*theme song to Doug*
So I don't think I've ever really been this relaxed in my entire life. Seriously, it feels like I'm floating around, high as a kite, my hair flapping in the breeze as I fly through the clouds. I haven't been this happy and carefree since elementary school. It's fucking wonderful.
I should be worried but I'm not. I took my mom to tea for her birthday and we had a long talk about what I wanted and she was, surprisingly, 100% supportive. I thought she would just shrug and say things like "I told you so" or "but that's what you studied for." I thought she'd be disappointed or she'd try to talk me into studying something else, like law because that's just so easy to get into, right? But she didn't. She sat there and listened, and actually smiled at me. She put her tea cup down and said, "Listen, mija, if I were you and I was in your position, you know what I would do? I would do whatever I wanted to do. I have a college degree, I have a great job, a great paycheck, and weekends all to myself. I would read all the books I wanted to read, I would start drawing again, I would volunteer like I've always wanted to, I would travel and take my sister with me...." I just giggled, "and I would take it easy. You put so much pressure on yourself that you don't take the time to sit back and enjoy how far you've come. I'm proud of you no matter what you decide."
Well how could I argue with that, right?
But I still have that lingering fear in the back of mind. What if I love kicking back a little too much and I start to get used to it? I already feel lax when it comes to getting up in the morning and setting a bedtime for myself, how will I be in a few years without this type of discipline? I'm afraid I'll end up working at the law firm for the next few years and before I know it, I'm 45 and still working as an administrative assistant so I got gray hairs and still live with my parents. I wanted to be out on my own by my age and again, I'm putting all this undue pressure on myself to meet these unrealistic goals.
Cause that's what they are. Unrealistic. I could move out, I can afford it, but then where would I go? I don't want to live here, the rent is completely ridiculous and I have no time or energy to seek out any room mates. I don't want to live close to work because it's the fucking ghetto out here and the areas that are actually nice are way too pricey. And for what, so I could live 20 minutes away from the parents? If I'm going to move out, I'm getting out of San Jose.
And you know what? I don't really have too much to complain about. I was worried about how my mom would react and now that I have her support, it's kind of like, well why should I move out at this very moment? She's right, I have SO MUCH that I want to do, and I like that every single dollar I make is being used for me by me. I'm paying off my loans, sure, and the Disney trip, but who cares? I'm putting the rest away so I can afford a trip to England or something, the fucking world is my oyster.
I hate oysters though, what a stupid expression.
ANYWHOO, here's my plan: be a happy person. Should be pretty simple.
I got a $25 amazon gift card so I bought myself some awesome, awesome stuff and since I have Prime, I'm getting everything today. I want to take Lulu to that comic shop tomorrow because I've wanted to buy something for a long time and now, I'm just going to fucking do it. And if she wants a comic, I just might buy it for her (hehehehehehehehehehehehehe).
It's just so fucking wonderful, waking up in the morning, knowing you have absolutely no obligation to do anything. This Saturday is my first free Saturday in months and I can't fucking wait. I'm not going to do SHIT, it'll be fantastic.
I deserve this. I owe this to myself, I really do. I need to fucking STOP punishing myself so much. Knock it off already, goddamn it.
Back to work? Nah, I think I'll go home early today.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!
I should be worried but I'm not. I took my mom to tea for her birthday and we had a long talk about what I wanted and she was, surprisingly, 100% supportive. I thought she would just shrug and say things like "I told you so" or "but that's what you studied for." I thought she'd be disappointed or she'd try to talk me into studying something else, like law because that's just so easy to get into, right? But she didn't. She sat there and listened, and actually smiled at me. She put her tea cup down and said, "Listen, mija, if I were you and I was in your position, you know what I would do? I would do whatever I wanted to do. I have a college degree, I have a great job, a great paycheck, and weekends all to myself. I would read all the books I wanted to read, I would start drawing again, I would volunteer like I've always wanted to, I would travel and take my sister with me...." I just giggled, "and I would take it easy. You put so much pressure on yourself that you don't take the time to sit back and enjoy how far you've come. I'm proud of you no matter what you decide."
Well how could I argue with that, right?
But I still have that lingering fear in the back of mind. What if I love kicking back a little too much and I start to get used to it? I already feel lax when it comes to getting up in the morning and setting a bedtime for myself, how will I be in a few years without this type of discipline? I'm afraid I'll end up working at the law firm for the next few years and before I know it, I'm 45 and still working as an administrative assistant so I got gray hairs and still live with my parents. I wanted to be out on my own by my age and again, I'm putting all this undue pressure on myself to meet these unrealistic goals.
Cause that's what they are. Unrealistic. I could move out, I can afford it, but then where would I go? I don't want to live here, the rent is completely ridiculous and I have no time or energy to seek out any room mates. I don't want to live close to work because it's the fucking ghetto out here and the areas that are actually nice are way too pricey. And for what, so I could live 20 minutes away from the parents? If I'm going to move out, I'm getting out of San Jose.
And you know what? I don't really have too much to complain about. I was worried about how my mom would react and now that I have her support, it's kind of like, well why should I move out at this very moment? She's right, I have SO MUCH that I want to do, and I like that every single dollar I make is being used for me by me. I'm paying off my loans, sure, and the Disney trip, but who cares? I'm putting the rest away so I can afford a trip to England or something, the fucking world is my oyster.
I hate oysters though, what a stupid expression.
ANYWHOO, here's my plan: be a happy person. Should be pretty simple.
I got a $25 amazon gift card so I bought myself some awesome, awesome stuff and since I have Prime, I'm getting everything today. I want to take Lulu to that comic shop tomorrow because I've wanted to buy something for a long time and now, I'm just going to fucking do it. And if she wants a comic, I just might buy it for her (hehehehehehehehehehehehehe).
It's just so fucking wonderful, waking up in the morning, knowing you have absolutely no obligation to do anything. This Saturday is my first free Saturday in months and I can't fucking wait. I'm not going to do SHIT, it'll be fantastic.
I deserve this. I owe this to myself, I really do. I need to fucking STOP punishing myself so much. Knock it off already, goddamn it.
Back to work? Nah, I think I'll go home early today.
WEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!!!!