(no subject)
So it's the long weekend...I had a double sleepover-that can NEVER be bad. But then yesterday I came home and "A walk to remember" was on TBS. I watched it and it got me thinking...what if I never find love? does anybody love me? what if I never get married? and then that got me thinking about how much I miss my niece. I miss her so much. And that got me thinking about how if I had a baby, somebody would love me. but I know that's a horrible reason for wanting to have a kid...slash who would ever want to have a kid with me? nobody. That's who. And then that got me thinking about how much I miss my friends. I have these phases where i can think about them and be sad and then other time I think about them and get depressed. I was so depressed yesterday. It's such a weird feeling...like you can feel it all through your body. Every inch of your body feels helpless and just wants someone to love it. Speaking of my body........don't get me started on it. i hate it I hate it i hate it. everybody is so pretty and looks so good in all the nicest clothes. Why can't I? My mom said I could if I lost like 40-50 pounds. Her and my doctor are the only ones that can say that. I can only think it and pray for that. I could NEVER say that...i don't know why. But I know I have to lose weight, but I just don't have that willpower. And everyone at school says I eat so healthy, and I do most of the time! I have really great lunches with tons of fruits and vegetables...everything good. My dinners are always good since my mom make them. and my breakfast isn't half bad. but it's the snacking...I snack so much and I can't help it......I'm just so fucking hungry when I come home from school. I think I'm doomed to be an ugly fatty for the rest of my life.