i am flawed, but i am cleaning up so well

Sep 19, 2005 12:49

the simplicity of life is fading fast and the nostaligia is killing me everyday. i see how peoples lives are consumed by shit that never means everything in the end and for some reason or another i feel like mine will me different. i hope im not jsut setting myself up for dissapointment. i want something more out of my life. i dont just want to join the everyday rat race dreading each day. i want to make and keep friends. i want to stay in love forever. i want to see places. i want to be intelligent and looked up to. i want to look back and feel accomplished. i dont want to wallow in regret.

im terrified of going off to college and losing the one thing i'm sure of. but if i stay here i might lose the possibility of what could have been. every stage of our academic careers have ended up this way. we split up promising to keep in touch but the only ones who you truly keep connected with are those who are nearby and convenient. i know how hard it will be and i really question my strength in being able to do it.

i've yet to make any decisions regarding my future and what really counts.
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