But I don't want to turn 19..
So I'm 19. And it sucks. Well it doesn't suck suck, but 18 was a great year.. I think. When I turned 18 I had a shitty bday, cause I was sick to my stomach thinkn about who the fuck Katie was screwin behind my back and I was way too weak to smile. Then after few suicidal attempts and rehab and pills, I picked myself up and sent a big fuck you to Katie. Washed my face. Took a cold shower and listened to music. Worked out everyday. Dated. Things were boring until I met Tammy then it went bland and blank. Then.. Michelle. Or was it Morgan? But yeah.. these are just the girls that I actually liked. Then I met Penny who was by far the ... most worthwhile? not-shallow? ... definetely felt good wakin up around her. Then I got dumped. ::makes a sad face:: So I had to move on again. Tried Rob, Mike in a bit, and cute girls.
Then I kissed Leah on her birthday.
And she became my girlfriend on my birthday.
::shy smile::
I got closer to my friends. I learned more about myself. Hated myself less. Took chances. Learned to actually know what happens when I don't look at concequences. Learned things aren't high school anymore. And not everyone loves me or looks up to me. And there are actually people who can hate or get annoyed at people who didn't do shit to em. But I also learned how to seriously bounce back. Not to hurt. To shrug people who gets pissed off at you because they think you're up to no good. And I can't afford the time to stop and say sorry and try to make it up to them. They need to see it themselves that there was just a misunderstanding and I'd never try to fuck someone up unless you fuck me up first or it's business. And I'm sorry I might have forgotten to invite you to my party, or maybe I haven't called when I said I would.. or whatever. But I learned not to jump to conclusions and shit happens.
Someone said I talked everything to death. And .. too bad. I deal with misunderstanding everyday. It's caused friendship cause they think someone's pissed at them because you didn't invite them to your birthday party.. when in reality you seriously just forgot. Or when you don't take the chance to go after someone because you think they don't like you. Cause you two never said anything. And there goes.. possibly.. the love of your life. Or when kids and parents eventually hate each other or never say what they want to.
Because in the long run, if you feel it. It's there. You either hurt them now and be honest. Or you hurt them later cause you lied.
::hums:: I love driving around with Leah. She gets lost all the time and she looks at me and says she doesn't care, she likes going off street adventures with me. And at the club I can not name a single person who hated her or thought she was OK. Everyone adored her. Including: John and Bob.
OooOh my bday was fun.. Leah got me alcohol. The best ones. An AE leather bracelet. And a stitch on skateboard!!!! Geoff and his Fight CLub. Josh and awesome 80s Eurythmics Greatest Hits. Pipe and cake. Gina and Rosie (Leah's ex) got me stitch stuff :). And more alcohol. And my mom got me a surprise cake ... cheese cake - 4 flavors. Kenny set his table on fire for me. And Leah, Kenny, and I danced on the table.
I also curled my hair. And Leah hasn't complemented me once until last night when she said I looked real sexy. ::turns red:: The apartment's a mess. But hey it was fun. And I dressed up real girly. So booya.
Dammit. Gotta bounce cause I must.
But Leah and I are gonna go walk around the river near her apartment and just watch the sun go down and make fun of people I think.. I'm kidding. But probably sit and just talk.
Oh and Matt made me LGBTA's Director of Social Director. OMFG. ::smirk::
Oh and violin lessons start wednesdays.
Oh.. I'm 19.