... yeah.
The things that tear us apart. Tear us apart from the inside out. They're these small tiny things that we never bother with until like a monstrous cancer has built up and it's too late to back down. The things we try so very hard to accomplish. They keep us going. They're so high up you concentrate so very much to make sure everything you have done was worth it. And with the right luck and enough effort, you will. But with everything is said and done. With everything nicely painted out. And you're on top. You look down at the path you came from. And you wonder, what the fuck were you really fighting for.
But you forgot.
And it's not your fault. It's easy to forget. It's easy to get lost. You might just have wanted to be rich and get a nice steady life. Something secure. Then it becomes this quest to make sure you eliminate all sorts of hindering. And its not questionable for someone to do this by lying, cheating, fucking, killing, kicking, screaming, running, sinking, or simply .. dying.
And you lay and your bed after all that's been done. And you wonder .. what the fuck did you just fight for? Was it worth losing everything you stood for? Every fundamentals and principles you constructed your life to be. Gone. You're a different person. With the same dream. Except you took a different way.
Besides, it doesn't matter. It's a race to the top anyway. I'm sure we're all nice people. We want the best for everyone. But sometimes, in this carnival of musical chairs, there's not enough seat for everyone. And we need to make sure we have a spot when we get that cake and we all know we want to eat the damn thing you've worked for so hard. So you delude yourself. You hurt people. You hurt yourself. You lie to people. You lie to yourself. You didn't mean to hurt anyone. You didn't mean to hurt yourself.
But you forgot.
Simply.. forgot.
You do remember while you're asleep in the middle of the night that you can do everything. You can do anything. You can do anything.. except for the thing you want the most.
What does it mean to regret when you have no choice?
It's what you can bear.
And there it is... It was death.
I chose life.
And I will never be forgiven.
"No matter what we start with, it ends up being so much less."