(no subject)
so i was on the train falling asleep and i was thinking about when i was on the deck writing about the birds and how i fell asleep in the sun that day and what i must have looked like to the birds up there who saw me sleeping after i wrote about them
you know how it feels to be thirsty? well in the beginning of the term the first time i made prints in photo and rinsed them off in the water, i put my hands in and i felt like my whole body was thirsty. and ever since then, i have had the biggest urge to go swimming, like that's the only way to quench this thirst. even in the shower i make it cold at the end, but it doesn't really help at all.
and also, i want to lay in the sun. i am sure i said this a million times, at least, but i want to feel the sun on my skin. i actually like the way the sun feels when you start to get sunburned. that tingly feeling. and it just feels so nice. and then, when it gets to be too much, i want to jump in the water, and have the little fish come up to me wondering what i could possibly be. and then, they can come right up to me and nibble on my skin until it tickles too much and i twirl around to make them swim away.
and when it rains, i want to go out into the rain and just let it drip down my whole self and i think that's the cleanest feeling. even when you are in a city, the rain feels nice, even though it's probably not very clean and even though there are so many people around.
i just think everything feels better when all the people i love are around, and we can be outside and it feels so go, and then only go in when we want to do something else inside. being outside should be the default. i think that's it right there.
being outside should be the default, and going inside should be the exception. i don't like the winter because it makes it so hard to enjoy the outside things that i love. and if i decide to go through all the hassle of coat hat boots socks pants shirts thermal underwears gloves scarves and all of that in many many layers of bulk and not very comfortableness, i get outside, can't feel the sun at all, and have tripled in size. oh. and the water's usualy frozen. enough of winter talk
i want to see the summer shadows in the summer. i miss the golden summer light that comes through and feels so nice even if you are inside. for some reason, i keep getting inside images in my head. the first one is the back porch in the upstairs of Jimmy's house. probably because of all the windows and the light coming in and since we use that way out to get into the backyard a lot to go lay in the sun on top of the fort and under the trees. and then we can lay on top of the fort, and the big branches make pretty shadows over us and the light comes through and it's so warm and so wonderful and so nice. the second one is the one from when i was little 10 months old down the shore and my crib was by the sliding glass door which was open. and there were dark wood panel walls, and white linen curtains. and i could hear the ocean outside, and the sea breeze coming in and blowing the white curtains in the room. and i know i was so little but i remember this so clearly. and the whole room was filled with summertime light and warmth, so i cried until my parents came and got me and they were wearing their robes and my mom's was pink and my dad's was blue. and the curtains were white and the walls were dark brown and the light was golden.
i found a very pretty dress today that's my mom's. and she said i could wear it. it's tan with little flowers on it and it's got that ruffly-ness across the chest and also ruffly-ish straps. and it's very light and it makes me smile. and for my photo assignment which was portraiture i took some pictures of myself in it and i also took pictures of the dress without me in it because it reminds me of me. which is like portraiture, in a way. but it's like summer, and i like it
i want to be at the lake on the rock with the snakes and the lizards and see the birds over me and the trees and breath in the warm air and feel the sun on my skin and feel how much i love all of those things and be there with the people i love. and just to sunbathe with Jimmy on that rock and laugh about the snakes and smell the little flowers that grow there and eat the blueberries...yeah it's wonderful. and then when eric and walter and jennie come too, it's just so many things to smile about. i think brad would like it there a lot too. i just want to have everyone there who loves it there. but i think it's going to be hard for that to happen. even the regulars. jenn and walter are going to be in philly i think, and i am not sure about eric. but it's ok. i am not complaining even a little tiny bit about going with Jimmy when we have time to go, and the snakes and lizards and fish and birds will be there. it's so lovely there.
i leave to visit Jimmy a week from Thursday. this excites me very very much. super much. and i get there and we go see bright eyes with eric. and it's supposed to be a lot warmer there too (of course it is. i go to school in the snow belt or ice belt or something. very cold belt). i am going to bring my zebra print jacket. and i applied to go to the glasgow school of art next year. so i hope i get in, but i am trying not to get my hopes up to much.
i feel like good things are ahead
you know how it feels to be thirsty? well in the beginning of the term the first time i made prints in photo and rinsed them off in the water, i put my hands in and i felt like my whole body was thirsty. and ever since then, i have had the biggest urge to go swimming, like that's the only way to quench this thirst. even in the shower i make it cold at the end, but it doesn't really help at all.
and also, i want to lay in the sun. i am sure i said this a million times, at least, but i want to feel the sun on my skin. i actually like the way the sun feels when you start to get sunburned. that tingly feeling. and it just feels so nice. and then, when it gets to be too much, i want to jump in the water, and have the little fish come up to me wondering what i could possibly be. and then, they can come right up to me and nibble on my skin until it tickles too much and i twirl around to make them swim away.
and when it rains, i want to go out into the rain and just let it drip down my whole self and i think that's the cleanest feeling. even when you are in a city, the rain feels nice, even though it's probably not very clean and even though there are so many people around.
i just think everything feels better when all the people i love are around, and we can be outside and it feels so go, and then only go in when we want to do something else inside. being outside should be the default. i think that's it right there.
being outside should be the default, and going inside should be the exception. i don't like the winter because it makes it so hard to enjoy the outside things that i love. and if i decide to go through all the hassle of coat hat boots socks pants shirts thermal underwears gloves scarves and all of that in many many layers of bulk and not very comfortableness, i get outside, can't feel the sun at all, and have tripled in size. oh. and the water's usualy frozen. enough of winter talk
i want to see the summer shadows in the summer. i miss the golden summer light that comes through and feels so nice even if you are inside. for some reason, i keep getting inside images in my head. the first one is the back porch in the upstairs of Jimmy's house. probably because of all the windows and the light coming in and since we use that way out to get into the backyard a lot to go lay in the sun on top of the fort and under the trees. and then we can lay on top of the fort, and the big branches make pretty shadows over us and the light comes through and it's so warm and so wonderful and so nice. the second one is the one from when i was little 10 months old down the shore and my crib was by the sliding glass door which was open. and there were dark wood panel walls, and white linen curtains. and i could hear the ocean outside, and the sea breeze coming in and blowing the white curtains in the room. and i know i was so little but i remember this so clearly. and the whole room was filled with summertime light and warmth, so i cried until my parents came and got me and they were wearing their robes and my mom's was pink and my dad's was blue. and the curtains were white and the walls were dark brown and the light was golden.
i found a very pretty dress today that's my mom's. and she said i could wear it. it's tan with little flowers on it and it's got that ruffly-ness across the chest and also ruffly-ish straps. and it's very light and it makes me smile. and for my photo assignment which was portraiture i took some pictures of myself in it and i also took pictures of the dress without me in it because it reminds me of me. which is like portraiture, in a way. but it's like summer, and i like it
i want to be at the lake on the rock with the snakes and the lizards and see the birds over me and the trees and breath in the warm air and feel the sun on my skin and feel how much i love all of those things and be there with the people i love. and just to sunbathe with Jimmy on that rock and laugh about the snakes and smell the little flowers that grow there and eat the blueberries...yeah it's wonderful. and then when eric and walter and jennie come too, it's just so many things to smile about. i think brad would like it there a lot too. i just want to have everyone there who loves it there. but i think it's going to be hard for that to happen. even the regulars. jenn and walter are going to be in philly i think, and i am not sure about eric. but it's ok. i am not complaining even a little tiny bit about going with Jimmy when we have time to go, and the snakes and lizards and fish and birds will be there. it's so lovely there.
i leave to visit Jimmy a week from Thursday. this excites me very very much. super much. and i get there and we go see bright eyes with eric. and it's supposed to be a lot warmer there too (of course it is. i go to school in the snow belt or ice belt or something. very cold belt). i am going to bring my zebra print jacket. and i applied to go to the glasgow school of art next year. so i hope i get in, but i am trying not to get my hopes up to much.
i feel like good things are ahead