FIRST PERSON IS SUCH A SCARY THING FOR ME! I don't know what it is, it just feels like you have to know that character so intimately to be able to use "I" as the pronoun, you know? And that's a bit of a frightening thing, to know a character that well. Or at least, I think so.
THANK YOU! I can see it too. You're always going on about how my writing it rife with imagery, and I've been thinking about that. I really am a visual person, when I think about it - and it's really wonderful that you've helped me realize that. Knowing what my strength is is a pretty great feeling.
THAT IS THE WEIRD THING. I wrote the whole thing thinking that the narrator was totally a dude - albeit a sophisticated one with a taste for the arts - but when I finished and re-read it to edit, the character totally read as a woman. It was baffling! It makes me doubt my ability to write men, but at the same time, I can't even tell exactly what about the narrator that makes me think it's a woman. >_____________________________>
I assume it's a woman. I'm going to leave the rest of my thoughts separately after reading ki's comment. So I can build on the constructive-ness of it all. yeah
this comment took me like an hour. tv makes my brain not workamberthetiredApril 23 2011, 03:24:22 UTC
I felt...intrigued by this. BUT FIRST OF ALL. GRAMMAR. OR SOMETHING SIMILAR.
"The entire streetcar ride to the corner of downtown Meredith Keith sits on" - this feels...clunky? I know it's not actually wrong.
The large floor-to-ceiling windows at the front suggest its strength doesn't show in the night, the space coming to life in natural light during the day. - I can't pinpoint what exactly is wrong with this sentence, but something is off. Possibly the tense? Because "suggest" and "coming" are different? Idek, maybe I'm crazy. /END OF SOMETHING THAT IS SIMILAR TO GRAMMAR
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Re: this comment took me like an hour. tv makes my brain not workopenmydoorsApril 23 2011, 18:25:41 UTC
Can I say right off the bat - I AM SO GLAD YOU GAVE ME CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM! :D SO GLAD, cuz like in the past you told me about minor mechanical errors, but you never went into the story all that much. Anyway. Reading your crit made me smile. Which was nice, after randomly crying at a Kate Hudson movie. >____________________
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Re: this comment took me like an hour. tv makes my brain not workamberthetiredApril 26 2011, 02:20:56 UTC
Lol well i don't really have much crit about Noah and Jackson because I just wanna squeeze their little faces.
Really, cuz I usually think of jilted lovers as women. Maybe because I secretly think all men are at least a little bit dog-y, so they must be the ones breaking hearts. and also I AM GOING TO READ THIS AGAIN AND TELL YOU WHY IT SEEMS LIKE A WOMAN. I WILL FIND THE ANSWER.
YES, TRISHA. I know it makes sense that if it's short for Patricia it'd be Tricia, but something about it just looks ugly to me. Although Trisha/Trish sounds like a cheerleader. You can't win. you get middle aged or teenager.
Re: this comment took me like an hour. tv makes my brain not workamberthetiredApril 26 2011, 02:33:24 UTC
ALRIGHT SO YES, MEN'S SHOES SHOULD INDEED NOT MAKE NOISE, ESPECIALLY NOT A "CLICK CLACK" But that's not all! I think part of it was the pulling the battery out of the phone. It just seems like a very emotional thing to do. I would picture a man just turning it off. And I just think the whole art part sounded...idk...girly. Not that boys can't like art. But it just wasn't the way I would imagine a man to describe it?
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THANK YOU! I can see it too. You're always going on about how my writing it rife with imagery, and I've been thinking about that. I really am a visual person, when I think about it - and it's really wonderful that you've helped me realize that. Knowing what my strength is is a pretty great feeling.
THAT IS THE WEIRD THING. I wrote the whole thing thinking that the narrator was totally a dude - albeit a sophisticated one with a taste for the arts - but when I finished and re-read it to edit, the character totally read as a woman. It was baffling! It makes me doubt my ability to write men, but at the same time, I can't even tell exactly what about the narrator that makes me think it's a woman. >_____________________________>
Reply
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"The entire streetcar ride to the corner of downtown Meredith Keith sits on" - this feels...clunky? I know it's not actually wrong.
The large floor-to-ceiling windows at the front suggest its strength doesn't show in the night, the space coming to life in natural light during the day. - I can't pinpoint what exactly is wrong with this sentence, but something is off. Possibly the tense? Because "suggest" and "coming" are different? Idek, maybe I'm crazy. /END OF SOMETHING THAT IS SIMILAR TO GRAMMAR ( ... )
Reply
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Really, cuz I usually think of jilted lovers as women. Maybe because I secretly think all men are at least a little bit dog-y, so they must be the ones breaking hearts. and also I AM GOING TO READ THIS AGAIN AND TELL YOU WHY IT SEEMS LIKE A WOMAN. I WILL FIND THE ANSWER.
YES, TRISHA. I know it makes sense that if it's short for Patricia it'd be Tricia, but something about it just looks ugly to me. Although Trisha/Trish sounds like a cheerleader. You can't win. you get middle aged or teenager.
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