(no subject)
have you ever felt that you are simply a shuck of your former existance? That your emtpy, and like a sive emotions fall through you like sand? My friend is dead, my friend that once betrayed me. I'm not going to his funeral, because I am so empty. There's nothing there for me any more. I'm so sick of this kind of thing happening to me, it happens too often. And where does it leave me? In the dark, the shadows of what once was and what will inevitably be. The silence that so deafens and dulls my senses. The black that blinds my and scorches my pupils. The tears that burn holes and leave scars on my soul. My un-dying, yet now dead soul. In Iowa terms, I'm the ear without the corn. I heard that he died, and that last part of me that was still alive died as well. He died from exactly what I warned him about, drugs. Maybe if I had just pushed a little harder, or told someone, then just maybe he'd still be alive and useful. By useful I mean, he was a good person at heart and he wasn't stupid, wasn't artificial like most people. That's what I hate about humanity it's so phony, but not him he was real. He could have done something, something good, something that was better than what most people could do, buch of phony bastards. People are dirty phony bastards, that's all. No one is real anymore, their just so fake, so phony. They just do things for themselves, but say it's for others to make themselves look better. They always do stuff to make themselves look better, phony bastards. their stupid, ignorant syllables tear the little flesh I have left off of me. Fucking phony bastards, can't do shit. You want to do something? Do it right, do it real, stop with your phony stupid ingnorant shit that your so used to. Do it FOR REAL! Matt would have done it for real. But you know what? You fucking phony bastards pushed him too far, he felt like he had to escape from you phony bastards, and I guess he finally did. He finally left all you phony bastards behind, I bet his last words (cuz I bet he O.D.'d on purpose) were, "so long you phony mother fuckers!" He was kickass like that. He was always so real and raw. I miss him, I wish I could make my final peace with him but I can't. It's sad and wonderful in a way, the fact that he left, I think he's happy about it.