mad at myself...
i am so mad at my self for the feelings i am having...i still have feelings for bryan...i look around my room and something somehow reminds me of us being together...i look at pictures and i can remember the exact date that it was taken and what we were doing and how we acted up to the exact detail...i look at the monkey and bear he gave me and can remember everything he did for me on v-day...last nite i laid in bed tryin to go to sleep and started thinking about the dates we had had and all the fun we had...i can remember exactly what we did on our 1st 2 dates so clearly...and i found myself crying...god...i miss him so much...we're still friends but its just not the same...i miss laying in his arms and feeling his warmth...i miss his kisses and the special way he would make me feel safe when i felt like my whole world was crashing down around me...why am i putting myself through this torture..i just miss being with him so increadibly much...i miss our friday nite dates... that was always OUR nite and we always had it open just for us...i don't kno...i can't believe i'm saying this but i want him back so bad...i wish i could be with him in the way we were before..but i have severe doubts that that will ever happen...my eyes are clouding up again..bye