questions
ooc - this post locked against all but doc laylor.
The company shrink, ironically enough, has had a nervous breakdown. So there's a new head doctor in town; she's hot. But still annoying and still sending fucking questionaires for me to answer.
What would your life be, if it were a movie? Comedy, horror, drama, sci-fi? And who would play you?
My life? They wouldn't make a movie out've my life, sweetheart; I'm not the kinda person you'd see on a movie screen. I'd be the guy sitting next to you, watchin' you an' waitin' for the right minute to scare or kill you, depending on what my orders were.
I've been informed by Tseng--who was just reading over my shoulder, the dick--that I have to actually answer the question and stop trying to freak out the shrink. So I guess a dark drama/horror'd classify my life. I dunno who'd play me. Rude just suggested Kurt Somebody; said he's dead, though, and he was in a band, anyway, not an actor.
The world will end tomorrow. What do you do today?
March up to Heidigger and punch him in his annoyin' face. Throw Scarlet out've a window on the 70th floor. Drag Tseng drinkin' with me an' Rude; get him completely hammered. Then just drink an' fuck my way through the rest of the day.
Oh, wait, besides beating up my bosses an' getting my immediate boss completely drunk, that's how I spend a lot of my days. Look, when you've got a job like mine, you tend to live a little more on the edge; I guess I go through most days doing things like it's my last.
What's a typical day for you?
There ain't really a typical day for me; it's part of bein' a Turk. Maybe I'll sit around the lounge and wander the building, waiting for an assignment to come in. Maybe I'll take part in a fullscale assault on an anti-ShinRa gang's HQ. Fuck knows. There's no typical day. There's a good day, though; it's when things are interesting, but not interesting enough for me to end up in the hospital.
If you had the choice, would you live forever?
Nah. Defeats the purpose of being a Turk if you don't have the option of goin' out in a blaze of glory. Well, as close to glory as you can get being one of the bad guys, anyway.
If you could invent a holiday, what and when would it be? What special traditions would take place on that day?
Aww, hell, that's hard. I don't really care; any holiday's fine with me. They're good excuses to drink; not that I really need any excuses.
What is good and what is evil?
The Planet an' the Lifestream are good, I know that. An' ShinRa's sucking the life out've 'em, so that'd make it evil. I don't have any illusions; I know I'm evil. It's my job to be bad.
Tseng needs to keep his nose in his own godsdamn computer screen. That's apparently not enough of an answer for him; says it's examples, not definitions. Alright, fine. Something that hurts someone or something is evil, and something that helps someone or something is good.
What's more important - self preservation or forgiveness?
Does forgiveness have the instinct to know there's a guy behind me with a gun, an' to shoot him? No, it fuckin' doesn't. Who needs forgiveness; I'll take self-preservation any day.
What's better: democracy or monarchy?
Monarchy? Like what they've got in Wutai, with the lord an' all? Hell no. I don't like the idea of official classes; long live Midgar's unwritten but universally-known classes.
What's democracy?
If you could have dinner with anyone in all of history, who would it be, and why?
Pamela Anderson. For two great big reasons.
Who is your personal role model?
You tell him I said this, and I shit you not, shrink lady, I'll slit your throat so fast you won't know what fuckin' hit you. But I'd hafta say Tseng; he's smart, strong, calmer in a crisis than anybody I've ever met, an' one badass motherfucker. He's scary as hell when he wants to be.
What would constitute a "perfect" evening for you?
Oh fuck no. I've answered every single other one of these stupid questions; I'm not answering this one.
If you could live anywhere, where would you and why?
I know you want me to say "a little farm outside of Mideel" or somethin' like that, but it's not the truth. I like living in Midgar. I've lived here since I was born, an' while the times weren't always good, they were always here. I'm used to being here, now, an' besides, there's no other city-state on the Planet that can match Midgar's size; I like how big it is an' how easy it is to get lost in a crowd. I couldn't live in some tiny village with ten other families; I'd go psycho.
What have you most regretted losing?
My youngest brother.
What is the oddest gift you have been given?
Depends on your definition of the word "odd." I think one of the weirdest things I ever got was a teddy bear from some middle class aunt we never saw, that she sent to me for my eighth birthday. It was weird 'cause we needed so much that the idea of a stuffed animal was completely out there; we didn't have any money for fuckin' toys. You'd probably think the oddest gift I ever got was the electromag rod that Rude picked up for me in a tiny weapons shop in Wutai; it's basically a giant cattle prod. The man's quiet as hell, but he's got damn good instincts; I fuckin' love the thing.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Why? You interested?
How do you handle confrontations?
I prefer to handle 'em with violence. I've got control of myself, though, so it's not like I go nuts on people or anything. It all really depends on the mood I'm in; sometimes I think it's funny, and sometimes I'll get pissed. I like it that way; makes things--especially arguments--much more unpredictable an' interesting.
If you could change one moment in your past, what would it be?
There was some unpleasant stuff, yeah, but I wouldn't change a damn thing. I'm fine with where I am now, an' I wouldn't wanna fuck that up by changing one tiny thing.
What is the most important decision you've made in your life and why?
Joining the Turks, obviously. It's the only decision I've ever really gotten to make; everything else, I had no choice. If I hadn't said yes to Tseng's offer, I'd be back whoring in Sector 7 again, scraping for every gil coin. Instead, I'm livin' large on the Plate in a life that's like the lives of secret agents I saw when we used to sneak into movies as kids. It's a pretty damn big, important difference.
If you were left on a desert island, what three things would you take along?
A desert island? As in the Corel Prison Desert? I wouldn't fuckin' be there. A deserted island, maybe, if it was tropical. Then I'd bring a girl, booze, an' a 'copter so I could leave when I wanted.
Hearing, Sight, Taste, Touch, and Smell. The five senses. Which would be the worst one for you to lose, and why?
Hearing. In my line of work, you've gotta know what's goin' on around you, even if you're not lookin' at it. The others wouldn't be as hard to adapt to, and sight would be bad to lose, but if I was blind, my hearing would get better an' I could figure out what was goin' on by listenin'. You're skeptical, I know, but I've got proof. The Turk before me, a guy named Brody or Brady or somethin like that, was half-blind from an explosion he was caught in, an' he did just fine for three years afterward by relyin' on his hearing. I dunno what happened to him; Tseng looks at Rude when I ask, and Rude won't say a damn word about it. Then again, Rude won't say a damn word a lot of the time.
What is your favorite daydream, and why?
Nothin' you wanna know, sweetheart; you're thinking of a considerably more innocent form of daydream than I am, I think.
What do you want on your tombstone - and why?
I'm a Turk. We don't get tombstones. If I'm lucky, there'll be enough of me left to let the wind carry out over the ocean.
What makes you laugh?
You wouldn't think it to look at him, but Rude's a fuckin' riot; he cracks me up. I know it's psychotic, but I laugh a lot when I'm out on a job; there's just something about terrified and dying people that's hilarious.
How did you lose your virginity?
Turning tricks.
What is your New Year's Resolution?
Those resolutions are pointless; nobody ever keeps 'em, an' I don't have anything to resolve, anyway.
Is there ever a good reason to get blind drunk?
Yep. Plenty. An' you don't need a damn one of 'em. If you really wanna go out an' get drunk off your ass, do it. Who gives a shit why.
Do you feel that you were born with a predetermined role in society? If so, how do you feel about it?
If you're born in the slums, you're predetermined to be a slave to people born in the richer sectors and on the Plate. I always was and always will be one, whether I was making shoes for rich girls' feet, washing the plates and silverware of middle class diners in Sector 5, or doing a billionaire fat bald fuck's dirty work. I'm resigned to it; a little bitter, but mostly resigned. It's always been this way, an' it always will be.
What is your view on commitment?
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Thanks; that just made my day.
What's your favorite guilty indulgence?
I'm takin' you at your word that this is confidential, lady; if this gets out, I'll be the laughingstock of the building. My sister's 22 and divorced, with a seven-year-old, a six-year-old, and a four-year-old. Those two girls and one boy are my favorite guilty indulgence. They're an indulgence 'cause I feel guilty when I spend too much time around them; I kill people for a living and spend the rest of my time doin' shit that little kids shouldn't be exposed to. I feel like I'm corrupting them when I see 'em. Once in a while, though, my sister just goes nuts, needs a break, and drops 'em off at my door. I still can't believe she trusts me with 'em, but she does. An' then I have a helluva day with 'em, watching cartoons, playing videogames, and chasing 'em across the Sector.
The company shrink, ironically enough, has had a nervous breakdown. So there's a new head doctor in town; she's hot. But still annoying and still sending fucking questionaires for me to answer.
What would your life be, if it were a movie? Comedy, horror, drama, sci-fi? And who would play you?
My life? They wouldn't make a movie out've my life, sweetheart; I'm not the kinda person you'd see on a movie screen. I'd be the guy sitting next to you, watchin' you an' waitin' for the right minute to scare or kill you, depending on what my orders were.
I've been informed by Tseng--who was just reading over my shoulder, the dick--that I have to actually answer the question and stop trying to freak out the shrink. So I guess a dark drama/horror'd classify my life. I dunno who'd play me. Rude just suggested Kurt Somebody; said he's dead, though, and he was in a band, anyway, not an actor.
The world will end tomorrow. What do you do today?
March up to Heidigger and punch him in his annoyin' face. Throw Scarlet out've a window on the 70th floor. Drag Tseng drinkin' with me an' Rude; get him completely hammered. Then just drink an' fuck my way through the rest of the day.
Oh, wait, besides beating up my bosses an' getting my immediate boss completely drunk, that's how I spend a lot of my days. Look, when you've got a job like mine, you tend to live a little more on the edge; I guess I go through most days doing things like it's my last.
What's a typical day for you?
There ain't really a typical day for me; it's part of bein' a Turk. Maybe I'll sit around the lounge and wander the building, waiting for an assignment to come in. Maybe I'll take part in a fullscale assault on an anti-ShinRa gang's HQ. Fuck knows. There's no typical day. There's a good day, though; it's when things are interesting, but not interesting enough for me to end up in the hospital.
If you had the choice, would you live forever?
Nah. Defeats the purpose of being a Turk if you don't have the option of goin' out in a blaze of glory. Well, as close to glory as you can get being one of the bad guys, anyway.
If you could invent a holiday, what and when would it be? What special traditions would take place on that day?
Aww, hell, that's hard. I don't really care; any holiday's fine with me. They're good excuses to drink; not that I really need any excuses.
What is good and what is evil?
The Planet an' the Lifestream are good, I know that. An' ShinRa's sucking the life out've 'em, so that'd make it evil. I don't have any illusions; I know I'm evil. It's my job to be bad.
Tseng needs to keep his nose in his own godsdamn computer screen. That's apparently not enough of an answer for him; says it's examples, not definitions. Alright, fine. Something that hurts someone or something is evil, and something that helps someone or something is good.
What's more important - self preservation or forgiveness?
Does forgiveness have the instinct to know there's a guy behind me with a gun, an' to shoot him? No, it fuckin' doesn't. Who needs forgiveness; I'll take self-preservation any day.
What's better: democracy or monarchy?
Monarchy? Like what they've got in Wutai, with the lord an' all? Hell no. I don't like the idea of official classes; long live Midgar's unwritten but universally-known classes.
What's democracy?
If you could have dinner with anyone in all of history, who would it be, and why?
Pamela Anderson. For two great big reasons.
Who is your personal role model?
You tell him I said this, and I shit you not, shrink lady, I'll slit your throat so fast you won't know what fuckin' hit you. But I'd hafta say Tseng; he's smart, strong, calmer in a crisis than anybody I've ever met, an' one badass motherfucker. He's scary as hell when he wants to be.
What would constitute a "perfect" evening for you?
Oh fuck no. I've answered every single other one of these stupid questions; I'm not answering this one.
If you could live anywhere, where would you and why?
I know you want me to say "a little farm outside of Mideel" or somethin' like that, but it's not the truth. I like living in Midgar. I've lived here since I was born, an' while the times weren't always good, they were always here. I'm used to being here, now, an' besides, there's no other city-state on the Planet that can match Midgar's size; I like how big it is an' how easy it is to get lost in a crowd. I couldn't live in some tiny village with ten other families; I'd go psycho.
What have you most regretted losing?
My youngest brother.
What is the oddest gift you have been given?
Depends on your definition of the word "odd." I think one of the weirdest things I ever got was a teddy bear from some middle class aunt we never saw, that she sent to me for my eighth birthday. It was weird 'cause we needed so much that the idea of a stuffed animal was completely out there; we didn't have any money for fuckin' toys. You'd probably think the oddest gift I ever got was the electromag rod that Rude picked up for me in a tiny weapons shop in Wutai; it's basically a giant cattle prod. The man's quiet as hell, but he's got damn good instincts; I fuckin' love the thing.
Do you believe in love at first sight?
Why? You interested?
How do you handle confrontations?
I prefer to handle 'em with violence. I've got control of myself, though, so it's not like I go nuts on people or anything. It all really depends on the mood I'm in; sometimes I think it's funny, and sometimes I'll get pissed. I like it that way; makes things--especially arguments--much more unpredictable an' interesting.
If you could change one moment in your past, what would it be?
There was some unpleasant stuff, yeah, but I wouldn't change a damn thing. I'm fine with where I am now, an' I wouldn't wanna fuck that up by changing one tiny thing.
What is the most important decision you've made in your life and why?
Joining the Turks, obviously. It's the only decision I've ever really gotten to make; everything else, I had no choice. If I hadn't said yes to Tseng's offer, I'd be back whoring in Sector 7 again, scraping for every gil coin. Instead, I'm livin' large on the Plate in a life that's like the lives of secret agents I saw when we used to sneak into movies as kids. It's a pretty damn big, important difference.
If you were left on a desert island, what three things would you take along?
A desert island? As in the Corel Prison Desert? I wouldn't fuckin' be there. A deserted island, maybe, if it was tropical. Then I'd bring a girl, booze, an' a 'copter so I could leave when I wanted.
Hearing, Sight, Taste, Touch, and Smell. The five senses. Which would be the worst one for you to lose, and why?
Hearing. In my line of work, you've gotta know what's goin' on around you, even if you're not lookin' at it. The others wouldn't be as hard to adapt to, and sight would be bad to lose, but if I was blind, my hearing would get better an' I could figure out what was goin' on by listenin'. You're skeptical, I know, but I've got proof. The Turk before me, a guy named Brody or Brady or somethin like that, was half-blind from an explosion he was caught in, an' he did just fine for three years afterward by relyin' on his hearing. I dunno what happened to him; Tseng looks at Rude when I ask, and Rude won't say a damn word about it. Then again, Rude won't say a damn word a lot of the time.
What is your favorite daydream, and why?
Nothin' you wanna know, sweetheart; you're thinking of a considerably more innocent form of daydream than I am, I think.
What do you want on your tombstone - and why?
I'm a Turk. We don't get tombstones. If I'm lucky, there'll be enough of me left to let the wind carry out over the ocean.
What makes you laugh?
You wouldn't think it to look at him, but Rude's a fuckin' riot; he cracks me up. I know it's psychotic, but I laugh a lot when I'm out on a job; there's just something about terrified and dying people that's hilarious.
How did you lose your virginity?
Turning tricks.
What is your New Year's Resolution?
Those resolutions are pointless; nobody ever keeps 'em, an' I don't have anything to resolve, anyway.
Is there ever a good reason to get blind drunk?
Yep. Plenty. An' you don't need a damn one of 'em. If you really wanna go out an' get drunk off your ass, do it. Who gives a shit why.
Do you feel that you were born with a predetermined role in society? If so, how do you feel about it?
If you're born in the slums, you're predetermined to be a slave to people born in the richer sectors and on the Plate. I always was and always will be one, whether I was making shoes for rich girls' feet, washing the plates and silverware of middle class diners in Sector 5, or doing a billionaire fat bald fuck's dirty work. I'm resigned to it; a little bitter, but mostly resigned. It's always been this way, an' it always will be.
What is your view on commitment?
BAHAHAHAHAHAHA.
Thanks; that just made my day.
What's your favorite guilty indulgence?
I'm takin' you at your word that this is confidential, lady; if this gets out, I'll be the laughingstock of the building. My sister's 22 and divorced, with a seven-year-old, a six-year-old, and a four-year-old. Those two girls and one boy are my favorite guilty indulgence. They're an indulgence 'cause I feel guilty when I spend too much time around them; I kill people for a living and spend the rest of my time doin' shit that little kids shouldn't be exposed to. I feel like I'm corrupting them when I see 'em. Once in a while, though, my sister just goes nuts, needs a break, and drops 'em off at my door. I still can't believe she trusts me with 'em, but she does. An' then I have a helluva day with 'em, watching cartoons, playing videogames, and chasing 'em across the Sector.