Stay Awake When I'm Asleep (Jesse Eisenberg/Andrew Garfield) 4/4
Title: Stay Awake When I'm Asleep
Fandom: TSN RPF (Jesse Eisenberg/Andrew Garfield)
previous
Jesse should have been looking at scripts or at least sending his agent a message about why he didn't like them, but instead he was halfway through Middlemarch and not planning to do anything else all day. The cats were chasing a bottle cap up and down the hall and NPR was playing softly enough from his clock radio that he couldn't tell if he was listening to Fresh Air or Radiolab. Jesse's apartment in New York was a little bit dark and a lot cozy, and he had the lights off so he could read sitting underneath the window.
There was a knock on his door and his phone beeped simultaneously, which was unprecedentedly weird. Jesse frowned and picked up his phone, which said "Andrew." "What's up?" Jesse asked, trying to sound entirely calm although he hadn't actually talked to Andrew since he'd flown home a couple of weeks before.
"This is odd, but," Andrew's voice said, while Jesse walked over to check who was outside his door, "are you home by any chance?" Jesse could hear Harry crying over the phone, but it sounded weirdly doubled, like the phone was going haywire or something.
"Yeah," said Jesse, "Why? Hang on." He looked out through the peep hole and… Oh. That was why the baby sounded weird. He was outside the door.
Jesse undid all three locks on his door and threw it open. Andrew was wearing a leather jacket and holding Harry on his hip, with a gigantic diaper bag resting in a car seat on the steps next to him. He looked tired and anxious and gorgeous. "Hi," said Andrew. "This is awful, I know, but there were photographers waiting at the hotel and they make Harry cry, and I couldn't - I didn't know what to do so I told the cab to come here." Harry had been crying but he perked up when he saw Jesse, and Jesse… Well. It made his heart do funny things in his chest.
"Of course, come in." He started to pick up the bags but when he leaned past Andrew Harry reached out with both hands and made a sad, demanding noise. It bypassed all the logical thoughts in Jesse's brain somehow and he reached for Harry instead.
"Oh," said Andrew, helping Jesse take Harry. Jesse didn't know what that 'oh' meant; if Andrew was happy that Harry remembered him, or sad that Harry wanted someone else to hold him, or just relieved to have his arms free.
Harry grabbed Jesse's hoodie with one hand and his hair with the other. "Oww," said Jesse, trying politely to disentangle his fingers. Harry said something that certainly might have been Jesse's name, if Jesse was willing to pretend hard enough.
"He wouldn't sleep on the plane," said Andrew, sounding exhausted. He picked up the bags and followed Jesse into his apartment. "He wouldn't nap in the cab, and then the flashing cameras woke him up completely again, and I'm sorry for showing up like this."
"Stop it," said Jesse. "Of course you came here. Where are your suitcases and stuff?"
"They were sent to the hotel," Andrew sighed. "This trip has barely started and it's already a disaster." He flopped onto Jesse's couch and leaned back, putting an arm over his eyes. "My mum told me to leave Harry with her in L.A. and I was going to, but then I got ready to go and I… I mean, I just couldn't. He cried."
Jesse snorted. "Am I supposed to be surprised by that?" He wrestled Harry out of his coat while Harry enthusiastically tried to kick his shoes off.
"Amma," said Harry clearly, tugging on Jesse's hair. "Amma!"
"That means yummy, I think," said Andrew. "Which means he wants a snack. He's got a couple more words now. It's a good sign, right? He's starting to talk more."
Jesse shooed a startled cat off the table so Harry had space. The cats gathered in the corner of the kitchen to stare balefully at the tiny interloper. Jesse fished a cup of applesauce out of the diaper bag and Harry squealed.
"Traveling with a baby isn't supposed to be easy, is it?" Jesse said.
"An entire aeroplane full of people hate me. I'm going to be one of those celebrities, the ones that everyone talks about and hates. He just cried and cried and the flight attendants were glaring at me. It was awful."
Jesse sort of doubted that; he had a feeling that every woman on the plane had pulled out her phone as soon as they landed and texted something like, OMG, Andrew Garfield is the world's cutest daddy!!!
"You're in town for Letterman?" Jesse asked. Andrew made a groaning noise that was probably an affirmative. Jesse offered Harry a spoonful of applesauce. He resisted the urge to make a flying airplane noise, because Andrew was right there, watching him. "I mean, it's sort of presumptuous, so you don’t have to, obviously. But if the photographers don't go away from your hotel relatively soon you could always… This is weird. But you could always take him to my mom's house."
Andrew went still and then sat up straighter on the couch. "Jesse, she's never even met Harry."
Jesse shrugged a little. "I don't think she'd mind. She has a whole attic full of baby toys because she never threw them out after my sister got too big for them, and she… Well. She likes you a lot. She'll like Harry a lot."
Halfway through the applesauce Harry began pushing Jesse's hand away and saying, "No, no." He kicked a little and Jesse picked him up again.
"He should nap," said Andrew.
"I'll put him down on my bed," said Jesse. "Let me walk him around a little bit until he gets sleepier." He carried Harry up and down the hall, bouncing him a little and humming almost under his breath. Harry started to sag against Jesse's shoulder, getting some residue applesauce stickiness all over Jesse's t-shirt. The cats followed Jesse, waving their tails anxiously, but he shooed them away because cats and babies weren't always a fantastic mix. Harry's fingers went limp in Jesse's hair and his breathing started to even out, hot little puffs of breath against Jesse's neck. He woke up again when Jesse put him down, but not enough to do more than cry once before Jesse put him on the bed and arranged the blankets around him so he wouldn't roll off.
Andrew was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, watching Jesse with a funny, fond smile. "Shh," said Jesse, inexplicably starting to blush. "Don't wake him up." He pushed Andrew back toward the living room, leaving the bedroom door slightly ajar behind him.
"He missed you," said Andrew.
Jesse shrugged. "We spent a lot of time together. Want some water or something?"
"Sounds good," said Andrew, sitting down and then popping right back up again. Jesse rolled his eyes and got them both glasses. Andrew hovered just behind him, being really oddly fidgety.
"Is everything okay?" Jesse asked.
Andrew laughed tiredly. "Other than my disaster of a trip and not having slept in a few days? Everything's fine. It's… Um… I…" He trailed off.
"What?" Jesse asked. "You have to know it's fine with me if you come here with Harry. Any time. Obviously."
"Yeah, I just…" Andrew laughed again. "Come and sit down with me for a minute." He grabbed Jesse's hand and pulled him over to the couch, and Jesse went with him, head tilted because Andrew was acting really oddly.
"Okay," said Andrew. He turned the glass of water in his hands around and around and around. "Have I… Have I ever told you sometimes I find you absolutely terrifying?"
"What?" Jesse blinked. "No! That's insane. I'm the most harmless person alive. Six-year-old girls could steal my lunch money."
Andrew laughed and shook his head. "No, I mean… You're really smart. You're such a brilliant actor, and you're so smart and funny and you have this way of dissecting things to make it obvious how stupid they are without even trying. And given the number of completely stupid things I do and say on a daily basis, sometimes I think it's… Sometimes I'm amazed you put up with me."
"That's insane," said Jesse. "I would never--"
"And you're even wonderful with Harry. I keep thinking, does Jesse need to be brilliant at one more thing I'm shit at? I couldn't get him to sleep at all, but he napped for you."
Jesse shrugged uncomfortably. "He was tired from a long day. Andrew, I'm not trying to show you up."
"I know. You're trying to help, which is just another way you're the most wonderful, generous person I know, and it's… It's scary, sometimes. Because I might say something and screw all that up and you'd go away, and I wouldn't… I couldn't handle that."
"I won't," Jesse promised.
Andrew smiled crookedly. "You did, though. You left."
Jesse inhaled sharply, horrified. "I didn't! Your mom was there, your place was really small, you needed your couch back-" he started, letting the words all trip over themselves.
Andrew put his hand on Jesse's knee and Jesse stopped talking. He hadn't realized he was bouncing his leg up and down anyway. "I thought I was being clear," said Andrew. He sounded a little sad. "When I asked you to stay, I didn't mean just as long as I needed a babysitter. I wanted you to stay with us and… Oh god, this is so unfair of me to tell you, now that I've got Harry. I was waiting for a right moment but then he happened and there isn't going to be one, ever, so I guess I'll have to use the wrong moment."
"Andrew," said Jesse carefully. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Andrew looked at him and then looked back down at the glass in his hand. "If things were normal, if I didn't have a baby and a disaster of a life, I would really like to take you on a date. Something stupid and girly and lovely, something you'd make fun of and I'd think was romantic. I've wanted to kiss you for a really long time, and I thought I could just… I don't know, trick you into staying with me and Harry in L.A., but you left and either you misunderstood me or you were hoping to let me down easily without actually having to tell me what an idiot you think I am." He looked up at Jesse again, tentative and tired and a little bit scared.
Jesse had no idea what to do. He'd heard Andrew's words but his brain kept clicking and restarting and it couldn't find any traction to understand them. "Oh," he said.
It was apparently the wrong thing to say. Andrew pulled his hand away and looked back at his glass.
Jesse forced himself to keep breathing. "A date," said Jesse, voice shaking. "You and me."
Andrew shrugged. "I just thought. It would be nice. We could-"
Jesse leaned over and tentatively put one hand on Andrew's cheek, turning Andrew's face back toward his. Andrew's eyes were huge and a little scared. Jesse's mouth was so close to Andrew's that their lips were almost touching, but not quite. The last couple of centimeters were making Jesse's heart try to pound out of his chest. "You can kiss me without a date," said Jesse quietly. "I'm easy." Andrew wrinkled up his nose and started to laugh, and Jesse's heart soared so he leaned forward and kissed him.
Andrew made a gorgeous, delighted noise and dropped his glass of water - somewhere a cat made a protesting noise - shifting forward. He pressed himself against Jesse and tangled his hand in Jesse's hair. Jesse kissed him harder, just in case Andrew changed his mind somehow, or Jesse screwed everything up, or there was a sudden natural disaster.
"But I'd like to take you on a date," Andrew said insistently, between kisses. "I'm really good at them, actually."
Jesse felt that if Andrew was thinking about other things while they were kissing then he was doing it wrong, at least a little bit. He slid his hands down Andrew's shoulders and pushed at his jacket until Andrew turned and let Jesse pull it off. Jesse had been thinking about this forever, and there were very specific places on Andrew's body he'd wanted to put his mouth on for a lot longer than he was willing to admit to himself. The place where Andrew's throat met his shoulder was one of them.
"Ohhhh," said Andrew, tipping his head back. "But I haven't showered since the plane, and the baby-"
"Stop that," said Jesse, pushing him back into the cushions a little. Andrew went willingly, sinking back on his elbows. Jesse hadn't really been planning to climb on top of him but he wasn't against the idea of touching Andrew all over, either.
"I smell," said Andrew.
"You smell like you," Jesse answered. He wasn't sure how to explain to Andrew how attractive that was. Jesse felt a little stupid getting hard just from kissing Andrew, from running his hands along Andrew's arms, from smelling him up so close. Part of it was adrenaline, too; trying to touch Andrew as much as he could now that he was suddenly allowed to, and feeling like he needed to rush before it went away again.
Andrew tilted his head a little bit, giving Jesse better access just the way the cats did when they wanted to be petted. Jesse kissed his neck and then sucked on the skin there, resisting the urge to sink his teeth in. He didn't really think Andrew wanted to explain red marks on his neck when he went on Letterman. He ran his hands up underneath Andrew's shirt instead, marveling at how warm Andrew was, how solid the muscles of his stomach were. Jesse wasn't out of shape, but he wasn't Spider-man, either.
Andrew made a noise that Jesse would have teased him about under other circumstances. "Oh god, you have to stop that, I can't-" Andrew said, grabbing Jesse's face with both hands and pulling him up into another kiss. Jesse moved his thumb into the dip just above Andrew's hip bone and Andrew groaned, a soft little, "Uh, uh," noise and his hips stuttered up against Jesse.
Was Andrew too tall to have sex on the couch, Jesse wondered, and then, was Andrew the kind of guy who had sex before he even went on the first date? Was Jesse taking advantage of how tired he was? Was Andrew subconsciously just letting Jesse kiss him because he knew, deep down somewhere, that he needed help with Harry and Jesse was willing to volunteer? Andrew would never do that on purpose, but-
"You're thinking, I can hear you," said Andrew. He rested his forehead against Jesse's, breathing a little bit hard. His lips were pink and bitten and his cheeks were flushed and he had one hand on Jesse's face, rubbing his thumb back and forth along his jaw and curling his fingers into Jesse's hair. Jesse wanted to crawl into his lap and stay there forever.
"I can't help it," said Jesse. "Things like this don't happen to me. Well. In the movies they do, I guess. Are you reading a script or something? Can I flip ahead and see how it ends?"
Andrew chuckled. "It ends well," he said. "I promise. Please stop panicking about whatever you're panicking about. I've been wanting this forever and I'd be so disappointed if you didn't enjoy it."
"I'm enjoying it," Jesse promised. "You have no idea."
"Don't I?" Andrew asked, with a wicked little grin, one of his hands wandering toward the buttons on Jesse's jeans.
In the next room Harry started to cry.
Jesse scrambled up off Andrew and the couch. "Shit," he said. "We can't do this."
"He'll fall asleep again," said Andrew, running a hand through his hair so it stuck straight up.
Jesse shook his head. "I can't do this with him in the next room, and the cats…" He pointed at them. They'd been staring the whole time.
Andrew groaned and hid his face in his hands. "I knew the baby was going to be a deal breaker. Oh, god."
"Wait, just - Hold that thought," said Jesse. He went into the bedroom and made sure Harry had fallen back asleep, and the came back to the living room. He crouched in front of Andrew, his hands on Andrew's knees. His brain gave him a quick flash of all the other things he wanted to do crouching in front of Andrew like this, but then one of the cats meowed and brought him back to earth.
"Listen," said Jesse, and Andrew looked up at him, half-amused and half-embarrassed. "Harry isn't a deal breaker for me. I don't think there would be a deal breaker, honestly. I can't think of a single thing you could possibly do that would discourage me. If you wanted me to move in and just be the nanny while you dated a bunch of improbably hot L.A. starlets I'd do it, because I'm that pathetic. Throw in some pity-kissing and I'd basically… I'm still trying to figure out how I'm hallucinating you showing up at my door like this."
"Oh," said Andrew faintly. "That's… Jesse, that's lovely. Well, not the part where you think I'd use you and lead you on, but the sentiment, I mean." He waved one hand around and Jesse caught it, lacing his fingers through Andrew's.
Jesse bit his lip so he wouldn't laugh. "I'm not saying you would, just that if you wanted to I'd still be in."
"I wouldn't," said Andrew earnestly, and Jesse had to kiss him again. Andrew reached down and tried to pull Jesse up and onto his lap.
"I seriously can't have sex with you on the couch with other mammals in the house," Jesse said, stopping him. Andrew snorted. "But I still think - Remember, I said my mom could watch Harry while you do those interviews? I bet she'd watch him while you took me on a date, too."
Andrew's eyes went wide. "Would she? That would be amazing. Would she approve, do you think? I don't know anywhere I'd take you around here-"
"Maybe I should take you out," said Jesse, feeling suddenly brave. This was an unearned reward he'd stumbled across somehow, and he needed to take advantage while he was allowed. "You need to go back uptown for the interview, don't you?"
Andrew nodded and bit his lip. "Do I look like I've been ravished on a couch?" he asked. "I sort of hope I do."
"I hope you don't by the time you get there," said Jesse. "I'll watch Harry today. Come back tonight with your suitcases and stuff. If you want to, I mean. Um. That sounded presumptuous, I didn't mean to presume."
"Please presume," said Andrew, quietly delighted, and kissed him again.
--
"You've met her before. Stop fidgeting," said Jesse. He shifted the diaper bag to his other shoulder so he could drag both suitcases up the driveway without dropping anything.
It was dark and a little bit cold outside, and the nearest houses' lights were partially hidden behind trees and hedges. Harry said something that sounded a lot like, "Namf a bloor bagin."
"Being introduced to someone is quite a bit different than asking them to babysit and also confessing you've got designs on their only son." Andrew hitched Harry up higher on his hip. "This isn't a casual visit."
Jesse's mom threw the door open. The light from inside the house blinded Jesse temporarily. Long enough for her to come charging down the steps with her arms flung wide. "Oh my goodness, Andrew! I haven't seen you since the Oscars, have I? And who is this charming little prince?" She stopped just short of snatching Harry from Andrew, but Jesse could see she was itching to.
"Hi, mom," said Jesse.
She was totally enraptured by Harry, who squealed and reached out to try and steal her glasses. "Harry, no," said Andrew. "This is Jesse's mummy. Can you say hi?"
"Hi," said Harry.
"Oh, you precious little angel!" Jesse's mom said. "Would you like to come say hi to me? Come say hi to grammy." She held her hands out and Harry giggled. "May I? I would like to steal your baby."
"Of course," said Andrew. He turned to Jesse and mouthed, 'grammy?' Jesse just shook his head. He could have told Andrew that was going to happen. There was a funny conflict going on inside his chest, where part of him was thrilled at how his mother was so happy with Andrew's son, and part of him was already trying to figure out what he'd tell her when Andrew changed his mind about Jesse.
"I have toys and a piano and a puppy to play with and I made cookies just for you, sweetheart." She beeped Harry's nose and he giggled again. "Don't worry; the cookies are made with applesauce and honey instead of sugar and oil. And they're in tiny little pieces so he can't choke."
"I… I hadn't been worried," said Andrew, looking a little bit run over. She carried Harry up the stairs and into the house. Andrew turned to Jesse, wide-eyed. "Oh my god, Jesse. Your mum."
"Sometimes she picks up total strangers' babies in the park. She has an attic full of old toys and by now she's probably already gotten her guitar out to start teaching him songs about recycling and saving the whales. Is that… Yes, I think that's Baby Beluga I hear her singing."
Andrew just stared at him. "She doesn't - She didn't even - 'Grammy' means what I think it does, doesn't it?"
"Yup," said Jesse. "Hey, mom! Can I borrow the car? I'm taking Andrew out to dinner," he shouted, dragging the suitcase up the steps to the door. He glanced over at Andrew to make sure that was okay, and Andrew smiled at him.
"Take him somewhere nice," she called back. "Make sure they have cloth napkins and a good wine list. I'm showing Harry the finger puppet theater!"
Andrew started laughing and couldn't seem to stop; he leaned against the wall and tipped his head back and Jesse stood there, stupidly enjoying the way Andrew laughed with his whole body.
"Do you have to be up early tomorrow for press?" Jesse asked. "Or can I keep you out?" It occurred to him that sex wasn't going to be any easier to manage in his old bedroom with his mom a couple of doors down. Maybe it would have to wait until they got back to L.A.
Andrew's giggles got worse. He gasped for breath a little bit. "I'm free -- until later."
Jesse shouted, "Mom, all of Harry's stuff is here by the door. I'm going to keep Andrew out really late, don't wait up!"
"Harry and I will be just fine," she said, leaning around the door from the kitchen. "Now Andrew, you make sure he pays for dinner and both of you use protection. You can never be too safe."
Andrew looked like he was in danger of actually passing out from not breathing. "Mom," said Jesse. "Please." He grabbed her keys off the coffee table.
Harry was chewing on a finger puppet. "Bye bye," he said, waving. She held him up so he could give Andrew a messy kiss on the cheek.
"Bye," said Jesse. He grabbed Andrew's hand and pulled him toward the door. "Quick, before she starts giving sex advice. If I'd had dates in high school she would have ruined every one."
"Thank you," Andrew managed and then Jesse pulled him out the door. Andrew laughed all the way down the steps and the driveway. "Your mum's fantastic."
"You say that because you never had to be a teenage boy living in her house. She came to my school and did assemblies on recycling. Dressed as a clown. Playing guitar."
"That-- that sounds amazing," Andrew said, collapsing in giggles again. Jesse rolled his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn't grin back at him.
Jesse unlocked the door on his mom's hybrid Honda and held it open for Andrew. "I'm supposed to be a gentleman," he said. His hands were starting to shake a little bit. Jesse felt like he'd woken up inside a dream and he was trying very, very hard not to notice that his math class was taking place on a roller coaster so he wouldn't accidentally wake up.
"Thanks," said Andrew, and then instead of climbing into the car he backed Jesse up against it. Andrew put his hands on the car on either side of Jesse's shoulders and leaned in, looming just a little. "I can't believe how lucky I am," Andrew said quietly and kissed him.
Jesse groaned and tried not to melt completely into the car. "But-" he said, turning his head.
"But nothing," said Andrew, chasing Jesse's mouth with his own. It was hard to resist that, and harder to resist the way Andrew sighed happily and opened his mouth wider, the way he moved his legs between Jesse's and rocked his hips forward. The back door handle was digging into Jesse's hip and he tried to focus on that.
"But," Jesse repeated more firmly, putting his hands on Andrew's hips and trying to push him back to get a little space. He was sure he'd be able to form coherent thoughts if he just had an inch or two between himself and Andrew. "This is a first date," Jesse said, trying to sound stern. "You've got a kid, and you live in L.A., and you're trying to stay out of the news, which dating me definitely won't help you do. You need to think about this. Is it worth it? Is this even a good idea?"
"Yes," said Andrew shortly. He kissed the side of Jesse's mouth and the scrape of his stubble against Jesse's skin made all the words vanish out of Jesse's brain again. He turned his mouth blindly toward Andrew's and let Andrew kiss him until he couldn't breathe.
"I… I had a point," said Jesse vaguely, eventually.
"Your point was crap," said Andrew. His hands had migrated up under Jesse's shirt and he was scratching his thumbnail back and forth across Jesse's ribs. Jesse couldn't get his breathing back under control.
"It's too cold to have sex out here," he blurted.
Andrew twisted his mouth in the way that meant he was trying not to burst out laughing. "Are you worried we might?" he asked. "Right here, right now?"
"Yes," said Jesse. "Stop it, we have to talk about this. You're a dad, you can't just-"
"Throw myself at every attractive man who wanders by and happens to be really gifted with children and secretly pining for me?"
Jesse managed to shove him back half a step. "I hate you."
"This isn't spur of the moment," Andrew said. "Just because I was too scared to say anything for a long time doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about it. I've got a PhD in pining myself."
"I'm not going to do anything until we talk about this," said Jesse firmly. He managed to wiggle out from under Andrew's hands. "Get in the car and let's go to dinner and talk." He wanted a table between him and Andrew, because he was likely to forget why he thought this was a bad idea if Andrew was close enough to touch. He'd always been distracted by Andrew's mouth. Tonight it was making his brain go numb.
Dinner was good, except once Andrew realized Jesse was trying to avoid touching him he got a lot more ridiculous about sucking on his spoon and trying to brush his leg against Jesse's under the table. Jesse had every intention of actually talking about whether any of this was a good idea but Andrew was infuriatingly serene and uninterested in talking about consequences.
"Now what?" Andrew asked, doing absolutely obscene things with his tongue over the last bite of tiramisu. Jesse's neck got hot just watching him. "You promised to keep me out late."
"Mostly because if we go home my mom is going to want to know what we're doing, and I don't know what we're doing. Stop it, Andrew, people are staring."
"Are they?" Andrew asked breezily. "You should probably take me home, then."
"I'm not having sex with you at my mom's house," Jesse said, mildly scandalized.
Andrew laughed. "You won't have sex with me at your apartment. You won't have sex outside. Now we can't have sex at your mum's house. You'd better have a plan D, Jesse, because I've been waiting ages."
"I have good reasons for all of those things. Maybe we should wait until we get back to L.A.-"
"You're not going back with me on Friday, and my mum is there anyway, so that's out. I'm not waiting weeks."
Jesse said stubbornly, "Maybe it's better that way. You can really think about it, and about what it means, and if you really, really want to."
Andrew reached over and put his hand on top of Jesse's. "Jess," he said firmly, "I'm not going to change my mind."
"You might," Jesse insisted, a little embarrassed.
"I won't. I thought about it for ages. If you're not turned off by the fact that I've got a baby I'd be an idiot not to cling to the person Harry and I love best. I'm not going to suddenly realize this was a mistake, or wake up tomorrow full of regrets."
"Those are perfectly rational things to be worried about."
"A better thing to worry about is where you're going to take me when we finish our wine," said Andrew. "I think our only option at the moment is the backseat of your mum's car. I'm game if you are."
"No," said Jesse. "Absolutely not. First of all, you're too tall."
"But flexible," Andrew pointed out.
"No," Jesse repeated. "Secondly, I'm not sixteen. I guess… I guess we can go to a hotel."
"Oooh," said Andrew delightedly. "How sordid."
Jesse's face was so red he felt like he might spontaneously combust. "It's logical. I'm just trying to make plans."
"Take me to a hotel," said Andrew quietly. "Somewhere with no babies or mothers or cats."
"Check, please," said Jesse, twisting in his chair to find a waiter. Andrew laughed.
--
They got two rooms. Jesse was pretty sure the guy at the check-in desk recognized them, but even in the town where he'd grown up people mostly pretended not to know him. He started to stutter something about how the paparazzi had been following them in New York, so they'd come out of the city, but Andrew rolled his eyes and grabbed the card keys and dragged him upstairs. "No one cares," he said. "You're just making it look suspicious."
"It is suspicious," said Jesse, but Andrew unlocked the door and pushed Jesse up against the wall and swallowed all of his other objections.
Jesse wanted to ask if this was a good idea, but once he had Andrew pressed against him he didn't care anymore. Andrew rocked his hips up against Jesse and Jesse could feel that he was already half-hard; it had to be uncomfortable in tight black jeans, he thought, and almost made a joke, but he forgot when Andrew started touching him. Jesse pulled his shirt off so quickly he almost popped a button off. Then he slid his hands underneath Andrew's sweater.
"Relax," said Andrew, kissing his neck. "There's no rush."
There was, Jesse thought; either one of them might realize what a bad idea this was, or how it might screw everything up, or what Jesse's mother was going to say when they didn't come home. "You wanted sordid," he said instead. "I rented the room by the hour."
Andrew started to giggle, which was problematic when he was also trying to kiss Jesse. "I'm not that kind of boy," Andrew said. Jesse slid his hands up Andrew's chest and pushed his sweater up. Andrew took half a step back and pulled it off. His hair stuck up at amazing angles, and Jesse took a moment to admire it before Andrew started undoing Jesse's jeans and distracted him completely. "I want you naked," said Andrew, shoving at his jeans and shorts.
"No one wants me naked," Jesse objected. "You - you're the super hero, you're the one who does all those naked sex movies."
"What naked sex movies?" Andrew snorted.
"Your ass is in like, half of your movies," Jesse said. He couldn't get the button on Andrew's jeans open because they were so damn tight. "I'm not objecting, I'm just saying. Clearly, people will pay to see you naked. Me, not so much."
"Fools," said Andrew. "All of them." He kissed Jesse again, pressing their bare chests together, warm and electric.
"Are your jeans actually painted on? I thought that was just an expression," Jesse said despairingly. Andrew laughed and undid the buttons, pushing them down with a hip shimmy.
"See? Too tight," said Jesse. He reached over to help because he was very invested in getting Andrew naked, but as soon as his hand brushed Andrew's dick through his underwear Andrew shivered and stopped moving. "Okay?" Jesse asked cautiously. He was naked and Andrew was almost naked and it seemed like a bad time to have to stop and ask if they both had the same end-game in mind. But then, Jesse had had good manners drilled into him as a child, and it wasn't like those went away just because sex was involved.
"It's fine," said Andrew tightly. His face was flushed and his voice was starting to sound a little strained. "Just. Please don’t laugh. Your hands."
"My hands?" Jesse echoed, trying to work that out.
"I um, I really like them," said Andrew, looking down.
Jesse swallowed hard. He brushed his knuckles across the front of Andrew's underwear and Andrew shuddered. "Okay," said Jesse. "I can work with that. Jesus, how long does it take you to get these pants on in the morning?"
"They aren't that tight," Andrew objected, trying and failing to shove them the rest of the way off. Jesse laughed and dropped to his knees, pulling Andrew's jeans and underwear down with him. Andrew went still again.
"Step out," Jesse coaxed, not looking up. If he looked up he was going to stop feeling confident about what he was doing. After a tiny hesitation Andrew pulled his leg up and Jesse rolled the jeans down. "Other leg. There. See? Naked is much better." He bit his lip and put his hands on Andrew's ankles, looking up. Andrew was watching him, pink-cheeked and not really breathing. Jesse slid his hands up the outside of Andrew's legs, letting his thumbs brush the front of his thighs, not quite touching his cock. Andrew made a quiet, needy sound and then bit his lip, too, like he was worried Jesse would stop if he startled him.
There was something intrinsically fascinating about having someone else's dick right there. Jesse knew his own pretty well, but this was Andrew's, it was practically magical. He pushed Andrew's hips back against the wall with one hand and let his other hand roam, ghosting his fingers along the top of Andrew's thigh, wrapping them softly around the base of his dick. He tightened them experimentally and Andrew made another cut-off, almost desperate noise. He had his hands flat against the wall behind him, fingers turning white from the pressure.
Jesse pulled his hand down the shaft, cataloging quietly the way Andrew's cock felt, how heavy it was, how warm it was, how twisting his hand made Andrew gasp. He ran his thumb along the head and grinned when it made Andrew go up on the balls of his feet for a second. Jesse let his hand linger there for a minute and then dropped both hands down to his thighs.
He tilted his head quizzically. "When you said you liked my hands," Jesse asked quietly, "was that because you thought saying anything about my mouth would be rude?"
"Possibly. And you're a sadist," Andrew said, clenching his teeth.
"I could try it, if that's what you're into."
Andrew laughed. "Just… Just do something, stop faffing about."
"Faffing," Jesse echoed, fascinated. "Is that what you call this in England?" He put his hand back around the base of Andrew's cock and waited for him to stop moving.
"Jesse, come on," Andrew whined. Jesse's dick twitched a little bit between his legs. He wanted to make Andrew whine and beg and tilt his hips forward like that all the time. Jesse took a deep breath and told himself to calm down; Andrew was too much of a gentleman to let a favor go unreturned. He leaned forward and breathed gently on Andrew's cock, fascinated by how red it was, how it curved a little, how Andrew's breathing was getting ridiculously fast and he'd barely even touched it yet. "Jesse, please," Andrew said raggedly.
Jesse was, in his own humble estimation, a pretty champion dick sucker. There hadn't been that many to experiment on, but when he got the chance he really enjoyed it. He had a feeling he wouldn't get too long with Andrew, at least not tonight, because Andrew's chest was heaving, and when Jesse braced himself with his other hand against Andrew's thigh he moaned and hiccuped. Mostly what Jesse liked about sucking someone's dick was the way it made them so responsive, so focused on him, which was a little selfish but hey; they were getting their dick sucked. Jesse wanted all of Andrew's attention all the time anyway; it wasn't like this was different.
Either Jesse was better than he remembered being or Andrew had been close to coming before he began; a couple of twists of his hand, a few long, wet sucks, and running his tongue along the bottom for friction was all it took. Andrew gasped and made a broken, incoherent noise, curling in on himself, and Jesse grimaced and spat on the carpet. He'd have to pay for that later, probably.
"Should have gotten a towel," he said reflectively.
Andrew sank toward the floor, trying to breathe and laugh and keep his eyes even halfway open all at once. "Oh god," he said. "I should have known. Even during sex you're completely you."
"Sorry?" Jesse hazarded. His erection was getting sort of painful and his knees hurt from the hotel carpet. Mostly he wanted to look at Andrew, sprawled out and flushed and gorgeous like that.
"No, no. It's reassuring. It's lovely. Give me half a minute, I'll return the favor."
"It occurs to me that we paid for a bed," said Jesse thoughtfully.
"Huh," said Andrew. "So we did." He took a deep breath and pushed himself up. "Come on, this way."
"I didn't mean you had to move right this second," Jesse pointed out, but Andrew struggled to his feet and dragged Jesse with him.
If Andrew had come surprisingly fast, Jesse barely needed to be touched at all; Andrew pushed him down on the bed and crawled on top of him, hands and mouth everywhere all at once. Jesse had imagined Andrew naked enough times that Andrew didn't get farther than kissing his nipples, hand on Jesse's cock, before Jesse saw white spots and heat curled up the base of his spine, down his legs and up through his stomach, leaving him a little cold and shaky all over, utterly unable to move.
"Pretend that took longer," mumbled Jesse. Words were hard, and he mostly wanted to lie there and float for the rest of his life, but it was important to try and salvage some dignity, because he wanted to do this again.
"I will if you will," said Andrew, curling up next to him. He used a sock to clean them both up, which was so ridiculously teenaged that Jesse would have laughed if he'd had the energy. Andrew wrapped his leg around Jesse's and put his head on Jesse's shoulder and rested his hand on top of Jesse's stomach, idly running his fingers back and forth.
"I suspect," said Jesse, carding his fingers through Andrew's hair, "that we might need to practice that."
"David Fincher style," said Andrew, mock-seriously. "At least a hundred takes."
"It's a good thing the room isn't really rented by the hour."
Andrew started to laugh, rolling over to bury his face against Jesse's shoulder. Jesse thought that a hundred was definitely not going to be enough.
--
Andrew's phone woke Jesse up. He knew it wasn't his this time, but he still groped for it and blinked blearily until the shapes started resolving themselves into letters. Light was coming in through the window because they'd forgotten to close the blackout shades.
"Not yet," mumbled Andrew, curling up next to Jesse under the blankets.
"Why is Justin drunk texting you?" Jesse asked. "Specifically, why is he drunk texting you 'What kid offlow dose Emma like?'"
Andrew sat up and looked at his phone in confusion. "I think… I think that's autocorrect for 'what kind of flowers does Emma like?' Oh god. I knew it."
"Knew what?" Jesse asked blankly. He wasn't awake and his brain wasn't working yet.
"Emma and Justin. There's something going on." Andrew pushed his hair out of his face and it stood up at amazing angles.
Jesse blinked at him. " Wait. Emma and Justin?"
"She said it was all for publicity, but I had my suspicions," said Andrew gleefully. "She kept getting texts from someone and rolling her eyes and she wouldn't let me see who."
"That's either the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, or the most amazing. Why is he texting you?" Jesse asked.
"I think you are witnessing Justin's attempt to woo her," said Andrew. "The world is a strange and magical place, Jesse."
"Huh," said Jesse, thinking about that for a minute until he was distracted by Andrew rolling on top of him.
"Good morning," said Andrew cheerfully.
"Hi," said Jesse.
"It's just, last time we did this you told me you slept better on the couch, and I wanted to make sure this time was better," Andrew explained.
"Well," said Jesse, pretending to consider. "I don't know that I actually slept that well, or that much. I was fairly distracted most of the night. I'm saying… five out of ten."
Andrew pushed himself up like he was considering being annoyed. "That had better be the score for the bed or something."
"Consider it incentive to do better next time," said Jesse, deadpan, and then couldn't help laughing when Andrew pretended to bite his nose. Biting turned into kissing and kissing turned into groping. Jesse was considering just how many hours they could spend in bed together before he'd have to give in and call room service for nourishment when Andrew abruptly sat up.
"Your hair is like magic," Jesse marveled.
"Shh, stop it, not right now," said Andrew, turning a little red. "I've left Harry with your mum all night, oh god. That's so irresponsible."
Jesse pushed himself up on his elbows. "She knew we were staying out late. She put him to bed."
"But it's almost seven; he'll be awake by now and I'm not back." Andrew scrambled out of bed and started picking his clothes up off the floor, which Jesse thought was a real shame. But then, it was probably better to be a supportive boyfriend and help Andrew hurry back home instead of whining about Andrew not wanting to have sex all day.
It occurred to Jesse that he wasn't sure he was Andrew's boyfriend. "Am I your boyfriend?" he asked. This kind of conversation was a lot easier after coffee.
"Yes, obviously," said Andrew, and threw Jesse's shirt at him.
"Oh," said Jesse. "Well, that was easy." Andrew was already dressed and looking at him impatiently, arms crossed. Jesse sighed and got out of bed.
Jesse thought it looked pretty suspicious, both of them checking out so early; plus if anyone bothered to look, his room obviously hadn't been slept in. But Andrew was in no mood to linger and Jesse liked keeping Andrew happy. He broke a few laws speeding home and for once Andrew didn't complain.
As they walked in the door Harry looked up from his high chair in the kitchen and burst out crying. Andrew scooped him up and started apologizing while Harry wailed and clutched his shirt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I'm back now, it's okay," Andrew said.
Jesse's mom looked at them bemusedly. "He was fine all morning," she said. "I wasn't torturing him, I promise. We were enjoying a nice banana."
"No, he's just… He's sensitive," said Andrew. Harry was getting snot all over his shirt and he didn't appear to care, which was the real test of parenthood in Jesse's mind. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I won't go away like that again. You see? I couldn't leave him in L.A." Harry stopped crying as hard, but he was still sniffling tragically and clinging to Andrew. It was very cute, except for Jesse's suspicion that Harry was going to be a horror when he learned to use words to manipulate Andrew, not just big sad eyes.
"Have you two had breakfast?" Jesse's mom asked. "I won't ask where you spent the night."
"Breakfast would be great," said Jesse, hoping to head that conversation off before it began.
"I just hope the two of you had a good honest conversation first," she went on. "It's very important to communicate openly with your partner. No, no, I'll go make food. You stay here, don't bother helping."
It was amazing how she could work a guilt trip in to any conversation. "Mom-" Jesse started.
"Thank you so much for watching him," Andrew said. She smiled and patted his cheek and went into the kitchen. Andrew whispered, "She's a little frightening."
"I know," said Jesse. "Believe me, I know."
Harry pulled on the collar of Andrew's shirt. "Daddy," he said clearly, and then, "da da da da."
Andrew's eyes got huge and he looked at Harry uncertainly, and then over at Jesse. "Oh my god," he said. "That's not… He isn't…"
"Sounded like it to me," said Jesse.
"Oh," said Andrew, a little faintly. He sat down on the couch. Harry crawled off his lap and slipped to the floor so he could play with his blocks.
Jesse frowned a little. "Are you okay?"
Andrew shook his head. "I'm fine," he said. "I'm… Jesse, what am I going to do?"
"Press in the city later with Emma?" Jesse hazarded. "Definitely try and find out if she's hooking up with Justin."
Andrew ignored him. "What if this is all a horrible mistake? I don't know what I'm doing, and Harry thinks I do. He trusts me. And I haven't got the vaguest idea what I ought to… I mean, how should I… I mean, what was I thinking?"
Jesse sat down next to him on the couch. "You know what I like about this relationship? I'm not the only one who's freaking out all the time."
Andrew laughed reluctantly. "Shut up. I'm not freaking out. He called me daddy."
"Daddy," Harry parroted, banging two blocks together.
"You didn't really think he'd call you Andrew, did you?" Jesse asked.
"I wasn't thinking about it at all! Jesse, god, what about all the things you were saying last night? You live on the east coast and I'm only here for work, and my family's mostly in Surrey, and of course it'll be a scandal when people find out about us, and I haven't got a nanny or a big enough house or-or-- or-- "
Jesse was allowed to kiss Andrew to make him stop talking now, so he did. Andrew kept trying to talk for a minute, hands flapping around a little, until eventually he subsided and kissed Jesse back instead.
"Are you always this much of a wreck after a first date?" Jesse asked, when he felt like Andrew wasn't in too much danger of bursting into tears or screaming.
"You're making fun of me, I can't believe you-" Andrew started. Harry said something very angry to one of his blocks and threw it on the floor. Andrew leaned over and picked it back up for him.
"I can't make all your problems go away, but I can make you laugh," Jesse said. "That's the best I can do right now. You love Harry and you'll do your best to take care of him, and I already promised I wasn't going anywhere. So you can take this as slow as you want, or tell me you need to put it on hold while you figure out stuff in the rest of your life. It's okay, I swear."
Andrew started to say something and stopped and bit his lip instead. "I just," he said. "I want to do this right. With Harry, with you, with everything."
"You might have to settle for doing it as well as you can right now," Jesse said. "We'll figure everything else out as we go along, I guess."
Harry tugged on Andrew's jeans and Andrew picked him up for a minute. Harry almost immediately changed his mind and twisted to be put back down. "Do you think your mother coached him to say daddy?" Andrew asked thoughtfully.
"Almost definitely." He could smell bacon and pancakes from the kitchen and his stomach rumbled in anticipation.
Andrew laughed and put his head on Jesse's shoulder, wrapping his arm around Jesse's waist. "I really resent you being so sensible and calm," he said, not sounding resentful at all.
"You know me," said Jesse. "I worry about getting every little thing right. Do you have any idea how long I've had to figure out how to be your best possible boyfriend? Days. Months. Years."
"Now you're just trying to make me feel better," said Andrew fondly. "Keep going; it's lovely."
"I will," said Jesse. "I promise."
Fandom: TSN RPF (Jesse Eisenberg/Andrew Garfield)
previous
Jesse should have been looking at scripts or at least sending his agent a message about why he didn't like them, but instead he was halfway through Middlemarch and not planning to do anything else all day. The cats were chasing a bottle cap up and down the hall and NPR was playing softly enough from his clock radio that he couldn't tell if he was listening to Fresh Air or Radiolab. Jesse's apartment in New York was a little bit dark and a lot cozy, and he had the lights off so he could read sitting underneath the window.
There was a knock on his door and his phone beeped simultaneously, which was unprecedentedly weird. Jesse frowned and picked up his phone, which said "Andrew." "What's up?" Jesse asked, trying to sound entirely calm although he hadn't actually talked to Andrew since he'd flown home a couple of weeks before.
"This is odd, but," Andrew's voice said, while Jesse walked over to check who was outside his door, "are you home by any chance?" Jesse could hear Harry crying over the phone, but it sounded weirdly doubled, like the phone was going haywire or something.
"Yeah," said Jesse, "Why? Hang on." He looked out through the peep hole and… Oh. That was why the baby sounded weird. He was outside the door.
Jesse undid all three locks on his door and threw it open. Andrew was wearing a leather jacket and holding Harry on his hip, with a gigantic diaper bag resting in a car seat on the steps next to him. He looked tired and anxious and gorgeous. "Hi," said Andrew. "This is awful, I know, but there were photographers waiting at the hotel and they make Harry cry, and I couldn't - I didn't know what to do so I told the cab to come here." Harry had been crying but he perked up when he saw Jesse, and Jesse… Well. It made his heart do funny things in his chest.
"Of course, come in." He started to pick up the bags but when he leaned past Andrew Harry reached out with both hands and made a sad, demanding noise. It bypassed all the logical thoughts in Jesse's brain somehow and he reached for Harry instead.
"Oh," said Andrew, helping Jesse take Harry. Jesse didn't know what that 'oh' meant; if Andrew was happy that Harry remembered him, or sad that Harry wanted someone else to hold him, or just relieved to have his arms free.
Harry grabbed Jesse's hoodie with one hand and his hair with the other. "Oww," said Jesse, trying politely to disentangle his fingers. Harry said something that certainly might have been Jesse's name, if Jesse was willing to pretend hard enough.
"He wouldn't sleep on the plane," said Andrew, sounding exhausted. He picked up the bags and followed Jesse into his apartment. "He wouldn't nap in the cab, and then the flashing cameras woke him up completely again, and I'm sorry for showing up like this."
"Stop it," said Jesse. "Of course you came here. Where are your suitcases and stuff?"
"They were sent to the hotel," Andrew sighed. "This trip has barely started and it's already a disaster." He flopped onto Jesse's couch and leaned back, putting an arm over his eyes. "My mum told me to leave Harry with her in L.A. and I was going to, but then I got ready to go and I… I mean, I just couldn't. He cried."
Jesse snorted. "Am I supposed to be surprised by that?" He wrestled Harry out of his coat while Harry enthusiastically tried to kick his shoes off.
"Amma," said Harry clearly, tugging on Jesse's hair. "Amma!"
"That means yummy, I think," said Andrew. "Which means he wants a snack. He's got a couple more words now. It's a good sign, right? He's starting to talk more."
Jesse shooed a startled cat off the table so Harry had space. The cats gathered in the corner of the kitchen to stare balefully at the tiny interloper. Jesse fished a cup of applesauce out of the diaper bag and Harry squealed.
"Traveling with a baby isn't supposed to be easy, is it?" Jesse said.
"An entire aeroplane full of people hate me. I'm going to be one of those celebrities, the ones that everyone talks about and hates. He just cried and cried and the flight attendants were glaring at me. It was awful."
Jesse sort of doubted that; he had a feeling that every woman on the plane had pulled out her phone as soon as they landed and texted something like, OMG, Andrew Garfield is the world's cutest daddy!!!
"You're in town for Letterman?" Jesse asked. Andrew made a groaning noise that was probably an affirmative. Jesse offered Harry a spoonful of applesauce. He resisted the urge to make a flying airplane noise, because Andrew was right there, watching him. "I mean, it's sort of presumptuous, so you don’t have to, obviously. But if the photographers don't go away from your hotel relatively soon you could always… This is weird. But you could always take him to my mom's house."
Andrew went still and then sat up straighter on the couch. "Jesse, she's never even met Harry."
Jesse shrugged a little. "I don't think she'd mind. She has a whole attic full of baby toys because she never threw them out after my sister got too big for them, and she… Well. She likes you a lot. She'll like Harry a lot."
Halfway through the applesauce Harry began pushing Jesse's hand away and saying, "No, no." He kicked a little and Jesse picked him up again.
"He should nap," said Andrew.
"I'll put him down on my bed," said Jesse. "Let me walk him around a little bit until he gets sleepier." He carried Harry up and down the hall, bouncing him a little and humming almost under his breath. Harry started to sag against Jesse's shoulder, getting some residue applesauce stickiness all over Jesse's t-shirt. The cats followed Jesse, waving their tails anxiously, but he shooed them away because cats and babies weren't always a fantastic mix. Harry's fingers went limp in Jesse's hair and his breathing started to even out, hot little puffs of breath against Jesse's neck. He woke up again when Jesse put him down, but not enough to do more than cry once before Jesse put him on the bed and arranged the blankets around him so he wouldn't roll off.
Andrew was leaning against the doorframe, arms crossed, watching Jesse with a funny, fond smile. "Shh," said Jesse, inexplicably starting to blush. "Don't wake him up." He pushed Andrew back toward the living room, leaving the bedroom door slightly ajar behind him.
"He missed you," said Andrew.
Jesse shrugged. "We spent a lot of time together. Want some water or something?"
"Sounds good," said Andrew, sitting down and then popping right back up again. Jesse rolled his eyes and got them both glasses. Andrew hovered just behind him, being really oddly fidgety.
"Is everything okay?" Jesse asked.
Andrew laughed tiredly. "Other than my disaster of a trip and not having slept in a few days? Everything's fine. It's… Um… I…" He trailed off.
"What?" Jesse asked. "You have to know it's fine with me if you come here with Harry. Any time. Obviously."
"Yeah, I just…" Andrew laughed again. "Come and sit down with me for a minute." He grabbed Jesse's hand and pulled him over to the couch, and Jesse went with him, head tilted because Andrew was acting really oddly.
"Okay," said Andrew. He turned the glass of water in his hands around and around and around. "Have I… Have I ever told you sometimes I find you absolutely terrifying?"
"What?" Jesse blinked. "No! That's insane. I'm the most harmless person alive. Six-year-old girls could steal my lunch money."
Andrew laughed and shook his head. "No, I mean… You're really smart. You're such a brilliant actor, and you're so smart and funny and you have this way of dissecting things to make it obvious how stupid they are without even trying. And given the number of completely stupid things I do and say on a daily basis, sometimes I think it's… Sometimes I'm amazed you put up with me."
"That's insane," said Jesse. "I would never--"
"And you're even wonderful with Harry. I keep thinking, does Jesse need to be brilliant at one more thing I'm shit at? I couldn't get him to sleep at all, but he napped for you."
Jesse shrugged uncomfortably. "He was tired from a long day. Andrew, I'm not trying to show you up."
"I know. You're trying to help, which is just another way you're the most wonderful, generous person I know, and it's… It's scary, sometimes. Because I might say something and screw all that up and you'd go away, and I wouldn't… I couldn't handle that."
"I won't," Jesse promised.
Andrew smiled crookedly. "You did, though. You left."
Jesse inhaled sharply, horrified. "I didn't! Your mom was there, your place was really small, you needed your couch back-" he started, letting the words all trip over themselves.
Andrew put his hand on Jesse's knee and Jesse stopped talking. He hadn't realized he was bouncing his leg up and down anyway. "I thought I was being clear," said Andrew. He sounded a little sad. "When I asked you to stay, I didn't mean just as long as I needed a babysitter. I wanted you to stay with us and… Oh god, this is so unfair of me to tell you, now that I've got Harry. I was waiting for a right moment but then he happened and there isn't going to be one, ever, so I guess I'll have to use the wrong moment."
"Andrew," said Jesse carefully. "What the hell are you talking about?"
Andrew looked at him and then looked back down at the glass in his hand. "If things were normal, if I didn't have a baby and a disaster of a life, I would really like to take you on a date. Something stupid and girly and lovely, something you'd make fun of and I'd think was romantic. I've wanted to kiss you for a really long time, and I thought I could just… I don't know, trick you into staying with me and Harry in L.A., but you left and either you misunderstood me or you were hoping to let me down easily without actually having to tell me what an idiot you think I am." He looked up at Jesse again, tentative and tired and a little bit scared.
Jesse had no idea what to do. He'd heard Andrew's words but his brain kept clicking and restarting and it couldn't find any traction to understand them. "Oh," he said.
It was apparently the wrong thing to say. Andrew pulled his hand away and looked back at his glass.
Jesse forced himself to keep breathing. "A date," said Jesse, voice shaking. "You and me."
Andrew shrugged. "I just thought. It would be nice. We could-"
Jesse leaned over and tentatively put one hand on Andrew's cheek, turning Andrew's face back toward his. Andrew's eyes were huge and a little scared. Jesse's mouth was so close to Andrew's that their lips were almost touching, but not quite. The last couple of centimeters were making Jesse's heart try to pound out of his chest. "You can kiss me without a date," said Jesse quietly. "I'm easy." Andrew wrinkled up his nose and started to laugh, and Jesse's heart soared so he leaned forward and kissed him.
Andrew made a gorgeous, delighted noise and dropped his glass of water - somewhere a cat made a protesting noise - shifting forward. He pressed himself against Jesse and tangled his hand in Jesse's hair. Jesse kissed him harder, just in case Andrew changed his mind somehow, or Jesse screwed everything up, or there was a sudden natural disaster.
"But I'd like to take you on a date," Andrew said insistently, between kisses. "I'm really good at them, actually."
Jesse felt that if Andrew was thinking about other things while they were kissing then he was doing it wrong, at least a little bit. He slid his hands down Andrew's shoulders and pushed at his jacket until Andrew turned and let Jesse pull it off. Jesse had been thinking about this forever, and there were very specific places on Andrew's body he'd wanted to put his mouth on for a lot longer than he was willing to admit to himself. The place where Andrew's throat met his shoulder was one of them.
"Ohhhh," said Andrew, tipping his head back. "But I haven't showered since the plane, and the baby-"
"Stop that," said Jesse, pushing him back into the cushions a little. Andrew went willingly, sinking back on his elbows. Jesse hadn't really been planning to climb on top of him but he wasn't against the idea of touching Andrew all over, either.
"I smell," said Andrew.
"You smell like you," Jesse answered. He wasn't sure how to explain to Andrew how attractive that was. Jesse felt a little stupid getting hard just from kissing Andrew, from running his hands along Andrew's arms, from smelling him up so close. Part of it was adrenaline, too; trying to touch Andrew as much as he could now that he was suddenly allowed to, and feeling like he needed to rush before it went away again.
Andrew tilted his head a little bit, giving Jesse better access just the way the cats did when they wanted to be petted. Jesse kissed his neck and then sucked on the skin there, resisting the urge to sink his teeth in. He didn't really think Andrew wanted to explain red marks on his neck when he went on Letterman. He ran his hands up underneath Andrew's shirt instead, marveling at how warm Andrew was, how solid the muscles of his stomach were. Jesse wasn't out of shape, but he wasn't Spider-man, either.
Andrew made a noise that Jesse would have teased him about under other circumstances. "Oh god, you have to stop that, I can't-" Andrew said, grabbing Jesse's face with both hands and pulling him up into another kiss. Jesse moved his thumb into the dip just above Andrew's hip bone and Andrew groaned, a soft little, "Uh, uh," noise and his hips stuttered up against Jesse.
Was Andrew too tall to have sex on the couch, Jesse wondered, and then, was Andrew the kind of guy who had sex before he even went on the first date? Was Jesse taking advantage of how tired he was? Was Andrew subconsciously just letting Jesse kiss him because he knew, deep down somewhere, that he needed help with Harry and Jesse was willing to volunteer? Andrew would never do that on purpose, but-
"You're thinking, I can hear you," said Andrew. He rested his forehead against Jesse's, breathing a little bit hard. His lips were pink and bitten and his cheeks were flushed and he had one hand on Jesse's face, rubbing his thumb back and forth along his jaw and curling his fingers into Jesse's hair. Jesse wanted to crawl into his lap and stay there forever.
"I can't help it," said Jesse. "Things like this don't happen to me. Well. In the movies they do, I guess. Are you reading a script or something? Can I flip ahead and see how it ends?"
Andrew chuckled. "It ends well," he said. "I promise. Please stop panicking about whatever you're panicking about. I've been wanting this forever and I'd be so disappointed if you didn't enjoy it."
"I'm enjoying it," Jesse promised. "You have no idea."
"Don't I?" Andrew asked, with a wicked little grin, one of his hands wandering toward the buttons on Jesse's jeans.
In the next room Harry started to cry.
Jesse scrambled up off Andrew and the couch. "Shit," he said. "We can't do this."
"He'll fall asleep again," said Andrew, running a hand through his hair so it stuck straight up.
Jesse shook his head. "I can't do this with him in the next room, and the cats…" He pointed at them. They'd been staring the whole time.
Andrew groaned and hid his face in his hands. "I knew the baby was going to be a deal breaker. Oh, god."
"Wait, just - Hold that thought," said Jesse. He went into the bedroom and made sure Harry had fallen back asleep, and the came back to the living room. He crouched in front of Andrew, his hands on Andrew's knees. His brain gave him a quick flash of all the other things he wanted to do crouching in front of Andrew like this, but then one of the cats meowed and brought him back to earth.
"Listen," said Jesse, and Andrew looked up at him, half-amused and half-embarrassed. "Harry isn't a deal breaker for me. I don't think there would be a deal breaker, honestly. I can't think of a single thing you could possibly do that would discourage me. If you wanted me to move in and just be the nanny while you dated a bunch of improbably hot L.A. starlets I'd do it, because I'm that pathetic. Throw in some pity-kissing and I'd basically… I'm still trying to figure out how I'm hallucinating you showing up at my door like this."
"Oh," said Andrew faintly. "That's… Jesse, that's lovely. Well, not the part where you think I'd use you and lead you on, but the sentiment, I mean." He waved one hand around and Jesse caught it, lacing his fingers through Andrew's.
Jesse bit his lip so he wouldn't laugh. "I'm not saying you would, just that if you wanted to I'd still be in."
"I wouldn't," said Andrew earnestly, and Jesse had to kiss him again. Andrew reached down and tried to pull Jesse up and onto his lap.
"I seriously can't have sex with you on the couch with other mammals in the house," Jesse said, stopping him. Andrew snorted. "But I still think - Remember, I said my mom could watch Harry while you do those interviews? I bet she'd watch him while you took me on a date, too."
Andrew's eyes went wide. "Would she? That would be amazing. Would she approve, do you think? I don't know anywhere I'd take you around here-"
"Maybe I should take you out," said Jesse, feeling suddenly brave. This was an unearned reward he'd stumbled across somehow, and he needed to take advantage while he was allowed. "You need to go back uptown for the interview, don't you?"
Andrew nodded and bit his lip. "Do I look like I've been ravished on a couch?" he asked. "I sort of hope I do."
"I hope you don't by the time you get there," said Jesse. "I'll watch Harry today. Come back tonight with your suitcases and stuff. If you want to, I mean. Um. That sounded presumptuous, I didn't mean to presume."
"Please presume," said Andrew, quietly delighted, and kissed him again.
--
"You've met her before. Stop fidgeting," said Jesse. He shifted the diaper bag to his other shoulder so he could drag both suitcases up the driveway without dropping anything.
It was dark and a little bit cold outside, and the nearest houses' lights were partially hidden behind trees and hedges. Harry said something that sounded a lot like, "Namf a bloor bagin."
"Being introduced to someone is quite a bit different than asking them to babysit and also confessing you've got designs on their only son." Andrew hitched Harry up higher on his hip. "This isn't a casual visit."
Jesse's mom threw the door open. The light from inside the house blinded Jesse temporarily. Long enough for her to come charging down the steps with her arms flung wide. "Oh my goodness, Andrew! I haven't seen you since the Oscars, have I? And who is this charming little prince?" She stopped just short of snatching Harry from Andrew, but Jesse could see she was itching to.
"Hi, mom," said Jesse.
She was totally enraptured by Harry, who squealed and reached out to try and steal her glasses. "Harry, no," said Andrew. "This is Jesse's mummy. Can you say hi?"
"Hi," said Harry.
"Oh, you precious little angel!" Jesse's mom said. "Would you like to come say hi to me? Come say hi to grammy." She held her hands out and Harry giggled. "May I? I would like to steal your baby."
"Of course," said Andrew. He turned to Jesse and mouthed, 'grammy?' Jesse just shook his head. He could have told Andrew that was going to happen. There was a funny conflict going on inside his chest, where part of him was thrilled at how his mother was so happy with Andrew's son, and part of him was already trying to figure out what he'd tell her when Andrew changed his mind about Jesse.
"I have toys and a piano and a puppy to play with and I made cookies just for you, sweetheart." She beeped Harry's nose and he giggled again. "Don't worry; the cookies are made with applesauce and honey instead of sugar and oil. And they're in tiny little pieces so he can't choke."
"I… I hadn't been worried," said Andrew, looking a little bit run over. She carried Harry up the stairs and into the house. Andrew turned to Jesse, wide-eyed. "Oh my god, Jesse. Your mum."
"Sometimes she picks up total strangers' babies in the park. She has an attic full of old toys and by now she's probably already gotten her guitar out to start teaching him songs about recycling and saving the whales. Is that… Yes, I think that's Baby Beluga I hear her singing."
Andrew just stared at him. "She doesn't - She didn't even - 'Grammy' means what I think it does, doesn't it?"
"Yup," said Jesse. "Hey, mom! Can I borrow the car? I'm taking Andrew out to dinner," he shouted, dragging the suitcase up the steps to the door. He glanced over at Andrew to make sure that was okay, and Andrew smiled at him.
"Take him somewhere nice," she called back. "Make sure they have cloth napkins and a good wine list. I'm showing Harry the finger puppet theater!"
Andrew started laughing and couldn't seem to stop; he leaned against the wall and tipped his head back and Jesse stood there, stupidly enjoying the way Andrew laughed with his whole body.
"Do you have to be up early tomorrow for press?" Jesse asked. "Or can I keep you out?" It occurred to him that sex wasn't going to be any easier to manage in his old bedroom with his mom a couple of doors down. Maybe it would have to wait until they got back to L.A.
Andrew's giggles got worse. He gasped for breath a little bit. "I'm free -- until later."
Jesse shouted, "Mom, all of Harry's stuff is here by the door. I'm going to keep Andrew out really late, don't wait up!"
"Harry and I will be just fine," she said, leaning around the door from the kitchen. "Now Andrew, you make sure he pays for dinner and both of you use protection. You can never be too safe."
Andrew looked like he was in danger of actually passing out from not breathing. "Mom," said Jesse. "Please." He grabbed her keys off the coffee table.
Harry was chewing on a finger puppet. "Bye bye," he said, waving. She held him up so he could give Andrew a messy kiss on the cheek.
"Bye," said Jesse. He grabbed Andrew's hand and pulled him toward the door. "Quick, before she starts giving sex advice. If I'd had dates in high school she would have ruined every one."
"Thank you," Andrew managed and then Jesse pulled him out the door. Andrew laughed all the way down the steps and the driveway. "Your mum's fantastic."
"You say that because you never had to be a teenage boy living in her house. She came to my school and did assemblies on recycling. Dressed as a clown. Playing guitar."
"That-- that sounds amazing," Andrew said, collapsing in giggles again. Jesse rolled his eyes and bit the inside of his cheek so he wouldn't grin back at him.
Jesse unlocked the door on his mom's hybrid Honda and held it open for Andrew. "I'm supposed to be a gentleman," he said. His hands were starting to shake a little bit. Jesse felt like he'd woken up inside a dream and he was trying very, very hard not to notice that his math class was taking place on a roller coaster so he wouldn't accidentally wake up.
"Thanks," said Andrew, and then instead of climbing into the car he backed Jesse up against it. Andrew put his hands on the car on either side of Jesse's shoulders and leaned in, looming just a little. "I can't believe how lucky I am," Andrew said quietly and kissed him.
Jesse groaned and tried not to melt completely into the car. "But-" he said, turning his head.
"But nothing," said Andrew, chasing Jesse's mouth with his own. It was hard to resist that, and harder to resist the way Andrew sighed happily and opened his mouth wider, the way he moved his legs between Jesse's and rocked his hips forward. The back door handle was digging into Jesse's hip and he tried to focus on that.
"But," Jesse repeated more firmly, putting his hands on Andrew's hips and trying to push him back to get a little space. He was sure he'd be able to form coherent thoughts if he just had an inch or two between himself and Andrew. "This is a first date," Jesse said, trying to sound stern. "You've got a kid, and you live in L.A., and you're trying to stay out of the news, which dating me definitely won't help you do. You need to think about this. Is it worth it? Is this even a good idea?"
"Yes," said Andrew shortly. He kissed the side of Jesse's mouth and the scrape of his stubble against Jesse's skin made all the words vanish out of Jesse's brain again. He turned his mouth blindly toward Andrew's and let Andrew kiss him until he couldn't breathe.
"I… I had a point," said Jesse vaguely, eventually.
"Your point was crap," said Andrew. His hands had migrated up under Jesse's shirt and he was scratching his thumbnail back and forth across Jesse's ribs. Jesse couldn't get his breathing back under control.
"It's too cold to have sex out here," he blurted.
Andrew twisted his mouth in the way that meant he was trying not to burst out laughing. "Are you worried we might?" he asked. "Right here, right now?"
"Yes," said Jesse. "Stop it, we have to talk about this. You're a dad, you can't just-"
"Throw myself at every attractive man who wanders by and happens to be really gifted with children and secretly pining for me?"
Jesse managed to shove him back half a step. "I hate you."
"This isn't spur of the moment," Andrew said. "Just because I was too scared to say anything for a long time doesn't mean I wasn't thinking about it. I've got a PhD in pining myself."
"I'm not going to do anything until we talk about this," said Jesse firmly. He managed to wiggle out from under Andrew's hands. "Get in the car and let's go to dinner and talk." He wanted a table between him and Andrew, because he was likely to forget why he thought this was a bad idea if Andrew was close enough to touch. He'd always been distracted by Andrew's mouth. Tonight it was making his brain go numb.
Dinner was good, except once Andrew realized Jesse was trying to avoid touching him he got a lot more ridiculous about sucking on his spoon and trying to brush his leg against Jesse's under the table. Jesse had every intention of actually talking about whether any of this was a good idea but Andrew was infuriatingly serene and uninterested in talking about consequences.
"Now what?" Andrew asked, doing absolutely obscene things with his tongue over the last bite of tiramisu. Jesse's neck got hot just watching him. "You promised to keep me out late."
"Mostly because if we go home my mom is going to want to know what we're doing, and I don't know what we're doing. Stop it, Andrew, people are staring."
"Are they?" Andrew asked breezily. "You should probably take me home, then."
"I'm not having sex with you at my mom's house," Jesse said, mildly scandalized.
Andrew laughed. "You won't have sex with me at your apartment. You won't have sex outside. Now we can't have sex at your mum's house. You'd better have a plan D, Jesse, because I've been waiting ages."
"I have good reasons for all of those things. Maybe we should wait until we get back to L.A.-"
"You're not going back with me on Friday, and my mum is there anyway, so that's out. I'm not waiting weeks."
Jesse said stubbornly, "Maybe it's better that way. You can really think about it, and about what it means, and if you really, really want to."
Andrew reached over and put his hand on top of Jesse's. "Jess," he said firmly, "I'm not going to change my mind."
"You might," Jesse insisted, a little embarrassed.
"I won't. I thought about it for ages. If you're not turned off by the fact that I've got a baby I'd be an idiot not to cling to the person Harry and I love best. I'm not going to suddenly realize this was a mistake, or wake up tomorrow full of regrets."
"Those are perfectly rational things to be worried about."
"A better thing to worry about is where you're going to take me when we finish our wine," said Andrew. "I think our only option at the moment is the backseat of your mum's car. I'm game if you are."
"No," said Jesse. "Absolutely not. First of all, you're too tall."
"But flexible," Andrew pointed out.
"No," Jesse repeated. "Secondly, I'm not sixteen. I guess… I guess we can go to a hotel."
"Oooh," said Andrew delightedly. "How sordid."
Jesse's face was so red he felt like he might spontaneously combust. "It's logical. I'm just trying to make plans."
"Take me to a hotel," said Andrew quietly. "Somewhere with no babies or mothers or cats."
"Check, please," said Jesse, twisting in his chair to find a waiter. Andrew laughed.
--
They got two rooms. Jesse was pretty sure the guy at the check-in desk recognized them, but even in the town where he'd grown up people mostly pretended not to know him. He started to stutter something about how the paparazzi had been following them in New York, so they'd come out of the city, but Andrew rolled his eyes and grabbed the card keys and dragged him upstairs. "No one cares," he said. "You're just making it look suspicious."
"It is suspicious," said Jesse, but Andrew unlocked the door and pushed Jesse up against the wall and swallowed all of his other objections.
Jesse wanted to ask if this was a good idea, but once he had Andrew pressed against him he didn't care anymore. Andrew rocked his hips up against Jesse and Jesse could feel that he was already half-hard; it had to be uncomfortable in tight black jeans, he thought, and almost made a joke, but he forgot when Andrew started touching him. Jesse pulled his shirt off so quickly he almost popped a button off. Then he slid his hands underneath Andrew's sweater.
"Relax," said Andrew, kissing his neck. "There's no rush."
There was, Jesse thought; either one of them might realize what a bad idea this was, or how it might screw everything up, or what Jesse's mother was going to say when they didn't come home. "You wanted sordid," he said instead. "I rented the room by the hour."
Andrew started to giggle, which was problematic when he was also trying to kiss Jesse. "I'm not that kind of boy," Andrew said. Jesse slid his hands up Andrew's chest and pushed his sweater up. Andrew took half a step back and pulled it off. His hair stuck up at amazing angles, and Jesse took a moment to admire it before Andrew started undoing Jesse's jeans and distracted him completely. "I want you naked," said Andrew, shoving at his jeans and shorts.
"No one wants me naked," Jesse objected. "You - you're the super hero, you're the one who does all those naked sex movies."
"What naked sex movies?" Andrew snorted.
"Your ass is in like, half of your movies," Jesse said. He couldn't get the button on Andrew's jeans open because they were so damn tight. "I'm not objecting, I'm just saying. Clearly, people will pay to see you naked. Me, not so much."
"Fools," said Andrew. "All of them." He kissed Jesse again, pressing their bare chests together, warm and electric.
"Are your jeans actually painted on? I thought that was just an expression," Jesse said despairingly. Andrew laughed and undid the buttons, pushing them down with a hip shimmy.
"See? Too tight," said Jesse. He reached over to help because he was very invested in getting Andrew naked, but as soon as his hand brushed Andrew's dick through his underwear Andrew shivered and stopped moving. "Okay?" Jesse asked cautiously. He was naked and Andrew was almost naked and it seemed like a bad time to have to stop and ask if they both had the same end-game in mind. But then, Jesse had had good manners drilled into him as a child, and it wasn't like those went away just because sex was involved.
"It's fine," said Andrew tightly. His face was flushed and his voice was starting to sound a little strained. "Just. Please don’t laugh. Your hands."
"My hands?" Jesse echoed, trying to work that out.
"I um, I really like them," said Andrew, looking down.
Jesse swallowed hard. He brushed his knuckles across the front of Andrew's underwear and Andrew shuddered. "Okay," said Jesse. "I can work with that. Jesus, how long does it take you to get these pants on in the morning?"
"They aren't that tight," Andrew objected, trying and failing to shove them the rest of the way off. Jesse laughed and dropped to his knees, pulling Andrew's jeans and underwear down with him. Andrew went still again.
"Step out," Jesse coaxed, not looking up. If he looked up he was going to stop feeling confident about what he was doing. After a tiny hesitation Andrew pulled his leg up and Jesse rolled the jeans down. "Other leg. There. See? Naked is much better." He bit his lip and put his hands on Andrew's ankles, looking up. Andrew was watching him, pink-cheeked and not really breathing. Jesse slid his hands up the outside of Andrew's legs, letting his thumbs brush the front of his thighs, not quite touching his cock. Andrew made a quiet, needy sound and then bit his lip, too, like he was worried Jesse would stop if he startled him.
There was something intrinsically fascinating about having someone else's dick right there. Jesse knew his own pretty well, but this was Andrew's, it was practically magical. He pushed Andrew's hips back against the wall with one hand and let his other hand roam, ghosting his fingers along the top of Andrew's thigh, wrapping them softly around the base of his dick. He tightened them experimentally and Andrew made another cut-off, almost desperate noise. He had his hands flat against the wall behind him, fingers turning white from the pressure.
Jesse pulled his hand down the shaft, cataloging quietly the way Andrew's cock felt, how heavy it was, how warm it was, how twisting his hand made Andrew gasp. He ran his thumb along the head and grinned when it made Andrew go up on the balls of his feet for a second. Jesse let his hand linger there for a minute and then dropped both hands down to his thighs.
He tilted his head quizzically. "When you said you liked my hands," Jesse asked quietly, "was that because you thought saying anything about my mouth would be rude?"
"Possibly. And you're a sadist," Andrew said, clenching his teeth.
"I could try it, if that's what you're into."
Andrew laughed. "Just… Just do something, stop faffing about."
"Faffing," Jesse echoed, fascinated. "Is that what you call this in England?" He put his hand back around the base of Andrew's cock and waited for him to stop moving.
"Jesse, come on," Andrew whined. Jesse's dick twitched a little bit between his legs. He wanted to make Andrew whine and beg and tilt his hips forward like that all the time. Jesse took a deep breath and told himself to calm down; Andrew was too much of a gentleman to let a favor go unreturned. He leaned forward and breathed gently on Andrew's cock, fascinated by how red it was, how it curved a little, how Andrew's breathing was getting ridiculously fast and he'd barely even touched it yet. "Jesse, please," Andrew said raggedly.
Jesse was, in his own humble estimation, a pretty champion dick sucker. There hadn't been that many to experiment on, but when he got the chance he really enjoyed it. He had a feeling he wouldn't get too long with Andrew, at least not tonight, because Andrew's chest was heaving, and when Jesse braced himself with his other hand against Andrew's thigh he moaned and hiccuped. Mostly what Jesse liked about sucking someone's dick was the way it made them so responsive, so focused on him, which was a little selfish but hey; they were getting their dick sucked. Jesse wanted all of Andrew's attention all the time anyway; it wasn't like this was different.
Either Jesse was better than he remembered being or Andrew had been close to coming before he began; a couple of twists of his hand, a few long, wet sucks, and running his tongue along the bottom for friction was all it took. Andrew gasped and made a broken, incoherent noise, curling in on himself, and Jesse grimaced and spat on the carpet. He'd have to pay for that later, probably.
"Should have gotten a towel," he said reflectively.
Andrew sank toward the floor, trying to breathe and laugh and keep his eyes even halfway open all at once. "Oh god," he said. "I should have known. Even during sex you're completely you."
"Sorry?" Jesse hazarded. His erection was getting sort of painful and his knees hurt from the hotel carpet. Mostly he wanted to look at Andrew, sprawled out and flushed and gorgeous like that.
"No, no. It's reassuring. It's lovely. Give me half a minute, I'll return the favor."
"It occurs to me that we paid for a bed," said Jesse thoughtfully.
"Huh," said Andrew. "So we did." He took a deep breath and pushed himself up. "Come on, this way."
"I didn't mean you had to move right this second," Jesse pointed out, but Andrew struggled to his feet and dragged Jesse with him.
If Andrew had come surprisingly fast, Jesse barely needed to be touched at all; Andrew pushed him down on the bed and crawled on top of him, hands and mouth everywhere all at once. Jesse had imagined Andrew naked enough times that Andrew didn't get farther than kissing his nipples, hand on Jesse's cock, before Jesse saw white spots and heat curled up the base of his spine, down his legs and up through his stomach, leaving him a little cold and shaky all over, utterly unable to move.
"Pretend that took longer," mumbled Jesse. Words were hard, and he mostly wanted to lie there and float for the rest of his life, but it was important to try and salvage some dignity, because he wanted to do this again.
"I will if you will," said Andrew, curling up next to him. He used a sock to clean them both up, which was so ridiculously teenaged that Jesse would have laughed if he'd had the energy. Andrew wrapped his leg around Jesse's and put his head on Jesse's shoulder and rested his hand on top of Jesse's stomach, idly running his fingers back and forth.
"I suspect," said Jesse, carding his fingers through Andrew's hair, "that we might need to practice that."
"David Fincher style," said Andrew, mock-seriously. "At least a hundred takes."
"It's a good thing the room isn't really rented by the hour."
Andrew started to laugh, rolling over to bury his face against Jesse's shoulder. Jesse thought that a hundred was definitely not going to be enough.
--
Andrew's phone woke Jesse up. He knew it wasn't his this time, but he still groped for it and blinked blearily until the shapes started resolving themselves into letters. Light was coming in through the window because they'd forgotten to close the blackout shades.
"Not yet," mumbled Andrew, curling up next to Jesse under the blankets.
"Why is Justin drunk texting you?" Jesse asked. "Specifically, why is he drunk texting you 'What kid offlow dose Emma like?'"
Andrew sat up and looked at his phone in confusion. "I think… I think that's autocorrect for 'what kind of flowers does Emma like?' Oh god. I knew it."
"Knew what?" Jesse asked blankly. He wasn't awake and his brain wasn't working yet.
"Emma and Justin. There's something going on." Andrew pushed his hair out of his face and it stood up at amazing angles.
Jesse blinked at him. " Wait. Emma and Justin?"
"She said it was all for publicity, but I had my suspicions," said Andrew gleefully. "She kept getting texts from someone and rolling her eyes and she wouldn't let me see who."
"That's either the most ridiculous thing I've ever heard, or the most amazing. Why is he texting you?" Jesse asked.
"I think you are witnessing Justin's attempt to woo her," said Andrew. "The world is a strange and magical place, Jesse."
"Huh," said Jesse, thinking about that for a minute until he was distracted by Andrew rolling on top of him.
"Good morning," said Andrew cheerfully.
"Hi," said Jesse.
"It's just, last time we did this you told me you slept better on the couch, and I wanted to make sure this time was better," Andrew explained.
"Well," said Jesse, pretending to consider. "I don't know that I actually slept that well, or that much. I was fairly distracted most of the night. I'm saying… five out of ten."
Andrew pushed himself up like he was considering being annoyed. "That had better be the score for the bed or something."
"Consider it incentive to do better next time," said Jesse, deadpan, and then couldn't help laughing when Andrew pretended to bite his nose. Biting turned into kissing and kissing turned into groping. Jesse was considering just how many hours they could spend in bed together before he'd have to give in and call room service for nourishment when Andrew abruptly sat up.
"Your hair is like magic," Jesse marveled.
"Shh, stop it, not right now," said Andrew, turning a little red. "I've left Harry with your mum all night, oh god. That's so irresponsible."
Jesse pushed himself up on his elbows. "She knew we were staying out late. She put him to bed."
"But it's almost seven; he'll be awake by now and I'm not back." Andrew scrambled out of bed and started picking his clothes up off the floor, which Jesse thought was a real shame. But then, it was probably better to be a supportive boyfriend and help Andrew hurry back home instead of whining about Andrew not wanting to have sex all day.
It occurred to Jesse that he wasn't sure he was Andrew's boyfriend. "Am I your boyfriend?" he asked. This kind of conversation was a lot easier after coffee.
"Yes, obviously," said Andrew, and threw Jesse's shirt at him.
"Oh," said Jesse. "Well, that was easy." Andrew was already dressed and looking at him impatiently, arms crossed. Jesse sighed and got out of bed.
Jesse thought it looked pretty suspicious, both of them checking out so early; plus if anyone bothered to look, his room obviously hadn't been slept in. But Andrew was in no mood to linger and Jesse liked keeping Andrew happy. He broke a few laws speeding home and for once Andrew didn't complain.
As they walked in the door Harry looked up from his high chair in the kitchen and burst out crying. Andrew scooped him up and started apologizing while Harry wailed and clutched his shirt. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean it, I'm back now, it's okay," Andrew said.
Jesse's mom looked at them bemusedly. "He was fine all morning," she said. "I wasn't torturing him, I promise. We were enjoying a nice banana."
"No, he's just… He's sensitive," said Andrew. Harry was getting snot all over his shirt and he didn't appear to care, which was the real test of parenthood in Jesse's mind. "I'm sorry, sweetheart, I won't go away like that again. You see? I couldn't leave him in L.A." Harry stopped crying as hard, but he was still sniffling tragically and clinging to Andrew. It was very cute, except for Jesse's suspicion that Harry was going to be a horror when he learned to use words to manipulate Andrew, not just big sad eyes.
"Have you two had breakfast?" Jesse's mom asked. "I won't ask where you spent the night."
"Breakfast would be great," said Jesse, hoping to head that conversation off before it began.
"I just hope the two of you had a good honest conversation first," she went on. "It's very important to communicate openly with your partner. No, no, I'll go make food. You stay here, don't bother helping."
It was amazing how she could work a guilt trip in to any conversation. "Mom-" Jesse started.
"Thank you so much for watching him," Andrew said. She smiled and patted his cheek and went into the kitchen. Andrew whispered, "She's a little frightening."
"I know," said Jesse. "Believe me, I know."
Harry pulled on the collar of Andrew's shirt. "Daddy," he said clearly, and then, "da da da da."
Andrew's eyes got huge and he looked at Harry uncertainly, and then over at Jesse. "Oh my god," he said. "That's not… He isn't…"
"Sounded like it to me," said Jesse.
"Oh," said Andrew, a little faintly. He sat down on the couch. Harry crawled off his lap and slipped to the floor so he could play with his blocks.
Jesse frowned a little. "Are you okay?"
Andrew shook his head. "I'm fine," he said. "I'm… Jesse, what am I going to do?"
"Press in the city later with Emma?" Jesse hazarded. "Definitely try and find out if she's hooking up with Justin."
Andrew ignored him. "What if this is all a horrible mistake? I don't know what I'm doing, and Harry thinks I do. He trusts me. And I haven't got the vaguest idea what I ought to… I mean, how should I… I mean, what was I thinking?"
Jesse sat down next to him on the couch. "You know what I like about this relationship? I'm not the only one who's freaking out all the time."
Andrew laughed reluctantly. "Shut up. I'm not freaking out. He called me daddy."
"Daddy," Harry parroted, banging two blocks together.
"You didn't really think he'd call you Andrew, did you?" Jesse asked.
"I wasn't thinking about it at all! Jesse, god, what about all the things you were saying last night? You live on the east coast and I'm only here for work, and my family's mostly in Surrey, and of course it'll be a scandal when people find out about us, and I haven't got a nanny or a big enough house or-or-- or-- "
Jesse was allowed to kiss Andrew to make him stop talking now, so he did. Andrew kept trying to talk for a minute, hands flapping around a little, until eventually he subsided and kissed Jesse back instead.
"Are you always this much of a wreck after a first date?" Jesse asked, when he felt like Andrew wasn't in too much danger of bursting into tears or screaming.
"You're making fun of me, I can't believe you-" Andrew started. Harry said something very angry to one of his blocks and threw it on the floor. Andrew leaned over and picked it back up for him.
"I can't make all your problems go away, but I can make you laugh," Jesse said. "That's the best I can do right now. You love Harry and you'll do your best to take care of him, and I already promised I wasn't going anywhere. So you can take this as slow as you want, or tell me you need to put it on hold while you figure out stuff in the rest of your life. It's okay, I swear."
Andrew started to say something and stopped and bit his lip instead. "I just," he said. "I want to do this right. With Harry, with you, with everything."
"You might have to settle for doing it as well as you can right now," Jesse said. "We'll figure everything else out as we go along, I guess."
Harry tugged on Andrew's jeans and Andrew picked him up for a minute. Harry almost immediately changed his mind and twisted to be put back down. "Do you think your mother coached him to say daddy?" Andrew asked thoughtfully.
"Almost definitely." He could smell bacon and pancakes from the kitchen and his stomach rumbled in anticipation.
Andrew laughed and put his head on Jesse's shoulder, wrapping his arm around Jesse's waist. "I really resent you being so sensible and calm," he said, not sounding resentful at all.
"You know me," said Jesse. "I worry about getting every little thing right. Do you have any idea how long I've had to figure out how to be your best possible boyfriend? Days. Months. Years."
"Now you're just trying to make me feel better," said Andrew fondly. "Keep going; it's lovely."
"I will," said Jesse. "I promise."