(no subject)
I think I'm going to start posting in here. Mostly, because my boyfriend doesn't like to talk on the phone. He says I babble about things. I say, so what? You have to talk about SOMETHING. A simple, "Hi, I worked today, it sucked. I ate a salami on rye for lunch. Ok. Cool. Me too. Bye" Doesn't really contribute much in the way of interesting or meaningful conversation. At least for me.
So. You, internet world, are subject to my ramblings. And, quite unlike John, you won't get whined at if you don't listen. :) Maybe we won't need to talk on the phone at all anymore, he can just read about my life on here... (I'm joking, of course)
I think I should separate things from now on...I want to write about personal life things, but I know most people don't give a shit, and I don't blame them. But... I'm not just going to NOT WRITE AT ALL about them simply because YOU don't like it. Because, well, this is my blog. :)
Personal Life Stuff:
--- This past week (the 26th) would have been 5 years with Eric. Despite the fact that I'm with John, and very happy with him, I couldn't help but feel a good deal of sadness that day. People always say when things work out that it just "wasn't meant to be". But what if it was? I think it's just something people say because, well, fuck, we'll never know exactly what WOULD have happened. But, I mean, think about it...maybe if I would have stayed with him, we would have worked things out and gotten married, had kids, won the lottery, lived in Rio, died rich and fat and happy. That COULD have happened. I may never know. And the never knows are what seep into my brain with a lot of things. Like, maybe I was supposed to apply to "better" schools for undergrad, like Notre Dame, Northwestern, etc. and I'd be into research there, and have a better chance at big name grad schools. That could have happened, but I don't know. I guess instead of the saying being, "It wasn't meant to be", a more appropriate axiom is. "Don't fixate on the things that could have been, or you'll turn batty like stupid old Tina."
---Other than that, things are really great. I spent yesterday afternoon/evening with John's aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. on his Dad's side, and it was really fun. They are great people. I enjoyed watching John play with the little ones..he's very good with them. There's just something about guys playing well with kids that's so great, isn't there? (Stop it..I didn't mean it like that.) Then we went out to DeKalb to spend some time together. I scratched his back all afternoon today, and he fell in and out of sleep. Perfect.
--- I think that I have realized I am not a touchy feely person. I bristle at giving others hugs most of the time. Even people in my family. I rarely hug my parents or Michelle. It is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I'm not sure why. I'm trying not to psychoanalyze. Is it the touch I hate? Andrew pointed out that I asked him for a hug when I saw him a week or two ago. And, that's true, I did. Seems out of character. But, I have hugged Julie, too. So I guess "seeing an old friend" qualifies as a hug-worthy occasion. I hug John all the time. I hug his mom sometimes, though it is very hard for me. I wish I felt freer to hug my mom and dad. It is one of those things I'll curse myself for not doing more when they pass. In junior high/high school my group of friends hugged EVERYONE ANYTIME ANYBODY went ANYWHERE. And I loved that. Why have I changed? Any suggestions on how to not be such a weirdo?
NON-PERSONAL LIFE STUFF--
---As a part of the hugging topic I started above, I was thinking about how different people hug differently. Have you noticed this? Most people have to lean down to hug me because I'm short. My mom and I don't have to, and I find it awkward to hug women my height because you have to figure out how to not make your boobs touch and stuff. Eric gives the best hugs ever. They are squeezy and tight. I wish everyone hugged like him. It's a hug that MEANS something. And I think hugs ought to be more important than they are given credit for now. It's always strange trying to figure out who is putting their arms where, I think. Just me?
---- Are fireworks illegal in Illinois? Cause I've seen a LOT of them around, set off by random people. If so, that has to be one of the most OBVIOUS crimes ever committed.
---- Chris Benoit. Wow. For those of you who don't know my friends well...after some sort of terrible media event, my friends try to come up with the most awful, obscene and tactless response to it (usually in the form of a joke in an away message). I didn't see many for Benoit, but I doubt they would have topped Alex's, which was "jeez, I didn't realize how offended Chris Benoit was that I never picked him in my WCW vs. NWO game." For other examples of my friends being assholes, please see: any of our Anna Nicole comments, the infamous "Walking on Corpses" (remake of Walkin' On Sunshine', made after Hurricane Katrina, when I realized that the song was originally and ironically performed by a band called Katrina and the Waves), or simply observe us playing a game of Apples to Apples. Yikes.
---- Speaking of which, someone needs to organize a game of that. Oh, and Paper Telephone.
---- John and I were watching NASCAR today (he enjoys it, I'm trying desperately to), and one of the upcoming races is the USG Sheetrock 300, and I just cracked up. Wow, what a ridiculous fucking sponsorship! I was trying to brainstorm some other really stupid sponsors, how about the:
-Kotex Lightdays Panty-Liners 200
-Goo-Gone 300
-A Chorus Line 200
-3M Sticky Post-Its That Are Put Together Like an Accordian So You Can Put Them In One Of Those Post-It Dispenser Thingies 400
Please feel free to add your own.
So. You, internet world, are subject to my ramblings. And, quite unlike John, you won't get whined at if you don't listen. :) Maybe we won't need to talk on the phone at all anymore, he can just read about my life on here... (I'm joking, of course)
I think I should separate things from now on...I want to write about personal life things, but I know most people don't give a shit, and I don't blame them. But... I'm not just going to NOT WRITE AT ALL about them simply because YOU don't like it. Because, well, this is my blog. :)
Personal Life Stuff:
--- This past week (the 26th) would have been 5 years with Eric. Despite the fact that I'm with John, and very happy with him, I couldn't help but feel a good deal of sadness that day. People always say when things work out that it just "wasn't meant to be". But what if it was? I think it's just something people say because, well, fuck, we'll never know exactly what WOULD have happened. But, I mean, think about it...maybe if I would have stayed with him, we would have worked things out and gotten married, had kids, won the lottery, lived in Rio, died rich and fat and happy. That COULD have happened. I may never know. And the never knows are what seep into my brain with a lot of things. Like, maybe I was supposed to apply to "better" schools for undergrad, like Notre Dame, Northwestern, etc. and I'd be into research there, and have a better chance at big name grad schools. That could have happened, but I don't know. I guess instead of the saying being, "It wasn't meant to be", a more appropriate axiom is. "Don't fixate on the things that could have been, or you'll turn batty like stupid old Tina."
---Other than that, things are really great. I spent yesterday afternoon/evening with John's aunts, uncles, cousins, etc. on his Dad's side, and it was really fun. They are great people. I enjoyed watching John play with the little ones..he's very good with them. There's just something about guys playing well with kids that's so great, isn't there? (Stop it..I didn't mean it like that.) Then we went out to DeKalb to spend some time together. I scratched his back all afternoon today, and he fell in and out of sleep. Perfect.
--- I think that I have realized I am not a touchy feely person. I bristle at giving others hugs most of the time. Even people in my family. I rarely hug my parents or Michelle. It is extremely uncomfortable for me, and I'm not sure why. I'm trying not to psychoanalyze. Is it the touch I hate? Andrew pointed out that I asked him for a hug when I saw him a week or two ago. And, that's true, I did. Seems out of character. But, I have hugged Julie, too. So I guess "seeing an old friend" qualifies as a hug-worthy occasion. I hug John all the time. I hug his mom sometimes, though it is very hard for me. I wish I felt freer to hug my mom and dad. It is one of those things I'll curse myself for not doing more when they pass. In junior high/high school my group of friends hugged EVERYONE ANYTIME ANYBODY went ANYWHERE. And I loved that. Why have I changed? Any suggestions on how to not be such a weirdo?
NON-PERSONAL LIFE STUFF--
---As a part of the hugging topic I started above, I was thinking about how different people hug differently. Have you noticed this? Most people have to lean down to hug me because I'm short. My mom and I don't have to, and I find it awkward to hug women my height because you have to figure out how to not make your boobs touch and stuff. Eric gives the best hugs ever. They are squeezy and tight. I wish everyone hugged like him. It's a hug that MEANS something. And I think hugs ought to be more important than they are given credit for now. It's always strange trying to figure out who is putting their arms where, I think. Just me?
---- Are fireworks illegal in Illinois? Cause I've seen a LOT of them around, set off by random people. If so, that has to be one of the most OBVIOUS crimes ever committed.
---- Chris Benoit. Wow. For those of you who don't know my friends well...after some sort of terrible media event, my friends try to come up with the most awful, obscene and tactless response to it (usually in the form of a joke in an away message). I didn't see many for Benoit, but I doubt they would have topped Alex's, which was "jeez, I didn't realize how offended Chris Benoit was that I never picked him in my WCW vs. NWO game." For other examples of my friends being assholes, please see: any of our Anna Nicole comments, the infamous "Walking on Corpses" (remake of Walkin' On Sunshine', made after Hurricane Katrina, when I realized that the song was originally and ironically performed by a band called Katrina and the Waves), or simply observe us playing a game of Apples to Apples. Yikes.
---- Speaking of which, someone needs to organize a game of that. Oh, and Paper Telephone.
---- John and I were watching NASCAR today (he enjoys it, I'm trying desperately to), and one of the upcoming races is the USG Sheetrock 300, and I just cracked up. Wow, what a ridiculous fucking sponsorship! I was trying to brainstorm some other really stupid sponsors, how about the:
-Kotex Lightdays Panty-Liners 200
-Goo-Gone 300
-A Chorus Line 200
-3M Sticky Post-Its That Are Put Together Like an Accordian So You Can Put Them In One Of Those Post-It Dispenser Thingies 400
Please feel free to add your own.