll fall down the steps and break their necks, but there isn't any other way to get downstairs. "You'll have some water and you'll go and lie down and stop singing. Everyone will feel better in the morning."
"I feel better right now!" says Louis loudly, which doesn't make any sense.
"No, you don't," says Harry.
"I do!"
"You don't!"
They are so loud. Liam follows them, wincing a little bit. How on earth can you get this tight this quickly? he wonders. They are hilarious, though. Louis bursts into "You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby" and Harry joins in on a really terrible harmony line, and Liam hums along with them because he's always liked singing.
Then they walk into the kitchen and Mrs. Johnson is there, and everyone falls quiet. "Boys," she says, half a question. Harry hiccups and Louis giggles guiltily.
"We're not drunk!" blurts Harry, and Louis lasts half a second and then bursts out laughing so hard that Harry has to hold him up. Harry starts laughing, too, and Mrs. Johnson gives Liam a disappointed look that makes him wish he were dead.
"Sorry," Liam offers lamely.
"Oh, Liam, I'm not cross with you," she says with a little sigh.
Harry accidentally pushes Louis, and Louis staggers into the china cabinet. Liam sees dishes start to fall in slow motion, Louis and Harry still laughing. There is an avalanche of teacups and saucers that shatter on the floor and Harry falls over, cutting his hand on a shard of dish. "Fuck," says Louis, "Sorry, we didn’t mean to," but he's still laughing because he's drunk and he can't help it.
Mrs. Johnson looks more angry than disappointed now. "Boys," she says again, crossly this time. "Liam, take them out of here while I still have some dishes left."
"Sorry," Liam says again, trying to pull Harry to his feet and Louis out of the room at the same time. "I'm really - We're really sorry."
Louis and Harry are trying to look sorry, but as soon as they get to the parlor where they've been sleeping they burst into laughter again. "Sorry, sorry," says Louis to Liam, when Liam doesn't laugh, too.
Liam has a wretched feeling in the pit of his stomach because they are all going to be in trouble. "It's all right," he lies, because he doesn't want Louis to pull his sad face. Even when it's false it makes Liam feel terrible.
"I'll tell them we were only having a laugh," says Louis, tumbling onto the couch. "Don't worry, Liam. It'll be fine."
Harry lies down on the floor and groans. "I'm so tired."
"I'm tired, too," says Louis. "I'm tired of being so beautiful all the time." They both start giggling again.
Liam throws his hands up, looking to the heavens for a moment. "I'll bring you some water," he says. No one hears him. Liam feels particularly unappreciated.
Liam goes back to the kitchen, where Mrs. Johnson is trying to sweep up some of the broken dishes. It really is a wreck. Liam decides he'll sneak upstairs and tidy up the attic before she can see what a mess that is, too. "They didn't mean it," Liam says. "Honestly."
"I have a son of my own," says Mrs. Johnson. She sounds quiet and sad, but Liam's fairly certain she's angry, too. "I know how boys get when they're left alone."
Liam fidgets guiltily. "They'll tidy it up as soon as they're sober," Liam offers.
Mrs. Johnson shakes her head. "It's so hard to get any dishes lately. There aren't any to be had in town. With seven people in the house I don't know what I'll do."
"We could glue some of them back together," Liam says, but most of the cups are shattered beyond any kind of repair.
She sighs. "We just weren't expecting five of you. You're all such nice boys, but… We're not young anymore, and maybe we haven't got the sort of energy we'd need to look after all of you." Liam must look stricken, because she adds, "Don't worry, Liam. We want you to stay."
Liam is trying to breathe, but something is broken between his mouth and his lungs. "I-" he says. "But-" The idea of the other boys leaving makes him inexplicably panicky and - for reasons Liam doesn't understand - homesick. "Let me help you tidy up," he says, because maybe he can make things better. Mrs. Johnson smiles at him and Liam somehow feels even worse.
***
Mr. Johnson comes home and wakes Louis and Harry up to shout at them for a while. No one can stay cross with Harry so Louis takes the brunt of it, and is sent off to do hard work on the farthest field on the farm with Paul for a few days. The other boys barely see him. Harry mopes guiltily the entire time.
When they finally do see Louis he is exactly the same as he ever was. "Hello, lads, bet you've missed me," he says cheerfully, slinging his arm around Niall's neck and giving him a peck on the cheek. Niall laughs and shoves him off.
Liam is the only one who isn't immediately glad to see Louis. Or at least, he's the only one who acts that way. "What?" says Louis, cajolingly. "Liam, you can't still be cross with me. I've done my time! I've sweated through my punishment. You got to sit in the house all day while I worked my fingers to the bone." Liam doesn't smile.
"He's cross with you because he missed you," says Harry teasingly. Liam saw Harry secretly crying when Louis came back, because Harry is ridiculous.
Louis' smile fades. "Come on, you aren't really cross with me," he says, grabbing Liam's hand. "I apologized to the Johnsons, and I'm sorry I got you in trouble as well, but-"
"Stop it, shut up," says Liam, annoyed and embarrassed. He pulls Louis a little way away from everyone else. (This doesn't discourage Harry's teasing, but Liam has got used to that.) "There's something else," he says quietly.
"Oooh," says Louis. "Is it gossip? I like gossip."
"You won't like this," says Liam. He's annoyed that Louis isn't taking him seriously, although Louis doesn't take anything seriously.
"I will if you tell me," says Louis, smiling sunnily.
"Stop it, what is wrong with you?" Liam asks, rolling his eyes.
Louis squints at him. "Is Harry right? Are you cross because you've missed me? I've missed you." He pretends to lean in as if he wants to kiss Liam, and Liam pushes him away, trying not to laugh. It's really difficult when Louis is so determined to be cute.
"I'm cross because the Johnsons don't think they can keep all five of us here if we're causing trouble," Liam says.
Louis stops fooling around. "What? Did they say so?"
"Mrs. Johnson did. And I don't want… It'd be really awful if… It would make Harry cry if you went to stay somewhere else. It'd really upset him." Louis nods seriously but Liam can't tell if he's messing Liam about or if he really understands. Liam tries: "Zayn laughs at you more than he laughs at anything, especially when he's homesick, and Niall thinks your jokes are brilliant, and Harry would be genuinely heartbroken, so you can't get in trouble again."
"All right, Liam," says Louis. "Don't get upset. I promise. I'll be good."
"I'm not upset," says Liam, but saying that, inexplicably, makes him feel upset.
Louis squeezes Liam's hand. "I'll be so good you could take me to tea with the King," he says. "Please stop worrying. You've already got your family and our families and the entire war to fret about. I promise to behave if you promise not to worry, all right?" Louis smiles, but it's a small, coaxing smile.
"I just don't want things to go wrong," says Liam helplessly.
"Well, it's not all down to you, is it?" Louis asks. "Come on, smile, will you? You look miserable."
"I'm not miserable," Liam says.
"Smile, then. Come on. Smile." Louis sticks his face right in Liam's face, apparently to demonstrate what a smile looks like, and it's so ridiculous that Liam laughs in spite of himself. Louis lights up with a real smile in response.
"I'm feeling very left out of all this!" Harry shouts. He turns to Zayn and the two of them begin pulling faces at each other. Liam assumes that's what he and Louis look like. He doesn't much care.
***
"Why don't all of you go into town today?" Mrs. Johnson says. "You've been working so hard, you deserve a day off."
"And obviously there are errands for us to run," says Harry, and she laughs and ruffles his hair. Liam has learnt that all mothers (and grandmothers, and young girls, and all women who have been to the farm) love Harry instantly no matter how cheeky he is.
They all have letters to post and Mrs. Johnson gives them a list of things to bring back, if they can find them. Liam suspects that the Johnsons just want a quiet day to themselves, but he doesn't say so, because the idea of getting to go into town and having a day all to themselves is so intoxicating.
Louis and Harry walk most of the way with their arms round each other, singing at the top of their lungs. The sun is shining and it's warm for June. There hasn't been much rain lately. Liam looks around at the hedgerows and trees and country lanes and tries to remember that the war is really going on somewhere just across the Channel, but he can't. Then his brain accidentally starts imagining Nazis overrunning the town and tanks and bombs blowing up the Johnsons and their sleepy little village, and Liam's heart pounds in his chest.
"Hey," says Niall. "What's going on with you?"
"Oh, sorry, nothing, I was just… Er, just a day dream," says Liam.
"Looked like a bad'un," says Niall. "Come on, wake up, there's girls!" He elbows Liam in the side and grins.
There's a group of girls in school uniforms coming down the lane the other way. They see the boys and stop, leaning over each other to giggle. "Hello, ladies!" Louis yells, waving. This sets off another round of giggles and whispering.
"Could you tell us which way the post office is?" Harry asks.
"But you know-" Zayn starts, and Liam steps on his foot.
"We're new, just up from London," Liam says loudly, right over Zayn, who looks both resentful and slightly confused. They haven't talked to girls in weeks and Liam had forgotten how cute they are.
The girls explode into giggles again for a minute. There is some frantic whispering, and then the one of them with dark hair steps forward boldly. "Why, it's right that way, and you must know that because you've got letters in your hands to post," she says.
"That was just luck," Louis lies easily. "We hoped if we walked this way we'd see signs of civilization eventually. And what a pretty civilization it is, too."
The dark-haired girl is blushing but she's still got her chin up and a little smirk on her face. "It's right around that corner up there and I'm sure even you can find it," she says. Her friends are still giggling like crazy.
"What if we get lost?" Harry asks. "You wouldn't want that on your conscience, would you? If we got lost and starved to death in the woods?"
"You couldn't possibly," she says. She's going to crack, Liam's sure. No one can withstand Louis and Harry's collective begging faces.
"Oh, they could," Liam assures her. "You wouldn't believe how much trouble they can get themselves into." She gives him a speculative look, but Liam isn't lying; Harry and Louis probably could get lost on their way to a town that's only got one road.
She looks over her shoulder at her friends, who are half nodding and half shaking their heads. There is some furious whispering back and forth in some kind of high-pitched girl language Liam has never learnt to decipher, not even with two sisters of his own.
"Ohhhhh," says Zayn belatedly. Niall shakes his head.
The dark-haired girl flips her hair and turns back to them. She's got her hands on her hips. "Right," she says, "We'll walk you there and show you around town, and you lot can buy us tea."
"Of course," says Harry. "We are perfect gentlemen, after all." Louis does a silly courtly bow and then Harry pretends to curtsey back at him and the girls can't stop giggling long enough to introduce themselves properly. There's an Anna and a Sarah and a Jane and a Lucy. Anna is the dark-haired bold girl, and Louis and Harry pretend to fight over which of them gets to escort her and end up each taking one of her arms. Two of the other girls shyly say hello to everyone but are clearly looking at Zayn the whole time. He blushes a little and they blush and it's quite disgustingly adorable. Niall immediately swoops in to try and steal one of the girls off Zayn.
The last girl, Jane, hangs back a bit, looking just a touch dubious, and Liam knows that feeling quite well. "They're harmless, really," he assures her.
"Anna's already got a boyfriend," she says disapprovingly, but then she shrugs. "It's such a small town, we never get strangers. I don't know what everyone will say when they see us with you."
"Tell them you took pity on us," Liam says, and she laughs. Up ahead of them Anna says something to Louis and Louis staggers back, hands over his heart, and pretends to swoon.
Jane giggles. "You're all quite strange."
Liam considers that for a moment. "Yes," he says, "but not in a bad way, I don't think."
***
Liam gets into quite an interesting conversation with Jane, sitting underneath a tree on a bench while the other boys charm the girls into shopping for them. It's another dry, warm day and the grass crackles a little bit underneath Liam's shoes. Jane knows quite a lot about what's going on in the war; she reads the paper every day. Liam only gets to see the paper every now and then.
"Germany's going to invade the Soviet Union," says Jane.
"They'd be mad to do that," Liam argues, but Germany's already torn through Austria and Greece, and no one on the continent has done anything about it. Jane knows loads of things that are going on, and Liam could happily lose himself for hours chatting to her and memorizing the minutia of what the papers say.
Louis clears his throat in a way that means he's probably done it before. Liam honestly hadn't realized Louis was even standing next to him. Louis is frowning, though, and his arms are crossed.
"We should probably head home soon," says Louis loudly. "Before it gets dark. I've pried Zayn off that other girl, and taken the beer away from Niall, so you're the last one to round up."
"You can't stay for a while?" Jane asks. "It isn't nearly dark yet."
"No," says Louis. "He can't."
"Er," says Liam. Louis is pulling rather insistently on his arm. "I suppose we ought to go. Pleasure meeting you."
"I'll see you around, I expect," says Jane. She waves. Liam would wave back but he's unexpectedly got Louis clinging to him and dragging him bodily down the street.
"We could have stayed," Liam says. "For a little while. It's really not dark yet."
"No," says Louis shortly. There's a funny tone in Louis' voice that Liam doesn't recognize. Louis seems to shake it off, and in his normal goofy voice says, "Did you know Zayn had never kissed a girl before? He has now. Have you kissed a girl?"
"Why are you in such a rush?" Liam asks. Jane was the first sensible conversation he's had in weeks. And he isn't eager to tell Louis how many girls he's kissed, which is only one, embarrassingly.
"I thought you'd like me being all responsible and heading home before it gets dark," Louis says, pretending to pout. "Is it loads of girls? Is that why you didn't answer?"
"Er," says Liam. "Is this you being responsible, or just really odd?" He's a bit confused about the whole thing, to be honest, and Louis hasn't let go of his neck yet. The other boys are standing on the street holding bags for Mrs. Johnson.
"Ah, you found him?" Harry asks. "Heya, Liam. Louis's been looking for you. Were you off snogging that girl?"
"I was having a very pleasant conversation," Liam says. They're all much too interested in his life.
Harry sighs loudly. "What on earth is wrong with you, Liam?"
Liam says, "Well, I'm not Zayn, am I?" It's easy to move the mocking to someone else. Everyone laughs and turns to Zayn, making kissing-faces at him.
"Shove off," says Zayn, blushing. "It wasn't - Louis was all over that other bird, weren't you?"
"I thought we had something special!" Harry complains. Louis flings himself at Harry, pretending to try and kiss him, and Harry giggles. They flap their hands at each other for a moment as if they're going to fight. Liam and Niall and Zayn have learnt to completely ignore this sort of thing, because if they intervene they are inevitably dragged into it.
Eventually Louis gets bored of bothering Harry. "You wouldn't leave us for a girl, would you, Liam?" Louis asks, pinching Liam's arm.
"What?" Liam asks. "Ow. Is that… Does that seem like a thing I'm likely to do?"
"No," says Louis contentedly, and Liam doesn’t understand anything that Louis says, ever.
They sing most of the way back - Niall is slightly drunk, still - and the evening settles into being cooler and darker as they get closer to the Johnson's. Liam is hit by an unexpected wave of homesickness, thinking about his father and where he might be tonight, what sort of other soldiers he's with, whether he's staying safe.
"Cheer up," says Zayn, unexpectedly putting his arm around Liam's waist. "You get so broody."
"I just miss my dad," says Liam.
Zayn sighs and leans against Liam's shoulder. "Me too. My dad, I mean. Not yours. I don't know yours. I'm sure he's nice."
Liam laughs. "He'd like you."
"Do you know what we should do?" Harry asks. Everyone looks at him. "We should go and check on the puppies."
"It's already getting dark outside," Liam objects.
"We'll get a candle, then," says Harry, "from the house. I want to see the puppies, I haven't seen Champion all week."
"You can't name a puppy you haven't got," Zayn objects, but Harry and Niall are already dashing off to the house to drop off the things they've picked up for Mrs. Johnson and bring back candles instead. Liam can't believe he's known these boys for six weeks. How could it possibly have been so long already?
"I want to see the puppies," Harry insists. He's got the candle, so they all follow him. Liam's tired, but not tired enough to go to bed and lie down, so he follows Harry out toward the barn, listening to Louis tease Zayn over finally getting a kiss, and Niall hiccup. Liam lags behind a little bit, enjoying the quiet evening and the sound of crickets underneath the boys being silly, and then Louis comes dashing back and grabs Liam's hand and pulls him along with everyone else. Liam tries not to notice Louis holding his hand.
Harry finds the puppies huddled in a corner of the barn, but not the mother dog. They walk through the barn and around the outside. It's properly dark out now, and a little bit cold. Louis's fingers are warm where they're tangled with Liam's. He can't see the ground anymore and Liam almost trips, except he's got Louis next to him. It's strange and comforting at the same time.
"Maybe the mummy dog has moved outside to enjoy the spring air," says Louis. "We'll walk around and look."
"We will?" Liam asks, but Louis is already pulling him out into the grass which is getting wet with dew, making his ankles damp.
Liam expects Louis to be crazy, bouncing around and doing handstands and running about screaming like he usually does. Louis is quiet, though. Liam can hear the other boys shouting and laughing inside the empty barn, but Louis seems content to just walk around in the grass. He seems to have forgot he's holding Liam's hand at all and Liam can't think of a way to pull his hand away without seeming rude.
"Do you ever," Louis says abruptly, "wish you could just have a couple of minutes of quiet? All by yourself?"
This strikes Liam as a very odd thing to say because Louis is breaking the silence by asking it, and because they aren't alone. "Yes," he says. "But… I mean. I've got used to you. All of you," he adds quickly. "Like having brothers."
"Brothers," Louis snorts. He pulls his hand away from Liam's. "You get tired of the noise, don't you? You seem like… You seem like sometimes all of us are a bit much."
"You are," Liam says, even though it feels like he's insulting Louis a bit. Louis is the cause of most of the chaos, after all. "I've got used to it," he repeats.
Louis's smile is small and a little sour. "I thought so. Right. I'm going to go and give Harry a punch."
"What for?" Liam asks, but Louis grins at him and runs into the barn without an answer.
Liam knows that Louis grabs everyone. Louis never pretends to be kissing Liam the way he does with Harry. Louis sat on Niall's lap for half an hour in town, and he snuck into Zayn's bed and woke him up with a kiss on the nose the other morning. And yet Liam feels very strange, as if the warmth from Louis' hand is still there, and the weight of Louis leaning against his side hasn't gone. It isn't anything special, the way Louis acts around Liam, except that Liam's never had anyone else act like that around him before and it makes his stomach feel strange sometimes. Like right now.
"Any luck?" Niall shouts, running over. He's got Zayn with him.
Liam thinks for a minute that Niall means some kind of luck with Louis, and that doesn't make any sense. Then he remembers the dogs. "Oh," he says. "No, haven't seen her. Brown dog late at night. Bit difficult."
"Harry won't let anyone else pet the puppies," says Zayn. "It's hard to see them, anyway; there's only the one candle. Anyway Harry's chasing Louis round the hay bales because of some kind of bet, and it seemed safer out here. Louis bit me yesterday."
"He's a funny one," Niall agrees.
"He is," Liam says. It seems like an opportune moment to ask Niall and Zayn about Louis. "Is it… Do you ever… When he gets all handsy do you ever…" Liam hasn't got a good end to that sentence so he stops.
Zayn looks oddly thoughtful. "It's just Louis being Louis, isn't he?" he says. "You can't blame him for that."
"I can," says Niall, but cheerfully. "I'm hungry, d'you think the Johnson's'd notice if I snuck some food?"
Clearly neither Niall nor Zayn are going to be any help with Liam's odd reaction to Louis tonight. Maybe it's just another symptom of Liam's homesickness and over-worrying. "You'll eat them out of house and home," says Liam, but mildly, because even Mrs. Johnson finds Niall's endless capacity to eat charming.
"I'm starved," Niall repeats. "Let's go in and get some food. It's cold out."
"Yeah," says Zayn, rubbing his arms, and Liam glances over his shoulder but whatever Louis and Harry are doing in the barn is still distracting them. Liam nods and follows them. Zayn shoves Niall a little and Niall, who is still tipsy, stumbles, laughing, and shoves Liam by mistake, and they walk back to the house shoving and goofing around.
They're walking back through the door when Zayn stops and says, "Do you smell that?"
"I smell you," says Niall, kicking at him.
"Smoke," says Zayn, ignoring him. "D'you think something's burning?"
"Maybe someone's having a campfire," says Niall. "It's not bonfire night, is it?"
"It's summer," says Liam, rolling his eyes.
"I really smell smoke," says Zayn. "D'you - Oh my god." Zayn's eyes go wide and he points over Liam's shoulder.
Liam turns.
The barn is on fire.
"Oh shit," says Niall. "Where're Harry and Louis?"
There is a moment when Liam can't move at all. His legs are frozen and his heart has stopped and there's no air in his lungs. Niall and Zayn are both shouting. The silhouette of the barn across the field is large and black but there are orange flames licking their way up its side. Everything else is dark on the horizon except that.
If Liam just stands there for another second, Harry and Louis will come running out of the barn, laughing about how close that was, and then the barn will stop being on fire and everything will be fine.
Just one more second.
Just.
The window over Liam's head bangs open. "The barn!" shouts Paul, and then Mr. Johnson shouts, too.
Liam unfreezes all at once and starts running back toward the barn. He's never run this fast before. He forgets to breathe, which makes him stumble, and then Niall passes him and Liam takes a great gulping breath and runs even faster somehow. "Harry!" Zayn shouts, running behind them. "Louis!"
The door to the barn is on fire, is the problem; they can't get out. Liam skids to a stop just in front of it. "Are you in there?" he shouts. There's smoke everywhere, Niall's coughing. Liam undoes the top button of his collar so he can pull the cloth over his mouth a bit.
There's a shout inside. Liam is either relieved to hear them shouting or he's horrified to know they really are inside. There's quite a lot of flames and smoke. "There's got to be another way in," says Niall.
"There's an axe!" says Liam suddenly, remembering. "Round the back, I'll go and get it." He takes off running again.
The axe is big and heavy and Liam's got better at using it since they've been on the farm, but it feels unfamiliar in his hands when he swings it at the boards at the back of the barn. There isn't any logic to what he's doing, he just wants to cut a hole in the side of the wall so he can get in and drag Louis and Harry out. Liam's swings are wild and a little crazy; his heart is thumping in his ears and his hands are sweating so that it's hard to hold the axe.
"Got it, I've got it!" Niall shouts, darting underneath Liam's arm to grab the wooden barn siding. He grabs a board with both hands and starts wrenching it free, and then Zayn helps him, and there's a crack as the board comes loose. "Here!" Niall shouts. "Come out this way!"
"Harry's still looking for the fucking dog!" Louis shouts. The sound of the fire is getting louder, wood crackling and popping. Mr. Johnson and Paul are at the other side of the barn, Liam can hear them yelling.
"Harry!" Liam shouts. He can go into the barn and find Harry in the smoke somewhere, he's sure. Liam darts forwards but Zayn grabs his arm.
"You're not going in there," yells Zayn.
"But-" Liam says. Louis and Harry are in there. Zayn knows that.
"Not you, too," says Zayn.
"Don't you fucking dare," snaps Niall. He sticks his head into the hole, shouting for Louis and Harry in case they can't see him through the smoke.
Liam's pulse is so loud in his ears that he can't hear a thing, which is strange, because it also feels as if his heart has stopped beating entirely. His hands are numb and his head is buzzing, and Zayn's hands tight around his arm are the only things anchoring him to the earth. "Make them come out," says Liam desperately. "Niall, go and get them-"
"Here, they're here!" says Niall, reaching through the hole. He pulls out Harry, coughing and covered in soot. He's got two puppies in his arms, yowling and crying. Harry stumbles and falls to his knees. He's coughing like he can't breathe at all. Niall disappears for a moment and then reappears with his arm around Louis, holding another dog.
Liam's heart starts beating again.
"I couldn't-" Harry starts, but he's coughing too hard to get through his sentence. "They were crying, I-"
"Shut up," says Zayn fiercely. He lets go of Liam and goes over to Harry instead, and Niall and Louis stumble over and Liam is somehow there too, even though he can't remember moving. All five of them fall into a heap on the ground, arms round each other, coughing and eyes watering, trying to breathe.
Liam's got Harry half in his lap and Zayn's arm round his shoulder and Louis on his other side and Niall's elbow in his stomach. The fire is still crackling and he can hear the Johnsons and Paul yelling, but the only thing Liam's brain is telling him is that he can hear the other four boys breathing - coughing, choking, wheezing, but breathing -- and it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard.
***
Mr. Johnson and Paul manage to put the fire out before the entire barn burns up, but it's a smoky, sodden mess and half the front is gone. In the morning all the neighbors come to see what the damage is and they bring food for the Johnsons and offers to help rebuild.
Liam hasn't slept a wink. All five of them are still covered in soot and Harry's cheeks are streaked where he was crying last night, but he's passed out on the couch with his head on Louis' lap, and Louis is fast asleep as well, head on Zayn's shoulder. Niall's on the floor, snoring. None of them wanted to go to their own rooms.
"Boys," says Mr. Johnson, and everyone stirs. Watery yellow light is spilling in through the window. There had been some shouting last night, but they've been waiting for the actual trouble. Last night had been mostly checking to make sure no one was dead. (Harry had cried straight through until the mummy dog turned up.) This morning Liam expects much worse. There is a ball of ice in Liam's stomach that won't go away. He promised his mum he'd be good, but he thinks it's rather more important that he look after these boys.
"What happened?" asks Paul. He looks exhausted, and his limp's got worse from running all over last night. He looks right at Louis and Harry. Anyone would.
Liam doesn't consciously decide to say anything, but he hears his voice speaking anyway. "I wanted to see the puppies."
Everyone looks at him.
"I got a candle because I wanted to see the puppies and I went out to the barn and I… I must have put it down too near the hay," says Liam.
The other boys are only barely awake, blinking at him in confusion. Mr. Johnson frowns at him, and so does Paul. Liam is absolutely certain this is the right thing to do, though. If someone has to leave he'd rather it was him. Harry can't cope without Louis. Liam can handle being on his own, but he can't say goodbye to anyone else. He's tired of people leaving him behind all the time.
"You burned down the barn?" Mr. Johnson asks. It's not really a question, though, and he's frowning as if he must have heard wrong.
"I'm sorry," says Liam, and it isn't hard to look sorry because he is. "It was an accident. I'm really… I'm really, really sorry."
Mr. Johnson and Paul exchange a look. Louis is frowning, too, and Harry sits up and starts to mumble, "Liam, don't-" until Louis puts his hand not very discreetly over Harry's mouth.
Mr. Johnson turns to Liam and says, "You know there'll be punishment, right? Something serious."
It's clearly a challenge; Mr. Johnson thinks Liam is lying. "Of course. I deserve it," says Liam. He feels miserable over the whole night anyway. They might have died.
"Whippings and rats in the cellar and bread and water-" Paul starts.
He's obviously exaggerating but Liam might be the only one awake enough to realize. "That's not fair," Niall starts. Zayn's only just dragging himself awake but he looks horrified, and Harry looks like he might cry again.
"Liam," says Louis quietly, half a question and half an apology.
"I don't mind," says Liam, and it's true.
***
Liam is banished to the attic, all by himself, for two weeks. The Johnsons are more disappointed about the barn than truly angry, and they certainly suspect Liam is lying and it was really Harry and Louis messing about. But Liam failed to crack under interrogation and has agreed to all the punishments that were supposed to make him confess. The Johnsons are particularly bad at scaring him because they simply aren't cruel people. And anyway once Liam has set his mind to something it's hard to make him change it. He could live in the attic on bread and water forever, as long as no one else has to leave.
The attic isn't so bad, honestly. There are books and a bed and it's a bit dim but he can sit by the window and read, and anyway it's the first time since they got to the farm that he's had more than thirty seconds of quiet. Now that he's seen the other lads drunk there, it's barely scary at all. Actually it's a bit comforting to know that Louis isn't about to sneak up behind him and make him spill tea all over himself for the first time in six weeks.
Only, if Liam's being honest, it's awfully boring. At least when he was running after Harry trying to stop him falling out of a tree and into the duck pond, or making sure Niall didn't eat all the food in the kitchen, or stopping Harry from daring Zayn to climb onto the roof, or trying to stop Louis wearing Mrs. Johnson's brassiere as a hat, he didn't have time to be homesick or miss his sisters, and now he's got hours and hours to read really dull old books and look out the window and wonder if everyone back in London is all right.
It's so quiet. Liam can hear Louis and Harry shrieking sometimes, when the wind is blowing in just the right direction. But otherwise it's just hours and hours and days of nothing, with occasional visits from the Johnsons or Paul. They give Liam terribly disappointed looks and Liam pretends not to notice, because it could have been so much worse. Liam just has to worry about not going mad from boredom.
The first rock hits the window with a little plink noise; the second one is larger and startles Liam into flinching away from the window. He hasn't been looking at his book so much as staring off into space for the last... really long time, apparently, so it takes him a moment to get his eyes to refocus on the roof outside. He hadn't realized the sun had started setting.
Louis is sitting there with a handful of pebbles and a cheeky grin.
Liam would think he's hallucinating, but Louis does enjoy climbing on things and breaking rules. "What are you doing?" Liam asks, but Louis just shrugs and then mimes opening the window. Liam shakes his head -- this is definitely not supposed to be allowed -- and Louis rolls his eyes and throws another, bigger rock.
He'll break the window if he keeps that up, Liam thinks grumpily. Well, actually he probably won't, but it's a good reason to open the window. "Go away," Liam hisses. "What if you fall off the roof and break your neck? What if someone hears you?"
Louis ignores this like he's ignored all of the completely sensible things Liam has said in the past six weeks. "How're you holding up? All right?" Louis says instead.
"You aren't supposed to be here," Liam says. He is horrified at how glad he is to see Louis, when he ought to be angry with him. This is technically all Louis and Harry's fault, especially the part where they could have died. Liam had planned to be angry about that for a long time. It turns out three days in solitary confinement is more than enough to make him crack.
"Well, I am here," said Louis unrepentantly. "You could sneak out, you know. The roof's nearly flat."
"No, it's not, there's that horrible gap where I'd break my neck, and I'm being punished," says Liam. He doesn't mean it as a rebuke but Louis winces and then Liam feels bad, even though it's partially his fault and so he ought to feel bad.
"We brought you biscuits," says Louis after a minute. "Shall I chuck them at you?"
"We?" Liam echoes. He hears Harry yell a faint, "Heya!" from somewhere further down the roof. "Well, that's... Um."
"Not very good biscuits, no sugar to be had, obviously, but there are some raisins. Better than nothing. Catch," says Louis, and throws a biscuit right at Liam's face. He catches it almost entirely out of instinct.
Liam says, "Thanks," and hopes it doesn't sound grudging or weird. He is working on his tendency to sound really stuffy around Louis. He doesn't mean it. Louis is just confusing.
"'Course," says Louis, shrugging again. "You really could sneak out, you know."
"No," says Liam. "We're all already in enough trouble. I'm just going to stay here and read and... And..." He flounders for something else he is going to do, but in the past three days he has learnt that there is literally nothing else to do in the attic room, unless he counts lying on his back on the floor and counting the beams in the roof. He's done that twice.
"Didn't really think so," says Louis. "That's all right. I've got a plan."
"No, your plans always get us in trouble," says Liam. He can't believe how much he has missed Louis being loud and stupid and obnoxious at him, but he has missed it desperately. It's like he lost a limb.
Possibly Louis doesn't hear this, or more likely he doesn't care, because he's started crawling across the roof. He effortlessly jumps the gap where he really ought to die, and climbs up underneath the ledge to Liam's window. "No," says Liam unconvincingly. "Stop that."
"Really?" Louis asks. His smile is bright but crooked, and there's a whisper of hesitancy there that Liam wouldn’t have noticed a few weeks ago. Louis leans on the window ledge and looks up at Liam. The breeze over the house ruffles Louis' hair and he nudges Liam's hand with his own. And Liam thinks…
Liam thinks a lot of things.
He can't say any of them, though, because he has missed Louis in ways he doesn't know how to articulate. So Liam switches to Louis' language and pretends to hit him. Louis laughs and ducks. "Oh god, please," says Liam. "Please come up."
Louis's smile goes brighter than Liam's ever seen it before, and he pushes himself up through the window and falls in a heap on the floor. Liam winces, sure the Johnsons must have heard that, but no one comes banging up the steps to see what the noise was.
"Hi," says Louis, picking himself up. "So, what can a fellow do for a good time around here?"
"Nothing," says Liam. "Absolutely nothing at all," and then Louis half-tackles, half-hugs him, arms tight around Liam's neck, and Liam can't even pretend to himself that this isn't the best moment he's had since they all got evacuated out of London.
***
Probably the Johnsons know that Niall and Zayn and Harry all sneak up over the next few nights. Zayn in particular isn't very quiet, because he keeps moaning about how he's going to fall to his death at any minute. Niall brings so much food with him he must have cleared out Mrs. Johnson's pantry. Harry smuggles a puppy up under his jumper, and when the poor little thing wakes up and starts barking Liam has a bit of a panic over what's going to happen when the Johnsons come upstairs to see what he's doing.
Only no one comes upstairs.
"We're not complete idiots," says Niall. "We did wait until Mrs. Johnson was out of the house. At least, she was earlier."
"Yes, but-" Liam says.
Louis knocks his shoulder against Liam's. "They're not going to check," he says quietly. "They're feeling awfully guilty about you."
"We ought to feel guilty," says Liam.
Louis is uncharacteristically quiet, sitting on the bed with his hands between his knees. "We've nearly rebuilt the barn," he says. "Just a couple more days and it'll be good as new, and I expect then they'll tell you never mind about all the punishment."
Liam's got a puppy on his lap and Zayn half-asleep on the attic floor and Harry and Niall arguing over a sandwich by the window. He can't imagine things could get much better than this, punishment or not. He doesn't like Louis being so quiet, though. Liam bumps Louis with his shoulder and then does it again when Louis doesn’t respond. "Everyone's fine, so it's all fine with me. Hey," says Liam. "Smile. Come on."
"I'm really sorry you got in trouble," says Louis.
"I'm not," says Liam. Louis looks skeptical. "I don't mind, honestly. This is all… I quite enjoy…" Liam waves a hand around helplessly. Harry tackles Niall in an effort to get half his sandwich and they land on Zayn, who groans, and that turns into a mostly-joking row that the Johnsons couldn't possibly miss hearing unless they are actively trying not to.
"I thought you'd enjoy the quiet," says Louis.
"It was awful," says Liam, pulling a face. He reaches over and squeezes Louis' hand. "Couldn't stand it."
Louis laughs. Liam really likes making him laugh. Louis is generally very confusing but Liam has worked out that he likes this, likes touching people for reassurance. It isn't something Liam has ever done with his friends before, but he can manage it if it makes Louis laugh. Louis beams at him and gives Liam a silly, sloppy kiss on the cheek.
Liam puts the puppy on the floor where it immediately becomes something else Harry and Niall are arguing over, mostly because it hides in Zayn's lap. "You're going to crush the puppy!" Zayn shouts.
"Yeah, Niall, stop!" Harry yells, grabbing at Niall's arm.
"If you touch my sandwich so help me I'll take your arm off!" Niall yells back, attempting to bite Harry.
Louis dives bodily between them, shoving Niall one way and Harry the other, and rolling on top of Zayn, who wails a protest about the poor dog. Harry pretends to bite Louis' ankle, and Louis shrieks and flails and almost kicks Niall in the face until Niall jumps on him, and there is a pile of boys rolling and kicking and shouting at each other.
"They can hear us," says Liam, laughing. He drags Zayn out from underneath everyone else because the puppy really doesn't deserve this, and Harry and Louis settle back into a fairly normal-for-them kiss-fight. Niall defensively shoves all the rest of his food into his mouth before anyone else can get it.
"Like having brothers, eh?" Louis asks from the floor. He's got Harry in a headlock and he's laughing at Liam. Liam shrugs and grins back at him because that is generally all he can manage with Louis.
"Not exactly," says Liam. "Better, maybe."
Fandom: One Direction
part one
They end up in the attic with enormous dusty bottles of sherry and the wireless. The attic is still horrible and terrifying but it seems much less ominous with all five of them crowded in together. Louis tunes the wireless to a programme playing music and proceeds to dance around the attic whilst pouring everyone's sherry into cups Niall pilfered from the kitchen.
"None for me, thanks," says Liam.
The look Louis gives him is almost indescribably disappointed.
"I've only got one kidney," Liam explains. "They took the other one out when I was a kid. Look." He pulls up his shirt and shows them the scar as proof. Everyone crowds in curiously and makes fascinated noises. Niall pokes Liam in the stomach, which Liam should probably have expected.
"So you can't drink?" Louis asks.
"No, sorry," says Liam. He is lying. He can drink, but he never has, not really, and it made his insides feel achy and sore the one time he tried. Anyway, someone is clearly going to have to keep a level head because Liam is certain this is going to be a disaster.
"Very convenient, if you ask me," says Louis. He hands kitchen glasses of sherry to Harry and Niall and Zayn.
Harry tries his and nearly has a choking fit. "Eugh," he says, "That's vile!"
"The more you drink it, the better it'll taste," says Louis philosophically. "Cheers." Niall and Zayn echo him and everyone but Liam starts drinking.
It takes roughly two songs on the radio for everyone to start acting like complete idiots. Harry gets the hiccups, which makes Louis laugh, which makes Harry hiccup harder, which makes Niall laugh. Niall's face is already turning red, even though he insists up and down he's always had loads to drink at home. Harry pretends to be cross with Louis for laughing at him and crawls over to Zayn, who gets the slightly panicked look of someone who doesn't want to come between Harry and Louis when they're acting silly.
"I don't like you anymore," says Harry poutily. "I like Zayn best. I'm going to switch rooms." Harry is clinging to Zayn's neck and Zayn shrugs philosophically and has another drink.
"That's fine with me!" says Louis. "Because I've decided I like Liam best. We'll be best mates and have loads of fun without you, won't we, Liam?"
Liam gives Louis what he hopes is a very dubious look indeed.
Harry throws a pillow at Louis and Louis craws around behind Liam, trying to use him as a shield. Harry ends up chasing Louis around Liam and everyone ends up slightly trampled and out of breath and lying on the floor, although Louis is really lying more on top of Liam than anywhere else.
"I'm finished with you forever, Harry Styles," says Louis. He attempts to snuggle with Liam, who is entirely too sober for this.
"No, you aren't," says Harry confidently. "This sherry is absolutely disgusting, no wonder Mrs. Johnson wanted to give it away. Pour us some more."
Niall has to pour the second round because Louis is clinging like a slightly drunk monkey to Liam. Liam doesn't mind, exactly, but he wishes he knew whether Louis is doing it just to make Harry jealous or for some other reason. Only, Liam sort of thought Louis didn't like him much because he isn't fun like Harry, and this would seem to indicate otherwise. Why is Louis always so horribly confusing?
The second round hits everyone like a ton of bricks. Niall gets more red-faced and lies on his back on the floor, laughing at nothing in particular, and Harry tries to tell everyone a story about a girl he met in town the other day, but his "girl" voice is too silly and he keeps stumbling and flailing as he tries to prance around the attic. Louis is even more cheerful than usual, laughing at everyone and occasionally breaking into little wiggling movements he insists are dancing. They aren't. Harry and Louis attempt a waltz to the wrong sort of music on the wireless and fall over, nearly knocking the bookshelf down in the process. Zayn crawls over to Liam and puts his head on Liam's shoulder. "Sleepy," he mumbles. "And I don't want to get fallen over on."
Liam is starting to wonder how he is going to get everyone calmed down and sober before the Johnsons come home. He probably can't, he thinks, resigned.
"I feel terrible," Niall announces to no one, lurching to his feet. He leans out of the attic window and is sick. Harry and Louis laugh as if this is the funniest thing that has ever happened, breathless and red-faced.
"Oh my god," says Liam. He pushes Zayn off his shoulder - Zayn's eyes are closed, he appears to be well asleep - and goes over to Niall. "Come on; let's get you some water."
"Water is poison to an Irishman!" Niall hollers, and then trips over his own feet. He smells like old sherry and vomit. Liam puts his arm round Niall's shoulder anyway and starts walking him toward the stairs. "Everyone should have some water," he says. Harry and Louis laugh at him.
Niall is a loud drunk who likes to sing right in Liam's ear. Liam dumps him in bed - Liam will sleep on the floor tonight or something, he's not dealing with this - and then goes downstairs to fetch him some water. Niall argues for a little while about it and then forgets what he was arguing about, drinks the water, and falls asleep mid-word. Liam goes upstairs to make sure no one else has died in the meantime.
Harry and Louis are singing along loudly to the wireless, arms around each other, swaying back and forth. They have refilled their glasses and dislodged a small avalanche of books from the shelves.
"You're very loud," says Liam. Louis flings his arms round Liam's neck and gives him another kiss on the cheek. "Well," says Liam, because that is very odd. Then Harry elbows Louis out of the way so he can bite Liam affectionately on the neck. Liam stares at both of them for a moment, comes up with exactly nothing to say about that, and says instead, "I'm going to put Zayn to bed, I think."
"He can sleep up here!" says Louis. "Then you can have a bed all to yourself."
Liam is fairly sure when Zayn wakes up alone in the attic he'll have some sort of panic attack, but… well… that does sound nice.
"Here, we'll help," says Harry. He attempts to drag Zayn over to the mattress on the floor. He isn't coordinated enough, though, and ends up tipping himself over and falling on Zayn instead. Zayn opens one eye and mumbles, "Geroff."
"Help!" says Harry. "Help, I can't get up!" Liam leans down and drags Harry to his feet while Louis does a decent job of shoving Zayn toward the mattress. Zayn grumbles and falls asleep again almost immediately.
"Water," says Liam. Harry and Louis are clinging to each other, laughing, just barely keeping each other upright. "You should go down to the kitchen."
"We should go to the kitchen!" says Louis with a grand hand gesture that accidentally smacks Liam right in the stomach.
"Ow," says Liam. "Yes, you should go to the kitchen. Come on." He opens the door and waves them through. He's a little worried that they'll fall down the steps and break their necks, but there isn't any other way to get downstairs. "You'll have some water and you'll go and lie down and stop singing. Everyone will feel better in the morning."
"I feel better right now!" says Louis loudly, which doesn't make any sense.
"No, you don't," says Harry.
"I do!"
"You don't!"
They are so loud. Liam follows them, wincing a little bit. How on earth can you get this tight this quickly? he wonders. They are hilarious, though. Louis bursts into "You Must Have Been a Beautiful Baby" and Harry joins in on a really terrible harmony line, and Liam hums along with them because he's always liked singing.
Then they walk into the kitchen and Mrs. Johnson is there, and everyone falls quiet. "Boys," she says, half a question. Harry hiccups and Louis giggles guiltily.
"We're not drunk!" blurts Harry, and Louis lasts half a second and then bursts out laughing so hard that Harry has to hold him up. Harry starts laughing, too, and Mrs. Johnson gives Liam a disappointed look that makes him wish he were dead.
"Sorry," Liam offers lamely.
"Oh, Liam, I'm not cross with you," she says with a little sigh.
Harry accidentally pushes Louis, and Louis staggers into the china cabinet. Liam sees dishes start to fall in slow motion, Louis and Harry still laughing. There is an avalanche of teacups and saucers that shatter on the floor and Harry falls over, cutting his hand on a shard of dish. "Fuck," says Louis, "Sorry, we didn’t mean to," but he's still laughing because he's drunk and he can't help it.
Mrs. Johnson looks more angry than disappointed now. "Boys," she says again, crossly this time. "Liam, take them out of here while I still have some dishes left."
"Sorry," Liam says again, trying to pull Harry to his feet and Louis out of the room at the same time. "I'm really - We're really sorry."
Louis and Harry are trying to look sorry, but as soon as they get to the parlor where they've been sleeping they burst into laughter again. "Sorry, sorry," says Louis to Liam, when Liam doesn't laugh, too.
Liam has a wretched feeling in the pit of his stomach because they are all going to be in trouble. "It's all right," he lies, because he doesn't want Louis to pull his sad face. Even when it's false it makes Liam feel terrible.
"I'll tell them we were only having a laugh," says Louis, tumbling onto the couch. "Don't worry, Liam. It'll be fine."
Harry lies down on the floor and groans. "I'm so tired."
"I'm tired, too," says Louis. "I'm tired of being so beautiful all the time." They both start giggling again.
Liam throws his hands up, looking to the heavens for a moment. "I'll bring you some water," he says. No one hears him. Liam feels particularly unappreciated.
Liam goes back to the kitchen, where Mrs. Johnson is trying to sweep up some of the broken dishes. It really is a wreck. Liam decides he'll sneak upstairs and tidy up the attic before she can see what a mess that is, too. "They didn't mean it," Liam says. "Honestly."
"I have a son of my own," says Mrs. Johnson. She sounds quiet and sad, but Liam's fairly certain she's angry, too. "I know how boys get when they're left alone."
Liam fidgets guiltily. "They'll tidy it up as soon as they're sober," Liam offers.
Mrs. Johnson shakes her head. "It's so hard to get any dishes lately. There aren't any to be had in town. With seven people in the house I don't know what I'll do."
"We could glue some of them back together," Liam says, but most of the cups are shattered beyond any kind of repair.
She sighs. "We just weren't expecting five of you. You're all such nice boys, but… We're not young anymore, and maybe we haven't got the sort of energy we'd need to look after all of you." Liam must look stricken, because she adds, "Don't worry, Liam. We want you to stay."
Liam is trying to breathe, but something is broken between his mouth and his lungs. "I-" he says. "But-" The idea of the other boys leaving makes him inexplicably panicky and - for reasons Liam doesn't understand - homesick. "Let me help you tidy up," he says, because maybe he can make things better. Mrs. Johnson smiles at him and Liam somehow feels even worse.
***
Mr. Johnson comes home and wakes Louis and Harry up to shout at them for a while. No one can stay cross with Harry so Louis takes the brunt of it, and is sent off to do hard work on the farthest field on the farm with Paul for a few days. The other boys barely see him. Harry mopes guiltily the entire time.
When they finally do see Louis he is exactly the same as he ever was. "Hello, lads, bet you've missed me," he says cheerfully, slinging his arm around Niall's neck and giving him a peck on the cheek. Niall laughs and shoves him off.
Liam is the only one who isn't immediately glad to see Louis. Or at least, he's the only one who acts that way. "What?" says Louis, cajolingly. "Liam, you can't still be cross with me. I've done my time! I've sweated through my punishment. You got to sit in the house all day while I worked my fingers to the bone." Liam doesn't smile.
"He's cross with you because he missed you," says Harry teasingly. Liam saw Harry secretly crying when Louis came back, because Harry is ridiculous.
Louis' smile fades. "Come on, you aren't really cross with me," he says, grabbing Liam's hand. "I apologized to the Johnsons, and I'm sorry I got you in trouble as well, but-"
"Stop it, shut up," says Liam, annoyed and embarrassed. He pulls Louis a little way away from everyone else. (This doesn't discourage Harry's teasing, but Liam has got used to that.) "There's something else," he says quietly.
"Oooh," says Louis. "Is it gossip? I like gossip."
"You won't like this," says Liam. He's annoyed that Louis isn't taking him seriously, although Louis doesn't take anything seriously.
"I will if you tell me," says Louis, smiling sunnily.
"Stop it, what is wrong with you?" Liam asks, rolling his eyes.
Louis squints at him. "Is Harry right? Are you cross because you've missed me? I've missed you." He pretends to lean in as if he wants to kiss Liam, and Liam pushes him away, trying not to laugh. It's really difficult when Louis is so determined to be cute.
"I'm cross because the Johnsons don't think they can keep all five of us here if we're causing trouble," Liam says.
Louis stops fooling around. "What? Did they say so?"
"Mrs. Johnson did. And I don't want… It'd be really awful if… It would make Harry cry if you went to stay somewhere else. It'd really upset him." Louis nods seriously but Liam can't tell if he's messing Liam about or if he really understands. Liam tries: "Zayn laughs at you more than he laughs at anything, especially when he's homesick, and Niall thinks your jokes are brilliant, and Harry would be genuinely heartbroken, so you can't get in trouble again."
"All right, Liam," says Louis. "Don't get upset. I promise. I'll be good."
"I'm not upset," says Liam, but saying that, inexplicably, makes him feel upset.
Louis squeezes Liam's hand. "I'll be so good you could take me to tea with the King," he says. "Please stop worrying. You've already got your family and our families and the entire war to fret about. I promise to behave if you promise not to worry, all right?" Louis smiles, but it's a small, coaxing smile.
"I just don't want things to go wrong," says Liam helplessly.
"Well, it's not all down to you, is it?" Louis asks. "Come on, smile, will you? You look miserable."
"I'm not miserable," Liam says.
"Smile, then. Come on. Smile." Louis sticks his face right in Liam's face, apparently to demonstrate what a smile looks like, and it's so ridiculous that Liam laughs in spite of himself. Louis lights up with a real smile in response.
"I'm feeling very left out of all this!" Harry shouts. He turns to Zayn and the two of them begin pulling faces at each other. Liam assumes that's what he and Louis look like. He doesn't much care.
***
"Why don't all of you go into town today?" Mrs. Johnson says. "You've been working so hard, you deserve a day off."
"And obviously there are errands for us to run," says Harry, and she laughs and ruffles his hair. Liam has learnt that all mothers (and grandmothers, and young girls, and all women who have been to the farm) love Harry instantly no matter how cheeky he is.
They all have letters to post and Mrs. Johnson gives them a list of things to bring back, if they can find them. Liam suspects that the Johnsons just want a quiet day to themselves, but he doesn't say so, because the idea of getting to go into town and having a day all to themselves is so intoxicating.
Louis and Harry walk most of the way with their arms round each other, singing at the top of their lungs. The sun is shining and it's warm for June. There hasn't been much rain lately. Liam looks around at the hedgerows and trees and country lanes and tries to remember that the war is really going on somewhere just across the Channel, but he can't. Then his brain accidentally starts imagining Nazis overrunning the town and tanks and bombs blowing up the Johnsons and their sleepy little village, and Liam's heart pounds in his chest.
"Hey," says Niall. "What's going on with you?"
"Oh, sorry, nothing, I was just… Er, just a day dream," says Liam.
"Looked like a bad'un," says Niall. "Come on, wake up, there's girls!" He elbows Liam in the side and grins.
There's a group of girls in school uniforms coming down the lane the other way. They see the boys and stop, leaning over each other to giggle. "Hello, ladies!" Louis yells, waving. This sets off another round of giggles and whispering.
"Could you tell us which way the post office is?" Harry asks.
"But you know-" Zayn starts, and Liam steps on his foot.
"We're new, just up from London," Liam says loudly, right over Zayn, who looks both resentful and slightly confused. They haven't talked to girls in weeks and Liam had forgotten how cute they are.
The girls explode into giggles again for a minute. There is some frantic whispering, and then the one of them with dark hair steps forward boldly. "Why, it's right that way, and you must know that because you've got letters in your hands to post," she says.
"That was just luck," Louis lies easily. "We hoped if we walked this way we'd see signs of civilization eventually. And what a pretty civilization it is, too."
The dark-haired girl is blushing but she's still got her chin up and a little smirk on her face. "It's right around that corner up there and I'm sure even you can find it," she says. Her friends are still giggling like crazy.
"What if we get lost?" Harry asks. "You wouldn't want that on your conscience, would you? If we got lost and starved to death in the woods?"
"You couldn't possibly," she says. She's going to crack, Liam's sure. No one can withstand Louis and Harry's collective begging faces.
"Oh, they could," Liam assures her. "You wouldn't believe how much trouble they can get themselves into." She gives him a speculative look, but Liam isn't lying; Harry and Louis probably could get lost on their way to a town that's only got one road.
She looks over her shoulder at her friends, who are half nodding and half shaking their heads. There is some furious whispering back and forth in some kind of high-pitched girl language Liam has never learnt to decipher, not even with two sisters of his own.
"Ohhhhh," says Zayn belatedly. Niall shakes his head.
The dark-haired girl flips her hair and turns back to them. She's got her hands on her hips. "Right," she says, "We'll walk you there and show you around town, and you lot can buy us tea."
"Of course," says Harry. "We are perfect gentlemen, after all." Louis does a silly courtly bow and then Harry pretends to curtsey back at him and the girls can't stop giggling long enough to introduce themselves properly. There's an Anna and a Sarah and a Jane and a Lucy. Anna is the dark-haired bold girl, and Louis and Harry pretend to fight over which of them gets to escort her and end up each taking one of her arms. Two of the other girls shyly say hello to everyone but are clearly looking at Zayn the whole time. He blushes a little and they blush and it's quite disgustingly adorable. Niall immediately swoops in to try and steal one of the girls off Zayn.
The last girl, Jane, hangs back a bit, looking just a touch dubious, and Liam knows that feeling quite well. "They're harmless, really," he assures her.
"Anna's already got a boyfriend," she says disapprovingly, but then she shrugs. "It's such a small town, we never get strangers. I don't know what everyone will say when they see us with you."
"Tell them you took pity on us," Liam says, and she laughs. Up ahead of them Anna says something to Louis and Louis staggers back, hands over his heart, and pretends to swoon.
Jane giggles. "You're all quite strange."
Liam considers that for a moment. "Yes," he says, "but not in a bad way, I don't think."
***
Liam gets into quite an interesting conversation with Jane, sitting underneath a tree on a bench while the other boys charm the girls into shopping for them. It's another dry, warm day and the grass crackles a little bit underneath Liam's shoes. Jane knows quite a lot about what's going on in the war; she reads the paper every day. Liam only gets to see the paper every now and then.
"Germany's going to invade the Soviet Union," says Jane.
"They'd be mad to do that," Liam argues, but Germany's already torn through Austria and Greece, and no one on the continent has done anything about it. Jane knows loads of things that are going on, and Liam could happily lose himself for hours chatting to her and memorizing the minutia of what the papers say.
Louis clears his throat in a way that means he's probably done it before. Liam honestly hadn't realized Louis was even standing next to him. Louis is frowning, though, and his arms are crossed.
"We should probably head home soon," says Louis loudly. "Before it gets dark. I've pried Zayn off that other girl, and taken the beer away from Niall, so you're the last one to round up."
"You can't stay for a while?" Jane asks. "It isn't nearly dark yet."
"No," says Louis. "He can't."
"Er," says Liam. Louis is pulling rather insistently on his arm. "I suppose we ought to go. Pleasure meeting you."
"I'll see you around, I expect," says Jane. She waves. Liam would wave back but he's unexpectedly got Louis clinging to him and dragging him bodily down the street.
"We could have stayed," Liam says. "For a little while. It's really not dark yet."
"No," says Louis shortly. There's a funny tone in Louis' voice that Liam doesn't recognize. Louis seems to shake it off, and in his normal goofy voice says, "Did you know Zayn had never kissed a girl before? He has now. Have you kissed a girl?"
"Why are you in such a rush?" Liam asks. Jane was the first sensible conversation he's had in weeks. And he isn't eager to tell Louis how many girls he's kissed, which is only one, embarrassingly.
"I thought you'd like me being all responsible and heading home before it gets dark," Louis says, pretending to pout. "Is it loads of girls? Is that why you didn't answer?"
"Er," says Liam. "Is this you being responsible, or just really odd?" He's a bit confused about the whole thing, to be honest, and Louis hasn't let go of his neck yet. The other boys are standing on the street holding bags for Mrs. Johnson.
"Ah, you found him?" Harry asks. "Heya, Liam. Louis's been looking for you. Were you off snogging that girl?"
"I was having a very pleasant conversation," Liam says. They're all much too interested in his life.
Harry sighs loudly. "What on earth is wrong with you, Liam?"
Liam says, "Well, I'm not Zayn, am I?" It's easy to move the mocking to someone else. Everyone laughs and turns to Zayn, making kissing-faces at him.
"Shove off," says Zayn, blushing. "It wasn't - Louis was all over that other bird, weren't you?"
"I thought we had something special!" Harry complains. Louis flings himself at Harry, pretending to try and kiss him, and Harry giggles. They flap their hands at each other for a moment as if they're going to fight. Liam and Niall and Zayn have learnt to completely ignore this sort of thing, because if they intervene they are inevitably dragged into it.
Eventually Louis gets bored of bothering Harry. "You wouldn't leave us for a girl, would you, Liam?" Louis asks, pinching Liam's arm.
"What?" Liam asks. "Ow. Is that… Does that seem like a thing I'm likely to do?"
"No," says Louis contentedly, and Liam doesn’t understand anything that Louis says, ever.
They sing most of the way back - Niall is slightly drunk, still - and the evening settles into being cooler and darker as they get closer to the Johnson's. Liam is hit by an unexpected wave of homesickness, thinking about his father and where he might be tonight, what sort of other soldiers he's with, whether he's staying safe.
"Cheer up," says Zayn, unexpectedly putting his arm around Liam's waist. "You get so broody."
"I just miss my dad," says Liam.
Zayn sighs and leans against Liam's shoulder. "Me too. My dad, I mean. Not yours. I don't know yours. I'm sure he's nice."
Liam laughs. "He'd like you."
"Do you know what we should do?" Harry asks. Everyone looks at him. "We should go and check on the puppies."
"It's already getting dark outside," Liam objects.
"We'll get a candle, then," says Harry, "from the house. I want to see the puppies, I haven't seen Champion all week."
"You can't name a puppy you haven't got," Zayn objects, but Harry and Niall are already dashing off to the house to drop off the things they've picked up for Mrs. Johnson and bring back candles instead. Liam can't believe he's known these boys for six weeks. How could it possibly have been so long already?
"I want to see the puppies," Harry insists. He's got the candle, so they all follow him. Liam's tired, but not tired enough to go to bed and lie down, so he follows Harry out toward the barn, listening to Louis tease Zayn over finally getting a kiss, and Niall hiccup. Liam lags behind a little bit, enjoying the quiet evening and the sound of crickets underneath the boys being silly, and then Louis comes dashing back and grabs Liam's hand and pulls him along with everyone else. Liam tries not to notice Louis holding his hand.
Harry finds the puppies huddled in a corner of the barn, but not the mother dog. They walk through the barn and around the outside. It's properly dark out now, and a little bit cold. Louis's fingers are warm where they're tangled with Liam's. He can't see the ground anymore and Liam almost trips, except he's got Louis next to him. It's strange and comforting at the same time.
"Maybe the mummy dog has moved outside to enjoy the spring air," says Louis. "We'll walk around and look."
"We will?" Liam asks, but Louis is already pulling him out into the grass which is getting wet with dew, making his ankles damp.
Liam expects Louis to be crazy, bouncing around and doing handstands and running about screaming like he usually does. Louis is quiet, though. Liam can hear the other boys shouting and laughing inside the empty barn, but Louis seems content to just walk around in the grass. He seems to have forgot he's holding Liam's hand at all and Liam can't think of a way to pull his hand away without seeming rude.
"Do you ever," Louis says abruptly, "wish you could just have a couple of minutes of quiet? All by yourself?"
This strikes Liam as a very odd thing to say because Louis is breaking the silence by asking it, and because they aren't alone. "Yes," he says. "But… I mean. I've got used to you. All of you," he adds quickly. "Like having brothers."
"Brothers," Louis snorts. He pulls his hand away from Liam's. "You get tired of the noise, don't you? You seem like… You seem like sometimes all of us are a bit much."
"You are," Liam says, even though it feels like he's insulting Louis a bit. Louis is the cause of most of the chaos, after all. "I've got used to it," he repeats.
Louis's smile is small and a little sour. "I thought so. Right. I'm going to go and give Harry a punch."
"What for?" Liam asks, but Louis grins at him and runs into the barn without an answer.
Liam knows that Louis grabs everyone. Louis never pretends to be kissing Liam the way he does with Harry. Louis sat on Niall's lap for half an hour in town, and he snuck into Zayn's bed and woke him up with a kiss on the nose the other morning. And yet Liam feels very strange, as if the warmth from Louis' hand is still there, and the weight of Louis leaning against his side hasn't gone. It isn't anything special, the way Louis acts around Liam, except that Liam's never had anyone else act like that around him before and it makes his stomach feel strange sometimes. Like right now.
"Any luck?" Niall shouts, running over. He's got Zayn with him.
Liam thinks for a minute that Niall means some kind of luck with Louis, and that doesn't make any sense. Then he remembers the dogs. "Oh," he says. "No, haven't seen her. Brown dog late at night. Bit difficult."
"Harry won't let anyone else pet the puppies," says Zayn. "It's hard to see them, anyway; there's only the one candle. Anyway Harry's chasing Louis round the hay bales because of some kind of bet, and it seemed safer out here. Louis bit me yesterday."
"He's a funny one," Niall agrees.
"He is," Liam says. It seems like an opportune moment to ask Niall and Zayn about Louis. "Is it… Do you ever… When he gets all handsy do you ever…" Liam hasn't got a good end to that sentence so he stops.
Zayn looks oddly thoughtful. "It's just Louis being Louis, isn't he?" he says. "You can't blame him for that."
"I can," says Niall, but cheerfully. "I'm hungry, d'you think the Johnson's'd notice if I snuck some food?"
Clearly neither Niall nor Zayn are going to be any help with Liam's odd reaction to Louis tonight. Maybe it's just another symptom of Liam's homesickness and over-worrying. "You'll eat them out of house and home," says Liam, but mildly, because even Mrs. Johnson finds Niall's endless capacity to eat charming.
"I'm starved," Niall repeats. "Let's go in and get some food. It's cold out."
"Yeah," says Zayn, rubbing his arms, and Liam glances over his shoulder but whatever Louis and Harry are doing in the barn is still distracting them. Liam nods and follows them. Zayn shoves Niall a little and Niall, who is still tipsy, stumbles, laughing, and shoves Liam by mistake, and they walk back to the house shoving and goofing around.
They're walking back through the door when Zayn stops and says, "Do you smell that?"
"I smell you," says Niall, kicking at him.
"Smoke," says Zayn, ignoring him. "D'you think something's burning?"
"Maybe someone's having a campfire," says Niall. "It's not bonfire night, is it?"
"It's summer," says Liam, rolling his eyes.
"I really smell smoke," says Zayn. "D'you - Oh my god." Zayn's eyes go wide and he points over Liam's shoulder.
Liam turns.
The barn is on fire.
"Oh shit," says Niall. "Where're Harry and Louis?"
There is a moment when Liam can't move at all. His legs are frozen and his heart has stopped and there's no air in his lungs. Niall and Zayn are both shouting. The silhouette of the barn across the field is large and black but there are orange flames licking their way up its side. Everything else is dark on the horizon except that.
If Liam just stands there for another second, Harry and Louis will come running out of the barn, laughing about how close that was, and then the barn will stop being on fire and everything will be fine.
Just one more second.
Just.
The window over Liam's head bangs open. "The barn!" shouts Paul, and then Mr. Johnson shouts, too.
Liam unfreezes all at once and starts running back toward the barn. He's never run this fast before. He forgets to breathe, which makes him stumble, and then Niall passes him and Liam takes a great gulping breath and runs even faster somehow. "Harry!" Zayn shouts, running behind them. "Louis!"
The door to the barn is on fire, is the problem; they can't get out. Liam skids to a stop just in front of it. "Are you in there?" he shouts. There's smoke everywhere, Niall's coughing. Liam undoes the top button of his collar so he can pull the cloth over his mouth a bit.
There's a shout inside. Liam is either relieved to hear them shouting or he's horrified to know they really are inside. There's quite a lot of flames and smoke. "There's got to be another way in," says Niall.
"There's an axe!" says Liam suddenly, remembering. "Round the back, I'll go and get it." He takes off running again.
The axe is big and heavy and Liam's got better at using it since they've been on the farm, but it feels unfamiliar in his hands when he swings it at the boards at the back of the barn. There isn't any logic to what he's doing, he just wants to cut a hole in the side of the wall so he can get in and drag Louis and Harry out. Liam's swings are wild and a little crazy; his heart is thumping in his ears and his hands are sweating so that it's hard to hold the axe.
"Got it, I've got it!" Niall shouts, darting underneath Liam's arm to grab the wooden barn siding. He grabs a board with both hands and starts wrenching it free, and then Zayn helps him, and there's a crack as the board comes loose. "Here!" Niall shouts. "Come out this way!"
"Harry's still looking for the fucking dog!" Louis shouts. The sound of the fire is getting louder, wood crackling and popping. Mr. Johnson and Paul are at the other side of the barn, Liam can hear them yelling.
"Harry!" Liam shouts. He can go into the barn and find Harry in the smoke somewhere, he's sure. Liam darts forwards but Zayn grabs his arm.
"You're not going in there," yells Zayn.
"But-" Liam says. Louis and Harry are in there. Zayn knows that.
"Not you, too," says Zayn.
"Don't you fucking dare," snaps Niall. He sticks his head into the hole, shouting for Louis and Harry in case they can't see him through the smoke.
Liam's pulse is so loud in his ears that he can't hear a thing, which is strange, because it also feels as if his heart has stopped beating entirely. His hands are numb and his head is buzzing, and Zayn's hands tight around his arm are the only things anchoring him to the earth. "Make them come out," says Liam desperately. "Niall, go and get them-"
"Here, they're here!" says Niall, reaching through the hole. He pulls out Harry, coughing and covered in soot. He's got two puppies in his arms, yowling and crying. Harry stumbles and falls to his knees. He's coughing like he can't breathe at all. Niall disappears for a moment and then reappears with his arm around Louis, holding another dog.
Liam's heart starts beating again.
"I couldn't-" Harry starts, but he's coughing too hard to get through his sentence. "They were crying, I-"
"Shut up," says Zayn fiercely. He lets go of Liam and goes over to Harry instead, and Niall and Louis stumble over and Liam is somehow there too, even though he can't remember moving. All five of them fall into a heap on the ground, arms round each other, coughing and eyes watering, trying to breathe.
Liam's got Harry half in his lap and Zayn's arm round his shoulder and Louis on his other side and Niall's elbow in his stomach. The fire is still crackling and he can hear the Johnsons and Paul yelling, but the only thing Liam's brain is telling him is that he can hear the other four boys breathing - coughing, choking, wheezing, but breathing -- and it's the most beautiful sound he's ever heard.
***
Mr. Johnson and Paul manage to put the fire out before the entire barn burns up, but it's a smoky, sodden mess and half the front is gone. In the morning all the neighbors come to see what the damage is and they bring food for the Johnsons and offers to help rebuild.
Liam hasn't slept a wink. All five of them are still covered in soot and Harry's cheeks are streaked where he was crying last night, but he's passed out on the couch with his head on Louis' lap, and Louis is fast asleep as well, head on Zayn's shoulder. Niall's on the floor, snoring. None of them wanted to go to their own rooms.
"Boys," says Mr. Johnson, and everyone stirs. Watery yellow light is spilling in through the window. There had been some shouting last night, but they've been waiting for the actual trouble. Last night had been mostly checking to make sure no one was dead. (Harry had cried straight through until the mummy dog turned up.) This morning Liam expects much worse. There is a ball of ice in Liam's stomach that won't go away. He promised his mum he'd be good, but he thinks it's rather more important that he look after these boys.
"What happened?" asks Paul. He looks exhausted, and his limp's got worse from running all over last night. He looks right at Louis and Harry. Anyone would.
Liam doesn't consciously decide to say anything, but he hears his voice speaking anyway. "I wanted to see the puppies."
Everyone looks at him.
"I got a candle because I wanted to see the puppies and I went out to the barn and I… I must have put it down too near the hay," says Liam.
The other boys are only barely awake, blinking at him in confusion. Mr. Johnson frowns at him, and so does Paul. Liam is absolutely certain this is the right thing to do, though. If someone has to leave he'd rather it was him. Harry can't cope without Louis. Liam can handle being on his own, but he can't say goodbye to anyone else. He's tired of people leaving him behind all the time.
"You burned down the barn?" Mr. Johnson asks. It's not really a question, though, and he's frowning as if he must have heard wrong.
"I'm sorry," says Liam, and it isn't hard to look sorry because he is. "It was an accident. I'm really… I'm really, really sorry."
Mr. Johnson and Paul exchange a look. Louis is frowning, too, and Harry sits up and starts to mumble, "Liam, don't-" until Louis puts his hand not very discreetly over Harry's mouth.
Mr. Johnson turns to Liam and says, "You know there'll be punishment, right? Something serious."
It's clearly a challenge; Mr. Johnson thinks Liam is lying. "Of course. I deserve it," says Liam. He feels miserable over the whole night anyway. They might have died.
"Whippings and rats in the cellar and bread and water-" Paul starts.
He's obviously exaggerating but Liam might be the only one awake enough to realize. "That's not fair," Niall starts. Zayn's only just dragging himself awake but he looks horrified, and Harry looks like he might cry again.
"Liam," says Louis quietly, half a question and half an apology.
"I don't mind," says Liam, and it's true.
***
Liam is banished to the attic, all by himself, for two weeks. The Johnsons are more disappointed about the barn than truly angry, and they certainly suspect Liam is lying and it was really Harry and Louis messing about. But Liam failed to crack under interrogation and has agreed to all the punishments that were supposed to make him confess. The Johnsons are particularly bad at scaring him because they simply aren't cruel people. And anyway once Liam has set his mind to something it's hard to make him change it. He could live in the attic on bread and water forever, as long as no one else has to leave.
The attic isn't so bad, honestly. There are books and a bed and it's a bit dim but he can sit by the window and read, and anyway it's the first time since they got to the farm that he's had more than thirty seconds of quiet. Now that he's seen the other lads drunk there, it's barely scary at all. Actually it's a bit comforting to know that Louis isn't about to sneak up behind him and make him spill tea all over himself for the first time in six weeks.
Only, if Liam's being honest, it's awfully boring. At least when he was running after Harry trying to stop him falling out of a tree and into the duck pond, or making sure Niall didn't eat all the food in the kitchen, or stopping Harry from daring Zayn to climb onto the roof, or trying to stop Louis wearing Mrs. Johnson's brassiere as a hat, he didn't have time to be homesick or miss his sisters, and now he's got hours and hours to read really dull old books and look out the window and wonder if everyone back in London is all right.
It's so quiet. Liam can hear Louis and Harry shrieking sometimes, when the wind is blowing in just the right direction. But otherwise it's just hours and hours and days of nothing, with occasional visits from the Johnsons or Paul. They give Liam terribly disappointed looks and Liam pretends not to notice, because it could have been so much worse. Liam just has to worry about not going mad from boredom.
The first rock hits the window with a little plink noise; the second one is larger and startles Liam into flinching away from the window. He hasn't been looking at his book so much as staring off into space for the last... really long time, apparently, so it takes him a moment to get his eyes to refocus on the roof outside. He hadn't realized the sun had started setting.
Louis is sitting there with a handful of pebbles and a cheeky grin.
Liam would think he's hallucinating, but Louis does enjoy climbing on things and breaking rules. "What are you doing?" Liam asks, but Louis just shrugs and then mimes opening the window. Liam shakes his head -- this is definitely not supposed to be allowed -- and Louis rolls his eyes and throws another, bigger rock.
He'll break the window if he keeps that up, Liam thinks grumpily. Well, actually he probably won't, but it's a good reason to open the window. "Go away," Liam hisses. "What if you fall off the roof and break your neck? What if someone hears you?"
Louis ignores this like he's ignored all of the completely sensible things Liam has said in the past six weeks. "How're you holding up? All right?" Louis says instead.
"You aren't supposed to be here," Liam says. He is horrified at how glad he is to see Louis, when he ought to be angry with him. This is technically all Louis and Harry's fault, especially the part where they could have died. Liam had planned to be angry about that for a long time. It turns out three days in solitary confinement is more than enough to make him crack.
"Well, I am here," said Louis unrepentantly. "You could sneak out, you know. The roof's nearly flat."
"No, it's not, there's that horrible gap where I'd break my neck, and I'm being punished," says Liam. He doesn't mean it as a rebuke but Louis winces and then Liam feels bad, even though it's partially his fault and so he ought to feel bad.
"We brought you biscuits," says Louis after a minute. "Shall I chuck them at you?"
"We?" Liam echoes. He hears Harry yell a faint, "Heya!" from somewhere further down the roof. "Well, that's... Um."
"Not very good biscuits, no sugar to be had, obviously, but there are some raisins. Better than nothing. Catch," says Louis, and throws a biscuit right at Liam's face. He catches it almost entirely out of instinct.
Liam says, "Thanks," and hopes it doesn't sound grudging or weird. He is working on his tendency to sound really stuffy around Louis. He doesn't mean it. Louis is just confusing.
"'Course," says Louis, shrugging again. "You really could sneak out, you know."
"No," says Liam. "We're all already in enough trouble. I'm just going to stay here and read and... And..." He flounders for something else he is going to do, but in the past three days he has learnt that there is literally nothing else to do in the attic room, unless he counts lying on his back on the floor and counting the beams in the roof. He's done that twice.
"Didn't really think so," says Louis. "That's all right. I've got a plan."
"No, your plans always get us in trouble," says Liam. He can't believe how much he has missed Louis being loud and stupid and obnoxious at him, but he has missed it desperately. It's like he lost a limb.
Possibly Louis doesn't hear this, or more likely he doesn't care, because he's started crawling across the roof. He effortlessly jumps the gap where he really ought to die, and climbs up underneath the ledge to Liam's window. "No," says Liam unconvincingly. "Stop that."
"Really?" Louis asks. His smile is bright but crooked, and there's a whisper of hesitancy there that Liam wouldn’t have noticed a few weeks ago. Louis leans on the window ledge and looks up at Liam. The breeze over the house ruffles Louis' hair and he nudges Liam's hand with his own. And Liam thinks…
Liam thinks a lot of things.
He can't say any of them, though, because he has missed Louis in ways he doesn't know how to articulate. So Liam switches to Louis' language and pretends to hit him. Louis laughs and ducks. "Oh god, please," says Liam. "Please come up."
Louis's smile goes brighter than Liam's ever seen it before, and he pushes himself up through the window and falls in a heap on the floor. Liam winces, sure the Johnsons must have heard that, but no one comes banging up the steps to see what the noise was.
"Hi," says Louis, picking himself up. "So, what can a fellow do for a good time around here?"
"Nothing," says Liam. "Absolutely nothing at all," and then Louis half-tackles, half-hugs him, arms tight around Liam's neck, and Liam can't even pretend to himself that this isn't the best moment he's had since they all got evacuated out of London.
***
Probably the Johnsons know that Niall and Zayn and Harry all sneak up over the next few nights. Zayn in particular isn't very quiet, because he keeps moaning about how he's going to fall to his death at any minute. Niall brings so much food with him he must have cleared out Mrs. Johnson's pantry. Harry smuggles a puppy up under his jumper, and when the poor little thing wakes up and starts barking Liam has a bit of a panic over what's going to happen when the Johnsons come upstairs to see what he's doing.
Only no one comes upstairs.
"We're not complete idiots," says Niall. "We did wait until Mrs. Johnson was out of the house. At least, she was earlier."
"Yes, but-" Liam says.
Louis knocks his shoulder against Liam's. "They're not going to check," he says quietly. "They're feeling awfully guilty about you."
"We ought to feel guilty," says Liam.
Louis is uncharacteristically quiet, sitting on the bed with his hands between his knees. "We've nearly rebuilt the barn," he says. "Just a couple more days and it'll be good as new, and I expect then they'll tell you never mind about all the punishment."
Liam's got a puppy on his lap and Zayn half-asleep on the attic floor and Harry and Niall arguing over a sandwich by the window. He can't imagine things could get much better than this, punishment or not. He doesn't like Louis being so quiet, though. Liam bumps Louis with his shoulder and then does it again when Louis doesn’t respond. "Everyone's fine, so it's all fine with me. Hey," says Liam. "Smile. Come on."
"I'm really sorry you got in trouble," says Louis.
"I'm not," says Liam. Louis looks skeptical. "I don't mind, honestly. This is all… I quite enjoy…" Liam waves a hand around helplessly. Harry tackles Niall in an effort to get half his sandwich and they land on Zayn, who groans, and that turns into a mostly-joking row that the Johnsons couldn't possibly miss hearing unless they are actively trying not to.
"I thought you'd enjoy the quiet," says Louis.
"It was awful," says Liam, pulling a face. He reaches over and squeezes Louis' hand. "Couldn't stand it."
Louis laughs. Liam really likes making him laugh. Louis is generally very confusing but Liam has worked out that he likes this, likes touching people for reassurance. It isn't something Liam has ever done with his friends before, but he can manage it if it makes Louis laugh. Louis beams at him and gives Liam a silly, sloppy kiss on the cheek.
Liam puts the puppy on the floor where it immediately becomes something else Harry and Niall are arguing over, mostly because it hides in Zayn's lap. "You're going to crush the puppy!" Zayn shouts.
"Yeah, Niall, stop!" Harry yells, grabbing at Niall's arm.
"If you touch my sandwich so help me I'll take your arm off!" Niall yells back, attempting to bite Harry.
Louis dives bodily between them, shoving Niall one way and Harry the other, and rolling on top of Zayn, who wails a protest about the poor dog. Harry pretends to bite Louis' ankle, and Louis shrieks and flails and almost kicks Niall in the face until Niall jumps on him, and there is a pile of boys rolling and kicking and shouting at each other.
"They can hear us," says Liam, laughing. He drags Zayn out from underneath everyone else because the puppy really doesn't deserve this, and Harry and Louis settle back into a fairly normal-for-them kiss-fight. Niall defensively shoves all the rest of his food into his mouth before anyone else can get it.
"Like having brothers, eh?" Louis asks from the floor. He's got Harry in a headlock and he's laughing at Liam. Liam shrugs and grins back at him because that is generally all he can manage with Louis.
"Not exactly," says Liam. "Better, maybe."