Old MacDonald Had a Farm
Author: amberthetired
Prompt #: 16
Warnings: none
Wordcount: 876
a/n: I imagine these animals to have, like, different accents, you know?
Case File #1154609
Possible homicide of Rodney Rooster.
Witness Statements
Carol Cow
I don’t know what got in to that ridiculous rooster. I remember it was a scorcher of a day. It was my turn to stand in the shade of the tree by the front of our farm, so I saw the whole thing. The farm across the way had a hen house near the front of their yard. That day, the hens were out in the front yard at the same time as our roosters. Rodney and one of the hens started shouting back and forth at each other. Seems they had a thing. You know, a romantic thing. He seemed mighty ticked at her. Sayin’ she had betrayed him, or something dramatic like that. Well, he got into such a huff that he managed to flap his way right over the gate. He started stormin’ across the street, but he musta been pretty angry, because he forgot to look both ways. He was just past halfway across when a pickup truck flattened him. Squash. Dead. It was dreadful.
Pauli Pig
Don’t let that heifer tell you them chickens had any sorta “romantic relationship” going on. My pen is a lot closer to the chicken pen than that bovine’s. What they were sayin’ was definitely a cover of some sort. They had some sorta business deal goin’ on, and they didn’t want no one to know about it. Sounded like she screwed him pretty bad too. He was hoppin’ mad. But don’t let that beef tell you he flew over the fence, alright; he had another rooster give him a boost. At best, he hovered. And then he walked right out into the road, and got smucked by that truck. Nothin’ else to it.
Terry Turkey
If you ask me, those two chickens were spies, plants from a government agency. They were probably recording our every conversation! Rodney didn’t just walk out into traffic. The other chicken blew his cover! Divulged his identity to the enemy! He had to sacrifice himself to save the mission!
at this point the witness started gibbering nonsense and had to be removed from the interview room.
Heather Hen, the chicken the victim was allegedly yelling with prior to the incident.
Well, if you must know, Rodney and I had...a relationship. But it had just ended. That was what we were yelling about. He had gotten a little too intense for me. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. So I broke it off. He didn’t take it very well. He thought I had deceived him in some way. It was never my intention to lead him on. Anyways, I saw some chickens gathered by the gate, and then suddenly Rodney was out in the yard. He started thumping over towards our farm with such a look in his eye, I was frightened. Of course, that’s when that truck came out of nowhere and hit him. Poor thing.
At this point, it appears the victim walked out into the road of his own volition. If there is any foul play here, it could only be at the fault of the truck driver, whom we have not identified. Unless further evidence appears, we will have to rule this case an accident.
********
Two weeks later
Suspect has come in by choice to talk about the Rodney Rooster case.
Dennis Duck
Alright you got me. I did it. I ran him over. I couldn’t take the guilt, so I’m turning myself in. It all started when I heard that Heather Hen was thinking about breaking up with Rodney Rooster. I knew that would get Rodney’s feathers in quite a rustle. I bribed a couple of the other roosters to try and get him even more worked up about it. I didn’t dream it would work as well as it did. Me and a couple other ducks were waiting in a truck a few hundred metres away. As soon as we saw Rodney get out of the pen we floored it. I thought I was going to have to chase him around a bit to hit him, but the stupid idiot practically walked right under my wheels. Leave it to a damned chicken to not know how to cross the road. Now I feel I should explain myself a bit. I didn’t just do this outta pure spite you know. That Rodney Rooster had it coming. He was always strutting around the yard, crowing about every goddamn thing that happened to him. He was so full of himself. And so arrogant! And every goddamned morning he was up at the crack of dawn crowing as loud as he possibly fucking can. I mean, you try sleeping through that. Just once, I would like to still be asleep by, say, nine. Is that too much to ask? I don’t want to be a slob; it’s only till nine o’clock. What’s the big deal? But Rodney refused, even on weekends. Guy was just an all around asshole. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. Funny thing is, now that he’s dead I still can’t sleep in. I can’t sleep at all. I thought I’d be happy once he was gone. Guess I was wrong.
Prompt #: 16
Warnings: none
Wordcount: 876
a/n: I imagine these animals to have, like, different accents, you know?
Case File #1154609
Possible homicide of Rodney Rooster.
Witness Statements
Carol Cow
I don’t know what got in to that ridiculous rooster. I remember it was a scorcher of a day. It was my turn to stand in the shade of the tree by the front of our farm, so I saw the whole thing. The farm across the way had a hen house near the front of their yard. That day, the hens were out in the front yard at the same time as our roosters. Rodney and one of the hens started shouting back and forth at each other. Seems they had a thing. You know, a romantic thing. He seemed mighty ticked at her. Sayin’ she had betrayed him, or something dramatic like that. Well, he got into such a huff that he managed to flap his way right over the gate. He started stormin’ across the street, but he musta been pretty angry, because he forgot to look both ways. He was just past halfway across when a pickup truck flattened him. Squash. Dead. It was dreadful.
Pauli Pig
Don’t let that heifer tell you them chickens had any sorta “romantic relationship” going on. My pen is a lot closer to the chicken pen than that bovine’s. What they were sayin’ was definitely a cover of some sort. They had some sorta business deal goin’ on, and they didn’t want no one to know about it. Sounded like she screwed him pretty bad too. He was hoppin’ mad. But don’t let that beef tell you he flew over the fence, alright; he had another rooster give him a boost. At best, he hovered. And then he walked right out into the road, and got smucked by that truck. Nothin’ else to it.
Terry Turkey
If you ask me, those two chickens were spies, plants from a government agency. They were probably recording our every conversation! Rodney didn’t just walk out into traffic. The other chicken blew his cover! Divulged his identity to the enemy! He had to sacrifice himself to save the mission!
at this point the witness started gibbering nonsense and had to be removed from the interview room.
Heather Hen, the chicken the victim was allegedly yelling with prior to the incident.
Well, if you must know, Rodney and I had...a relationship. But it had just ended. That was what we were yelling about. He had gotten a little too intense for me. I’m not ready for that kind of commitment. So I broke it off. He didn’t take it very well. He thought I had deceived him in some way. It was never my intention to lead him on. Anyways, I saw some chickens gathered by the gate, and then suddenly Rodney was out in the yard. He started thumping over towards our farm with such a look in his eye, I was frightened. Of course, that’s when that truck came out of nowhere and hit him. Poor thing.
At this point, it appears the victim walked out into the road of his own volition. If there is any foul play here, it could only be at the fault of the truck driver, whom we have not identified. Unless further evidence appears, we will have to rule this case an accident.
********
Two weeks later
Suspect has come in by choice to talk about the Rodney Rooster case.
Dennis Duck
Alright you got me. I did it. I ran him over. I couldn’t take the guilt, so I’m turning myself in. It all started when I heard that Heather Hen was thinking about breaking up with Rodney Rooster. I knew that would get Rodney’s feathers in quite a rustle. I bribed a couple of the other roosters to try and get him even more worked up about it. I didn’t dream it would work as well as it did. Me and a couple other ducks were waiting in a truck a few hundred metres away. As soon as we saw Rodney get out of the pen we floored it. I thought I was going to have to chase him around a bit to hit him, but the stupid idiot practically walked right under my wheels. Leave it to a damned chicken to not know how to cross the road. Now I feel I should explain myself a bit. I didn’t just do this outta pure spite you know. That Rodney Rooster had it coming. He was always strutting around the yard, crowing about every goddamn thing that happened to him. He was so full of himself. And so arrogant! And every goddamned morning he was up at the crack of dawn crowing as loud as he possibly fucking can. I mean, you try sleeping through that. Just once, I would like to still be asleep by, say, nine. Is that too much to ask? I don’t want to be a slob; it’s only till nine o’clock. What’s the big deal? But Rodney refused, even on weekends. Guy was just an all around asshole. Finally I couldn’t take it anymore. Funny thing is, now that he’s dead I still can’t sleep in. I can’t sleep at all. I thought I’d be happy once he was gone. Guess I was wrong.