(no subject)
i want to fucking kill myself...mabye with one of those big fucking fireworks in the sky, tape it to my head and BOOM a colorful suicide....i never thought i would say this but i am so fucking lonely i want/need someone to love and someone to love me...ive been really bustin my ass trying to get a job ive seriously applied at like 30 places and nothing and i also have to study for my compass test to get into college im so fucking scared of this test and college and that everything isnt going to work out...my parents are like ' just have a positive attitude and work harder but that doesnt get you anywhere just makes you feel like even bigger shit cause your not making any advancements...i dont know what im going to do i have also been trying to prepare for court so that i dont go to county for a year and i dont know how its going to turn out but it doesnt look good... i tried to give kaelei another chance but she fucked it up, i didnt really mind that she couldnt make it up here but she had the lamest fucking reasons that she didnt i have been giving her too many chances and im fucking through...no mas she has finally pushed me over the edge, i know ive probably said this before but im fucking seriousabout this its time to fucking move on, no more of her 'but i want to be with you and then go out with someone else' screw it im done...i need to get fucked up drugs or whatever im not going to stay clean anymore life is so much simpler when your fucked up...so yeah ive vented and if you dont like it then you can just tell me to my face and get your ass beat